SeekingClariry Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hello everyone, My girlfriend said something yesterday and I don't know what to do about it. First off, I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm 22 and she's 24. We both love each other very much and love being with one another. But last night we went to a drive-in movie. Everything was going great until she looks at me and says, "Hey, remember when we were ****ing here once and the car next to us had to move?" I looked at her and said, "No... Becuase that never happened." I get upset, and she starts saying that she thought we did that, or she wanted to do that with me but she was really thinking about what her and her ex did. Then she starts crying and apologizing, and I'm sitting there feeling cold towards her and start to ignore her. Needless to say the rest of the movie was very awkward. I don't care that she did that with her ex. That was before she met me and I don't really care about that. Its just something that I really didn't want to know or visualize. I told her very early on that I didnt want to know about her past. I believe ignorance is bliss in that regard. I then ask her if she was thinking about her ex and she says "No, I was thinking about you when I thought that." I don't know what to do. I wonder if there was any feeling behind what she said, or if she compares me to her ex. This is the first time that she's ever done this. Should i contact her, or wait for her to come to me and apologize? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I think she was remembering a loving time in her past & because she loved you, she mixed the events up in her head. Yes, it's awkward but it was an honest mistake not an indictment of your relationship. Perhaps don't go back to that spot. Whatever she was remembering, make a new memory like that with her some place else but don't dwell on it. Treat the whole incident like a non-event & don't emotionally punish her for it. Also don't play games like you have to apologize to me again (she already did according to you) & come crawling to me. It was a mistake. In a few months, you should forget it even happened. 1
Johnson1 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) Hello everyone, My girlfriend said something yesterday and I don't know what to do about it. First off, I've been with my girlfriend for over a year now. I'm 22 and she's 24. We both love each other very much and love being with one another. But last night we went to a drive-in movie. Everything was going great until she looks at me and says, "Hey, remember when we were ****ing here once and the car next to us had to move?" I looked at her and said, "No... Becuase that never happened." I get upset, and she starts saying that she thought we did that, or she wanted to do that with me but she was really thinking about what her and her ex did. Then she starts crying and apologizing, and I'm sitting there feeling cold towards her and start to ignore her. Needless to say the rest of the movie was very awkward. I don't care that she did that with her ex. That was before she met me and I don't really care about that. Its just something that I really didn't want to know or visualize. I told her very early on that I didnt want to know about her past. I believe ignorance is bliss in that regard. I then ask her if she was thinking about her ex and she says "No, I was thinking about you when I thought that." I don't know what to do. I wonder if there was any feeling behind what she said, or if she compares me to her ex. This is the first time that she's ever done this. Should i contact her, or wait for her to come to me and apologize? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. It sounds to me like she knew what she was doing. Nobody's going to make a mistake like that. I don't think it was Freudian slip. For whatever reason she did it to make you jealous or to get a rise out if you in some way to see how you'd react. Some women love to play mind games that way. Edited November 25, 2013 by Vocals5
Balzac Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It's not as if she said "hey remember when your penis was huge and sex was the best"! 1
Emilia Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It sounds to me like she knew what she was doing. Nobody's going to make a mistake like that. I don't think it was Freudian slip. For whatever reason she did it to make you jealous or to get a rise out if you in some way to see how you'd react. Some women love to play mind games that way. Not true at all, this stuff happens all the time.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I have to watch myself when asking my wife if we've seen a certain movie together. I'll have a memory that she could have been in, but it was probably an ex of mine. I've watched a lot of movies in most of my relationships. I say give her the benefit of the doubt. If it becomes a pattern, then re-evaluate.
Balzac Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Some guys would have taken her cue to pound out a definite "memory" and teased her. Sounds like you were hurt instead.
MidwestUSA Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It sounds to me like she knew what she was doing. Nobody's going to make a mistake like that. I don't think it was Freudian slip. For whatever reason she did it to make you jealous or to get a rise out if you in some way to see how you'd react. Some women love to play mind games that way. ^this^ NOT! Oh jeez, it was an honest mistake! What d0nnivain said. 1
Zahara Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I remember going to a restaurant with my ex and he said, "remember when we sat at the booth in the back and did XYZ?" I said, "That wasn't me, must have been someone else you were dating." And XYZ was a little raunchy for restaurant dining! He was so embarassed. And I was irritated. But it was an accident and it was done and I didn't take it personally. It happens.
pteromom Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I would contact her. No need to wait for an apology since she already apologized. I am sure she is beating herself up enough for this - she doesn't need you doing it too. Let it go.. hopefully eventually you'll be able to laugh about it.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 You could even look at it another way. She replaced that dude in that memory with you. She had a memory of the theater but it didn't even remind her of the guy. Could be a good thing? 7
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hell, a smart and confident man might even play along like he was in that memory. Why bring up the other person if she can't even remember him? 1
TheGuard13 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I don't think that's what a Freudian slip is...I could be wrong. Regardless, this happens all the time with me. It's best to just shrug it off. Memories are a weird thing, and not as reliable as we like to think.
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Not true at all, this stuff happens all the time. This kind of stuff happens. I was on the phone with my current gf and called her by my late wife's name. Oops. My gf thought nothing of it and I apologized. She completely understands. Such lapses happen. I don't think this girl was being mean in anyway. Go tell her it's okay and move on with her.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Could've been a guy she was dating and didn't really remember him or his name...thought it was you. At any rate, that's a huge slip...like calling a woman another name in bed. It's just going to be something you're going to have to let go, that would be awkward and disappointing in the moment. Doesn't mean you'll forget it of course...if there's a pattern to it then you might want to ask more about it, otherwise I don't think you're going to get the answer you're looking for at all even if you do. She'll be forced to feed you some half @ss lie/truth so you feel better about it and yourself. At any rate, once you get older you won't really care about this kind of shet anymore.
MidwestUSA Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 This kind of stuff happens. I was on the phone with my current gf and called her by my late wife's name. Oops. My gf thought nothing of it and I apologized. She completely understands. Such lapses happen. I don't think this girl was being mean in anyway. Go tell her it's okay and move on with her. I've been called by both of my hubbie's exes names, the first of whom he was divorced from TWENTY FIVE years ago. It happens, laugh and move on.
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I've been called by both of my hubbie's exes names, the first of whom he was divorced from TWENTY FIVE years ago. It happens, laugh and move on. LOL! A good sense of humor in a SO is a must. Such is life....
Lansing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I wouldn't make too big a deal out of it. I am sure it was a bit of a shock to you but sounds like she just got mixed up. I will ask friends "did you ever see xy movie" and they will be like "yeah, we saw it together, don't you remember"??? same with events/concerts/etc. I have a bad memory when it comes to that kind of stuff. I am sure some of them get slightly offended by it thinking "wow, I am that memorable eh".
RonaldS Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 The proper response would be: 'I do, and I would like to relive it.' And then bang each other in the car move on with your lives together. People are not computers...the memory is an imperfect machine. No point in letting that get to you if you two truly have a great relationship.
MalachiX Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I don't think you know what a Freudian Slip is...
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Im glad i read through other posters comments before i posted. Because i would have told you that that was unacceptable and unrealistic that she said it by mistake. Then i was reminded of my own shortcomings. Lol, ive had two long relationships, the first was with a girl called Lyndsy, that lasted four years, and finished in 2005, my last girlfriend and i were together from 2011 to 2012. I can honestly tell you, that i automatically (In my mind before i spoke) would almost always address my last ex as Lyndsy... The whole 15 months, i almost always called her Lyndsy ffs. lol So, it sure is possible to get mixed up in your mind. And fwiw, i was/am completely over 'Lyndsy' and completely loved my ex.
crederer Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I had an ex do that to me too (not a drive in but similar type of scenario). Then when I said that never happened she mentioned a movie that was in theatres well after we got together. A movie that I still haven't seen. So....it could be worse.
Fondue Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I'd be a little gooned out, for sure. I'm very similar to the OP, in that "ignorance is bliss." I avoid any conversations or knowledge of my women's previous partners/bfs. Just would rather not know. Life is better that way. I tell that to all the women I date, and they respect that. I ASSUME the OP told his gf the same thing in the past... So she probably should be more cognizant of what is coming out of her mouth. I dunno about you guys, but I usually think carefully of what's exiting my mouth if it's in regards to previous relationships/sex. She probably should have done the same, at least out of respect. I don't think it was malicious, but I also don't think it is something that's innocent and should be ignored completely. If I was the OP, I'd probably be a little cold for a day or two, too. Wouldn't make her cry over it or even discuss it with her, but I just wouldn't really be INTO her as much for a while. Let that little scratch heal first. Just my two cents.
Author SeekingClariry Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks for all the advice guys it really helped a lot. I've decided to forgive her as we all make mistakes, but I'm making it very clear that she needs to think before she speaks.
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