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Should I stay in my relationship or should I just break it up?

andreap

By andreap
in General Relationship Discussion

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andreap Member

andreap

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Let me start by saying that I am in love, or I think I am, with my girlfriend. It has been my first serious relationship. Is going to be one year in a month. She is the best. She always wants to be with me and please me. Eat what I want to eat, watch the movies that I want to watch, etc. Basically, during this whole year my only social life is her. I dont do anything with anybody anymore, an I dont care. I have also realized that something new is happening in me that have never happened before. I thought that I was going to have a lot of sex with her when we got in a relationship. After all she REALLY likes to please me, so is not that she holds back during sex. The probem is, that I have been increasingly masturbating while thinking of OTHER women. Also, I am constantly fantansizing, of meeting other hotter women. Either in my gym, club, etc. I am almost 30, so this is not typical for a guy my age. I have also been thinking that maybe I can take an MBA and move, that I will have a good excuse to break up the relationship. Is really weird, on one hand I want to marry this girl, she is the best girl I have ever met. On the other hand, I am becoming sexually interested in other woman and have stop having sex with my girlfriend. Is worth mentioning, that I have been really stressed at work, an I may be depressed.

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mammasita Established Member

mammasita

Posted
Posted

She sounds like she doesn't have a life outside of you. Does she have any hobbies or interests other than YOU? Does she ever disagree with you? Does she like things that you don't like.

 

Id be annoyed with someone who agreed with me and wanted to do the same thing I wanted to do all the time. Yuck.

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andreap Member

andreap

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She sounds like she doesn't have a life outside of you. Does she have any hobbies or interests other than YOU? Does she ever disagree with you? Does she like things that you don't like.

 

Id be annoyed with someone who agreed with me and wanted to do the same thing I wanted to do all the time. Yuck.

 

Actually she always agree with me when DOING things. She doesnt care what we do as long as it makes me happy. It does get annoying some times. However, that does not mean that she agrees with me when talking or debating about something. She is really smart. Let that be clear. On the other hand, she was really social, but after meeting me, she just stop. I am her life now.

Edited by andreap
BlessYourCottonSocks Established Member

BlessYourCottonSocks

Posted
Posted
Let me start by saying that I am in love, or I think I am, with my girlfriend. It has been my first serious relationship. Is going to be one year in a month. She is the best. She always wants to be with me and please me. Eat what I want to eat, watch the movies that I want to watch, etc. Basically, during this whole year my only social life is her. I dont do anything with anybody anymore, an I dont care. I have also realized that something new is happening in me that have never happened before. I thought that I was going to have a lot of sex with her when we got in a relationship. After all she REALLY likes to please me, so is not that she holds back during sex. The probem is, that I have been increasingly masturbating while thinking of OTHER women. Also, I am constantly fantansizing, of meeting other hotter women. Either in my gym, club, etc. I am almost 30, so this is not typical for a guy my age. I have also been thinking that maybe I can take an MBA and move, that I will have a good excuse to break up the relationship. Is really weird, on one hand I want to marry this girl, she is the best girl I have ever met. On the other hand, I am becoming sexually interested in other woman and have stop having sex with my girlfriend. Is worth mentioning, that I have been really stressed at work, an I may be depressed.

 

How old are the two of you?

 

It's weird because I think I am your girlfriend and I think you are my boyfriend haha. Expect for we have been together for 3 years. But he doesn't want sex as much anymore...and I don't know why. I want it all the time.

 

Can you imagine your life without her?

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andreap Member

andreap

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Each case is different. In my case, I have been really stress with work. That may have lead to masturbation, so that I can release all that stress. Therefore, affecting my sexual relation with my girlfriend. Its my case. I dont know what your boyfriend is doing outside of your relationship. What I want to know is, if what I am saying is reasonable or is just an excuse. I should be releasing the tension with her, and not by myself? haha

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andreap Member

andreap

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If you are constantly fantasizing about other women you arent in love with your girlfriend.

 

It is pretty obvious when you are in love. The fact that you said you think you love her...no. If you have to think about it, you don't.

 

Also, the way you said "hotter women" you obviously think you can do better than your current girlfriend.

 

I feel bad for your current girlfriend, she seems wonderful based on what you said. She doesnt seem clingy other than the "lack of social life" That tends to happen after relationships. Everything else you said, she just seems like an agreeable person. You can make comments to her about getting together with friends if you want but I dont think its worth it after everything else youve said about her.

I wonder if she knows her boyfriend wants to have sex with other women, thinks he can get a girl hotter than her, is contemplating excuses to break up with her. I think she'd be pretty damn hurt.

 

This is your first girlfriend so let me tell you...you are not supposed to be feeling this way after a year. Id dump her so she can find a man who will truly appreciate her.

 

Your post really hurt me. I feel bad for feeling the way I do. I dont want to feel that way. She deserves the best.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Your GF doesn't seem wonderful to me. She sounds like a door mat that doesn't have a life outside her BF. No wonder you're bored. It is sad because she is going to be crushed when you dump her.

 

 

I do think this relationship may have run it's course for you. Understand if you break up with her, your next GF isn't going to be so docile & accommodating. She's likely going to have opinions & interests & a life that doesn't revolve around yours. Are you ready to no longer be the center of somebody else's universe?

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andreap Member

andreap

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I cant emphasize enough how incredible she is as a person. She is an amazing intelligent woman. Outside of her, I dont have a social life either. She is my all right now. I love her and my family love her. The only problem is the sexual part. THAT is what bothers me. Why I am thinking about other woman to have sex with, or meet (even though I am not doing it). I want to think is beacause my problems at work right now that I am distracted. In fact I have been thinking of telling her to have a time off so I can get my head straight. Maybe until I get my work staright, I dont want to commit. Just focus on my work. Maybe.

TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
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Thinking about other women, both more and less attractive than one's partner, is what a lot of men do. Whether you love your girlfriend/wife or not.

 

I think you need to take a long, hard look at how you feel about your current girlfriend. She may be great, but not right for you. When the mind starts to wander all the time, there's usually a reason.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Posted
I cant emphasize enough how incredible she is as a person. She is an amazing intelligent woman. Outside of her, I dont have a social life either. She is my all right now. I love her and my family love her. The only problem is the sexual part. THAT is what bothers me. Why I am thinking about other woman to have sex with, or meet (even though I am not doing it). I want to think is beacause my problems at work right now that I am distracted. In fact I have been thinking of telling her to have a time off so I can get my head straight. Maybe until I get my work staright, I dont want to commit. Just focus on my work. Maybe.

 

 

If the problem is the sex & the stress, book a vacation . . . . even a mini long weekend or NYE at a swanky hotel & have some rekindled passion. If that doesn't bring it back, I don't know what to tell you.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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i think she has lost her identity a little happens sometimes...if you are fantasizing about other women and masturbating with someone else in mind..it isnt good...........are they randoms....or people you know?

 

 

the only thing ill give up in a relationship is thoughts of other guys...i dont give up my hobbies.......and i dont expect guys to like everything i do ...that would be weird...i dont give up my friends.....but i do specify that i am in a relationship so my partner is important........deb

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you both are pretty codepdendent on each other. Having your lives completely revolve around each other is not healthy. Your subconcious is probably acknowledging this unhealthy behavior, hence fantasizing about other women.

 

Why not start by contacting old friends or becoming involved in an activity outside your relationship? Also I think you need to be honest with your girlfriend and ask her to voice her own needs more often.

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andreap Member

andreap

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I do tell her to voice her opinion. I will give it a try and go out with my friends this weekend. Lets see what happens. Just to make things clear again, there is no problem with her. She is incredible.

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andreap Member

andreap

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You know what the problem is. I think I have figure it out. I was hanging out with her yesterday and let me tell you. When I hang out with her, I just want to marry her and have a family with her. That is it. I want to be with her forever. She is amazing in THAT way. However, when I have sexual fantasies, is a whole different kind of woman that I think of. Better body (I dont mean a model, but just someone that excercises and is more tone. I go to the gym too), a little bit more in charge, more "wild".

Edited by andreap
odin673 Established Member

odin673

Posted
Posted

It's normal to look at and fantasize about other women. Humans are not monogamous by nature. We're wired to spread the seed wide and far. Women are the same way but less likely be honest about it. Look up the "Coolidge Effect".

 

If you break up with her, do it for a good reason. Not because you have an eye for other women. This is not likely to change unless you start experiencing some sort of medical problem.

salparadise Established Member

salparadise

Posted
Posted
It's normal to look at and fantasize about other women. Humans are not monogamous by nature. We're wired to spread the seed wide and far. Women are the same way but less likely be honest about it. Look up the "Coolidge Effect".

 

If you break up with her, do it for a good reason. Not because you have an eye for other women. This is not likely to change unless you start experiencing some sort of medical problem.

 

I agree with odin. The hot lover fantasy never ceases, only the object of desire changes. I think you should consider it a sign of a healthy libido. The love you have for your girlfriend is real. Pay no attention to women who say that if you think about other women it means you can't be in love. Those are idealistic notions that have no basis in reality. What you need to do is try and redirect that sexual energy from masturbation to the girlfriend. Make an effort to fantasize about her, and spice things up in the bedroom with her. Use that vivid imagination to make your actual sex life better and better (just be careful about uttering names).

 

Now there is a difference in the degree of sexual chemistry for any given pair, and we all would like to be in love with someone with whom we have amazing sex. But don't make the mistake of judging the actual sexual chemistry by a fantasy yardstick. If at some point you come to understand that the sexuality has gone missing and can't be found, even though you love the person, then you have some difficult life decisions to face. But right now you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by just thinking differently. Real love is much harder to find than good sex. And good sex is mostly about what's going on between your ears.

TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted
I agree with odin. The hot lover fantasy never ceases, only the object of desire changes. I think you should consider it a sign of a healthy libido. The love you have for your girlfriend is real. Pay no attention to women who say that if you think about other women it means you can't be in love. Those are idealistic notions that have no basis in reality. What you need to do is try and redirect that sexual energy from masturbation to the girlfriend. Make an effort to fantasize about her, and spice things up in the bedroom with her. Use that vivid imagination to make your actual sex life better and better (just be careful about uttering names).

 

Now there is a difference in the degree of sexual chemistry for any given pair, and we all would like to be in love with someone with whom we have amazing sex. But don't make the mistake of judging the actual sexual chemistry by a fantasy yardstick. If at some point you come to understand that the sexuality has gone missing and can't be found, even though you love the person, then you have some difficult life decisions to face. But right now you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by just thinking differently. Real love is much harder to find than good sex. And good sex is mostly about what's going on between your ears.

 

Wise words.

 

I think you need to explain to your girlfriend that you would like something different from her, which is what sounds like is happening with you. You'd like her to be a little wilder, etc. If she isn't willing to do so, maybe you're not compatible as sexual partners.

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