haggard969 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 well, ill try to keep this short. me and her were very close and very much in love, bestfriends, attached at the hip, she has a daughter, and i have a daughter, who were practically sisters, my daughters 7 months older than hers. they were both three when we started dating, now mine is 7 and hers is 6. it was a great relationship, we started off just being partiers, but as time went in i pulled her and myself out of the gutter. i helped her graduate, get a job, i paid n bought everything, i worked hard to get us to where we were. we had ups and downs , but initially things were great. we planned on getting married and having kids in the future. it was almost our 3 year anniversary next month on the 11th. but 2 months ago she started acting strange, see when she went back to school she met this girl who was supposedly was her cousin way down the line through marriage. about 8 months went by after she graduated and then they started hanging out, which was 2 months ago. i knew this girl did not like me, since my gf would not bring me around her, this new girl is snobby, rude, and very selfish and con-seeded. so in these 2 months i noticed my gf stopped texting me as much, n calling me, then she stopped answering my calls completely, and would reply texts with one word answers. she started ditching me but when we were together she acted like nothing was wrong, but she would mention about how her friend found a new guy and is really happy and so did her other friend. anyways, it became everyday , me trying to find out where she is , she ignoring and ditching me, her baby daddy came back into the picture with his wife and he started taking care of my gfs daughter again, so she would drop off her kid at his house every weekend and take off, not wanting to hang out with me, so she told me the truth, that she had been hanging with some guy at work. and she has a little meaningless crush on him. she said it meant nothing, but she couldn't stop thinking about him and how sorry she felt for him. because his family left him and buncha crap. she told me she would stop talking to him, so things went on for a few weeks, she acted more in love with me, but this ditching and avoiding hanging out with me continued. then she said, i just want time to figure out what i really want, she said give me a few weeks, and the last day i saw her she even told me how happy she was with me n that i was all she ever wanted, i said ok ill see you in a few weeks? she said ok. a few days later my friend send me a text, it was a snap shot of his facebook page and her messaging him. i didnt give a damb about what she was saying to him. but i saw her profile picture, it was her and that guy from her work. they were together. i was shocked i messaged her and asked her wtf is going on, she said hes just a rebound n she misses n loves me. i asked her more questions n she said, she is just not sure about us anymore and the reason why she was with him is because i was supposedly annoying her and he was there to listen? so a few days later she messaged me being rude. saying how happy she is, saying how theres no chance we would ever hook up again. i told her i dont think i could go from being everything to nothing, i said it would be hard to be friends and she said" who said anything about us being friends" it was like she just completley forgot everything we have been through, threw me and my daughter out the window. sent her daughter to her baby daddys, and she took off with her new man. and she had no emotion at all to me. not a care, not a tear, it seemed like she was rubbing it on my face posting those pictures on fb, like who does that to some one? especially if you tell them you love them so much n you know they are hurting and are gonna see your profile, and then you go n post pictures too? like wtf? so now last i talked to her was 4 days ago. she said, well never hook up again, i told her i bought us vacation package for our anniversary , all she said was , "omg" i dont know if that was an omg stop texting me or an omg i feel so bad, but that's were it left off, by the way i never did her wrong either, i was great to her and i did everything for her and her daughter, we were a little family, she threw it out the window, i think the reason why was because her friend/cousin talked her into it, she seems to have a way of manipulating people, the reason why i think it was her because she also got my gfs sister to breakup with her man, so they could all go out and club n party. so im pretty pissed off about getting thrown away like trash, im upset because i put so much time and money and effort into this relationship because at first my gf was rank at partying, i used to pick her up at 4 in the morning almost everynight for a year, n i always bailed her out of situations. i think its totally unfair that she did this to me, even in those two months i tried to communicate and figure out what was going on ,she just wouldn't do it.refused to talk about what was going on. her parents were pretty mad that she dumped me. my daughter was upset because she wont see her step sister anymore. i know men can be like this , but what causes a woman to suddenly throw away her family and everything just for something new, is the grass really greener, will she ever realize her mistake, im going to move on , and build a good life for my self. but i kinda wish she would just admit she made a mistake, i guess shell figure it out on her own. she left a great life for a quick rush. so if anyone out their can tell me what causes people to do this narcissistic action , because it really makes no sence to me, i know this girl better than anyone. so why is she trying to be someone shes not? 1
Haydn Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 I understand how you must be feeling, i really do! She took you for a ride and you tried to show her and give everything you could. But i dont think you should have bought her a holiday and told her about it. I know how much pain you feel right now but as you will see from looking at the threads here, when your dumped it really not your business what she does. Its harsh but ive been told the same here and even if its not what we want to hear, sadly its true. Just dont call her, block her on your social sites. (More for your benefit). Trust me you have no desire to see her happy with someone else so dont look! I did all these things apart from a memorised phone number (Which still plagues me) Try to get as far away as possible. Take care. 1
sambo77 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 Ugh...that's tough. I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Much of what you have written resonates with me because my ex and I also had kids and were planning on becoming a new family. It seems to sting all the more that she'd be willing to chuck that away for a quick rush. What causes a woman to do this? I have no idea. I do sometimes wonder if friends whispering in her ear had something to do with it in my case. But ultimately we will never know. I think some people just do not understand (or care for) the commitment involved in a genuine relationship. There WILL be rough patches...and it won't always be plain sailing. It's all too easy for most people these days to press eject. Is the grass always greener? Doubt it. Will she view this as a mistake one day? Possibly. But she has shown you how little she values you and her daughter in all of this and for that reason you should not look back.
Mcscooter Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 You my dear friend are not the only one going through this. The main reason and you probably don't want to hear it. Girls get bored. She just wanted something new and exciting saying she wanted time to figure out what she want. 3 years will go into a stalemate and it's human nature to get bored of things. She saw something new and liked it. It's the cold hard truth. Well listen, She might regret or not regret it at all. Most the time if you did good in the relationship and you were an actual f*cking man. They will because they knew they took you for granted, but usually when they want to come back. You realize how sh*tty it is of why they left you. You learned to live without them and you simply move on. Knowing that you were better without who you thought was your significant other. You helped her, while she left you in the dirt for another guy. Look at that "What the Hell" am I right? and you still want her back? With enough time and understanding you'll see why things didn't work out in the beginning. You have a good mindset, you can overcome this obstacle I won't say easy or hard. Whenever she feels like settling down, she'll remember you. That my friend is a girl. You need a women. 1
Author haggard969 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 this morning she gave in. texted me. saying. i want you. i know now that your the one n i want to come back home to you. she wants me too pick her up after work. i do love her. just how she treated me. n the things she said n did. im disgusted. would yu take back someone wgo left your family for someone else? i remember everything. good times. n thewhole nitemare she put me through.it was horrible. her frend told her i made an aaccount on POF n i think my ex new i was talking to gurls. would u be a fool to try n work things out? or should i make her fight for me or should i tell her to F off. help plz
mammasita Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I wouldn't. Not if my ex cheated and left me to be with someone else - Hell **** no. 5
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I dont know your history? Did she leave you for someone else? If she did, than lol, i tell her to go back to the man she left me for because im NOBODY'S SECOND CHOICE. (Regardless of how much i still loved her, you gotta respect yourself, because if you cant respect your self, why the **** would she respect you? Did, she dump you because she wasnt feeling it anymore? And now wants back? Well, thats a different story, if so, i would make her work her ass off to deserve another chance. If this is the case, and you instantly take her back, your nothing but a doormat in her eyes. Or if its a case of, You contributed to the break up aswell as her, and you still love her, and you think she's worth it, than by all means give her another chance, but play it slow and cool, and make her realise, that she hurt you massively and she has a whole load of making up to do. Its hard to give advice when i dont know the full details tbh 3
Shadowburn Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I don't know your full story, but "I want you" in the context can have different meaning. Like "I want you to put up with everything I do and never stand for yourself", or "I want you to do as I say", or "I want you to take my crap until I'll meet someone I'll like more than you and then I'll kick you to the curb again". If she was a dumper, "I want you" is not what should bring you back to her. Her wants are no longer your concern. Ignore the drama. 2
xUnknown Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 this morning she gave in. texted me. saying. i want you. i know now that your the one n i want to come back home to you. she wants me too pick her up after work. i do love her. just how she treated me. n the things she said n did. im disgusted. would yu take back someone wgo left your family for someone else? i remember everything. good times. n thewhole nitemare she put me through.it was horrible. her frend told her i made an aaccount on POF n i think my ex new i was talking to gurls. would u be a fool to try n work things out? or should i make her fight for me or should i tell her to F off. help plz So I read your first thread. Go re-read it yourself..Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/433828-she-left-me-someone-else-my-story Remember what you felt when typing that. Do you want to work through this. Do you want her back. Can you love her again. Can you trust her again? Nobody can make this decision for yourself. We all have what we THINK you should do, but our opinions really don't matter...this is about YOU. If you think you can love, trust, work through this extremely big "hick-up" (as I'm sure thats all she sees it as - because she assumes you'll take her back)....then go for it. But please go back, re-read your first post, and think of all the emotions you felt in your head and your heart. Then, make the decision for yourself. My opinion, she wanted this guy, this guy realized he was a rebound, ended it with her, now she's lonely and coming back to you, which she placed on the backburner...a plan B. If this were months 6-8 months or a year from now, then I would consider working things out and starting slow..but, this was 6 weeks ago, AFTER another guy. My opinion, PASS. 1
Jmk21 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Yes explain the breakup to us. If she got gigs and left dont do it. that's a lesson she should just remember for future reference in her next relationship. There's many things now involved for reconciliation. If it was a one sided breakup and she was with someone else and you weren't, I can 100% tell you that you will resent her for that, why was he better than you, what's he like, blah blah you will be comparing yourself. That's why I never go back after a third party. I did it once when I was younger and it was probably one of the worst relationship ships I've ever been in. You have the option to shine like a diamond in her eyes and walk away. Or make her work her ass off for you. And I mean REALLY work for it
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 So I read your first thread. Go re-read it yourself..Here's the link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/433828-she-left-me-someone-else-my-story Remember what you felt when typing that. Do you want to work through this. Do you want her back. Can you love her again. Can you trust her again? Nobody can make this decision for yourself. We all have what we THINK you should do, but our opinions really don't matter...this is about YOU. If you think you can love, trust, work through this extremely big "hick-up" (as I'm sure thats all she sees it as - because she assumes you'll take her back)....then go for it. But please go back, re-read your first post, and think of all the emotions you felt in your head and your heart. Then, make the decision for yourself. My opinion, she wanted this guy, this guy realized he was a rebound, ended it with her, now she's lonely and coming back to you, which she placed on the backburner...a plan B. If this were months 6-8 months or a year from now, then I would consider working things out and starting slow..but, this was 6 weeks ago, AFTER another guy. My opinion, PASS. Right, so after reading that thread of yours. I suggest you write the following message to her, take your time, use strong grammar and punctuation, it should read 'FOOOK OFF' Seriously, you want to give some idiot like that another shot with you? I feel sorry for you that your judgement is so clouded. You KNOW, the answer to your question. Think about your daughter now for a minute, you really want to bring this idiot back into your lives, just to completely destabilize your family again down the road when she develops her next crush? I dont mean to be rude, and i say this with the best intentions, but if you take her back, your an idiot mate. You gotta move on. At least the bitch came back crawling, but leave her in the gutter and find someone better. Because you DESERVE BETTER 3
cavalier99 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) I defintly woudnt. Plus she most likley will dump you again very quickly. 99 percent of the time these are knee jerk reactions and when they are back with you they decide they made the right decision. Sorry. Plus getting dumped the second time will send you further into the pits of hell. Generally they are worse than the 1st BU. Could i be wrong? Sure but remeber all the hard earned healing youve done. Are you emotioally ready for this?? It would be much more empowering to tell her to f*ck off imo. Cav Edited November 25, 2013 by cavalier99
Never Again Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I defintly woudnt. Plus she most likley will dump you again very quickly. 99 percent of the time these are knee jerk reactions and when they are back with you they decide they made the right decision. Sorry. Plus getting dumped the second time will send you further into the pits of hell. Generally they are worse than the 1st BU. Could i be wrong? Sure but remeber all the hard earned healing youve done. Are you emotioally ready for this?? It would be much more empowering to tell her to f*ck off imo. Cav Actually, I think it would be more empowering to make her work for it. OP, don't just go pick her up or let her have her way. If she wants you, she's got to be willing to move goddamned mountains. If she won't put in the work, then she's not really interested and you'll find that out sooner than later and won't have to deal with a 2nd breakup. 1
cavalier99 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Actually, I think it would be more empowering to make her work for it. OP, don't just go pick her up or let her have her way. If she wants you, she's got to be willing to move goddamned mountains. If she won't put in the work, then she's not really interested and you'll find that out sooner than later and won't have to deal with a 2nd breakup. The only problem with this is it involves breaking NC and we all know if he isnt healed and that he is probably in no condition to deal with everything involved with starting up with her again after all the hurt. Just the attempt to communicate is a huge setback. And the emotions and negotation of statging up again will pull out all of his stiches. Ive seen this many times before. But i could be wrong. I was in one other case but he has been NC for like 5 months. Cav
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 If you take her back, she won't get to feel any real consequences of her actions. She'll know that she was able to get you back without much trouble at all. This sets you up to be the doormat. She'll lose interest again or whatever led her away the first time will repeat. If you refuse her request, she might be hurt and angry but on some level she'll respect for you not being a doormat. 1
Never Again Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 The only problem with this is it involves breaking NC and we all know if he isnt healed and that he is probably in no condition to deal with everything involved with starting up with her again after all the hurt. Just the attempt to communicate is a huge setback. And the emotions and negotation of statging up again will pull out all of his stiches. Ive seen this many times before. But i could be wrong. I was in one other case but he has been NC for like 5 months. Cav Fair point. Hell, I was 4 months post-BU with very LC, and I had my stitches pulled right out by an ex that couldn't stay away from me when we were in the same room, but forgot all about me as soon as we were apart. OP, the decision in yours...but if you're not healed then head Cav's advice and don't even bother. The fact that you're posting here as you are...I don't think you're ready either. If you're going to even consider taking her back...there needs to be consequences. She needs to EARN you. Anything short of that is, as AShogunNamedMarcus said, you being a doormat. 1
Chi townD Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Dude, don't do it. Not only for your feelings and sanity; but, you have a daughter to think about. It's not fair to expose her to a woman that will bounce in and out of your and her life. She needs stability in her life and this girl isn't it. Remember, what she wrote? "Who says I want to be friends with you." Remember how she wrote that she was so much happier without you in her life? Remember those hurtful pics she posted in order to hurt you? Please, stay away from this train wreck. 1
johncourtz Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 This is extremely freaky cause we have similar situations. I got with my ex and we were together 3 years..my daughter is now 6 and hers is 7.. took my daughter on like it was her own and i did the same. We were a family. But she could never let go of her ex in the end. I caught her dealing with him in April and she cried, said he was abusive and it didnt mean anything, that she made a mistake and wanted to break it off that she wanted me. Got a tatoo of my name and fought for me and after a week (i know too soon) i took her back. Everything was good from then so i thought, we spent alot of time together and talked about marriage and moving in with the kids even having another child, but in the end a few weeks back after professing her love for me on FB the very next day i got a long text of her saying that she's in love with him, that she feels staying with me will be a struggle with my finances and my baby mother issues, that its drained her..crushed me. I have since met up with her to give her her things and finally spoke face to face (she avoided me, covered up the tatoo) and she cried and was even facetiming me that night saying she wish she was with me..havent heard anything since then..been NC since 11/5/13 and i plan on keeping it that way. Only you know whats in your heart, i'd say think long and hard but it feels too soon. From reading thru these forums its best to take the time to work on yourself and figure out who you were again before you got with her..let it all play out the way its meant to play out. I told her that night that i wouldnt be looking for her and doing what her ex did. That if she wanted me gone i'd do just that..and although i miss her and my daughter constantly asks for her daughter i gotta man up and do this for me and my kid. Good luck bro..i hope your situation pans out for you!
Jmk21 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Send her the link to this thread. Then we will troll her hard. Dumb bitch found a smelly turd in the new grass imo 1
Jules78 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 this morning she gave in. texted me. saying. i want you. i know now that your the one n i want to come back home to you. she wants me too pick her up after work. i do love her. just how she treated me. n the things she said n did. im disgusted. would yu take back someone wgo left your family for someone else? i remember everything. good times. n thewhole nitemare she put me through.it was horrible. her frend told her i made an aaccount on POF n i think my ex new i was talking to gurls. would u be a fool to try n work things out? or should i make her fight for me or should i tell her to F off. help plz THAT is why she is contacting you. Take it from a girl who knows. Me! Women do not do well when we think our ex is moving on. It doesn't even matter if we want them back or not. We just don't want anyone else to have them. That is the God honest truth. I promise you that she will not be with you for long if you take her back then you will be starting all the over from the beggining and the pain will be even worse!! Try not to think about everything you had together and getting that back because it WILL NOT BE THE SAME as before. It just won't. You do not want to be with someone who could up and leave in an instant because someone caught her attention. Stay strong!!!! 4
Volthi10 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Dont take her back, think about your daughter and how all this affects her.Who tells you she won't do it again and your daughter will be heart broken. chances are things went wrong with her new love and now she feels lonely. You deserve better! 1
StarsOnFire Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Dont take her back, think about your daughter and how all this affects her.Who tells you she won't do it again and your daughter will be heart broken. chances are things went wrong with her new love and now she feels lonely. You deserve better! Yes! I agree, you should think about your daughter, and who you want in her life. You want a woman who is a good role model for her, someone who cares about you and who truly loves you guys. You don't need this woman who so easily gave you guys up. But in the end its your decision, it's easy for us to tell you what to do online. But whatever you decide, please keep your daughters heart/feelings and future in mind.
PharaohABQ Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Wow It's amazing to me that all these people on here have such bitter things to say. It's unfortunate that she broke your heart and tore your little family apart. But look at it this way. You don't get unlimited chances. You don't get to keep trying over and over and over. You just need to ask yourself, Will this make me happy? Is this good for my daughter? If yes, then go for it. Just make sure you're doing it on an EQUAL basis. So many people carry the load in a relationship and don't even realize it. Then when you get dumped you see what you've been carrying and it hurts. I believe that's what you were doing since you said You put so much Time and money into the relationship. In a marriage things need to be equal, so that's how you start dating, to not only see how compatible you are, but to see how well you work as a team. So looking at taking this girl back? Well sure if it'll make you happy and that you can both get something out of it. If she's just using you because she can't pay her credit cards or anything, then no way. But honestly do you think you can be happy? It's obvious she doesn't deserve you, but do you still deserve her? I say grab any chance you can get to be happy, and give it a few months, If you're not, then kick her to the curb same as she did you. If you're happy after a few months, then keep things going but really try to keep things Equal. Obviously you'd want to be sure she's not F'n around on you. Trust has to be earned once she broke the "trust" you already gave her. But your happiness is your #1 priority, followed closely by your daughter's.
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