Aero-el Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I was curious when does one become the other? Other than the obvious sign of them saying 'NO I don't want to'? I don't know how much validity there is in this story, but someone I talk to told me their cousin once got rejected five times in the span of about seven weeks before she finally accepted the first date. They got married later on. Because we live in such a polite society, people find it difficult to say 'NO'. So they offer reasons/excuses to flake on dates. Especially if you're in the same social circle and share mutual friends, maybe one doesn't want to 'hurt/embarrass' the other. What 'signs' should we look for to continue persisting to ask them out or to stop asking them out?
Philosoraptor Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Well it depends on how you're asking I'd assume. Asking can be made in a lighthearted joking manner and I wouldn't consider that harassment, as long as it stayed fun afterwards and doesn't get awkward.. If you're cornering someone and pestering them that can cross the line. Once someone tells me no I don't bother with it anymore. Too many potential mates for me to waste too much time on one. 1
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 No. eff-off, other profanities, no responses, etc. are good signs to back off. In the end, it becomes harassment when the person calls the police if there is any doubt prior. But, you are safer to heed the NO and move on.
carhill Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 What 'signs' should we look for to continue persisting to ask them out or to stop asking them out? Usually, people are socialized to perceive body language, voice tones and other social cues. IMO, it's the perception of the combination of those factors which influences the decision-making process. Some is taught and some is learned by experience. Being inevitably polite, though less so now than in my younger years, I'm reminded of a persistent salesperson who would stop by my shop every so often and try to sell me something I neither needed nor wanted. I would always politely say, 'thanks but I'm not interested'. Finally, one day I had my fill and simply took out my gun, placed it on the desk and started wiping it off, stating 'what part of "I'm not interested" do you not understand?' Problem solved. Some people just don't get social cues. Myself, regarding potential romantic encounters, as I tend to get to know the lady a bit casually before asking her on a date, when I get the sense that my offer is not under consideration or is outright refused, I disengage and consider the matter closed. Perhaps it's where I live, IDK.
Author Aero-el Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Some people aren't socialized enough to recognize signs. My friends all tell me that as long as she isn't saying something like "No, I'm not interested" or "Please stop asking me", I should keep at it because she's playing hard to get. Hmm. But then 'pick up artists' say that it's weak to keep going after one girl, even if she doesn't give a definite 'NO' and it's better to 'game' other women who will say 'YES'. This girl I'm interested in hasn't said 'NO' or 'YES' to a fourth date (the last 3 dates probably turned her off), so...should I keep proceeding to ask her out? I'm going to start dating other women in the mean while until her and I go out again, but I'm left wondering.
StanMusial Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Some people aren't socialized enough to recognize signs. My friends all tell me that as long as she isn't saying something like "No, I'm not interested" or "Please stop asking me", I should keep at it because she's playing hard to get. Hmm. But then 'pick up artists' say that it's weak to keep going after one girl, even if she doesn't give a definite 'NO' and it's better to 'game' other women who will say 'YES'. This girl I'm interested in hasn't said 'NO' or 'YES' to a fourth date (the last 3 dates probably turned her off), so...should I keep proceeding to ask her out? I'm going to start dating other women in the mean while until her and I go out again, but I'm left wondering. Hmmm, it seems like she gave you 3 chances to spark something up. Why do you think she is "probably" turned off from you?
gaius Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 A good general rule to go by is if they ignore you they really don't want your attention, but if they keep talking but saying no then green light to keep up the pressure. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 A good general rule to go by is if they ignore you they really don't want your attention, but if they keep talking but saying no then green light to keep up the pressure. This. When a woman really means no and it's final the signals are clear and unmixed. The definite no is followed by avoidance and disengaging. The key to hard to get is not being too easy to get....yet not too hard to get. You need to balance challenge with attainability. 1
Recommended Posts