Bluey74 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Kinda need some advice!! Have been dating a great man for over three years now. He has a 19 year old daughter and 26 year old step daughter. His daughter was living with us week on week off and yes it was awkward at first but we got on well and I would go out of my way to make her favourite foods, play video games, watch her favourite movies, play board games, bake etc together. The older girl refused to ever meet me. Her relationship with her father was very volatile, he has anger management issues which I thought he'd had help for. He had been separated from his ex wife for 6 months, but it came out it was only 5 weeks before we met. His daughters treated him with no respect telling him he was dumb and useless ( he was very capable, put them thru private schools, gave them designer everything, built their three houses), his step daughter sent him a text on Father's Day because we were out in the morning saying you are a terrible father, you don't deserve to have the title of dad, you don't deserve to have children and that she never wants to speak to him again (that was two years ago). She also called the police on us for no reason.The ex wife would send me letters stating all things about their life and sex life before me, should would constantly call him all hours of the night for a chat, and then cause trouble btwn him and I. Lots of stuff went on. I never said a word to cause any trouble, I used to advise him what I thought would be a good way to handle things. His daughter slowly stopped staying with us and it came out one night and she stated to her father. " mum says if I only stay one night a week then she will get more child support", so guess what she told him she didn't want to stay more than one night a week. That particular night, he took her home after pleading with her to not be so silly (she was 16 then), she said no I'm staying with mum, so he took her home. Then there less and less contact he would phone and text and email but she wouldn't answer and made excuses never to see him. This went on for over six months then we decided to move 12 hours drive away for a year, and they were still invited to come and stay and he tried to visit them, but they did not want a bar of him apart from emails and texts. The ex started interfering more and more then I found out 1.5 hr phone calls were being made each week btwn ex and him and he was speaking to the girls but never in front of me, he started seeing the girls again but I was never allowed. He would get ****ty with me if I pushed the issue and started getting violent, punching holes in doors, breaking numerous things around the house. Eventually I found out he had been making out we weren't even together. I said all I'd ever wanted was to be part of his family, I don't have kids and he was not willing to have any with me, so I asked him not to shut me out and that he needed to make the adult kids now and the ex we Are very happy together ( we were, very very, had no problems apart from talking about his kids and ex). We took a year off work, by giving up our jobs, sold all our stuff, he kept his boats and his car and we sold everything else, booked and paid for a three money trip around India, spent a month with his family in Brisbane, then went to NZ to spent a month with my mum ( my dad died earlier in the year), we bought a van in NZ did it up to use on our return from India to the travel three months around India. I found out more lies he had been telling his daughters and said it had to stop, he got so angry got on a plane and said it was over between us. He needed his daughters in his life and they would never accept me. We still don't know why. I'm left with a broken heart, wasted plane tickets, a half fitted out campervan, no job in Aus, no car in Aus, hardly any money and no place to live back in Aus. He gave it all up because he snapped. Three weeks later and I can't come to terms or understand what he has done. He is letting his adult daughters treat him terribly and then walks out on me who gave up everything. Obviously there is a lot more that's gone on but I'm gobsmacked that this man who two nights before he left was lying in bed next to me telling me how much he loved me, we were making more future plans etc and he just gets up and walks. What do you think?
Emilia Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 What do you think? You chose a weak man who thrives on drama and fighting. He punched holes in walls and he lied and fought. Is this the best you could do? Then you sold everything on a whim and behaved irresponsibly. What did you think was going to happen? Did you really think it was going to work out with a man who even lied about his separation - which would be one of the most important things to sort out before a new relationship. Someone who cannot have an adult relationship with his adult kids. You sold everything for a man like this? What's wrong with you?
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Ugh. He lied about his separation and his own daughters had little or no respect for him. Dead on RED flags. You need to get yourself to move forward and regroup for YOURSELF. Make and take steps, however small, to move on and go back to where you feel most comfortable, supported. Not with this guy! Don't worry about why and do every that comes next for YOU. Good luck. I am sorry.
soccerrprp Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 If you are not married to the person , never ever give up your home, money and make big plans. other then to get married. Because you will end up looking stupid and with noting! Harsh, but in your case, OP, these were definite mistakes. The guy was not all together stable, but if the money is what attracted you, well, ugh. Like i said. Picking what pieces you can and move on.
FitChick Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Perfect example of why you shouldn't date someone who hasn't been officially divorced for at least two years. They are confused and will make you confused. 1
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