sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hey all In a nutshell -i split with my ldr of 5 years 2 months 15 days ago. On saturday i impulsively broke ALL the NC rules and travelled 8 hours to see her.. i took her keys back, we split because of distance. We have fought before but it has always been about me not bridging the distance. I half thought she might be getting over me already, and that she might accept the keys and say goodbye..but it went very differently It was very emotional- and we still obviously love each other (we both said it) All the little love presents id bought her were still there, she had all the cards ive ever sent her on her coffee table as well, i suppose she had been reading them...(i couldnt believe she had kept cards id sent in 2008!!!) Initially it was awkward (she gets eczma and when she came out of the shower i nearly went into the bedroom to rub cream into her back before i remembered!!) there were other awkward moments, we went to kiss a dozen times in the first hour, then told each other it was wrong etc. But within a couple of hours we were cuddled up and talking, it just felt.....right But not a lot has changed, we only have a future if i move jobs. As ive said ill do this in the past and never followed through, she is skeptical about me doing this. She feels i am letting my heart and not my head speak, and thinks i need time with a little distance from her to think through what im doing. She said she still wants to be with me but- not in an ldr and as things felt so good, i knew we would slip straight back into ldr if not careful, and know that makes her unhappy so i declined the offer of staying the night and left after about 5 hours. So, im now scouring jobs, but i cant get over this fear of giving up my job and something going wrong, redundancy, falling out after ive left my job etc. We did agree that we have never had arguments aside from those related to distance.. So i am thinking that if i do this, then we should get engaged...for a little extra stability, i want to get engaged anyway, but im not sure wether it is crazy so soon after splitting up? Also we have agreed we are single until i move, then we start a FRESH relationship- yet she wants us to spend time together xmas? Obviously i want to, but part of me thinks this is a terrible idea?. I am worried we will slip into an ldr again and be in this situation a year from now, it is easy to avoid difficult decisions when i am getting to see her anyway Also a proper period of time apart (a month or two) gives me time to think about what im doing.. What do you think? Apologies for long rambling post Thanks
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 You two both have some hard decisions to make quickly. You have to do what is best for your baby. I don't know if that means getting married or living together or working out some co-parenting arrangement but if I were you & I was intent on moving for my family, I'd be moving heaven & earth to get a new job closer to her.
Author sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 You two both have some hard decisions to make quickly. You have to do what is best for your baby. I don't know if that means getting married or living together or working out some co-parenting arrangement but if I were you & I was intent on moving for my family, I'd be moving heaven & earth to get a new job closer to her. hey donnivain it looks like the pregnancy is a false alarm, (test on fri night, sat morning, sunday morning and sunday night were negative so it was either a bad test or didnt implant) - god if she was definitely pregnant, i wouldnt be on here talking- id be packing my bags right now. But i have one more chance to make it work aside from that.. move jobs within a couple of months... i guess after whining on here for 2 weeks about how id move if i had another chance, its put up or shut up.
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hey all In a nutshell -i split with my ldr of 5 years 2 months 15 days ago. On saturday i impulsively broke ALL the NC rules and travelled 8 hours to see her.. i took her keys back, we split because of distance. We have fought before but it has always been about me not bridging the distance. I half thought she might be getting over me already, and that she might accept the keys and say goodbye..but it went very differently It was very emotional- and we still obviously love each other (we both said it) All the little love presents id bought her were still there, she had all the cards ive ever sent her on her coffee table as well, i suppose she had been reading them...(i couldnt believe she had kept cards id sent in 2008!!!) Initially it was awkward (she gets eczma and when she came out of the shower i nearly went into the bedroom to rub cream into her back before i remembered!!) there were other awkward moments, we went to kiss a dozen times in the first hour, then told each other it was wrong etc. But within a couple of hours we were cuddled up and talking, it just felt.....right But not a lot has changed, we only have a future if i move jobs. As ive said ill do this in the past and never followed through, she is skeptical about me doing this. She feels i am letting my heart and not my head speak, and thinks i need time with a little distance from her to think through what im doing. She said she still wants to be with me but- not in an ldr and as things felt so good, i knew we would slip straight back into ldr if not careful, and know that makes her unhappy so i declined the offer of staying the night and left after about 5 hours. So, im now scouring jobs, but i cant get over this fear of giving up my job and something going wrong, redundancy, falling out after ive left my job etc. We did agree that we have never had arguments aside from those related to distance.. So i am thinking that if i do this, then we should get engaged...for a little extra stability, i want to get engaged anyway, but im not sure wether it is crazy so soon after splitting up? Also we have agreed we are single until i move, then we start a FRESH relationship- yet she wants us to spend time together xmas? Obviously i want to, but part of me thinks this is a terrible idea?. I am worried we will slip into an ldr again and be in this situation a year from now, it is easy to avoid difficult decisions when i am getting to see her anyway Also a proper period of time apart (a month or two) gives me time to think about what im doing.. What do you think? Apologies for long rambling post Thanks 5yrs is MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME to close the distance and quit dragging your feet!! WTH. Unless you were teens when you got together, I would do the same thing as her. Close the distance or keep it moving. LDR go against our nature and clearly she doesn't want an ad infinitum virtual heavy romance so get a move on it buddy! Seriously I would think you don't really see a future with me and you're just wasting my time when there are plenty of local options. Very very very few people could deal with the song that goes on and on and on with LDR. I think the two of you need some time and space to think objectively if distance truly is the only thorn in your relationships' side. Don't be idealistic, don't make excuses, but think long and hard if there is a real future here. If not, move on. And don't be a dummy; secure a job FIRST BEFORE moving and ALWAYS have a back-up plan just in case God forbid it doesn't work out. It's a big risk that should only be taken where and when there's future potential for a solid relationship. Don't you dare in this economy give up the security of a job for a rocky relationship so be practical about it.
Author sun1972 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 5yrs is MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME to close the distance and quit dragging your feet!! WTH. Unless you were teens when you got together, I would do the same thing as her. Close the distance or keep it moving. LDR go against our nature and clearly she doesn't want an ad infinitum virtual heavy romance so get a move on it buddy! Seriously I would think you don't really see a future with me and you're just wasting my time when there are plenty of local options. Very very very few people could deal with the song that goes on and on and on with LDR. I think the two of you need some time and space to think objectively if distance truly is the only thorn in your relationships' side. Don't be idealistic, don't make excuses, but think long and hard if there is a real future here. If not, move on. And don't be a dummy; secure a job FIRST BEFORE moving and ALWAYS have a back-up plan just in case God forbid it doesn't work out. It's a big risk that should only be taken where and when there's future potential for a solid relationship. Don't you dare in this economy give up the security of a job for a rocky relationship so be practical about it. firstly, i am currently looking for a job right now secondly, as you say it is a bad time economically, so it is no surprise ive found it hard to leave a job of 21 years at a company that has existed 100 years and will still be here in 100 years thirdly- it is easy to say its my fault..and i accept that, but it is me making all the sacrifice finally, yes there is potential for a great future, which is why i am doing it, i am nervous about it however which is why i asked for advice
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 firstly, i am currently looking for a job right now secondly, as you say it is a bad time economically, so it is no surprise ive found it hard to leave a job of 21 years at a company that has existed 100 years and will still be here in 100 years thirdly- it is easy to say its my fault..and i accept that, but it is me making all the sacrifice finally, yes there is potential for a great future, which is why i am doing it, i am nervous about it however which is why i asked for advice Good. Sounds like you are well on your way then!! All the best!
justwhoiam Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 i couldnt believe she had kept cards id sent in 2008!!! Seriously? Then you don't know women... i declined the offer of staying the night and left after about 5 hours. Your backbone is appreciable... but you could have stayed... I guess she ended up in tears after you left. So, im now scouring jobs, but i cant get over this fear of giving up my job and something going wrong, redundancy, falling out after ive left my job etc. Fear of the unknown. Even being with her, you can't know where it'll take you... 15 years from now. It's life. You don't know anything in advance. But have you contemplated her moving? Or is it just you who needs to move? Is your job more stable and better paid than hers? So i am thinking that if i do this, then we should get engaged...for a little extra stability, i want to get engaged anyway, but im not sure wether it is crazy so soon after splitting up? Yes, wait a little bit more. Maybe first week of January. Also we have agreed we are single until i move, then we start a FRESH relationship- yet she wants us to spend time together xmas? If I were you, I wouldn't accept being single while being with her......... for so many reasons. You are both in love, and you need to be yourself, not behaving like someone else, as if you were uninterested. Maybe you can suggest giving up sex in the meantime, until things get clearer. But single? No, I wouldn't want that and then spend Christmas together. Obviously i want to, but part of me thinks this is a terrible idea? Being single while spending Christmas together? Yes, bad idea. If I were you, I'd spend Christmas together, but not being single. Also a proper period of time apart (a month or two) gives me time to think about what im doing.. You are away all the time anyway. Space out contact during the week maybe. To have your thinking time.
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