Indy87 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My fiance has really low self esteem and she's really anxious and insecure. She does not love herself and she has had a hard life. She was almost raped and she had to have an abortion amongst other things. She didn't want to get into a relationship but then she met me and she felt she could trust me and I have been supportive when she cried and was down. However, all of a sudden she wants to break up because she said that she can't love me properly without loving herself and that's she has been suffering all her life. She feels more insecure and anxious since dating me even though she loves me and doesn't want to break up. She feels breaking up will give her space to heal herself. She also says that she doesn't want to hurt me even though I am strong enough to support her. She is very defensive and sensitive and sees every thing in a negative way. We are on a break now and I am waiting for her to be ready to talk. I am respecting her space. She told that I have been the perfect boyfriend. Anyway, so I didn't hear from her for a week and on Monday night she sent me a message saying we should meet up. Long story short, she tells me that she still feels she has to be on her own. So I send a message back saying I understand and that I'll always be there for her etc. so an hour later she calls me and she is crying and she is telling me that she is so confused because I am the best thing in her life and that she misses me etc. As it stands, I haven't heard from her for 3 weeks. I know I am better off without her because she has problems. I don't have white knight syndrome or anything but the whole experience was frustrating and I feel tired. It's kind of weird because she pulled me close and then dropped me so I just need a little advice to move on and any help is appreciated.
Philosoraptor Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Well sadly for you she is right, she can't love you properly until she can love and take care of herself. It doesn't feel right for her right now because it probably isn't. She should seek professional help for her depression and to work through her past issues before getting into any kind of relationship with anyone. On your end, you just need to do the same and take care of yourself. A relationship shouldn't drain you or make you tired, it should be benefitial and leave you full of energy and positivity. 1
xUnknown Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My ex was the same sort of way. Self esteem, depressed (although I know she wouldn't admit this...) because she moved to new state for her job, no friends, new area, no roomies, completely on her own and lonely, I don't think she liked her job... She said she didn't want to hurt me, I deserved better, needs to work on herself because she isn't happy with herself. She tried to keep me around as a friend and "see where we are in 6 months and start fresh", I declined...I can't be her friend. We too went on a break --2 weeks of NC, then we had the talk and ended it. It as pretty amicable, no yelling, fighting, she never said "break up" but do our own thing for 6 months and see where were at... I agreed to the "breakup" and to work on ourselves. But there is nothing you can do. I tried to help my ex for months...doing anything and everything I could. It wasn't enough. It wasn't even appreciated. Time to move on my friend. Realize you're better off and you don't need to invest all that time into her. 1
xUnknown Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 (edited) **Deleted because of reason below*** Edited November 25, 2013 by xUnknown accidentally double posted.
LadyM Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 We try to fix our broken loved ones and it almost never works. We do everything possible to help them, love them even more, yet they end up pushing us away. Ultimately, we are the ones who end up suffering for their instability. Next time, you'll meet someone healthier who can love you back, as you deserve. 2
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