Redmello06 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My BF and I have been doing a long-distance US/UK relationship for a little over a year now. It's too emotionally exhausted to continue the separation but I've just learned that I will not be able to get the work visa I had been hoping for. We've gotten to the point where it's get married or break up. We've talked about getting married for a while now, but it had always been just talk. Now he's proposed and I'm both excited and terrified. It's not that I don't love him, but I feel like I won't even get the chance to find out if this is something I REALLY want unless I jump in and do it. Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did it turn out?
d0nnivain Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Marriage is a huge, lifetime commitment. It's not disposable despite the high rates of divorce. I could never marry somebody straight from an LDR to marriage. I would want to live near them & date conventionally a while to make sure we're compatible. In an LDR the time together is so precious that you put the rest of your life on hold when the person is there. IRL you still have to go to work, you get sick, somebody has to do the laundry & the grocery shopping. It's different than the magical world where it's just the two of you for the few days you have together. 1
oldshirt Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 , but I feel like I won't even get the chance to find out if this is something I REALLY want unless I jump in and do it. Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did it turn out? In many ways ALL marriages are like that to one extent or another. Everyone has their own set of challenges and their own set of hurdles to overcome. Your hurdle is the Atlantic Ocean and immigration laws.
devilish innocent Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 My uncle married a girlfriend of his just so that she could remain in his country. They're now divorced. I'm pretty sure they knew going into the marriage that there was a very large chance that it wouldn't work. A little over a year of dating isn't even that long to wait for marriage when you're in the same city. I would probably try to give the relationship another year if I were in your shoes. If you feel going through another difficult year isn't worth it to be with him in the end, then I see that as saying a lot about your confidence and commitment with regards to this relationship. 1
crederer Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Where you together (as in the same area) before? Or has the entire relationship been one year, long distance?
Mr. Lucky Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I've just learned that I will not be able to get the work visa I had been hoping for. We've gotten to the point where it's get married or break up. Exactly the wrong reason to get married... Mr. Lucky
Jv6ish Posted December 3, 2013 Posted December 3, 2013 You post is a little to close to home. My Boyfriend is from the UK, but here in the states now. However, the reason he ended up here is because he was in a long distance relationship with a girl from the US. After about a year they were in the same boat as you. He proposed because the alternative was to breakup since they couldn't keep visiting back and forth. Unfortunately for the it didn't end well, not because they didn't love each other, but because they weren't ready for marriage and they ended up resenting each other and he couldn't get over the fact that he had to give up his life in the UK. I hope your situation is much different, but if your going to get married, make sure it's because your both ready, and not just because the long distance is hard.
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