How do I navigate this?

[reuelle]

Hi y'all.

 

I'm not sure if this should be in the dating, or breakups, or "the other woman" section.

 

I'm currently good friends with someone who is going through a divorce. That, in and of itself, is crazy, but not the point of this question. He has made it clear that he can't commit, even though he is attracted to me. His reasons are that he is not ready, he resents women, etc. What we had until recently was pretty much a dating relationship but we had a talk where I told him I thought we should just cut the games, draw clear boundaries, and keep this as a respectful friendship. I wanted commitment, he couldn't give that, yet he was willing to have my body so to speak, which didn't happen. He lives a little far from me, so we committed to not seeing each other often and really toning things down.

 

Now:

 

1) Would it be a waste of time to try to wait for him to heal and all? He keeps giving me this annoying "You are an amazing person but I'm just not ready" line which to me just means "I feel like if I attach, something better will come along so I want to be free for that, but I don't want to let you go just in case I don't get it."

 

2) How can I navigate this friendship so that my heart is not on the line, and so that he can see what he has, so to speak? We've talked pretty much every day for half a year; what can I do to sort of drive home the point that I am an attractive woman and have options (which I do)? Do I just cut him off? What can I do, not to sort of draw him in or trick or convince him into loving me, because that's impossible, but just to make it clear that a) I refuse to be an FWB and b) I refuse to be in his life as one notch in a belt of many options? He did communicate to me, come to think about it, that he felt like an option to me.

 

3) Should I just forget about him? I think this is a repetition of q1. I love this guy, but how the heck do I interpret "I'm not ready"? What if I go with one of my other options and he becomes ready in the future? Is this a moot point, something I shouldn't worry about, etc? After all, even if he's filed, he is technically/legally not mine.

 

Please be nice

[Janesays]

Why the heck would you want to be with this guy?

 

"I resent women."

 

"Great! You're just the man I want to father my daughter! Let's date!"

 

How is that, in any way, a rational or heathy desire for you?

 

When he told you that he's not ready and that he resents women, you should say, "SEE YA!"

 

Then, disappear.

[reuelle]

Is it really that simple? Just forget about him?

[Janesays]

Is it really that simple? Just forget about him?

 

Yes. It really is that simple.

[reuelle]

Well, okay, then! Probably not going to happen right away as this is someone I care about but I will keep that in mind.

[mikecr50]

It's that simple! Obviously its not simple but thats your best bet cut it and end it, he may want to keep you as a friend but thats just slow toture. Maybe in several months when he gets his head straight he'll contact you otherwise leave him in the rearview mirror-NEXT! I wish you strength I'm going through the same thing right now :-)

[Yookie]

When someone tells you who they are believe them!!!

[reuelle]

It's that simple! Obviously its not simple but thats your best bet cut it and end it, he may want to keep you as a friend but thats just slow toture. Maybe in several months when he gets his head straight he'll contact you otherwise leave him in the rearview mirror-NEXT! I wish you strength I'm going through the same thing right now :-)

 

Thank you! It actually is torturous, I want MORE than friendship... he knows it... and he's going to milk it for the ego-stroke he needs or until he decides what he really wants..

 

When someone tells you who they are believe them!!!

 

Funny enough, he actually has stated these very words, more than once!

 

this sucks booooo to him.

[mikecr50]

That's right his loss! It'll bite him in the end.