sunflower11 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I was in a 5 month relationship with a 36yr old guy, I am 24, in the beginning everything was great, he was very intense and outspoken about his feelings and how much he wanted to be with me but about two months into the relationship things started to change a bit, he grew colder and more distant, wasn't as romantic, wouldn't say he loved me anymore and all this made me more desperate to try to chase his affection and I feel that i became more needy or something...the fall out was when he went on a trip with three girls, all friends, and i felt like it was disrespectful to me and ti wasn't the first time he showed me how "independent" he wanted to be. Before he would go out to clubs and bars without me and without telling me, I would find out from friends, when I got angry with him he said he didn't need to give me any explanations, that he was an independent person and could do what he wanted, that he wasn't cheating on me so he didn't need to ask for my permission to go out, that all his life he has been like this and i needed to respect that. to be honest, i felt like he wasn't serious about the relationship, didn't want a commitment so i broke up wit him. A couple days later i called him, i told him i loved him and wanted to make it work, i told him i wanted us to talk and get to a point where we both could be happy and respect each others idea of what a relationship should be like but he said he didn't want to, that he just wanted to be friends and cared so much about me and would always be there for me, so i went along with it. I dont believe in being friends with your ex after a break up but i was feeling so hurt about everything and the fact that he would text every couple of days made me feel like he still cared, that he didn't want to let go of me either. so we kept talking and meeting up every now and then. yes we still kept on having sex, we had some really great nights together, i was there for him when his cousin passed away, i hugged him while he cried and stayed with him for almost three days while he recovered a bit. ALl along i knew i still had feelings for him and a couple of times i felt hurt and offended when he didn't seem to give me the place that i deserved, i guess i believed that because i was his ex he would place me on a different level than the rest of his friends, but all the time he said we were just friends, that i needed to get over it. One time we had a big fight then i saw him a couple days later at the club and he pulled me aside, said i looked gorgeous and didn't want me to dress like that anymore, he said when we broke up i asked him not to date anyone for some time (its true, i was having a break down and told him to please not be with anyone for a while out of respect for me), and then he said if i was dressing like that (it was a very sexy black dress) it meant i was ready to go out and meet someone while he was still respecting our "agreement". basically he manipulated me and made me agree that i wouldn't dress like that again cause he almost made it sound like a "threat" that if i was ready to go out and date so would he. After that we met up a couple more times, it wasn't always me reaching out for him, sometimes it was him contacting me asking if i wanted to have dinner or go to our favorite bar so i dont feel like i was the only one who was acting like i was still hung up on him and chasing him and maybe i was too naive to believe that if he was still texting and meeting up with me, it meant he still had feelings. it crossed my mind a couple times that he had probably already met someone else but i didn't think he was going out with anyone Long story short, 4 more months passed since we broke up, and two weeks ago i had dinner with him to celebrate my new job. to be honest, the last few times we met up we weren't actually romantic, he never said he loved me or missed me, if anything we acted like friends but i always felt there was something more, sometimes we would drink too much and he would hold my hand or hug me when we would fall asleep but he never talked about love or being back together. So, at this celebration dinner we just ate and got drunk, went back to his place, we had sex and the next day everything was normal, we watched tv, he was on his computer working and then he went into the bathroom and i went to open the window and peeked at his phone, saw a chat window and read a conversation with another woman where he called her "baby" said how much he loved her, how he had gone to dinner with a friend and couldn't stop talking about her cause he loves her so much, etc... my hands were shaking and my heart just sunk, i pulled myself together by the time he came out of the bathroom and told him i had to leave, after i left i texted him saying i knew about this woman and how he should have told me, how i knew we weren't together anymore but that i deserved to know if he was still sort of "seeing" me, how hurt i felt and how i didn't want to hear from him again...his response was just "haha, what r u talking about, u should have asked me before reaching ur own conclusions"...but what was there to ask? i read the conversation, i know what i saw, i dont think there was a way he could explain that other than he is seeing someone already and frankly, i know i have no right to be angry or feel hurt or cheated on, i know we broke up 4 months ago and he never talked about being back with me.....but he knew i still loved him, he knew i was still there for him, we would still meet up and have sex.... most of my friends think i should have cut contact with him after breaking up and that i let it get this far, and i know they are right, but when u are in a situation like this where u are the weak one and the other person knows they have all this power over you and that u still love and care and want to be with them, they just take advantage of ur feelings and manipulate them around.... so its been two weeks since i saw him/talked with him, stupidly, I'm still hoping he will text, i still hope i can get an explanation or something, part of me doesn't even want to know who she is or how long he has been with her, how could he start being with someone and how he just got over me, was he just using me for sex? so many questions and whys in my head
Philosoraptor Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 so its been two weeks since i saw him/talked with him, stupidly, I'm still hoping he will text, i still hope i can get an explanation or something, part of me doesn't even want to know who she is or how long he has been with her, how could he start being with someone and how he just got over me, was he just using me for sex? so many questions and whys in my head Look, he was manipulative and selfish all through your relationship. He was manipulative, controlling, and using you after the relationship ended. He wanted a chance to explain himself about that chat window so he didn't lose his little piece of ass on the side. Go NC on him, block him totally, and get this loser out of your life totally. If you continue to contact him you will continue to waste your own time. He will continue to try to manipulate you and keep you around for sex, then when he meets someone he really wants he will drop you like you never mattered. Save yourself the trouble by dropping the dead weight now and never talking to him again. 1
Author sunflower11 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Yes, I have been NC since I found out about the other woman, this is my second week, and I never did give him a chance to explain cause I never even asked about what it all meant, who was she, how long he has been with her etc, I just said I knew about it, didn't want to hear from him again and that was it but i do find myself wondering if I should have asked or it was better not to give him the chance to lie to me about it, i dont even understand what i saw, but it seemed pretty obvious to me...anyway..i will not break my NC now to go back and dig for answers to things that dont really matter much, mostly i am dealing with feeling really depressed everyday after so many months of a roller coaster i feel like i got off the relationship crack i was on but even now i still dont feel well or happy or anything, i find myself missing him and it frustrates me that i miss someone who treated me so poorly so it juts ends up making me angry with myself and so on, I'm not sure how to get out of feeling so stuck
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