GeneralJennyJenn Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It was a long weekend but I did force myself to go out twice. Once to the movies with a friend on Friday and today Sunday for a play downtown that several friends were involved with. I managed to do some cleaning and job related tasks as well. But I still feel pretty crummy. I also spent time reflecting, reading, researching online, venting via in person, in my journal and here of course When I look back and re-read old emails and journal entries from several years ago it just reminded me that being in a relationship with my toxic ex was a nightmare of an existence. I really didn't like who I was and how I reacted to things when we were together. I also think my toxic ex has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and there is no way you can be in a healthy relationship with that kind of a person. This is the BEST slideshow I have seen on what I went through being in a relationship with him. Red Flags to Narcissistic Personality Disorder compiled by Jeni Mawter He kept drumming into my head that we could be 'friends' and how important we were to one another, that he still loved me, especially a few months post breakup. And even a year later when I was dating someone (who was from my home town and I had dated as a teenager- it was a fun experience for the most part) anyways my ex was emailing me and telling me what a big mistake he thought it all was and how if I just gave him more time he would get everything fixed up and we could finally be happy. My narcissistic ex was NEVER happy! And nothing was ever his fault. This is basically what happened to me since the breakup occurred. The Narcissist after the Break-Up | The Narcissistic Life Now another year later, and here I am having dated a few guys since the breakup but nothing has come out of it. And now my ex has this pretty girlfriend who he not only lives with unknown to me, but used me to cheat on her! Just made me go psycho and behave so badly that is why I am still so bummed. Not that I have been replaced but that I allowed myself to be lied to time and time again by the same man now going on 8 years and it sucks. It's so lousy how he kept using me and I was dumb enough to let him. A lot of people say I was a victim here but I don't see myself that way. I just have a hard time coming to terms that I was indeed in a domestic violence relationship for years and I haven't really recovered. I am glad I recently got a therapist because this is a wretched experience is not one I care to repeat. I broke free of this miserable relationship before but this time I need to break free of the mental chains, baggage that I acquired from that period in my life. I used to tell him you're like Lucy and I am Charlie Brown. You always pull the football away right at the exact moment I finally start to relax. If anyone else out there reads this and is involved with a NPD person, one who pretty much devours your soul, be sure to get some HELP immediately. Don't be like me and think just because you broke up with them its all over. Its NOT. If you were brave enough to break up with them. RUN far away from them. Don't be a sap like me 1
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