Lilithia Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Hello everyone, sorry this is my first post on Loveshack. I don’t really know the etiquette here so bear with me. Also I know I am young and "inexperienced in relationships" so sorry if I say somthing that seems so self-evident to the older. You know how we are... young and naive. Ex-bf is 24, I just turned 20. Together for over 2.5 years and broke up 5 months ago. Very messy breakup: names calling, insults, numerous failed NC attempts, etc. The first reason of our breakup was because of fundamental differences over things like school and work. He is a high school dropout while I am very career-centered. Although he is trying to get back to school, he has always treated me as a clueless “bookworm” while I have always treated him as a guy who made too many wrong choices by overlooking the importance of proper education. Consequently, he always had trouble respecting my work schedule while I had trouble accepting his perpetual “poor choices”. The second reason of breaking up was because he had health issues that made him very irritable and unbearable (I didn’t know about the health issues at the time). It was him who initiated the breakup in one if these “irritability phases”. I guess I can forgive him for that, since he does have medical evidence to back that up. The third reason, more or less related, is his infidelity in the past. This is the reason why I did not want to take him back when he came back begging for reconciliation. A year ago (was 18 at the time), I found out that since the very beginning of our relationship he had been masturbating online with multiple using his webcam. He had thus been “cheating on me” for more than a year since we started dating. This disgusted me and torn me apart, not to mention that when he was not masturbating on his webcam he was flirting with strangers he regularly chatted with. Still today, I immaturely resent him for it. I am not sure I can let that “cheating” go, but if the relationship is really worth fixing, I think I can try harder this time to forgive him. After all, like they say, it’s online so it’s just like porno:(. Now, before you tell me that “a relationship like this at my age is not worth fixing”, I also want to add a few other points. To be fair, aside from what I mentioned above, my ex-bf has always been a good guy. He is very affectionate, makes sure to call me every night, texts me a lot, takes care of me even when I’m puking everywhere, etc. Although today I give him the cold shoulder, he still comes around whenever I ask and even though he now lives 45min away. He also promises to do whatever it takes for me to forgive him. He has been actively trying to show me he’s changed since the breakup. Second point, I started graduate law school when I was only 19. I am thus not the typical 19-year-old who is still enjoying college and has *so many fun experiences to live*. This argument will not work on me. My legal academia/career had a premature start, so it’s hard to live the “college life” even with my friends. All I do now is working on law, sleep, working on law, sleep. It’s such an isolating experience. Half of my classmates are much older, are settled down, have families, etc. I feel so jealous and alone because unlike them nobody is there for me when I go home at night. At the same time, I can’t just find anyone of my “generation” because chances are they won’t understand the pressure I am going through. My friends and their friends are still drinking, partying, and not giving a sh***t about things like law firm recruiting. All this craving for intimacy and supportive love are slowly pulling me back to my ex-bf and this is so confusing. I know we have fundamental differences over things like school and work, but his promise to “compromise” seems promising. Moreover all this “successful female lawyers have trouble in their love lives once their career starts” crap I hear about drives me to believe that if I don’t “secure” a good guy I love right now I never will later on. Like I said, despite what I said above about the cheating, I consider my ex to be a good guy and still have many, many fond memories of him. So yeah, what should I do? Is this relationship worth fixing? Am I immature in not forgiving the “webcam cheating”? Given our young age, if we stick together, will we eventually grow stronger and more mature over time? Should I be more compromising and less focused on my career? Thank you very much, L.
mammasita Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 No way is it worth fixing. No no no. And oh yeah......no. Did you read what you wrote? Re read everything as if you were an outsider and see how ridiculous it sounds to even ask if you should consider being with this guy. He cheated. He's immature. He has no direction. You are not wrong for not forgiving him. I don't say that to be mean, I say that because its realistic. You sound like a smart young woman with a bright future. Don't waste you're time trying to fix this boy. Don't you ever compromise your career or education for anyone!!!! 2
Author Lilithia Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Thank you! Yeah lol, as I was writing my post, I started having doubts about the relevance itself of my questions haha.
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