mikejensen3355 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I've heard the stories about dumpees having their ex come back after they've moved on and get to reject them. I've heard the stories about how dumpees run into their ex sometime down the line and look great while their ex looks terrible and feel nothing for them anymore. But that doesn't happen to everyone. Not everyone gets to show their ex that things turned out better without them. Not everyone gets that moment where that table is turned. I can't get that out of my mind. She saw me at my worst, doing the dumb things like begging and pleading while I got to hear her condescendingly tell me I'll find someone else and that the guy she left me for is a perfect match for her. She's incredibly happy with her new dude and they're going to get married. We have no connection anymore. I don't hang out with her friends, she doesn't hang out with mine. I've moved from that town now so I haven't heard anything since her engagement and none of my original friends are from there. We're off social networks and everything. If I ever do stop hurting and I move on, there's pretty much no way she's going to know. And she's never going to be jealous because she has everything she wants now. I know people are going to say it doesn't matter. But I can't get that out of my head. I can imagine telling her friends she's so happy she didn't end up with me, even though I did everything for her and her kids. That just hurts so bad. She wins and I lose on this no matter what. I don't know how to get past that.
Kermit76 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 How do you know she is going to be happy in the long run? All you can do is focus on yourself and say to yourself its her loss. At the end of the day that's all you can do. Improve yourself and be your best for your next relationship. 3
Never Again Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 You're right, we will tell you it doesn't matter. What matters is YOU. This woman sounds like she took you for granted and treated you like crap. So what if she "wins"? She's living her life. Go live yours. I know it's easier said than done, but seriously...you've got time to make your own great story. Screw her. 2
LostConfused123 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I know this won't help you right now but since you have no ties anymore it will be easier to maintain NC. NC is for you!!! So that you can heal and find someone better. I know that's the very LAST thing you want to hear. I'm so sorry for your pain! We are all here for you.
LostConfused123 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 If you don't mind me asking.....How long since you have talked to her or had any sort of contact?
Author mikejensen3355 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 How do you know she is going to be happy in the long run? All you can do is focus on yourself and say to yourself its her loss. At the end of the day that's all you can do. Improve yourself and be your best for your next relationship. I guess I don't. I know that's all I can do. It's just impossible to not think about how she thought about a life with me and one with him and chose him. And got to give me the "you'll find someone else" schpiel. I know you're right. It's just hard I guess.
Author mikejensen3355 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 You're right, we will tell you it doesn't matter. What matters is YOU. This woman sounds like she took you for granted and treated you like crap. So what if she "wins"? She's living her life. Go live yours. I know it's easier said than done, but seriously...you've got time to make your own great story. Screw her. Because it's just bull****. There's just no justice in it and it sucks. I took care of her and her kids and I get left with nothing and she gets everything. And gets the win. I know I just have to live my life. But it just makes me so angry.
Author mikejensen3355 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 I know this won't help you right now but since you have no ties anymore it will be easier to maintain NC. NC is for you!!! So that you can heal and find someone better. I know that's the very LAST thing you want to hear. I'm so sorry for your pain! We are all here for you. Thanks. I know NC is the right thing. The breakup happened in July and pure NC has been on for about a couple months now. And I just recently moved so I'm at least out of that town now. But in a way I also know by moving and potentially never seeing her again that she might always think I'll be as pathetic as I was when I begged her to stay. I regret that so much. I know I shouldn't care about what she thinks and what she tells her friends and family, but it's so hard not to. I'm sure she'll tell her kids as they grow up too about how she almost made the mistake of ending up with me and how it's so great that they have the step-dad they do now. It just really sucks. They'll never hear the real side of it. I just lose on this one.
LostConfused123 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks. I know NC is the right thing. The breakup happened in July and pure NC has been on for about a couple months now. And I just recently moved so I'm at least out of that town now. But in a way I also know by moving and potentially never seeing her again that she might always think I'll be as pathetic as I was when I begged her to stay. I regret that so much. I know I shouldn't care about what she thinks and what she tells her friends and family, but it's so hard not to. I'm sure she'll tell her kids as they grow up too about how she almost made the mistake of ending up with me and how it's so great that they have the step-dad they do now. It just really sucks. They'll never hear the real side of it. I just lose on this one. Lots of us have begged the one we love to stay. Actually, I bet it has happened to 99% of us walking this planet. It's everywhere...songs, movies, art. (not that we should base real life on Hollywood or poetry) but my point is the act of crying, pleading and wanting someone to stay in our lives is not uncommon. You are experiencing one of the most painful things we as humans go through and you simply reacted to that. It's in our human nature to react for survival and the flight or fight kicks in...... You have suffered a huge loss but the fact that you feel like you have been gutted like a deer certainly does not make you any less of a man!!!! I don't think you are pathetic at all and I think I can speak for most if not all of us here that no one else does either. WE ALL DO IT at some point in our lives. I'm willing to bet your ex has done it as well. At least once. Believe me, she won't look back and think you were some pathetic loser! Why? Because YOUR'E NOT!!! Did you beat her, cheat, steal from her? If no, then she will probably (I'm speculating) look back on you with fondness and hope the best for you. As I said, I'm speculating and we don't know what's in her head and I will probably get an ass chewing for even offering guesses of how she may feel but I'll take the risk because I'm human and don't always say the correct thing. It's time for you to be selfish and be nice to yourself. Stop beating yourself up so you can heal. You already have 2 months NC. That is HUGE!!!! I'm willing to bet your half way out of this hell. Not that you will feel 100% in two months but I bet you will be way further than you are now. Come vent to us when you need to. Stay strong! 1
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Mike I got to say this. Now my EX isn't engaged to someone else but very shortly after we BU he started "playing the field" which hurt a lot. I can only imagine how an EX getting engaged would feel. I still have times when I miss him terribly and miss what was. But I miss the "idea" of him. I miss having something to do on Friday night. I dont miss him because he was the love of my life. But a lot of the time you know what I think now- I think **** you. You gave up something great in me. I was always a great GF. I stuck by him through hard times, I was loyal, giving, caring. If he doesn't see how great I am then it's his loss. And there are a lot of crazy women out there. There are a lot of women who expect a hell of a lot from their man. I can't wait for him to find this out on his own. I have come to realize that moving on is mostly in the mind. It's a conscious decision we make and once you do that it does get easier. And here is my vindictive side - you know the chances of them living happily ever after - slim to none I'd say considering how relationships go these days. I know with my EX things were great for about a year, but you know what, after that the real him started to emerge and that's when the issues started. At first everything is great - it's the honeymoon time - that wears off. Trust me. It's true what people say - you should focus on yourself. Get out in the world, meet new people, start a hobby. Try to be happy ON YOUR OWN. I know that down the track when i get into my next RS I want to go into it at a point where i am happy on my own and I don't need this person for my own happiness. My life will NOT revolve around them. And if that RS doesn't work out then I will be ok without them because I have my own life. So often people get into an RS and they forget about themselves. I know that's what i did and when it ended it was hard because I didn't have a lot going on outside of that RS. I won't be in that position again. Take baby steps if you have to but start working on yourself, create and build up your own full life....... and stuff her!!!!!
Never Again Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Because it's just bull****. There's just no justice in it and it sucks. I took care of her and her kids and I get left with nothing and she gets everything. And gets the win. I know I just have to live my life. But it just makes me so angry. Even the best man is not entitled to a relationship. I took care of my girlfriend for months. Fixed issues, solved problems, created projects, dealt with some really unattractive health issues...etc. I went through a personal rough patch for 6-8 weeks and didn't maintain the chemistry and attraction. She left. I held her back for a few weeks and she feels better off without me just because of that brief slip...even though we had so many happy times. She's now a nationally-known artist, having the time of her life - traveling, adventures, excitement, and loads of guys chasing her. I wasn't fun and desirable for a bit, and now I'm alone. I get it. I know where you're coming from, but it's not bullsh*t. It's life. You're going to invest a lot and then you're going to lose it all. People will take you for granted. People will lead better lives after you. Stop being bitter about it. That just holds you back. 1
oracle Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 All of life is a process of letting go. Loosing in love is just one aspect of it. 2
lindsay1990 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I get it. I know where you're coming from, but it's not bullsh*t. It's life. You're going to invest a lot and then you're going to lose it all. People will take you for granted. People will lead better lives after you. Just want to emphasize this.
fixing Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Because it's just bull****. There's just no justice in it and it sucks. I took care of her and her kids and I get left with nothing and she gets everything. And gets the win. I know I just have to live my life. But it just makes me so angry. haha, i recognise that anger too! I feel the same tbh, and im 13 months NC. Im over her completely, just not over learning that she used me for 15 months, my house, took me for granted, when the whole while, she was in and out of other mens beds, whilst coming home to me and sleeping beside me. It still hurts. Im lucky though, that i feel nothing for that whore. Its just hard to comprehend, that i got completely ****ed over by her, and she apparently is perfectly content living with her partner (Who is married to her best friend still) We will come through this horrible ****storm eventually, and i pray we will be happier than them.
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