Ladies, would you give him a chance?

[tiffanylovebug]

These kinds of situations always puzzle me... Long story short, I dated this guy for about two months (let's call him jake) and he was amazing to me in every single way... He treated me so well but I just didn't have feelings for him. It's not even that he was unattractive, he was just too nice for me and that made me uncomfortable and feel guilty :/

 

I met someone (let's call him bob) who lived in California who I really liked, but it could never work because of long distance... I was frustrated because I wanted to be with bob even though jake was the one who lives here... UGHHHH!!!

 

I was pretty terrible to jake because I didn't tell him I met bob... I started ignoring jake for a while and he kept trying to figure out what happened but I ignored him... after about a week I felt so guilty that I finally just told him I met someone and couldnt see him as anything other than a friend. He took it pretty hard, got kind of pissed and said that wasn't good enough!!!

 

A month has passed and jake sends me this via text;

 

"Hi Tiffany, how are you? There’s so much I wish I could say to explain myself. I let hurt feelings get in the way and I acted like a jerk. I don’t expect you to believe me, but that behavior is not who I am. I was incredibly frustrated with myself because I was trying so hard to get you to like me back that I didn’t realize I wasn't acting like myself.

 

Will you have a drink with me this week? I know you don’t have any feelings for me whatsoever, maybe you never will. Honestly though, there is no way you could possibly know what will happen down the line. I’m not afraid to be wrong, and I might be, but I see potential for something amazing between us. The truth is I’m not perfect, but I’m an amazing guy. I care about you more than most people ever will and it’s because of who you are. Even if you don’t believe it yourself, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met. We’re very different, and I think we both have a lot to figure out, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to fix what I did wrong before. I would like to see you very happy. Let me take you out one final time. I have no expectations for anything to happen. It’s just one drink.

 

I’m not lonely and I’m not desperate. I just know deep down I will never meet someone like you again. No matter what though, I’m someone who would be ok just being a friend if that’s all you could ever offer. You know deep down I’m a great guy, I just need this chance. Whatever happens will happen."

 

 

 

I don't know if I could ever have feelings for him. What do you think? Should I go out with him again? 0_o

[mammasita]

Tough one.

 

If it were me, I would be very tempted to go and probably would. I know most would say don't do it because even though he says he has no expectations, he really has them.

 

I was in a position in the past where I met a really nice guy and wasn't really into him.....not for lack of being good looking. We stayed friends. About 2 years later we met up to hang out and I saw him in a whole new light. It helped that I was looking for something different having been hurt AGAIN by repeating my mistakes over and over. I stepped outside the box and gave this nice guy a go.

 

We didn't work out, but I say all that to say that things can and do change.

[Never Again]

The problem with the way the world works:

 

The people who are less available and caring are the people who are more attractive.

 

I'm not a lady is I can't comment as you'd like, but you may want to consider being honest with him - that even though he claims to not be desperate, that's how his behavior makes him seem. By trying so hard to get you to like him, he's coming off as insecure and it's turning you off.

 

It's especially bad if he's being a doormat. Honestly, he shouldn't be apologizing for standing up for himself. You treated him poorly and he was absolutely in the right to put his foot down on how he feels he should be treated.

 

There could be potential if he can learn to chill out and let things happen naturally instead of trying to force them. However, your perception of him may already be tainted by his past behaviors.

[J21]

From a guy's perspective, I would advise not to meet up with him. It may give him false hope and see it as a sign he needs to try harder.

 

Unfortunately, as a nice of a guy Jake is, you have to feel chemistry for him as well.

 

If you know deep down you won't develop feelings for him, just let him down gently and decline.

[Confusedguy81]

Jake deserves better. Nice guys always get dumped on. Leave him be and go find your guy that will treat you like dirt and make you cry every night.

[Simon Phoenix]

I would leave this guy alone. It sounds like you'd be accepting a date out of pity than out of actual longing for him and would eventually bore of him, which would devastate him even more. He has the qualities you think you should want, but none of the "edgier" characteristics which turn you on. So let this be until he actually becomes someone you do want, not someone you think you are supposed to want.

[todreaminblue]

If it were me I would go .....but you are with bob arent you?...so in that respect you can be friends and nothing more......i would just be honest with him adn let him know it is friendship only .....dont lead him on but if he is a genuinely nice guy then friendship is possible......to me though i cant be just friends with someone i have strong feelings for because it hurts like a mother..i would always want more..thought i was strong enough and could handle the hurt...but if it is an attraction that has many aspects......feelings of affection and wanting to show that affection.....i am not strong enough...makes my fingers itch....deb

[mrlost]

Let's be honest here you are never going to respect him enough to be attracted to him after that message. You dumped him and treated him like **** and he sends you a message blaming himself and saying he will never find someone better than you.. he isn't ready to have any communication with you especially when you aren't even attracted to him. Do him a favour and ignore him so he can heal and get over you so he can find someone better.

[aisuru]

I'm all for giving a guy another chance. I know it takes me awhile to warm up and I would have missed out on a few relationships if I ignored that delayed outreach.

 

 

However, that is one very long and wordy text from a guy which would concern me! I'm not used to wordy guys...

 

 

However.... never say never. Trust your gut and accept your decision.

[StrongLass]

That message screams "TRYING TO HARD WITH LOTS OF EXPECTATIONS" so...no. Don't meet up for drinks with guys who write things like that for you to read while feeling nothing & pining over a completely different man.