leafguy Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Guess I just need to vent. It's been three months post BU, 2 since I have seen her last and I guess it is just the realization that it is indeed 100% over is what I am struggling with...I guess deep down I was hoping if not for reconciliation, is that to know she was struggling as bad as I was and she would ask to come back...even though deep down I know it would have been wrong. The moment has yet to come and I guess this is just one of those days where I am feeling it a bit more. I have been doing all the right things, but today just makes me feel empty again. I know that all things said, it will not be a straight healing process, but everytime I think I am at the light, I realize I am not there yet. Sorry for the vent, but one of those nights with no plans that I need to spill the beans a bit. Thx for anyone who reads and replies.
underscore44 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 thats what this site is for. Its to vent but don't get down on yourself. The only reason you feel this way is because you set a time frame as to when you thought things were to be answered and to be honest there is no such thing as a time frame. What you really need to do is get yourself in the mind set that you are only going to focus on yourself and not something that you have no control over. 3 months is not that long of a time post BU and many many people reconcile after much longer periods then this and i don't mean this as false hope but just work on you because the future is always promising and life has a funny way of working things out. I promise it really does If they truly love you they will come back and no amount of time will change that. Although it is only words sometimes whats meant to be really is meant to be. Smile and move forward and great things will happen when you least expect it.
Author leafguy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks guys. It's not so much as I expected them to be answered. I just had a really good long stretch where I was doing fine, then this past week it just sort of hit me that its been that long. Not sure what brought it all about, just found myself thinking about it more today. I guess it could be the fact I went out with a female friend last night and had an amazing time. I do have feelings for her, but today just reminds me of how much I do miss the companionship and what not, and how far I am away from being ready for anything new.
LostConfused123 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I was just reading a thread a while ago on this very subject. The 2 or 3 month mark is especially hard because it really starts to sink in that it's over. Best of luck to you!
Kermit76 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I was doing great to till last week when I broke contact. I was living at home with my mom and guess had a support system. Very quickly had to move to my own apt, being single, new job. So much change I think I just got overwhelmed and the "me being alone" aspect took over. Yes, I am really alone now. Also, felt bad that a goal of mine was to move out when I was with my ex to have our own place so now that its finally happening its really hit me. Oh well. Got to stay strong. Commit to 100% NC. And move on to find someone else. At the end of the day when I leave this earth I know deep down I am a good person, treat people with respect, and tried my best to make our relationship work. Her loss. 2
feelingtorn Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I am having a similar thought too. The first month was tough, and the second month brought me hope. I was sleeping and eating better, etc. I thought, "wow, people were right. Time does heal all wounds." Then, this month hit me with a whole new wave of emotions - confusion, yearning, anxiety, etc. I feel confused why he is on my mind all the time. Is it because I am still in love with him or because I have not fully healed from BU? I went out on a date a week ago. All I could think of was my ex. How much he would have enjoyed all the dishes. When my date ordered his (my ex) favorite cocktail, I almost broke down. Why do I want him back when I clearly know he is not right for me. I feel anxious that I won't be able to move on from BU. I know he is not right for me. I know he broke my trust and disrespected me. Why cannot I eliminate him from my heart? 1
AnyaNova Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I know he is not right for me. I know he broke my trust and disrespected me. Why cannot I eliminate him from my heart? You will be able to, with time. I spent weeks wishing and hoping and praying and fantasizing that he would see what we could have had, and change his mind and come back. He never did. BUT, though he never, as far as I know, disrespected me (at least intentionally), he certainly broke my trust (at least, in his conflicting behavior/emotions/words in what went down on our last night together), and I'm pretty sure, I really knew from the beginning that he wasn't really right for me... with all of that said. It has been several months now and he is like a ghost. A pale image. Every once in a while a will get a tiny waft of a little pin-prick of pain, but most of the time, except for other personal issues which I am working on and which have nothing to do with him and everything to do with my id when I was a kid, :-p, I am doing quite well. I have so much more focus and energy and drive. He was very concrete. I have always been highly imaginative. I'm not saying a pair like this can't work, but why not see what kind of imagination I can get in the next guy? Why not see what could be more congruent with me? And someone who I can trust not to push me away because he has feelings for me! Forgot to summarize my main point! You will get better with time. You will realize that he was not trustworthy with your heart, and that what happened was fundamentally a good thing, because it frees you to find someone better for you!
cavalier99 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Yup. Months 3 and 4 can totally suck at times. I remeber crying again for the 1st time in a while at that point. Sense of deep deep loss. This is all normal. Keep on going and focus on controling your thoughts. Emotional fortitude is the name of the game at this point. Cav
Author leafguy Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 I guess that best sums it up at this point. The big feeling of loss. I havent since week one of the break up and havent really felt that badly about things. It now is just that empty feeling down in the pit of your stomach. There isnt much heartbreak anymore...just empty and lonely. I will sleep it off, just weird that it all of a sudden hits after a couple very good weeks.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Yeah. You're at the point where you are realizing and accepting it's over. This is a double edged sword. Bad, because it hurts like hell and confuses the piss out of you. But good at the same time, because now you can truly begin to make serious strides at recovery and feeling better... Congrats!!!
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