I feel fine when I'm on my own, but I miss him like crazy when I'm around people

[Ethereal]

I'm on 2 weeks NC and I'm doing pretty good. I don't have any desire to break contact after last time.

 

It's strange though... I've always read that after a break up we should be around other people and not sit in our rooms alone, and that we heal faster when we meet up and keep busy with friends. However, it seems to be the other way around for me.

 

I've met up with my group of friends twice in the last two weeks. Both times I was miserable thinking about my ex constantly and wishing he was there too.

 

But when I'm alone in my room, doing my own thing, work, etc, I find I can go hours without thinking about him. Yet when I'm with people I think about him every single minute. It's terrible. I don't want to feel this way every time I go out and socialise.

 

Has it ever been like this for anyone else? How did you deal with it?

[2fargone]

I sort of have that. I don't think about my ex that much but I am more comfortable at home than outside around other people.

 

 

Then again I never really liked being around people. But yes, the urge to go home always comes up around 3 while I have to work untill 5, and that was never there...

 

 

I just accept it as a phase, I don't worry about it.

[radiodarcy]

I am the same way. In fact it pains me so much to go out with friends during this time that a lot of times I'll lie/make up an excuse if they ask me to hang out.

 

In my case I think the reason I feel more comfortable going through this alone is because I'm very introverted. Like 2fargone I don't enjoy being around people as it is - - so being around them now is even more unbearable.

 

Ugh -- all the more reason to dread Thanksgiving this year :/

[RespectfullyAlone]

I'm on 2 weeks NC and I'm doing pretty good. I don't have any desire to break contact after last time.

 

It's strange though... I've always read that after a break up we should be around other people and not sit in our rooms alone, and that we heal faster when we meet up and keep busy with friends. However, it seems to be the other way around for me.

 

I've met up with my group of friends twice in the last two weeks. Both times I was miserable thinking about my ex constantly and wishing he was there too.

 

But when I'm alone in my room, doing my own thing, work, etc, I find I can go hours without thinking about him. Yet when I'm with people I think about him every single minute. It's terrible. I don't want to feel this way every time I go out and socialise.

 

Has it ever been like this for anyone else? How did you deal with it?

 

I feel the same way and have so for the past 11 months since the BU. It's pretty much 11 months of NC too.

 

I want Christmas to be over so badly. I don't want to be reminded that I am single, that no one out there is even thinking of me. Shopping at the mall, going to the beach, the movies, various places all remind me that I am not with my ex, or anyone for that matter.

 

I feel alot better at home. It's safe. That doesn't mean I don't think of my ex and aloneness at home, it's just that out and about, it's worse. I look at couples now with almost jealousy. It's pathetic really, but then again I am now just a whimpering blithering ninny. A shell of a person I once was. Who was optimistic till the end. That's all gone now. With each successive end to a relationship, whereby the women I have been with have all had other men, cheated or just ended the relationship instantly, it erodes your confidence, your optimism, your faith in pretty much everything. I often think I'd be better off dead, but I could not put that pain and suffering onto my parents as they are wonderful people and do not deserve to go through that. But for me, no matter how much I've tried, it's always been out of my hands and I can't accept that. Why can't I have a nice relationship? A loving partner, a potential mother to my children. Why is that so hard to accomplish.

 

I've found when I'm in relationships in the past, I become the person I know I can be. The confidence, the amazing feeling of having someone by your side, it can't be replicated. I'm an introverted person, but I love the person I become which is more extroverted.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I think whenever you're in a relationship. You tend to develop a 'we' mentality, being part of a unit that faces the world together. Now when you're out with your friends, you're having to live your life without the other 1/2 of your equation and its hard. Plus if you're like me, when you're down, you really don't want to be around other people. I don't mean being a mess but you're healing from a breakup and its painful, not having to put on an 'act' of being okay around others can be a relief. I avoided a lot of people after my 1st breakup. Even now as I experience my own ex related drama I feel more distressed by the idea of having to be around other people and I am very private as well.

 

As someone else wrote, it will pass. Do what you need to heal, don't worry if you don't follow the norms of what you're suppose to do when you are going through a breakup, after all we all don't fit the same templates.

[Shaine]

Me too. I feel more alone when im outside or with friends.

[Stay]

I'm very introverted also and I do find myself enjoying my time around people after the break up, it really does help me. Mostly for the reason I'm just talking to people and enjoying my time around them and not think about things. When I'm out my mind is occupied and I don't think about my ex, while I'm at home my mind starts to wander and think about my ex.

 

Maybe what's happening is you're out thinking about your ex? Wishing your ex was there, etc.? I do find myself thinking like that when I'm out sometimes and it does bring me down a bit. For example seeing couples always bring back those memories that I miss having someone, then it goes into what we use to do the things we say, etc. The thoughts keep getting broader and more complex.

 

So I guess if you do find yourself thinking about the situation, instead of thinking go talk to someone and be interested in the conversation.