"I won't date a smoker".

[SoleMate]

I could never and would never even go on a first date with even an occasional smoker.

 

I hate the smell and mess.

 

I hate the health damage, as I do not rely on self-serving anecdotes but rather get my facts from CDC: CDC - Fact Sheet - Health Effects of Cigarette Smoking - Smoking & Tobacco Use

 

I hate the health damage. As I count the horrible health toll of smoking in my extended family, I think of heart disease, COPD, and severe bone breakage aggravated by tobacco use. All per doctors' diagnosis. Not one case of lung cancer.

 

I like fresh air and clean-smelling things, like clean houses, clean laundry, flowers, my BF's hair and skin, and fresh outdoor air. I hate bad-smelling things like smoky rooms, smoky clothes, rotting garbage, mildew, toxic chemicals, industrial waste, pollution, and ashtrays, fresh or stale.

 

I hate the lies, manipulation, cruelty and destruction of Big Tobacco.

 

I grieve for the dependent addicts.

 

No, no smokers for me. I hope I've made myself clear.

[runningfar]

I can make any decision I want to of whom I date and smoking is an absolute no way

 

Why would knowing They lied to me and were secretive for a long time make that better?

[mercuryshadow]

For the record, I have a strong aversion to smoking/cigarettes. Both of my parents smoked for the majority of my childhood and into my teens. I hated it, and I hated that I wreaked like smoke at times, until I begged my parents to stop smoking in the house. It was embarrassing! My mother eventually quit, and can't stand it now. My father continues to be a "closet" smoker, but I can always smell it on him. I fear for his health.

 

 

That said, though, I have dated smokers in the past. Honestly, I don't know how I did it. I tolerated it to a point, but always made them brush or chew gum after smoking. I believe my tolerance went to ZERO when my last ex lied to me about it. I found out he'd been smoking cigarettes (among other things)...and while I smelled it on him, he made me think I was going nuts (he denied it up until the very end!) The lying is what sealed the deal for me. No more.

 

 

So, in short, I don't think it's great that you are a light smoker, but I think it's pretty awful to mislead someone.

[NGC1300]

Even Barack Obama is a smoker.

 

Well, Obama is stupid.

[NGC1300]

It's one thing to have smoking as a dealbreaker. But you are insulting people who smoke, calling them "stupid".

 

I have no problem with someone calling smoking stupid.

 

But that doesn't make the person stupid. All it means is they've made a personal choice.

[TheGuard13]

I think it depends on the person and how they handle themselves. I've always had an aversion to smokers since I was asthmatic as a child, and still have some issues from time to time. But the last girl I dated, smoked a pack a day, yet she took care of herself. She smoked outside so she didn't smell like smoke, she brushed her teeth and took care of them, she chewed gum, mints, etc. She never smelled like smoke, and neither did I. Most people didn't even know she did. The only problem was that she had intended to quit, and never got that process started, and after we broke up for unrelated reasons, we were still living together for a while, and she smoked inside the bedroom she was staying in. But even that was a minimal annoyance.

[pteromom]

Smoking is a dealbreaker for me, and yes, if I found out after a year that someone was smoking, it would be over. I'd be more annoyed that they hid it from me for a year than I would be about the smoking.

 

I don't think people who smoke are necessarily stupid - I mean, we all make poor choices sometimes.

 

But yes, I do think smoking is "dirty", and I also associate it with people who are poor and/or low-class.

 

Like Jane, I would never say that to someone's face...but it's what I think.

[mercuryshadow]

I would not go so far as to say that smokers are stupid and dirty, but I see the act or habit of smoking as a dirty and stupid habit.

[Janesays]

 

Like Jane, I would never say that to someone's face...but it's what I think.

 

See, that's why I hate threads like this. People say they want honesty, but if you get honest with them, they get upset. I'm sure none of the anti smokers are here to make anyone feel bad about themselves, but it is secretly how we feel.

 

It sucks to be judged sometimes, I know it. It sucks to be a fat person who is judged to be lazy. It sucks to be a blonde who is judged to be ditzy (main reason I dye my hair) And it sucks to be a smoker who is judged to be dirty and low class.

 

But as much as it sucks, at the end of the day, it's the world that we live in and everyone is entitled to their personal preferences in a romantic partner.

 

You can either accept that some people will judge your actions negatively, leave them be and instead seek out more like minded people to date.

 

Or you can dye your hair, lose some weight, and quit smoking to widen your dating pool.

 

There is no right or wrong answer here, but everyone should own the choice that they make.

[NGC1300]

I don't really care about his politics. But he is smart, he succesfull and is pretty much the ruler of the free world.... and he also happens to be a smoker.

 

Being a smoker really isn't that big of a deal. All kinds of people do it. It doesn't mean they are stupid.

 

I agree, but also don't care for his politics.

 

Scary things is that I'm a liberal too.

[SoonMyFriend]

The truth is, for every person using this kind of anecdote against smoking, someone else can say they have an 85 year-old grandmother who smoked their entire life.

 

I do have an 81 year old grandmother who smoked her whole life. But just because she's 81 and still alive doesn't mean she has a good quality of life. She has no energy, and basically everytime we see her talks about how much she just wants to die. She lives in assisted living, probably needs to be moved to a full-time care facility soon because she's started to become incontinent and her dementia is getting worse.

 

Compare her to my 81 year old grandfather who rides his bike, gardens, plays tennis regularly, has a girlfriend, still drives, owns his own home, and has all of his marbles. He also proudly boasts about his amazing physical results all of the time.

 

When I think of my life at 81 and what I want with my partner, I want to be like my grandfather.

 

So just because you can elude serious diseases doesn't mean your quality of life is going to be any good.

[ChessPieceFace]

This is funny, and here's why.

 

Say you begin dating a "non smoker", or at least, you've never seen them smoke and have never noticed any smell or any other signs.

 

Say you fall for them hard. I'm talking you're in love with them.

 

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

So you can't give up your expensive and deadly habit, you're resentful of being turned down by some people for it, you invented a fantasy scenario to point out imagined hypocrisy, and then you felt the need to post it here for validation. Did I cover all the bases there?

 

Your scenario is laughable. I wouldn't date a smoker because of the smell and how it affects me. Someone would have to work amazingly hard to smoke at all and manage to cover it enough that I wouldn't notice. Anyone I date would know I can't stand cigarettes. If they've been a smoker for a year and then I found out, they'd not only be a smoker but a liar. I wouldn't stay with them, primarily for the reason of habitually lying. That's one step away from having been cheating and lying about it.

[dreamingoftigers]

I have no problem with someone calling smoking stupid.

 

But that doesn't make the person stupid. All it means is they've made a personal choice.

 

I do question how rational they are considering the information we grew up with about the risks etc.

 

And really, have you heard long-term smokers speak? Ugh.

 

I have no desire to sit by abd watch my mate slowly poison himself, turn his skin to leather and his voice to sandpaper. No thanks.

 

Aging is crappy enough as it is.

[NGC1300]

Your scenario is laughable.

 

You can say so, but the truth is, "dealbreakers" aren't always so once a person has fallen.

[ThatMan]

You can say so, but the truth is, "dealbreakers" aren't always so once a person has fallen.

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

You defend the reasons why it's okay to smoke. But you've never stopped to question the reasons why you believe this mindset is okay. Depending on manipulation and tearing human beings down a notch hoping they'll become helpless to leave you is not acceptable. This will land you in scumbag territory real quick and smoking has nothing to do with it.

[NGC1300]

I'm not American so I don't care or even know anything about his politics.

 

John F Kennedy was also a smoker.

 

I could list famous smokers all day who clearly are not "stupid".

 

If you were to visit NASA mission control in the 1960's, half the engineers would be chain smoking.

[NGC1300]

You defend the reasons why it's okay to smoke. But you've never stopped to question the reasons why you believe this mindset is okay. Depending on manipulation and tearing human beings down a notch hoping they'll become helpless to leave you is not acceptable. This will land you in scumbag territory real quick and smoking has nothing to do with it.

 

I'm not saying I would personally lie, nor am I suggesting anyone should.

 

What I'm suggesting is people's minds and perceptions can operate very differently once the emotion of "falling" for someone is involved.

[Janesays]

If you were to visit NASA mission control in the 1960's, half the engineers would be chain smoking.

 

Oh, wow! You totally convinced me! Where is the line around the block to date a NASA engineer from the 60's?!? I need to get in that line, stat!!!

 

Err.....no thanks. I think I'll just stick to my husband, who is a non smoking engineer in the very decade we all happen to be living in now.

[ThatMan]

I'm not saying I would personally lie, nor am I suggesting anyone should.

 

What I'm suggesting is people's minds and perceptions can operate very differently once the emotion of "falling" for someone is involved.

 

Why do you belive it matters whether or not anyone lies?

I'm not patronizing you and I want you to think on it.

 

The belief that people will will tolerate otherwise intolerable behaviors when looking through the rose-tinted glasses we call love is the concern. You seemed trapped with an extremely unhealthy belief system. This mindset has far reaching repercussions beyond whether or not you so happen to smoke. If a person doesn't like something they can, and often should, or would, walk away despite any romantic attachment. You should not view other people as being hapless victims who are trapped with something they loath just because they've fallen in love. That isn't okay.

 

You deserve to be with someone who doesn't judge you for smoking instead.

[NGC1300]

Oh, wow! You totally convinced me! Where is the line around the block to date a NASA engineer from the 60's?!? I need to get in that line, stat!!!

 

Err.....no thanks. I think I'll just stick to my husband, who is a non smoking engineer in the very decade we all happen to be living in now.

 

Good choice.

[crederer]

I think for most people it's a guideline more so than a rule.

 

My last gf didn't like smoking. I smoke about a pack a week, so i guess that's considered pretty light. Any ways she was always against smokers but she gave me a shot.

 

I think it would have been different if I was a heavy smoker, though. She rarely saw me smoke other than when we were at the bar drinking and she'd often have one herself (then give me sht for allowing her to the next day).

[William]

Well, I think I've read enough violations of our guidelines for one morning, so we'll end this smoking thread with a butt.