"I won't date a smoker".

[NGC1300]

This is funny, and here's why.

 

Say you begin dating a "non smoker", or at least, you've never seen them smoke and have never noticed any smell or any other signs.

 

Say you fall for them hard. I'm talking you're in love with them.

 

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

[d0nnivain]

If I smell it when I first date you, then we're probably not getting much farther. I have dated smokers. They didn't enjoy dating me either because I insisted on teeth brushing or at least gum before I'd kiss them. It's a compatibility thing.

 

 

If in your scenario, I "caught" them smoking, I would probably end up nagging them so much about it, that they would break up with me. I really don't like smoking. It certainly isn't going to happen inside any building I own & if you smoke in your house, I'm never gonna want to go there so how are we going to have a relationship?

[Dark_history]

This is funny, and here's why.

 

Say you begin dating a "non smoker", or at least, you've never seen them smoke and have never noticed any smell or any other signs.

 

Say you fall for them hard. I'm talking you're in love with them.

 

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

 

Umm yea, I would.

 

If I have one definite deal breaker, it is smoking. I can not stand it at all. Now given your scenario, I wouldn't be just a done, bye deal. I would explain to them how strongly I am against it and if they wished to continue the relationship, they would have to quit. I would never stand to be with someone that smokes, and if they didn't want to quit, that is fine, it is their choice, but I won't be with them.

[anne1707]

Smoking was a "dealbreaker" () for me. Until I met my husband.

[NGC1300]

Smoking was a "dealbreaker" () for me. Until I met my husband.

 

I wish everything wasn't so cut and dried with people. I mean, I just don't get it.

 

I agree, packs a day is pretty nasty. But if I eat well, exercise, and manage to stay it better shape than 90% of guys, I'm going to be dismissed as a potential partner for smoking a few cigs a day? Something I might just drop tomorrow anyway?

 

I know everyone has their preferences, but damn.

[anne1707]

I wish everything wasn't so cut and dried with people. I mean, I just don't get it.

 

I agree, packs a day is pretty nasty. But if I eat well, exercise, and manage to stay it better shape than 90% of guys, I'm going to be dismissed for smoking a few cigs a day? Something I might just drop tomorrow anyway?

 

I know everyone has their preferences, but damn.

 

Ah the "might just drop tomorrow" shows that there is absolutely 100% no way that you are going to stop smoking tomorrow. My husband stopped about 10 or so years ago (not from any pressure from me but I much prefer him nit smoking). To stop, you need to get youf head round the idea of not "giving up" but "stopping". Its a different mindset completely.

[carhill]

OP, such isn't uncommon. People often hide habits/addictions which they personally feel may be unattractive to or a dealbreaker with others. This extends to masking psychological or behavioral issues as well. It's all part of social skills.

 

My best friend doesn't know his 43yo daughter smokes. He hasn't smoked for decades. He was flabbergasted when he saw his grandson smoking. I wasn't. His mom smokes, just not around her dad. I mind my own business and leave her to tell him, or not. It's really none of my concern.

 

IMO, in dating/relationships, the dynamic depends on the person. If the habit/addiction/behavior and one's disapproval of it exceeds one's emotional attachment with the person, then one ends the relationship and moves on. If opposite, then one stays. As each person is different and each interaction different, the results are different.

[InnocentMan]

I would never date a non/anti smoker. Without exception, the most annoying people on this planet. Ive met plenty on non-smokers who smell/have honking breath, so using that as an excuse is just lame.

 

Smoking is awesome.

[anne1707]

Brush your teeth 3 times a day, especially after you smoke and you should be fine

 

Not that simple. Clothes could smell. And the home can too if you smoke indoors.

[SoonMyFriend]

I might not break up with the person right away but he definitely wouldn't be getting any action from me post-cigarette!

 

I also find your scenario a little impossible because usually when you first start dating, or even in casual conversation with friends, the topic of smoking comes up and I would expect the person I am dating to give their honest thoughts. So if a year later I catch you smoking after they originally said "no I never do" or "I agree it's a disgusting habit" I'd be more upset that person lied to me, or misled me.

 

Not only do I hate the smell, and the taste of someone who smokes, but I've also watched it kill a lot of my family members and have watched it destroy my grandmother as she slowly stumbles towards the grave (she is in terrible health but still manages to suck back a carton of cigarettes a week).

 

I also don't want to breathe their second hand smoke. The smell of cigarettes gives me the worst headaches, also.

[MidwestUSA]

Smoking was a "dealbreaker" () for me. Until I met my husband.

Haha, it was for me too. Guess who now smokes a couple of cigs a day? (I started with the after sex cig). On the bright side, he's down to a few from a pack. We're vaping too

 

So, OP, I would have dated you

[soccerrprp]

Smoking is a serious health risk. It's like any other preference. If I tell you that I don't want someone who uses drugs and find out that she smokes a little weed here and there, would I break up? No, but you better believe I'd suggest it. It's a compatibility issue. Everyone has their reasons for not dating smokers and I am one. It's plain gross and unhealthy.

 

Nothing wrong with not wanting to date a smoker.

[gaius]

I wish everything wasn't so cut and dried with people. I mean, I just don't get it.

 

I agree, packs a day is pretty nasty. But if I eat well, exercise, and manage to stay it better shape than 90% of guys, I'm going to be dismissed as a potential partner for smoking a few cigs a day? Something I might just drop tomorrow anyway?

 

I know everyone has their preferences, but damn.

Most women are probably like Anne, they say they wouldn't date a smoker but if you matched all their other criteria they'd put up with it. Though I've never met anyone who smoked a few cigs a day and didn't have some cigarette smell to them. Who you couldn't tell smoked. That smoke is infectious. Maybe you just don't notice it anymore.

[Art_Critic]

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

After watching 2 of my parents die in their 50's from cancer due to cigarette smoking I can tell you that I would either break up immediately for lying and smoking or give them an ultimatum to quit smoking immediately or lose me.

 

We know too much about cigarette smoking today and know that it causes cancer, why try and build a life with someone that won't be around to see their kids grow up ?

 

Harsh ? not today... we are a product of our environment..

[NGC1300]

We know too much about cigarette smoking today and know that it causes cancer, why try and build a life with someone that won't be around to see their kids grow up ?

 

meh, most smokers will see their kids grow up.

 

Did you know, less than 10% of lifelong smokers will get lung cancer, and the rates are even less for other cancers?

 

Is smoking healthy? Not at all. But cancer from smoking is actually a low probability. It's mainly a genetic issue.

[Art_Critic]

meh, most smokers will see their kids grow up.

 

Did you know, less than 10% of lifelong smokers will get lung cancer, and the rates are even less for other cancers?

 

Is smoking healthy? Not at all? But cancer from smoking is actually a low probability. It's mainly a genetic issue.

 

Watch 2 parents die from cancer and I guarantee you that your view point will not be spouting statistics...

 

Once you have cancer it is too late, the time to save your life is now, before you get it

 

Oh.. and one of those parents of mine that died of lung cancer was my Step Mom.. no blood tie to me

[Art_Critic]

This thread isn't about the probability of getting cancer from smoking, it is about dating a smoker or not, I gave my opinion.. it is up to you to either listen to my viewpoint of why I wouldn't date a smoker or not but to debate it is just showing the addiction and denial of the addiction.. IMO

[NGC1300]

This thread isn't about the probability of getting cancer from smoking, it is about dating a smoker or not, I gave my opinion.. it is up to you to either listen to my viewpoint of why I wouldn't date a smoker or not but to debate it is just showing the addiction and denial of the addiction.. IMO

 

You won't believe me, but I can smoke a pack a week, and then drop it for weeks or months at a time, and then go back again, etc.

 

You can claim it's denial, but I'm not addicted to smoking.

[befriendlyplease]

Not that simple. Clothes could smell. And the home can too if you smoke indoors.

 

Yeah, cigarettes can really stink up a house.

[befriendlyplease]

This is funny, and here's why.

 

Say you begin dating a "non smoker", or at least, you've never seen them smoke and have never noticed any smell or any other signs.

 

Say you fall for them hard. I'm talking you're in love with them.

 

So maybe a year down the road, you catch them lighting a cigarette, and they confess they're a light smoker and just never said anything about it.

 

So you break up with them?

 

No, you can't and won't, because you're in love.

 

It could also cause a fight and trust issues that contribute to breaking up.

 

I personally would date a smoker.

[anne1707]

You won't believe me, but I can smoke a pack a week, and then drop it for weeks or months at a time, and then go back again, etc.

 

You can claim it's denial, but I'm not addicted to smoking.

 

In that case why don't you just stop for good?

[befriendlyplease]

In that case why don't you just stop for good?

 

Smoking can be very enjoyable.

[Dark_history]

I wish everything wasn't so cut and dried with people. I mean, I just don't get it.

 

I agree, packs a day is pretty nasty. But if I eat well, exercise, and manage to stay it better shape than 90% of guys, I'm going to be dismissed as a potential partner for smoking a few cigs a day? Something I might just drop tomorrow anyway?

 

I know everyone has their preferences, but damn.

 

Yup but this would be in regards to a female. She could be completely knock-dead sexy with a great career, but if she smokes, I wouldn't be with her.

 

I'll put it a different way of how strongly I and some others feels, with your 1 year into the relationship scene. It would be like a female finding out her 1 year boyfriend has been sneaking out to go to a strip club with his buddies every week or so without telling her.

 

Now to you the two probably don't compare at all, especially given you are a smoker. But to me, someone who is extremely firm on this, it is on the same level of being a complete deal breaker.

[Janesays]

Of course I could. In fact, I have.

 

I broke up with a boyfriend I was silly in love with because he started smoking. And when my ex hubby started smoking again, I threatened divorce and he quit because he knew I was dead serious.

 

Love or no love, smoking is a deal breaker for me. I cannot and I will not tolerate it. To be honest, I have a hard time respecting people who smoke. And I can't sleep with someone I dont respect.

[AMusing]

When I was a teenager I dated a smoker (maybe half a pack a day); it was absolutely disgusting. The smell permeated his clothes, his breath, his house; when I moved in with him, everything of mine promptly smelled of smoke too. And the coughing/phlegm every morning... god, it was so, so gross.

 

Since then, I dumped a guy I was with for a year because I found out he started smoking again. I would do it again in a heartbeat. Especially if he hid it from me for the entire time we'd dated (although I sincerely doubt a smoker could hide it from me for that long)! That's two major deal-breakers: smoking and lying about something very important to me. I wouldn't even look back when I walked away.

 

I've also watched someone very important to me die of lung cancer (yep, she was a smoker). But you like statistics more than emotion, huh? On average, smokers life expectancy is 10-14 years shorter than nonsmokers. About 1/3-1/2 of smokers die prematurely from smoking. And even if it doesn't kill you, COPD and the host of other smoking-related illnesses are no laughing matter (and for every smoking-related death this year, there are ~20 smoking-related illnesses).

 

Bottom line: you choose to smoke? Fine, that's your right. But don't get bitter that a lot of women won't put up with it; that's our right.