Should I get back with my ex even though he threatened to kill me?

[lolitarosita]

So I know the title sounds harsh but basically we were together for a year. I'm still inlove with him though I hate to admit it. We broke up in july because if pressure from my friends family and work all saying he was using me and didn't treat me right etc... I ended it and it sent him mad. He came to my house and work threatening me and I ended up going to the police and then moved to England (I was in Spain) to get away from it all. We started talking and things were good. He was there to talk to and all that. He then, the moment I said, flew over here to see me to see if things would work and they did we had 10 amazing days just me and him pottering around like before. But after he left I realised how mental people would get at me for getting back in contact let alone seeing him, so told him it wasn't going to work. The thing is though people said he didn't treat me right I was happy. He was never violent or anything like that to me. He didn't work much and drank a lot and was a bit jealous but he made me laugh and looked after me.

I'm a hard worker and currently studying but going back for a holiday at xmas and can't decide whether to see him or not.

I miss him like crazy, I still love him but I know how people will react and I don't want my family upset or angry with me.

Thanks for any replies.

Lolita x

[salparadise]

If your friends and family were concerned about how he was treating you, then he threatened to kill you and you had to move to another country to feel safe, I honestly cannot understand why you'd be entertaining such notions. Drinks a lot and doesn't work much is not a lot to offset the negatives. Do you not feel like you deserve better?

[d0nnivain]

The minute you have to get the police involved there is no hope. Unless you have a death wish, stay the heck away from this unstable person.

[lolitarosita]

I know I sound nuts but everything was okay before everyone else got involved. He saved mefrom myself. When he met me I was in drugs, drinking a bottle of vodka a night, sleeping with countless men. I was a wreck. He stopped the drugs stopped me drinking and I got my life back on track as I'm only 20 (he's 33) he made sure I ate every day, got me into sleeping and I managed to get a good full time job. Yeah he went nuts and I moved countries but I was contemplating it anyway he just gave me the extra push to get out of the town... god I sound so stupid and ridiculous. I just miss him, all the time. He was my best friend as well and now I have nobody really...

[Lauriebell82]

I know I sound nuts but everything was okay before everyone else got involved. He saved mefrom myself. When he met me I was in drugs, drinking a bottle of vodka a night, sleeping with countless men. I was a wreck. He stopped the drugs stopped me drinking and I got my life back on track as I'm only 20 (he's 33) he made sure I ate every day, got me into sleeping and I managed to get a good full time job. Yeah he went nuts and I moved countries but I was contemplating it anyway he just gave me the extra push to get out of the town... god I sound so stupid and ridiculous. I just miss him, all the time. He was my best friend as well and now I have nobody really...

 

Sounds like you feel you owe him...but you dont!!!

 

Nobody can "get you off" drugs and alcohol. You did that yourself. He may have helped but you had the option and you chose not to. Maybe he helped you, but he sounds like he has some issues. 10 days isnt a long time to be together, I am sure that the same issues would creep back up if you spent more time together.

[Confusedguy81]

I bet if the guy was a nice guy and treated you right, and not a psycho, you wouldn't give him a second chance. Why are so many people attracted to trash.

[pink_sugar]

You were only with this guy for a year. Why not decide to try out other fish in the sea before settling for this guy?

[Elliotte]

It is in our nature to resist improving our lives, while it sounds like he did a lot to help you in some ways, he also seems like bad news in other ways. At the very least, your standards should be keeping you away from a man who goes that crazy and threatens your life. Take the good lessons you learned from the relationship and move forward, but the negative aspects you described are bad enough that it should be clear to you that this is not someone you need to spend any more time with. You deserve better, you just haven't realized it yet.