Dumpees are just as selfish....?

[Simon Phoenix]

I'll vouch for this, considering I'm still smarting from a breakup of a rather short relationship.

 

The problems in longer relationships are often well known by the time they end, and if things don't change...then there's loads of time for things to fade. The chemical "high" isn't there anymore so it becomes pure choice to stick with it - and when it fails, it can be easier to shrug and soldier on even though such an investment has been made.

 

Breakups can suck double time with short relationships because of the sheer level of dopamine and oxytocin in your system. Honeymoon hormones mean that you're giddy all the time, can sleep less, are more energetic (and more passionate...hence the beginning "boink like rabbits" phase many couples go through), and best of all...they create obsession. That's why someone in a new relationship will miss their partner immensely after just days of being apart. Imagine having that level of bonding and then having the person snatched away. Yikes.

 

Now Simon, which boundaries are you referring to here? The inability to go NC and keep their trap shut about the breakup, or something a little broader? Just curious.

 

Self-esteem and loss are where my money lies. A breakup is like a death in many fashions. Grieving the loss of a close bond and all that. Except in this case, dumpees blame the loss on themselves.

 

Imagine blaming yourself for someone else's death?

 

Within 7 months, I blamed myself for a death and a breakup. They've been equally heart wrenching. The difference is, when you get dumped...there's hope to reverse the process...which just keeps you spinning and refocusing blame.

 

When I say lack of boundaries, I mean more of a lack of having defined regulations on what they are willing to do and what they are willing to take from another person. You hear dumpees talking about dumpers who treated them badly/cheated on them/made them feel like crap and not only are they still fixated on those people, they are still blaming themselves and/or hoping that these people will come back into their lives to fix it instead of saying "screw you, I'm better than this, it's time to move forward". There's no "I will not be treated in a certain way" from these people -- if anything, these people are still obsessed with why their ex (or people around their ex) have treated them this way and stay stagnant instead of drawing a line in the sand, peacing out and moving forward. A lot of that ties into lack of self-esteem, but those are the type of boundaries I was referring to.

 

I do think people who blather on and on about their breakups can be selfish too, which I'm guessing is sort of what the OP was trying to highlight, albeit in kind of a clumsy way. I know I felt like crap sharing the same things with friends after a while.

[SerCay]

I do understand what OP means, does it have something to do with onging selfpity perhaps what you mean? Of course not right away but let's say after quite some time?

 

I too have a friend who just keepss talking about his ex. AFTER 4 YEARS STILL. But I know he has a bad case of love addiction because as soon as he found another girlfriend, he started the exact same riddle again, with her.

 

BUT I have to say, I still dont put the blame on the ''whining'' dumpees because it's not narcissism.

 

The behaviours might fit the symptoms of narcissism and look like it, but it usually comes from a place of lost self esteem, co dependency, depression and other things that can happen during a break up or during a bad relationship..

 

What do you think?

[radiodarcy]

I do understand what OP means, does it have something to do with onging selfpity perhaps what you mean? Of course not right away but let's say after quite some time?

 

I too have a friend who just keepss talking about his ex. AFTER 4 YEARS STILL. But I know he has a bad case of love addiction because as soon as he found another girlfriend, he started the exact same riddle again, with her.

 

BUT I have to say, I still dont put the blame on the ''whining'' dumpees because it's not narcissism.

 

The behaviours might fit the symptoms of narcissism and look like it, but it usually comes from a place of lost self esteem, co dependency, depression and other things that can happen during a break up or during a bad relationship..

 

What do you think?

 

I agree. Much of the way we reason the end of a relationship is by blaming ourselves. After my last break up, I would constantly trace my own actions in the relationship and blame myself for things I did wrong. Which only served to put the dumper on a pedestal and kept me in my "rightful" place.

 

Now yes, I have come across people who are going through break ups, bitterly blaming the dumper for the relationship's demise (and their feelings about it); all the while refusing to take responsibility for any role - - which they may have played.

 

Yes, they may acknowledge that they played some role, but will dismiss it in the same breath.

 

An example of this would be my own mother - - who cried bitterly and complained to anyone who would listed when my father filed for divorce. But refused to acknowledge that her excessive drinking/partying; not to mention cheating - -is what played a role in the break up of their marriage.

 

Granted that's an extreme example. But yes - - it would be an example of narcissistic behavior.

 

I have to say though I don't see a lot of that sentiment in these threads - - in its extreme or milder form. What I see is people who are genuinely bewildered and shell-shocked after the end of a relationship and are looking for answers.

 

Will they find any? No. But it's their way of trying to make sense of what happened. When they don't find the answers, the only thing left to do is look inward; and that's a process that can be either incredibly rewarding or incredibly damaging. And the outcome is largely determined by the level of self-esteem the dumpee has.

 

As other posters have pointed out - -both in this thread as well as others - - the dumper has usually made up their mind to end the relationship long before the dumpee has.

 

Which is why the dumper can usually just peel off without so much as a glance backward. And that is what makes the situation so hard to grasp for us dumpees; where we are left match up - - what we thought was a good relationship with the reality that the dumper felt otherwise -- and never told us until to say it was over. And that's what hurts the most.

[SerCay]

I agree. Much of the way we reason the end of a relationship is by blaming ourselves. After my last break up, I would constantly trace my own actions in the relationship and blame myself for things I did wrong. Which only served to put the dumper on a pedestal and kept me in my "rightful" place.

 

Now yes, I have come across people who are going through break ups, bitterly blaming the dumper for the relationship's demise (and their feelings about it); all the while refusing to take responsibility for any role - - which they may have played.

 

Yes, they may acknowledge that they played some role, but will dismiss it in the same breath.

 

An example of this would be my own mother - - who cried bitterly and complained to anyone who would listed when my father filed for divorce. But refused to acknowledge that her excessive drinking/partying; not to mention cheating - -is what played a role in the break up of their marriage.

 

Granted that's an extreme example. But yes - - it would be an example of narcissistic behavior.

 

I hear this, yes

 

The bold parts, I did the first part myself.

Second part, like your mom, my dad is like that. Blames the other for everything when it comes to all os his break ups, then for an instant realizes his own mistakes, then shifts back to blamng the other.

 

Too blind to see that it's not normal for a man his age to have had so many break ups for no appearant reason. But he's a borderliner...and refuses to be diagnosed. In Borderline PD the blindness for own actions it comes with the disorder. (not for people who have acknowledged their BPD of course) You sure your mom doesnt have a case of this as well?

[KatZee]

I think to even continue with this there would need to be a complete definition of 'selfish', and there are plenty of paradigms that could do the trick, but none would be complete. Again, people are missing the point of what I am getting at.

 

No one is "missing the point." Perhaps you're having an issue with the communication of what you're trying to say and in your delivery. From what I've read, you're directly attributing selfishness to dumpees, and calling dumpees narcissists due to an extremely weak connection, if that.

 

I'm not quite sure why you started the thread to begin with if you can't handle opposing view. It seems you want to only respond to people who agree with this thought, and belittle and reply snarkily to those who counter-act your idea.

[hurts2death]

either dumpee or dumper being selfish is loveless.

 

how on earth can you still love someone normally after he betrayed you.(dumped you) the trust is lost and the only perspective that remains is the loveless objective one.

[ponchsox]

I really am starting to feel like the people who hurt a lot and for the longest time are the most self involved.

 

Perhaps because we loved them and feel betrayed? I'm not seeing the connection with narcissism.

[radiodarcy]

I hear this, yes

 

The bold parts, I did the first part myself.

Second part, like your mom, my dad is like that. Blames the other for everything when it comes to all os his break ups, then for an instant realizes his own mistakes, then shifts back to blamng the other.

 

Too blind to see that it's not normal for a man his age to have had so many break ups for no appearant reason. But he's a borderliner...and refuses to be diagnosed. In Borderline PD the blindness for own actions it comes with the disorder. (not for people who have acknowledged their BPD of course) You sure your mom doesnt have a case of this as well?

 

She most likely does - - although she's never been diagnosed. Like your dad, she refuses therapy. I on the other hand, have been diagnosed with BPD. Some people are surprised when I tell them. But I can't say I am.

 

Ironically, I've been better at hiding my symptoms out of my desire to not be anything like my mother. Growing up, I knew her behavior wasn't normal and I certainly didn't want to be anything like her, but I went in the polar opposite direction and turned myself into a doormat; and that meant stifling any negative emotions in an effort not to be like her.

 

Contrary to what I once thought, self-awareness and self-esteem are not mutually exclusive. I think the reason I've been able to accept my diagnosis and get the help that I need is because I have it; while my mother lacks it - - and really has no desire to have it.

[Am4Real]

They need professional help!

 

Anyone diagnosing without training a complete comprehension of the DSM (latest version) is equivalent to reading WEBMD and calling one's self a physician.

 

I really detest these silly threads of those who read something on the internet and interpret it in a way that suits themselves!

 

Have your friend see a therapist or other mental health professional.

 

 

Hehe. I have a friend who got dumped about 10 months ago. They had been together for about half a year.

 

He still calls me 2-3 times every week and talks about her for several hours. In-between those calls, he writes to me on Skype about her. And when we meet, the only thing he talks about is her.

 

The funny thing is... Their relationship was an obvious failure from the beginning. He even broke up with her once because he was so tired of her. So he seemed quite alright when it first happened. Then, after a maybe a month, he became obsessed. He would call her, text her and even knock at her door in the middle of the night. For the first few months she was nice to him and comforted him, but after a while she told him that he needs to stop calling her. She has now moved to another town and seems happy with her new life.

 

If you read my thread here, you know that was dumped a couple of weeks ago... after five years. Does my friend really care? Probably not. Because he goes on like this:

 

"Wow, that sucks. I know how you feel. Just called my ex, but she didn't answer... You know what? You're still friends on Facebook, right? You must "like" my profile picture as soon as she logs in, so she sees it!"

 

And on and on it goes. So yeah, some dumpees are really narcissistic. And it's not very fun to live with someone who only talks about themselves, so I guess that these guys tend to get dumped more frequently as well.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Am4Real

[Am4Real]

All are contributing factors and without a professional involved the person affected is not likely to realize the state of emotions and conditions at play using friends as listening tools, including this board, to convey one's interpretation, frustrations, anger and sorrow. Although many can work through it, many cannot do it on their own and without proper mental care spend so much time, wasted time, trying to release the hurt from within.

 

 

I do understand what OP means, does it have something to do with onging selfpity perhaps what you mean? Of course not right away but let's say after quite some time?

 

I too have a friend who just keepss talking about his ex. AFTER 4 YEARS STILL. But I know he has a bad case of love addiction because as soon as he found another girlfriend, he started the exact same riddle again, with her.

 

BUT I have to say, I still dont put the blame on the ''whining'' dumpees because it's not narcissism.

 

The behaviours might fit the symptoms of narcissism and look like it, but it usually comes from a place of lost self esteem, co dependency, depression and other things that can happen during a break up or during a bad relationship..

 

What do you think?

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

OP is taking some heat, but I get what she's trying to say (I think).

 

I have actually wondered if I, being wrapped up in my own insecurity and low self esteem, was being narcissistic.

 

I think that people with extremely low self-esteem tend to live in their own head, addressing fears and constantly doing threat analysis. I have and I know people with similar disorders do (BPD/AvPD). It's like being self-absorbed but not because you think you are better than everyone.

 

I was once told by a psychologist that I had some narcissistic traits. Not enough to be NPD but enough to be noticed in test results.

 

I often confuse myself trying to reconcile having low-self esteem and insecurity while also having narcissistic traits.

[SerCay]

Like your dad, she refuses therapy. I on the other hand, have been diagnosed with BPD. Some people are surprised when I tell them. But I can't say I am.

 

Ironically, I've been better at hiding my symptoms out of my desire to not be anything like my mother. Growing up, I knew her behavior wasn't normal and I certainly didn't want to be anything like her, but I went in the polar opposite direction and turned myself into a doormat; and that meant stifling any negative emotions in an effort not to be like her.

 

Contrary to what I once thought, self-awareness and self-esteem are not mutually exclusive. I think the reason I've been able to accept my diagnosis and get the help that I need is because I have it; while my mother lacks it - - and really has no desire to have it.

 

Yeah..the part of refusing therapy has really messed up a lot. I too grew up afraid of becoming like my dad. Turned out that I had actually become like him. When I saw the patterns of my failing relationships and my codependency, I started doing research and working on myself. I'm busy building a self esteem now..and for the first time in my life, I dont want a boyfriend at this moment...It's really scary to see how you're behaving in a way the parent that destroyed your childhood did. Lucky for us we opened our eyes.

 

My problem is that in my country therapy is not really common. You go to a shrink and they will help you with daily stuff. Like ''how can I stay happy during my day'', and doing breathing exercises and stuff. My latest therapist was literally telling me to close my eyes and do breathing exercises while I'm reading all kinds of books on psychology and asking her questions. Many ocassions she told me she had to do research to the subjects I mentioned lol...The only way they will send you to a therapist or psychiatrist is if you're unable to function in daily life, which is not my issue. I function quite well in that part of my life.

 

 

All are contributing factors and without a professional involved the person affected is not likely to realize the state of emotions and conditions at play using friends as listening tools, including this board, to convey one's interpretation, frustrations, anger and sorrow. Although many can work through it, many cannot do it on their own and without proper mental care spend so much time, wasted time, trying to release the hurt from within.

 

Many people who are like this and unable to work through it themselves, refuse therapy because they believe nothing is wrong with them. This friend of mine, my dad, radiodarcy's mom...and many more

Edited November 25, 2013 by SerCay

[JourneyLady]

I haven't experienced anything about a breakup that has led me to not being able to empathize with other people. In fact, almost more so, in some ways -- it's kind of like once you've experienced your house burning down, you know better how it feels to others who have lost theirs...

 

In my case, during the painful period, I've had at least one friend seem to be totally in love with someone and then break up out of the blue with their loved one. I can totally understand why she might act a little differently coming out of that, even if it wasn't quite as long as my relationship.

 

So... I'm wondering if the OP got this idea from what people post on here. Yet in most cases, people aren't on here 18 hrs a day and so this is not the way they live their real lives. You can't extract anything much from a forum.

 

On one of my posts, for instance, I posted about the detractions from my ex-bf and someone commented that those were judgments I came to after the breakup ie. boyfriend was a narcissist. In fact, they were not. I'd read several books on the subject and decided he was after the 3rd year with him. Thought I could live with that; it was only after his making a difficult time for me much much harder (and more expensive) that I decided to leave him. Minuses outweighed plusses at that point.

 

That doesn't mean anything about his emotions or mine. I know he continues his intense search for greener grass -- at the same time I know he misses me just as much as I miss him (I just don't miss the extra drama and hurt he caused with his behaviors.) Perhaps more, since I gave him so much of myself out of proportion to what effort he made.

[radiodarcy]

Yeah..the part of refusing therapy has really messed up a lot. I too grew up afraid of becoming like my dad. Turned out that I had actually become like him. When I saw the patterns of my failing relationships and my codependency, I started doing research and working on myself. I'm busy building a self esteem now..and for the first time in my life, I dont want a boyfriend at this moment...It's really scary to see how you're behaving in a way the parent that destroyed your childhood did. Lucky for us we opened our eyes.

 

My problem is that in my country therapy is not really common. You go to a shrink and they will help you with daily stuff. Like ''how can I stay happy during my day'', and doing breathing exercises and stuff. My latest therapist was literally telling me to close my eyes and do breathing exercises while I'm reading all kinds of books on psychology and asking her questions. Many ocassions she told me she had to do research to the subjects I mentioned lol...The only way they will send you to a therapist or psychiatrist is if you're unable to function in daily life, which is not my issue. I function quite well in that part of my life.

 

I know what you mean! In spite of my efforts to stifle my negative emotions, when they did come out - - I reacted just like my mom. I was horrified once I realized it but I knew I needed to if I wanted to change things.

 

It is frustrating to get the help you need when you appear to be "fine" -- i.e. functioning. Especially when you're going through a break up. Because that's when our most painful issues come to light. And trying to deal with them - - in addition to the loss of the relationship can be emotionally paralyzing.

 

I'm glad that you're being proactive and working on getting the answers you need. But am sorry to hear you have to work so hard in order to get the help you need. It shouldn't be that way.

 

I was actually diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago but it was never really explained to me what it was or why my therapist at the time thought I had it. So I wrote it off.

 

Unfortunately there is a stigma against it as the symptoms do make it difficult to treat. I'm fairly analytical. So until it was explained to me that's when it clicked and I decided to commit myself to getting the help I needed.

[Am4Real]

We all have traits of some disorder...it's called PERSONALITY and CHARACTER.

 

The OP is off base.

 

OP is taking some heat, but I get what she's trying to say (I think).

 

I have actually wondered if I, being wrapped up in my own insecurity and low self esteem, was being narcissistic.

 

I think that people with extremely low self-esteem tend to live in their own head, addressing fears and constantly doing threat analysis. I have and I know people with similar disorders do (BPD/AvPD). It's like being self-absorbed but not because you think you are better than everyone.

 

I was once told by a psychologist that I had some narcissistic traits. Not enough to be NPD but enough to be noticed in test results.

 

I often confuse myself trying to reconcile having low-self esteem and insecurity while also having narcissistic traits.

[Never Again]

OP is taking some heat, but I get what she's trying to say (I think).

 

I have actually wondered if I, being wrapped up in my own insecurity and low self esteem, was being narcissistic.

 

I think that people with extremely low self-esteem tend to live in their own head, addressing fears and constantly doing threat analysis. I have and I know people with similar disorders do (BPD/AvPD). It's like being self-absorbed but not because you think you are better than everyone.

 

I was once told by a psychologist that I had some narcissistic traits. Not enough to be NPD but enough to be noticed in test results.

 

I often confuse myself trying to reconcile having low-self esteem and insecurity while also having narcissistic traits.

 

I think the OP is taking heat because the original premise wasn't explained very well, and associating a general sense of "selfishness" to traits of NPD found on the internet is going to lead to an internet sh*tstorm. It's just too easy for another poster to see "narcissism" and run with it.

 

Doesn't help when the OP's responses don't actually redirect the flow, but come off as somewhat dismissive to people who wander off her original intended topic.

 

That being said, the comparison to narcissism was a poor choice, but I can see where the OP was going. I think there is some self-oriented thought, but it's damaging not beneficial. People who hyperfocus on their loss and yammer incessantly are certainly more focused on themselves than how they're affecting others...and wanting your ex back, despite what the ex wants, is also very self-oriented.

 

However, I'll say again that this is a normal grieving process. It's hard to let go of something you've lost, especially when you blame yourself. If the relationship was even halfway decent...you're losing your best friend, partner, lover, activity partner, companion, etc. A significant other fills so many roles. Losing them is a serious blow akin to the death of a close relation with a key difference: we KNOW death is permanent, but we convince ourselves that a breakup can be reversed.

 

It may be a little selfish, but "AS selfish"? Hard to say.

 

Dumpees that beg, please and harass their exes, scheme up ways to get them back or can't let it go for years? Yeah, I'll say they're being selfish.

 

Dumpees that are in pain, talk to close friends for weeks/months to try and process their emotions and move on, pine for their ex's but don't actually impede their lives? I'd argue not selfish. Self-oriented thought, but we all coil up when threatened.

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

We all have traits of some disorder...it's called PERSONALITY and CHARACTER.

 

The OP is off base.

 

That statement feels ironic.

 

So, because the OP didn't state her question the proper way, we shouldn't discuss the topic that she was probably trying to get at?

 

I'm not sure who's off base here.

[radiodarcy]

That statement feels ironic.

 

So, because the OP didn't state her question the proper way, we shouldn't discuss the topic that she was probably trying to get at?

 

I'm not sure who's off base here.

 

I can't speak for Am4Real but I wouldn't say the OP was off base.

 

Although I do think the way the post was phrased got a lot of people's attention (mine included), I think it's been helpful in terms of opening up a wider discussion in terms of the complex ways dumpees deal with break ups and the reasons why - - which are not as black and white as they may seem

[Am4Real]

You said: "I was once told by a psychologist that I had some narcissistic traits. Not enough to be NPD but enough to be noticed in test results."

 

I said: "We all have traits of some disorder...it's called PERSONALITY and CHARACTER."

 

It's pretty clear to me what I was saying to you. In other words I am supporting you and your self-assessment by saying we all might do, say or act a certain way under certain conditions. A true diagnosis is done by a professional usually after hours of interviews "in session". Oddities of us all are largely attributed to our characters making up our personalities.

 

The OP is off base.

 

 

That statement feels ironic.

 

So, because the OP didn't state her question the proper way, we shouldn't discuss the topic that she was probably trying to get at?

 

I'm not sure who's off base here.

[BC1980]

I think the OP is taking heat because the original premise wasn't explained very well, and associating a general sense of "selfishness" to traits of NPD found on the internet is going to lead to an internet sh*tstorm. It's just too easy for another poster to see "narcissism" and run with it.

 

Doesn't help when the OP's responses don't actually redirect the flow, but come off as somewhat dismissive to people who wander off her original intended topic.

 

That being said, the comparison to narcissism was a poor choice, but I can see where the OP was going. I think there is some self-oriented thought, but it's damaging not beneficial. People who hyperfocus on their loss and yammer incessantly are certainly more focused on themselves than how they're affecting others...and wanting your ex back, despite what the ex wants, is also very self-oriented.

 

However, I'll say again that this is a normal grieving process. It's hard to let go of something you've lost, especially when you blame yourself. If the relationship was even halfway decent...you're losing your best friend, partner, lover, activity partner, companion, etc. A significant other fills so many roles. Losing them is a serious blow akin to the death of a close relation with a key difference: we KNOW death is permanent, but we convince ourselves that a breakup can be reversed.

 

It may be a little selfish, but "AS selfish"? Hard to say.

 

Dumpees that beg, please and harass their exes, scheme up ways to get them back or can't let it go for years? Yeah, I'll say they're being selfish.

 

Dumpees that are in pain, talk to close friends for weeks/months to try and process their emotions and move on, pine for their ex's but don't actually impede their lives? I'd argue not selfish. Self-oriented thought, but we all coil up when threatened.

 

I think you are very right about continuing to try to reverse the breakup and getting mired in that thought process. It's also they someone deliberately left you. They would rather be single or be with someone else than you. It's hurts like nothing else. It's hard to move on when you imagine your ex out there living their life without you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yeah, the OP had a good thought going, but bit off more than she could chew IMO. With no psychological background, clumsily throwing out words like "narcissist" and "selfishness" predictably had some blowback. A lot of times we tell dumpees that they are overthinking everything -- well, in this case I think the OP overthought her original post. There's a framework there for discussion, but maybe she should have been a bit more careful in some of her labeling.

[Am4Real]

Simon,

 

Now if only you had posted this elegant summation 4 pages previous to this one we could have all put this odd thread to bed and saved the internet plenty of update emails from LS.

 

Well said!

 

 

Yeah, the OP had a good thought going, but bit off more than she could chew IMO. With no psychological background, clumsily throwing out words like "narcissist" and "selfishness" predictably had some blowback. A lot of times we tell dumpees that they are overthinking everything -- well, in this case I think the OP overthought her original post. There's a framework there for discussion, but maybe she should have been a bit more careful in some of her labeling.

[ponchsox]

If you mean selfish as in "I'm focusing on myself right now and my happiness" then yes, you are correct.

[melell]

I can't really fault any of the replies. It was just a thought I put out there for discussion- and I really did struggle to verbalize/even understand what I meant. It is interesting reading the discussion..

 

You guys have made me conclude that if there is any trait that can be likened to being narcissistic it is only temporary and a normal part of the process, and that circumstances when that continues for an extended period of time is really rare.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Jules78]

The normal healing time is , I'd say about 6 months or a bit more. Depends on how long the relationship was and the circumstances (first love, lost virginity to him, etc.). But anything more than a year is stretching it, IMO. If someone isn't over their ex after a year of grieving the loss, I'd want to look into their thought process/feelings. Sometimes, if someone is a narcissist, being hurt/abandoned by a partner, will deal a huge blow to his ego that he will not recover from easily, but narcissists are usually quite good at putting on appearances and moving on effectively (though not deep down). They will never forgive the person who hurt their ego, IMO. And they might seek revenge, etc. Anything that borders on that sort of behavior is not healthy/normal, IMO, and indicates deep problems including possible narcissism.

 

Unless you are my ex. 2 1/2 years and he was apparently over it in one day and in a new relationship where he's "never been this happy in his entire life." Ouch

 

I'm starting to wonder if I helped him get over me. I found out he slept with his ex for two straight weeks while we were apart (in Sept of this year). When I found out on Oct. 13th I broke up with him. He begged and pleaded via calls, email and text. I could not see him after that. I needed time. He said to take all the time I needed as long as we keep talking. So we kept talking. 3 1/2 weeks later (Nov. 7th) he professed his love to me one last time via text then disappeared. I didn't know he was gone for good at the time. I didn't realize it until that following Sat. when my texts went unanswered. Haven't heard from him since. I am thinking in that 3 1/2 weeks even though he was hardcore begging and pleading that he was coming to the realization that it would probably be over so he went out and secured him a back up plan. That's really what I believe now.

 

We are not FB friends and he actually blocked me. He just joined FB in Sept. He became friend with this new girl on FB on Nov. 9th. My friend looked him up to see if he had an account and saw this info. He changed his relationship status on FB on Nov. 7th to in a relationship with some woman. They both have profile pics of them together. wtf. The same day he gave up on me he started a relationship? Come on!