Blastbeat Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Feeling really crap this week. Was doing SO well. Got dumped a month ago, hard and unexpected through a Facebook message. "It's not you it's me". "Please don't hate me." Was doing so well. Didn't beg, didn't plead, didn't argue at all. I said "I miss you" once and she replied then I went no contact for a month. I stupidly broke it last week. Asking her if she wants her stuff back, and that I accept the break up, complimented her (dumb) and told her I hope she finds someone that makes her happy. She ignored me. Why did I do this? I feel like I've forfeit my power as a man, and now I am weak and useless, all I can do is try to move on again, but I feel much worse now.
fixing Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Dont beat yourself up over it. Its NORMAL, almost EVERYONE DOES IT. Just go back to no contact now. You will get through this. Take it day by day. You havent lost any manliness by doing that. Just stick to NC. It helps to post here! 2
ponchsox Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Been there, done that. NC is much easier said than done. You have to learn that breaking it makes things worse before you understand how NC works. 2
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Your message wasn't that bad, but I understand why you feel like she took your power. You feel terrible because you sent a message you didn't really believe in. You said things to sound like your moving on when it's not entirely true. I know your position, you really wanted her to say "actually, I've been thinking and maybe we should talk again?" BUT, she can only read your words, not your intent so don't get down. You didn't say anything like "please give me another chance" so take solace in that. 2
underscore44 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Yea bud you really didnt do anything bad at all. Don't think that doing something like this is a game changer or that you just ruined your life for good. You made a decision and acted on it no big deal at all. No Contact is for you to move and not to win her back remember that. Just chock it up and continue on. Tomorrow is another day 1
chris21422 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Man it's ok.. Just remember to be strong next time Believe it or not I wanted to message my ex so bad but I know that I'll just putting myself in a worst situation that I already am.. Be strong everyone. Stay strong with No Contact! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Eh, you screwed up. It happens. No need beating yourself up over it and making it worse than it was. Most dumpees do much, much worse. Get up, dust yourself off and head back to NC. 2
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Right. Don't beat yourself up! It's not like you were begging or anything. In my opinion you sounded very mature and classy. You didn't say anything mean to her. You said you hoped she found someone that made her happy and wished her well. What's so terrible about that? Unfortunately though, it made you (the person that matters) feel bad. It's REALLY hard but just go back to NC for YOU!!! so that you can heal and find a girl that wouldn't dream of letting you go. By the way you had 30 days! That is HUGE!!! I know that wasn't easy for you. Just get back on NC and take it one day at a time.....the thing that helped me was not to think so much about NEVER contacting again....I just said to myself TODAY I won't contact him.....then the next day said the same thing and so on and so on. You can do it! You are stronger than you realize (we all are) and we are all here for you if you get the urge again. **WARNING**you will and Oh does it suck!!! but stay strong and come talk to us instead Good luck my friend and please please try to have a Happy Thanksgiving. Don't let her ruin all the things you are grateful for and all your blessings! 1
Author Blastbeat Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Thanks for the positive words guys. I guess there is no way around this but to just experience the pain and restart no contact. I use no contact to move on, but wanting her back is not a choice, it's kind of just there. The dreams are the worst. Sometimes I feel the need to contact her and I don't give in, but this time I caved.
BC1980 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 It happens. We all do it, and we learn from it. I broke NC last week after 3 months. I felt like sh*t for a few days, but I'm actually better for it now. I saw that he hasn't changed one bit. All you can now is learn from it.
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Eh, you screwed up. It happens. No need beating yourself up over it and making it worse than it was. Most dumpees do much, much worse. Get up, dust yourself off and head back to NC. Yes, most do much worse (cringing)
ponchsox Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 You did so well it's almost like you kept NC. Throughout my entire relationship, I was never needy or clingy. After I was dumped, I acted like a pathetic loser
underscore44 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 That feeling will be there for a while and there is nothing you can do. We all go through the same thing. My fiancé/ Girl of 8 years left me a month ago. I also know a lot of men and women in here and on other forums are dealing with the same thing. But look, act on what you can control and that is yourself. You can't stop your feelings but you can choose not to let it bring you down. If they love you then trust me they will come back but that has to be their decision not yours and if they don't come back well then to be honest its better for you cause no one wants to spend their life in a one sided relationship. Better to heal now then spend a life stuck in a hole with someone that doesn't deserve you Keep your head up, life is short
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Thanks for the positive words guys. I guess there is no way around this but to just experience the pain and restart no contact. I use no contact to move on, but wanting her back is not a choice, it's kind of just there. The dreams are the worst. Sometimes I feel the need to contact her and I don't give in, but this time I caved. I too broke NC at 30 days once also (It's a tough number for some reason) I said " I hope you are doing well and finding happiness" I got no response and felt sooooo stupid. But then I realized all I did was wish someone that I truly loved happiness. What's so bad about that? The thing is it broke my heart all over again. (that's what is so bad) He probably wasn't even phased but it set me back in my healing. You are doing great! 1
Author Blastbeat Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 You did so well it's almost like you kept NC. Throughout my entire relationship, I was never needy or clingy. After I was dumped, I acted like a pathetic loser I actually did the needy/clingy thing on a previous break up. I learned the pain that causes. Just need to learn from the experience. After a year I talked to that person and apologized for my behaviour. She was all good. Be strong my friend.
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 The 3 month mark is a tough one also. For myself and I have heard that from many others but the good news is at 4 months is when most people start to notice how much better they are feeling. This is just from what I have heard from others and not just on LS but anyone who will give me their two cents, and believe me I ask anyone who will listen ...hee hee!
Kermit76 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Yep. Been posting all weekend myself. Broke NC after 3 months. A big step back for me but after 3 days feeling slightly better. Back to NC. I hope my experience helps people looking to break NC. Dumped after 2 years after a wedding. Dumped out of the blue. Second time she broke up with me. Here is living proof not to break NC. Word for word how it went. Me - how are things? Her - working on myself. Hope u are too. (text came 5 hrs later). Me - how is work (i texted back in 10 min.. Don't care about time frame of response) Her - going well. My self improving is helping. (3 hrs later) Me - u have stuff of mine. I have stuff of yours. If u want it back. Her - ok. Thanks Me - knew u had that cd of mine. Her - this is too soon for me. Maybe in the future. Me - what u mean? No problem. Her - have a good holiday. Be well. Me - u too. Any plans? No response. Ignored question. Never asked a single question about me... How i was doing.
Author Blastbeat Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Yeah, that's pretty grim. I',m thinking when I contacted my ex she was just like "oh umm, better just ignore him".
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Yep. Been posting all weekend myself. Broke NC after 3 months. A big step back for me but after 3 days feeling slightly better. Back to NC. I hope my experience helps people looking to break NC. Dumped after 2 years after a wedding. Dumped out of the blue. Second time she broke up with me. Here is living proof not to break NC. Word for word how it went. Me - how are things? Her - working on myself. Hope u are too. (text came 5 hrs later). Me - how is work (i texted back in 10 min.. Don't care about time frame of response) Her - going well. My self improving is helping. (3 hrs later) Me - u have stuff of mine. I have stuff of yours. If u want it back. Her - ok. Thanks Me - knew u had that cd of mine. Her - this is too soon for me. Maybe in the future. Me - what u mean? No problem. Her - have a good holiday. Be well. Me - u too. Any plans? No response. Ignored question. Never asked a single question about me... How i was doing. So sorry for your pain but thank you for sharing. I'm sure you have helped countless others by sharing your experience. ((hugs))
Author Blastbeat Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 I must say posting on here has helped me feel better. You all are very helpful and positive. Thanks! 1
taramg5 Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 The 60 day breakup Challenge!! Im doing the nc thing too and it is soooo hard! If you want to see my story or read my progress it would be great. Any feedback is very very welcome. Just start over and stay strong!!!
Haydn Posted November 26, 2013 Posted November 26, 2013 Yes 4 months seems to be when things change. The horrible witch that was my ex is almost out of my system. But it takes as long as it takes i guess. Meanwhile i am making mulled wine and teaching myself how to make crochet bobble hats. Now if thats not progress i dont know what is. 1
Author Blastbeat Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 Hi guys. Just want to say I feel great today. You guys made me feel good about how I broke NC. And to be honest, I went back and re read the message and thought yeah, it wasn't so bad. I actually don't have hard feelings toward her, as I feel I deserved to be dumped. It's her life. I have no attachment with her and we ended on good terms. I have a great new years ahead of me, so I plan on going and chatting up some ladies. I think it's best to see the relationship as a good experience, everything comes to an end. Look for creating new memories with someone else. I think she will try to contact me as friends in the future, but things are too emotional right now, that will be why she ignored me.
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