CVS Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Ok. Here's the deal. I think my gf is very attractive, however, she has jet black hair and it makes her forearms look really gross. Of course she shaves her legs and everywhere else...but I'm worried it will humiliate or anger her if I ask her to wax her arms. Some people say I'm Jude-mental and picky...and maybe I am, but its a total turnoff. My question is, How can I ask her to get rid of the hair on her arms without offending her? I haven't said anything yet and I want to go about this the right way. Please be realistic. Thanks
jellybean Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 During a private moment together, like when the two of you are snuggled up watching TV or something like that - gently take her hand in yours, start caressing it and the rest of the arm...appear to be marveled at it...say something like "you've just got the most perfect, beautiful arms"...then act like a thought just occured to you, and say something like "you know I read somewhere that lots of people get their arms waxed nowadays...hmmm I wonder if that would make your skin here as smooth and silky as the rest of your gorgeous body, I dunno, it's just something I read - have you ever tried it?" Then take it from there. Good luck
Mustard Bomb Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 If you are a guy, wax your legs, pits, arms, and balls, then show her how smooth and easy to maintain it is. Comment on how much you enjoy touching your shaved surfaces, and explain how it enhances your gender. Then, give her a 300$ waxing certificate at a good salon. If she stays with you, count your blessings and rub away.
Author CVS Posted December 29, 2004 Author Posted December 29, 2004 OK...well, mustardbomb is way off, but thanks I guess. Jelly bean seems to have some good words although when I was reading it, I felt like I was going to bust out laughing. I don't know if I could say something like that and keep a straight face. Anybody else have suggestions? I'm really interested in what the women have to say. Thanks
_Saffy_ Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 i suggest you go over to the breaking up section and read how hard it is to live without someone that you really care for, because they left you over stupid petty things, such as suggesting you wax your forearms. man, if you love her, accept her for everything that she is and get over it!!
Mustard Bomb Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Huh. Sorry you couldn't get it. Listen to Saffy instead, and re-read your post in the another thread.
Adunaphel Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 I think it's hard to ask such a favour without offending your girlfriend, so even if you ask her nicely enough chances are high that she might feel upset/hurt for at least a while. My bf suggested me to decolour my facial hair when we had been dating for three months (I didn't have a lot), the way he chose to approach the subject was to jokingly mention that "I had some facial hair and it showed" and suggest me that I decoloured them. I felt hurt for a couple of days but I got over it, expecially after realizing that it must have been impossible for him to ask me without making me feel *at least a bit* bad. I'd say that asking your gf to wax her arms is *way* more difficult. If I was asked to, I'd probably refuse to. I'd also probably get upset (no matter whether it's right to get upset or not). I'd feel very insecure(more than I already am) and I'd start to ask myself whether I'm with the right guy. To wax arms is painful, takes a lot of time, and expecially once you started to wax them you usually have to continue waxing them all your life. Also, being asked to do something that most girls don't have to do makes you feel expecially ugly. I'm giving you some advice according to how I'd rather be asked to wax my arms by a boyfriend (if he really had to), so this advice comes from a very personal point of view - i.e. it's just my opinion, and I don't know if it would work the same way with your girlfriend. - First, tell her that you have to ask her a favour, but that if she does not feel like it it's okay, it's not that important to you anyway. - Mention her arms hair being as tactful as possible and insist that if waxing would be a big hassle for her to just forget it because it's not *that*important. - Encourage her to tell you about something in your looks that she'd like you to improve. Improve it. If she has no ideas, offer to wax your belly/chest/legs for her and actually do it. - If she's crying at this point or if she looks very hurt, hug her, tell her to forget everything, that you don't give a sh*t abot her arms hair and she looks great anyway and that you love her. - Offer to pay for professional waxing at a good salon. While you are at it, offer to pay not only for arm waxing, but for full body waxing - so you'd pay all the waxing she'd normally do anyway. Not only for the first time she does it, but also for *all* the following times she'll get her arms (and other parts of the body) waxed. If she agrees to go to a salon but refuses to make you pay for it, don't listen to her. It has to be *your* money. And never ever feel resentful towards her for money spent this way. (this advice *does* not apply if your gf is very high maintenance and always expects you to take her out to very expensive place at your own expenses) - if she agrees, consider yourself very lucky. In other words, take Mustard Bomb's first post *very* seriously! How long have you and your gf been together? Did her arms hair bother you when you started dating? Also, do her arms look really *that* gross? Do you think most guys would be bothered by them? I mean, if you had to guess, do you think it's more likely that you are very picky or that her hair is *really* excessive and it would bother most guys? Do her arms look like a werewolf's, or like a man's, or they look more like average female arms than like your grandmother's fur coat?
_Saffy_ Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 it doesnt matter how many times he tells her that its not *that* important....once hes mentioned it, it will become important, and no matter how much he tries to tell her otherwise she wont believe him it shouldnt matter if she has warts all over her face, one foot missing, cross eyes, buck teeth, if you love her for who she is, none of this matters, she is who she is. if you really gotta contemplate mentioning something as ridiculous as this then i think its probably better to sit back and take one big long look at ya relationship.
Adunaphel Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Originally posted by _Saffy_ it doesnt matter how many times he tells her that its not *that* important....once hes mentioned it, it will become important, and no matter how much he tries to tell her otherwise she wont believe him You are probably right..... saying "if you don't feel like it, it's not important" can work great with hair colour, hair cut, a choice of clothes and a lot of other things, but it is probably not convincing when it comes to taking care of excessive hair or similar things. Also, I guess that it's pointless to say "it's not important" when it actually is to him. if you really gotta contemplate mentioning something as ridiculous as this then i think its probably better to sit back and take one big long look at ya relationship. Ideally you should be able to mention *anything* in a relationship, but some subjects are a lot harder to mention(and to forget) than others. If it's really a major turn-off for him it's probably better that he tells her about it though. I also think I'd like to know if I were her girlfriend.
_Saffy_ Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 guess thats what i was trying to say, if everything else is great in the relationship, and you think that this wont phase the person involved then bring it up but if thats the ONLY thing that you could fault with her, i sure wouldnt risk losing everything over it.
Adunaphel Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Originally posted by _Saffy_ if thats the ONLY thing that you could fault with her, i sure wouldnt risk losing everything over it. I agree... Very well put!
HokeyReligions Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Originally posted by Mustard Bomb If you are a guy, wax your legs, pits, arms, and balls, then show her how smooth and easy to maintain it is. Comment on how much you enjoy touching your shaved surfaces, and explain how it enhances your gender. Then, give her a 300$ waxing certificate at a good salon. If she stays with you, count your blessings and rub away. Right On! If I was with someone who suggested I make a change to my appearance that hurts and costs money I would dump the dude because that would tell me that he was not satisfied with me. It's not like saying "you look better in another color" or "Try a hair-cut, I think you would look cute in short hair" This is about body image and maintenance. My husband has asked me to wear my hair differently sometimes -- no big deal. But as far as waxing or shaving or making any kind of other change to my appearance because it's a 'turn off' is a big red-flag. In general I think hairy armpits are a turn-off and I prefer men who shave them. My husband doesn't and it doesn't matter to me because I love him, it's not a turn-off. Saffy & Adun said it best, IMHO.
Author CVS Posted December 29, 2004 Author Posted December 29, 2004 Thanks for the replies guys. If she had a request for me, I wouldn't really see it as a problem unless it was something permanent like a tattoo. NEways, I've decided I probably won't say anything. I think most of you are right in saying that it would offend her. I don't want to do that cause I care about her a lot. Thanks for the help
seductress989 Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 As a dark-haired female, I have been told by my sister's rude boyfriend that my arms were "hairy'. And guess what, I was offended. I can actually give props to my ex whom I dumped after a year and a half for not once mentioning my arm hair. I thought he would eventually say something about it, but he never did. He accepted my quirks and I accepted his. That's what makes for a great relationship. (even if it doesn't last!) Needless to say, I have not once waxed my arms and don't ever plan on it.
SoleMate Posted January 1, 2005 Posted January 1, 2005 I agree that this is a HIGHLY sensitive subject. She may have been teased or criticized about the armhair in the past. Now at last, she thinks she has a bf who accepts her for who she is! Happiness! But then he, too, turns traitor and lets slip that he is repelled by her armhair. Also, as others have noticed, the pain and expense of waxing would be considerable. I almost think you could suggest a breast enlargement or nose job more easily than armhair waxing. I hope that makes the situation clear. If you TRULY love her, I think that you can accept the armhair. Maybe you will never like it, but you will see it as intimately part of her and part of the woman that you love. There is a slight chance that you could get away with suggesting a "shave minimizing" moisturizer, such as Jergens Naturally Smooth. This is not a depilatory, but rather a very-nice smelling, inexpensive body lotion that renders hair thinner and paler over time. I use it on my legs, and you can see good results in just a week. It can be discontinued at any time with no bad effects (just that the new hair growth will return to normal). Bleaching is another possibility, also less drastic than waxing. But you risk a lot by mentioning either of these options to her. Good luck, you obviously have a lot of guts.
JoL Posted January 3, 2005 Posted January 3, 2005 Hmm does it HAVE to be waxing? Get her to bleach her arm hair...its painless and the hair will be much less noticable.
dynamicdrew Posted January 4, 2005 Posted January 4, 2005 Well, I don't agree with a lot of the advice given to young CVS here. I should be able to tell his girlfriend that her arm hair bothers her. I don't really like arm hair myself, so I just avoid this problem altogether by not dating women with hair on their arms. Problem solved before it even happened As for CVS, should could avoid having to even broach this issue with her directly by arranging for you both to go to a spa, and when it is time for waxing, make some sort of reference to her arm like, "I would be interesting if they waxed your arms too..." With this you can catch her at the right time and place, when she is feeling all good and relaxed, and to her to her it well seem like a spur of the moment thing. Probelm solved. You get what you want, AND she'll love you more for it! Drew
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