Johnson1 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Ladies, I could use some constructive criticism on this for a dating site: Let me tell you a little about who I am. In general I consider myself to be someone of character who believes one should be sophisticated and intelligent, yet down to earth and humble. I am these things. I am 6' 3" and take pride in my appearance. I am very outgoing and can make a group of people crack up laughing, and at times light up a room, but I can also be a little on the shy side depending on the situation. I was married to only 1 person for 25 years and NEVER cheated. I pride myself on that. I never let temptation pull me in. I understand how important honesty is, not only for myself, but for her as well, and do everything I can to prove that honesty. With that being said, and without sounding pompous (which I am not by any means), I'd like to believe I have many of the traits a woman looks for in a man. I am not rich, but then again how many people are? I try hard to work at it though. I don't have a bachelors degree, but I do have a 2 associate degrees and a fairly decent paying, dependable career. I consider myself to be intelligent, dependable and caring. I enjoy philosophical conversations on any topic. I recently had an in-depth conversation with a FB friend who speaks before congress on a regular basis and who has a book out and a movie about foreign relations with China. We have some pretty in-depth discussions on how to handle political affairs and he's agreed with many of my points. That's the measure of my wisdom. I don't make it a point to have political discussions. I'm just using it as a reference to give you an idea of how well I can carry on a meaningful conversation. I enjoy the simple things in life like, hiking, dining, camping, movies, romance by the fireside with a glass of wine, etc. I take pride in my ability to figure out just about anything on my own, from fixing electrical equipment, appliances, to doing drywall, carpentry, building sheds, fixing cars. I play 4 different instruments by ear and I've been a singer since I was 13, which I am very good at. I've won singing competitions and can sing love songs into the eyes of the woman I adore. I am a charmer, yes. LOL, but I am not a short term one. The charm should last day after day, forever, which I am prepared to do to the best of my ability. I love doing things out of the goodness of my heart for no reason whatsoever because that's the type of guy I am. I will bring home roses to a woman out of the clear blue as my way of saying thank you for everything you do and for being so wonderful. As for her, the only thing I ask is that she be sweet, honest, caring.
laylay305 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 it's a bit lengthy. i would edit a lot of the details out...save those for actual conversation. 2
KathyM Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I consider myself to be someone of character who is intelligent, yet down to earth and humble. I am 6' 3" and take care of my appearance. I am usually very outgoing, but I can also be a little on the shy side depending on the situation. I was married once, which lasted 25 years, but unfortunately ended, and we parted amicably. I have a good job as a ________________, and a college education. Did I mention intelligent and modest? lol. I enjoy hiking, dining, camping, movies, romance by the fireside with a glass of wine, etc. I like to figure out things on my own, from fixing electrical equipment, appliances, to doing carpentry and fixing cars. I'm a very handy person. I also love music, and play several instruments and love to sing. I can look into the eyes of a woman I adore, and charm and romance her, and make her melt with my love songs. As for her, the only thing I ask is that she be sweet, honest, caring. I revised it somewhat. I took out the over-the-top stuff, and the wordiness. Still needs tweeking, but this is a profile that would interest a lot of women IMO. 1
NJtoDC Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I would change a lot about this profile. First, it's too long. I'd keep it simpler and more to the point. Let me tell you a little about who I am. No need to say this, I'd cut it. In general I consider myself to be someone of character who believes one should be sophisticated and intelligent, yet down to earth and humble. I am these things. I am 6' 3" and take pride in my appearance. I am very outgoing and can make a group of people crack up laughing, and at times light up a room, but I can also be a little on the shy side depending on the situation. The bolded part rubs me the wrong way, as it sounds like you are saying everyone should be sophisticated and intelligent. It sounds snobby to me. Why mention taking pride in your appearance? What does that mean? Is it that you are hot and are pleased with yourself for it or does it mean that you are are clean cut, like to dress nice, and take care of yourself? I imagine it's the latter but it doesn't read that way, and though you bring up taking pride in your appearance you don't explain what that means. I'd take out the light up the room part, personally. Why not, if you feel the need to mention it, just say "I've got a good sense of humor, am comfortable in a crowd, but also can be shy at times. I was married to only 1 person for 25 years and NEVER cheated. I pride myself on that. I never let temptation pull me in. I understand how important honesty is, not only for myself, but for her as well, and do everything I can to prove that honesty. I'd get rid of all of this. It's TMI and although you mean it to show your honesty and lack of cheating in the past, it could instead have an off putting effect while not truly assuring your honesty as these women do not know you and can't trust your word. The fact that you are divorced will be on your stats. You can mention briefly that you are an honest and faithful but nothing more. With that being said, and without sounding pompous (which I am not by any means), I'd like to believe I have many of the traits a woman looks for in a man. I am not rich, but then again how many people are? I try hard to work at it though. I wouldn't talk about trying not to sound pompous or assure you are not. I'd avoid any comments about the bad things you are not, they are negative and unhelpful. I don't have a bachelors degree, but I do have a 2 associate degrees and a fairly decent paying, dependable career. I consider myself to be intelligent, dependable and caring. Again, you are putting yourself down for what you are not. If you feel the need to talk about your education further than is already in your stats, I would just say what you have your associates degrees in, and what kind of work you do now. You've already told us you are intelligent. I'd cut that here too. I enjoy philosophical conversations on any topic. I recently had an in-depth conversation with a FB friend who speaks before congress on a regular basis and who has a book out and a movie about foreign relations with China. We have some pretty in-depth discussions on how to handle political affairs and he's agreed with many of my points. That's the measure of my wisdom. I don't make it a point to have political discussions. I'm just using it as a reference to give you an idea of how well I can carry on a meaningful conversation. I'd keep the bolded and chuck the rest. Way too much dialog for a profile. The rest really is bragging. You could say "I enjoy philosophical discussion about politics, religion, american idol, <insert your interest here>." I enjoy the simple things in life like, hiking, dining, camping, movies, romance by the fireside with a glass of wine, etc. This is good. This is the stuff a prospective date wants to know. I take pride in my ability to figure out just about anything on my own, from fixing electrical equipment, appliances, to doing drywall, carpentry, building sheds, fixing cars. It's ok to talk about your handy ability but the bolded part I would change, it sounds like bragging again (that could just be me though). I would say "I enjoy learning to do my own trade and repair work (or however you would classify this) and you could list those things. I know as a lady I would like this about you, a handy man is a good thing. I play 4 different instruments by ear and I've been a singer since I was 13, which I am very good at. I've won singing competitions and can sing love songs into the eyes of the woman I adore. Again, it comes across as braggy to me. I'd say "I play the guitar, piano, drums, and sax. I enjoy singing and would love to sing to the woman I adore" I wouldn't mention singing to women in the past. I am a charmer, yes. LOL, but I am not a short term one. The charm should last day after day, forever, which I am prepared to do to the best of my ability. I love doing things out of the goodness of my heart for no reason whatsoever because that's the type of guy I am. I will bring home roses to a woman out of the clear blue as my way of saying thank you for everything you do and for being so wonderful. I'd drop the being a charmer part. Being a charmer can have connotations that are not good- being manipulative and a player. I don't think that's the idea you want to get across. I would simply say "I enjoy being romantic: flowers, little surprises just because, and just showing appreciation for my woman." As for her, the only thing I ask is that she be sweet, honest, caring. You say a lot about yourself. Is there really nothing more you want in a partner? I'd pair this down a lot. More important than all the right words is having good quality pictures. With poor pictures they won't make it to reading your profile. Good luck! 2
Author Johnson1 Posted November 25, 2013 Author Posted November 25, 2013 I would change a lot about this profile. First, it's too long. I'd keep it simpler and more to the point. No need to say this, I'd cut it. The bolded part rubs me the wrong way, as it sounds like you are saying everyone should be sophisticated and intelligent. It sounds snobby to me. Why mention taking pride in your appearance? What does that mean? Is it that you are hot and are pleased with yourself for it or does it mean that you are are clean cut, like to dress nice, and take care of yourself? I imagine it's the latter but it doesn't read that way, and though you bring up taking pride in your appearance you don't explain what that means. I'd take out the light up the room part, personally. Why not, if you feel the need to mention it, just say "I've got a good sense of humor, am comfortable in a crowd, but also can be shy at times. I'd get rid of all of this. It's TMI and although you mean it to show your honesty and lack of cheating in the past, it could instead have an off putting effect while not truly assuring your honesty as these women do not know you and can't trust your word. The fact that you are divorced will be on your stats. You can mention briefly that you are an honest and faithful but nothing more. I wouldn't talk about trying not to sound pompous or assure you are not. I'd avoid any comments about the bad things you are not, they are negative and unhelpful. Again, you are putting yourself down for what you are not. If you feel the need to talk about your education further than is already in your stats, I would just say what you have your associates degrees in, and what kind of work you do now. You've already told us you are intelligent. I'd cut that here too. I'd keep the bolded and chuck the rest. Way too much dialog for a profile. The rest really is bragging. You could say "I enjoy philosophical discussion about politics, religion, american idol, <insert your interest here>." . This is good. This is the stuff a prospective date wants to know. It's ok to talk about your handy ability but the bolded part I would change, it sounds like bragging again (that could just be me though). I would say "I enjoy learning to do my own trade and repair work (or however you would classify this) and you could list those things. I know as a lady I would like this about you, a handy man is a good thing. , it comes across as braggy to me. I'd say "I play the guitar, piano, drums, and sax. I enjoy singing and would love to sing to the woman I adore" I wouldn't mention singing to women in the past. I'd drop the being a charmer part. Being a charmer can have connotations that are not good- being manipulative and a player. I don't think that's the idea you want to get across. I would simply say "I enjoy being romantic: flowers, little surprises just because, and just showing appreciation for my woman." You say a lot about yourself. Is there really nothing more you want in a partner? I'd pair this down a lot. More important than all the right words is having good quality pictures. With poor pictures they won't make it to reading your profile. Good luck! Wow, you really picked this apart, but that's cool. I asked for constructive crticism, I got it .lol My reasoning behind pointing out my faults was to show my humbleness so my positive points come across as confidence, not bragging, conceipt, or cockyness. I know à lot of people might not read that far into it, which is why I agree with you and will make the changes. Thank you for your thoroughness! 1
Iguanna Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I have zero experience from dating sites (are these like blind dates?) but when I read your profile the things that came to mind were: well, he seems kinda arrogant person who is trying to hide it behind modest phrases which he doesn't believe. If he is SO perfect, how come he hasn't found a woman just yet? I find your profile to have too many good things and the "bad" things would be only to seem modest, not believable though. Sometimes simpler is better. What I would keep from your profile: "I am very outgoing but I can also be a little on the shy side depending on the situation. I was married to only 1 person for 25 years and NEVER cheated. I understand how important honesty is, not only for myself, but for her as well, and do everything I can to prove that honesty. I am not rich, but then again how many people are? but I do have a 2 associate degrees and a fairly decent paying, dependable career. I consider myself to be intelligent, dependable and caring. I enjoy philosophical conversations on any topic. I enjoy the simple things in life like, hiking, dining, camping, movies, romance by the fireside with a glass of wine, etc. I love doing things out of the goodness of my heart for no reason whatsoever. As for her, the only thing I ask is that she be sweet, honest, caring." I don't like guys who brag for their achievements. I prefer guys who show their weaknesses, cause through weaknesses I can relate to him, he seems human in my eyes, and I'm not scared to talk to "his highness". But hey, that's just me
TheGuard13 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 I would just focus on getting a good profile picture/s. The rest you can parcel out when you actually start talking to women.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 Based on some other things he has written about women....bingo. This. The post doesn't come across as very humble. Parts of it sound arrogant and self-congratulatory.
KathyM Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 This. The post doesn't come across as very humble. Parts of it sound arrogant and self-congratulatory. Well, while I would agree that some of what he says is over-the-top for an OLD profile, in all fairness, this is not the time to be humble. In an OLD profile, people are supposed to highlight their strengths, their interests, their talents, and promote themselves. That's the nature of OLD. If he were humble and downplayed himself, and didn't mention his strengths, I doubt people would be as interested. There is nothing wrong with doing a little self promotion on a dating website. It's not the time or place for modesty. But I do agree that some of his statements were over-the-top and need to be toned down.
Author Johnson1 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) Okay. Here's the revised version: Thank you for your interest. Let me begin by telling you a little about who I am and what I’m looking for. I am 6' 3", outgoing, and at times can light up a room, but I can also be shy and reserved depending on the situation. I take pride in my appearance, not only because of the confidence I feel, but out of respect in myself and for whomever I am with. I enjoy the simple things in life, like hiking in the mountains, fine dining, camping, going to comedy clubs and movies, philosophical conversations, walking through botanical gardens and romantic evenings by the fireside with a glass of wine. It’s been a dream of mine to take a weekend trip in a convertible and stay at a beautiful bed and breakfast and watch the sun come up over the ocean. I am a hard worker who is honest, caring and who makes a decent living in the electronics field. Even so, I never stop trying to improve my financial status, whether it be through continuing education or better employment. I work on figuring out how to build and repair things on my own, from fixing electrical equipment and appliances, to doing drywall, carpentry, plumbing, building sheds and fixing cars. My hobbies include playing guitar, drums, bass and keyboards. I also sing and would very much like to sing a love song to the woman I adore. I enjoy doing things for people because that's the type of person I am. I will bring home roses out of the clear blue as my way of saying thank you for everything you do. As for the lady I am looking for, the only thing I ask is that she be sweet, honest, caring, have a good sense of humor and an interest in at least some of the things I am interested in. I am flexible on everything else and understand the importance of having good communication in a relationship. Talk to you soon! Cheers! Edited January 12, 2014 by Vocals5
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