city.lights Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I was in a 2 year relationship, than I ended 2 months ago. This was a university relationship and this summer we both moved back to our home towns. For one reason or another I really struggled to adjust with the move back and found myself sinking into depression. I ended the relationship for this reason really, not being able to cope with a relationship thats just gone long distance, on top of this. It was no reflection on my feelings for him AT ALL. He treated me like a princess throughout. At the time I did (stupidly) think once I had sorted myself out we could get back together. Anyway, just over 2 weeks later I started to regret my decision and asked him to give it another go, said what we had was too special to not fight for. His feelings had completely changed so suddenly and the answer as simply 'no'. I couldnt understand this - was so unlike him. Up till the end of our relationship he saying how much he loved me and that what we had was worth it. The next day he text me to say hes sorry but hes started to see someone else. I was horrified. To make it worse the day after I see on facebook that he is now 'in a relationship' with 60 odd 'likes' from friends and family. He refused to speak to me about this and give me answers. I wanted to know how he could move on into another committed relationship so fast and turn off his feelings for me. My plea's for answers went ignored. I continued to flood him with texts about once/twice a week for this next few weeks (yes, shouldnt have done that) begging for closure. Eventaully, he gave in and called me. He said such hurtful things, that he feels nothing for me anymore, that his new GF is amazing (shes really pretty), that i was acting like an obsessed weirdo (probably was but its not unrealistic to want closure) and that he started to drift away from me towards the end our relationship. I feel utterly betrayed. He kicked me while i was really down. Shattered my self esteem. Acted so coldly towards me by not wanting to give me closure. Cannot stop crying. This is not person I knew. Any advice from anyone whos been through something similar? I need to move on from this as there is obviously no going back from what he has told me. Honestly I felt/feel that he has everything i want in someone
Author city.lights Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Should probably add that I have not spoken to him since said phone call. I also blocked him off every social networking site when i saw that 2 weeks into his new relationship he was buying her flowers, and she already had all of his family members as fb friends - I didnt have any of them after 2 years. I dont need to see any of that. He dropped me like a hot brick. He really was so perfect up until all of this
cavalier99 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) Im sure this is tough for you but the fact of the matter is you dumped him. What do you expect? Stop playing the vicim. Go NC and heal! If he was on here id congratulate him on moving on so well. Anyway Lesson learned. Just forget about him. Cav Edited November 24, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Haydn Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Hi City lights, got to let this one go ok. You are still young and he is not the be all and end all! Dont contact him anymore. It will take time for you to get him out of your system but start today. He was not perfect! Just in your eyes at the moment he seems to be. If he told you such hurtful things then remember what they were and why he said them. This is a time for you to renew yourself. Stay away from anything that pains you. All social media. BLOCK BLOCK. Who cares if his friends and family like his new relationship!!!!!!! Time for yourself now. Post here whenever you want to reach out to him. The advice you will get will be very very useful. We have all been where you are now. Take care and stay strong. 2
cavalier99 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 To put a more positive spin on my previous comments. id say that even though you broke up with him. He obviously wasnt as invested in the relationship as you seem to think. If he can be dating so fast, and it doesnt have a reboynd feel to it, he was probably checking out of the RS anyway. So dont despair. Just pick youself up and move foward. Never break NC! Cav 1
Author city.lights Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 I see where you're coming from but what I was trying to get at is that depression makes you push the people you care about most away - I never really wanted any of this and have ended up deeply hurt. I have started NC but I still cant stop thinking about it, or crying.
J21 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) I'm very sorry you're hurting, but the fact of the matter is you broke up with him first. In all fairness, you can't expect to have him mope around waiting for you to come back. From his perspective, who knows if you would've even came back? He had no choice but to continue living his life and move forward. You honestly shouldn't feel "betrayed, kicked while down and feel as if your self esteem was shattered". You're playing victim here after regretting a decision you've made. Whether it was due to depression or not, I'm sure it didn't feel good for him when you broke up with him. He may or may not come back to you sometime in the future, but I would not wait for it. Just as he moved on after you broke up with him, you have to do the same. Take your mind off him, focus on yourself and go NC (easier said than done). If you keep contacting him, it will just put you in a more negative light, so please don't. Wish you all the best. Edited November 24, 2013 by J21
d0nnivain Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I'm sorry you are hurting. This time of year can make people more depressed so I hope you have somebody to talk to about that. As for the relationship, if this new woman is already so ensconced in his life, your relationship may not have been as perfect as you think. Perhaps this new woman is a rebound but your EX has moved on. Take this time to heal & nurture yourself. 1
Author city.lights Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) I'm very sorry you're hurting, but the fact of the matter is you broke up with him first. In all fairness, you can't expect to have him mope around waiting for you to come back. From his perspective, who knows if you would've even came back? He had no choice but to continue living his life and move forward. You honestly shouldn't feel "betrayed, kicked while down and feel as if your self esteem was shattered". You're playing victim here after regretting a decision you've made. Whether it was due to depression or not, I'm sure it didn't feel good for him when you broke up with him. He may or may not come back to you sometime in the future, but I would not wait for it. Just as he moved on after you broke up with him, you have to do the same. Take your mind off him, focus on yourself and go NC (easier said than done). If you keep contacting him, it will just put you in a more negative light, so please don't. Wish you all the best. No, not at all did I expect him to sit around moping. I would've been very happy for him if a few months down the line he had entered a relationship. However the way it was done I feel as though, as someone else posted, he must have 'checked out' of the relationship before it was over to enter another relationship like that, you know? Do feel betrayed by that because it was the opposite of how he was acting. I do see where you coming from but, as I said I am hurt because it was never my feelings towards him that changed. He knew that. I did also try to reconcile to no avail. Either way it doesnt take away the fact that I still love him and he made it clear he wasnt hurt at all. He told me in no uncertain terms that she is better than me and he has no feelings left me. I was the one left heartbroken. Edited November 24, 2013 by city.lights
Haydn Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 If he told you all these things then you are the one who better! Let it go. You dont need this bollocks. MY ex told me something along these lines. Took me a while to realise i was the lucky one. Its raw for you and it will take a while. But hang in there.
cavalier99 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 (edited) No, not at all did I expect him to sit around moping. I would've been very happy for him if a few months down the line he had entered a relationship. However the way it was done I feel as though, as someone else posted, he must have 'checked out' of the relationship before it was over to enter another relationship like that, you know? Do feel betrayed by that because it was the opposite of how he was acting. I do see where you coming from but, as I said I am hurt because it was never my feelings towards him that changed. He knew that. I did also try to reconcile to no avail. Either way it doesnt take away the fact that I still love him and he made it clear he wasnt hurt at all. He told me in no uncertain terms that she is better than me and he has no feelings left me. I was the one left heartbroken. Listen I dont mean to invalidate your pain but ...come on. You made a decision to end things. At that very intstant it didnt matter if he waited 1 year to date or got married 2 weeks later. You got what you wanted. If you had wanted to stay in a relationship with him you fight to stay with him. Whether you were depressed or not. As you said he was great to you right up until the end. Maybe he would have supported and stayed with you during that rough time?? Maybe not. But eitherway once you end things with someone you have no say or right on what they do. So I understand you are upset but at this point it is ridiculous to blame him for his post BU decisions . We have all been thru these emotions and most of us accept that once we are dumped that is it OVER FINITO. It is hard. You just need to suck it up especially considering this was your decision. A choice few of us had. Cav Edited November 24, 2013 by cavalier99 2
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