Is my ex in a rebound relationship or just moved on

[srmano]

My ex and i broke up about two months ago, things between us were awkward for much of that time, and she didn't want to go back to dating and just wanted to see how things went. She told me last weekend that she had kissed this other guy a few days earlier and said she liked him.

 

She insisted we remain friends but i made it clear it was better for us if we just gave each other space. She herself admitted that she was still way to attached to me. We work in the same workplace, and after 2-3 days of nc she sent me a text saying how she hadn't been able to sleep the previous few nights and had been having nightmares, how i was her best friend and how i was pathetic for moving on like this. Later that day she broke down in tears and i had to comfort her. One of my work colleagues mentioned that she had being referring to him as her boyfriend the day before. Several days later i saw her at work again and she would use any excuse to talk to me, and i tried to be polite and kept my answers minimal.

 

 

Im not sure if she's' in a rebound or if she's actually moved on. Either way i plan on enjoying being single and meeting other girls when im ready.

[yorkie]

tbh mate im not sure it could be yes it could last how do you know it wasnt lined up before? sorry if that sounds harsh but you never know what what going on before. some people are saying i might be in a rebound or going into a rebound relationship as im sort of seeing someone 3 months after a 12 n half year relationship but who knows if i was you i would just think its over if in the future she comes back then you need to ask her but right now as harsh as this seems you are single . you go out and have fun cos i am and its helping me give me confidence. you will never ever forget but you will learn to love yourself again

 

best of luck

[TryingToFigureItOut]

Whether its a rebound or not, act as if it isn't. The more you stay strong and not contact her, the better off you'll look.

[d0nnivain]

It doesn't matter. The fact that there is somebody else in her life is the clearest signal that she no longer has room for you in her life. What she does or why is no longer your concern so don't waste precious time thinking about her.

[srmano]

I made it clear that we both needed to give each other space and she said she'd respect that and keep conversations to a minimum at work prior to going NC. She knows i wont reply to her texts so instead she continues to try's to talk to me and i always catch her staring at me. Before going NC with her, she mentioned she wanted to "catch up for a coffee eventually to see how things are and talk about work" (because i am starting a new job) , i mentioned the fact that she hadn't met up with any of her other ex's while we were together to which respond "you are extremely different.." To be honest since going NC i've been a lot happier, confident and my old self, even she said she was surprised to see me smiling and laughing.

[d0nnivain]

If you are happier & more confident since the relationship ended & you have moved forward, why do you want to go backwards?

[srmano]

I am happier because for those two months after we broke up i wasn't sure if we were going to get back together and every time i tried distancing myself she would notice and make a big deal out. It's great knowing where i stand, and not having this uncertainly and actually being able to flirt with other girls and not worrying about my ex. For instance this girl i know, told her friend (my ex's boyfriend, who was also her ex) and his roommates that i was interested in her and my ex called me later how she got worked up and defended me saying i wouldn't go there and asked if i was interested. I guess i've dealt with all this drama these past couple of months its good to not having to deal with anything apart from my own issues.

 

I look backwards because overall me and her agreed we had a good relationship.

Edited November 25, 2013 by srmano

[AlexfromBoston]

srmano, she either A. genuinely misses you and wants you back or B. wants to keep you in her "rainy day" pocket incase this new guy just doesn't cut it. Either way your choice should be limited contact. Don't jump at her texts and try to respond to her in a cold, uninterested manner. Have fun and enjoy the single life. If she really wants you back, you ought to make her beg for you back...otherwise, it's not worth the headache.

[srmano]

i saw her at work the other day, she saw me purposely took the longer way around, walked up to me, smiled said hello and i said hi, then told me how i smelt good i said thanks and walked off. I have not initiated any contact either in person or via text in the past 10 days. However in saying that i do work with her so i keep the conversation to a minimum, and even then she initiates.

 

The new guy is this guy she's known for years, in the past said she would never have an interest in, the polar opposite of me. She doesn't like tattoos, smokers, or heavy drinkers she said while we dated and thats what he is, doesn't have much money or even a license. She goes to university, while he's what we call in australia a bogan (unsophisticated, kind of like a redneck/white trash) and does very little apart from work and drink.

Edited November 26, 2013 by srmano

[TryingToFigureItOut]

i saw her at work the other day, she saw me purposely took the longer way around, walked up to me, smiled said hello and i said hi, then told me how i smelt good i said thanks and walked off. I have not initiated any contact either in person or via text in the past 10 days. However in saying that i do work with her so i keep the conversation to a minimum, and even then she initiates.

 

The new guy is this guy she's known for years, in the past said she would never have an interest in, the polar opposite of me. She doesn't like tattoos, smokers, or heavy drinkers she said while we dated and thats what he is, doesn't have much money or even a license. She goes to university, while he's what we call in australia a bogan (unsophisticated, kind of like a redneck/white trash) and does very little apart from work and drink.

 

My ex is currently in a relationship with a girl who he has known for years too...said he saw her like a "little sister". Yeah they're dating now, almost a full 2 months into the relationship. Whether those factors mean our ex's are in a rebound relationship or not it doesn't matter because they are in that relationship now.

 

The best advice I can give you that was given to me is to move on for now, focus on bettering yourself, START DATING AGAIN, and as cliche as it sounds it if it is meant to be it will happen. And in all reality if it is meant to be it probably won't happen for awhile...you both need a lot of growing up to do and growing up and changing takes awhile for most people.

[srmano]

I guess i find it hard that she would cry about me no longer wanting to be her best friend etc and be dating another guy. Either way im keep doing NC and so that if ever she decides to come back im able to say no

[srmano]

My ex tried calling me last night, i didn't want to call her so i sent her a text saying "you called?" she replied saying "never mind" then sent another one later saying she was in a emotional state about her university stuff at the time, didn't call me for long and how she called her bf up instead afterwards. Thing i don't understand is why didn't she just call him in the first place. I think she's also being stalking my Facebook page because she commented at work that i've been going out a lot lately.

Edited December 1, 2013 by srmano

[srmano]

hi i was wondering how you guys deal with your ex's when they keep trying to keep in contact with you. I've been in LC for the past 6 weeks with her, i never initiate contact. Her and i work together so its impossible not to see/have to talk to each other occasionally.

 

The first few weeks she would only try to contact me once a week, the past few weeks she's been contact me a lot more frequently, sometimes sending me pointless texts about how she bought a particular meal at this store we used to visit when we dated. She walked up to me said "you smell nice and you got a hair cut" and mentioned it again later, last weekend she commented on how arms are bigger. I've been trying to keep myself busy by hanging out with friends and in the last week she's been really curious as to what i did over xmas, what i've been up to etc. The past few weeks i've noticed every time i've seen her or had her contact me that she's not happy and has mood swings particularly when im involved, i initially thought i was seeing what i wanted to see, but other people have commented on it too. For instance she'll get angry at me for no reason and then 30min later apologise.

 

I've been working out, flirted and had fun with other girls and my confidence is back and i think she's noticed. Problem is all this contact from her of late has made me miss her, i don't know if she's missing me or after an ego boost.

Edited December 31, 2013 by srmano

[tiredofitall2]

hi i was wondering how you guys deal with your ex's when they keep trying to keep in contact with you. I've been in LC for the past 6 weeks with her, i never initiate contact. Her and i work together so its impossible not to see/have to talk to each other occasionally.

 

The first few weeks she would only try to contact me once a week, the past few weeks she's been contact me a lot more frequently, sometimes sending me pointless texts about how she bought a particular meal at this store we used to visit when we dated. She walked up to me said "you smell nice and you got a hair cut" and mentioned it again later, last weekend she commented on how arms are bigger. I've been trying to keep myself busy by hanging out with friends and in the last week she's been really curious as to what i did over xmas, what i've been up to etc. The past few weeks i've noticed every time i've seen her or had her contact me that she's not happy and has mood swings particularly when im involved, i initially thought i was seeing what i wanted to see, but other people have commented on it too. For instance she'll get angry at me for no reason and then 30min later apologise.

 

I've been working out, flirted and had fun with other girls and my confidence is back and i think she's noticed. Problem is all this contact from her of late has made me miss her, i don't know if she's missing me or after an ego boost.

 

Why don't you straight out ask her what does she want from you? What do you want from her?

 

If you are interested in her or love her and the love is mutual why play games?

 

It is nice to feel confident and flirt, but she will move on and find someone else if she is trying to get your attention and you keep playing hard to get.

 

If you really don't want her back then let her know in a polite way.

[srmano]

Why don't you straight out ask her what does she want from you? What do you want from her?

 

If you are interested in her or love her and the love is mutual why play games?

 

It is nice to feel confident and flirt, but she will move on and find someone else if she is trying to get your attention and you keep playing hard to get.

 

If you really don't want her back then let her know in a polite way.

 

She's currently in a relationship with him, they started officially dating a week after i started LC, i wasn't sure if she was beginning to miss me or if she's having second thoughts. I haven't been on her facebook or talked to anyone about her relationship but i assume they are still together.

[2fargone]

She's currently in a relationship with him, they started officially dating a week after i started LC, i wasn't sure if she was beginning to miss me or if she's having second thoughts. I haven't been on her facebook or talked to anyone about her relationship but i assume they are still together.

 

 

 

That might not matter at all. Some women are just like that, they take someone to fill a void and know it's temporary. Act like he doesn't exist. He doesn't, he isn't important.

 

 

I don't think it's an ego boost, but don't give her to much unless she clearly states what she wants. Don't ask for it either, just go with the flow.

[srmano]

That might not matter at all. Some women are just like that, they take someone to fill a void and know it's temporary. Act like he doesn't exist. He doesn't, he isn't important.

 

 

I don't think it's an ego boost, but don't give her to much unless she clearly states what she wants. Don't ask for it either, just go with the flow.

 

We both agreed we had a good relationship, we never had fights, no cheating etc. To be honest we both made mistakes, i got a little boring and took her for granted and stopped taking her out. Her current bf is the opposite of me, im mature, in shape and intelligent, he's a bit of a loser doesn't have a license, drinks alot (has tattoo's and smokes two things she dislikes) but the one thing he has going for him is he's fun. She's a few years younger than me and starting to get into the going out stage, where as im over it. I wouldn't easily take her back if she tried and i guess she'd have to prove to me that its worth another go and the issues we had could be sorted out. I just don't want to fall for breadcrumbs like i did in the past and get burned again, or risk ending losing the progress i've made.

[UltraTech]

Hello, just read your post.

 

Thank your lucky stars you are out of that relationship.

 

Heres what really happened.

 

She met someone else and wanted to try him out, but keep you on standby as back up.

 

Then, like alot of little girls in relationships, when you decided you rightly wanted to do what was right by you, she freaks out because she now has no plan b, its the new guy or bust.

 

Open and shut case, seriously, get out and don't look back, enjoy yourself until you meet a real woman who doesnt need that drama.

 

Also, dating someone in the same office........dont do it again.

[srmano]

Hello, just read your post.

 

Thank your lucky stars you are out of that relationship.

 

Heres what really happened.

 

She met someone else and wanted to try him out, but keep you on standby as back up.

 

Then, like alot of little girls in relationships, when you decided you rightly wanted to do what was right by you, she freaks out because she now has no plan b, its the new guy or bust.

 

Open and shut case, seriously, get out and don't look back, enjoy yourself until you meet a real woman who doesnt need that drama.

 

Also, dating someone in the same office........dont do it again.

 

 

I told her before we started dating when she brought up the fact that she's friends with all her ex's and that they text occasionally that im not friends with any of mine. I was a bit of a pushover for a while, and she called me pathetic for moving on like this, but your right at the end of the day im doing whats right by me. Going nc/lc strictly after texting 24/7 was hard, but i know i've moved on a hell a lot more than i would have if i'd stuck around. We kept the relationship quite at work, people suspected we were together however.

[srmano]

I skrewed up today, she was acting funny and was really happy every time i saw her at work her face would light up and be smiling. I left the building on my break and she asked me later why i left and i just smiled and said just did or something along those lines. She rolled her eyes at my response and i told her not to roll her eyes at me, she said il do what i want and i told her she needed to quit being so wound up. Later she saw me and said "did you ever think it wasn't you thats winding me up" i replied with " i never said it was me, i just said you were wound up" after my response her mood sort of changed and she didn't seem happy. Im assuming the person she was referring to is her bf? Later in the day i had to help her with something and she was really happy and kept saying "thank you". She was also got a little touchy with me at work and one of my other coworkers commented on it.

 

She texted me after work and said "thank you so much, you didn't have to do that" i didn't reply though. Her behaviour for the past month or so is confusing me.

Edited January 4, 2014 by srmano

[srmano]

She asked me the other day why i was angry at her i laughed and told her i wasn't and told her i had stuff to do. She can tell from my demeanour that im happy without her in my life where as from my observations she hasn't being happy for the past few weeks, im guessing things aren't as rosy with the new guy as she thought it would be, either way its none of my business. She's even started calling me by the nickname she called me by while we dated, and caught her checking me out. The increased contact from her has tested my self control i've got to admit i do miss her alot, but im i don't want the last 7 weeks of LC be for nothing. Im tempted to remind her that she promised to respect the fact that i wanted space, but im not sure if thats the right way to go about it.

[Fufu]

My ex and i broke up about two months ago, things between us were awkward for much of that time, and she didn't want to go back to dating and just wanted to see how things went. She told me last weekend that she had kissed this other guy a few days earlier and said she liked him.

 

She insisted we remain friends but i made it clear it was better for us if we just gave each other space. She herself admitted that she was still way to attached to me. We work in the same workplace, and after 2-3 days of nc she sent me a text saying how she hadn't been able to sleep the previous few nights and had been having nightmares, how i was her best friend and how i was pathetic for moving on like this. Later that day she broke down in tears and i had to comfort her. One of my work colleagues mentioned that she had being referring to him as her boyfriend the day before. Several days later i saw her at work again and she would use any excuse to talk to me, and i tried to be polite and kept my answers minimal.

 

 

Im not sure if she's' in a rebound or if she's actually moved on. Either way i plan on enjoying being single and meeting other girls when im ready.

 

 

Stick to your plan ^^

[srmano]

I didn't see her much at work this week as i was away from work. However the few days i was in it was pretty much the same, she'd keep using any excuse to call me, i'd help her and leave. On one occasion she walked right up to me and asked softly if things were going to keep being like this and if i'd talk to her, to which i replyed i do talk to you at work, she said something along the lines of no you don't and how i ignore her, i told her i had to go and left. Her mother ran into me when i was out shopping who asked me about how my xmas/new years was, and brought up how her daughter has said i hadn't being as helpful at work as i once was. I laughed and told her others at work had commented on how much she calls me to help her. Her mother and i have always gotten on well compared to her other boyfriends present one included, was a bit weird though talking to my ex's mother so i said bye and left after a few min. One of my friends commented that she was still obsessed with me and still wanted me.

 

Her moods are fairly up and down, will be happy to see me one minute, later throw paperwork at me an walk off. I got home yesterday and had her blow up my phone with 10 calls/texts within 5-10 min, texts were a mixture of angry (with the occasional capitals, which is a big thing for her) and please talk to me's, i didn't reply. I assume it infuriated her more that one my phone i haven't turned off the read function so she would have seen that i'd read the messages straight after she'd sent them.

 

Question i asked myself was i wonder if he (her bf) knows she's being texting me, and trying to get my attention at work. Backing off, minding my own business, essentially saying have fun with the new guy, and being happy/polite every time i see her has clearly gotten to her. When i look into her eyes i can tell what she's thinking, so i'll tailor my demeanour and either have a smile/grin on my face or be expressionless and uninterested. She can sense that the limited contact is effecting her more than me, yes it's getting to me or i wouldn't be posting on here but not to the same degree.

[srmano]

The ex sent me a message asking if we could catch up, how i make sure i see her unhappy, about being annoyed and jealous i would talk to her mum over her. Said "i miss you as much as i hate to admit it because i know you don't and i know your loving life or whatever", asked if i'd deleted her number. And later "i just need to know what your thinking. I just don't get it and im going insane, please stop ignoring me. Please just talk".

 

I told her that perhaps we could catch up one day but now wasn't the right time, and that i wasn't thinking anything i respected her decision and backed off and moved on with my life. Her reply to this was "thats not fair" and how i'll never be an acquaintance to her.

 

Last week she sent this "I like it when you talk to me... I hate not being able to have a conversation with you. You don't realise that. and we had genuinely great conversations. I told her im not being interested in been her friend, and how she can have such conversations with her bf and how've being like that with all my gf's. She replied "I know. Still deciding how I feel about that" and "It's good I'm replaceable...", I mentioned that i'd been replaced and had accepted it and why she'd say such a thing. She replied with "Don't worry... Said it the wrong way and you took it differently to how I meant it.". I asked her why she was still deciding how she felt about me not wanting to be friends and she said "because i am".

 

Then asked if i was involved with anyone and i said yes and she kept wanting to know if she knew them, and i just told her my personal life was none of her concern. The next day she sent me a message saying "Sorry about last night. Was very intrusive of me. I understand that I'm nothing more than a colleague. I apologise". What exactly does she want?

[almond]

Who cares what she wants? The important thing here is that she doesn't want to be with you. She's playing with you, and her texts are very manipulative.

 

Cut contact and get your life back, or continue doing your own head in analysing her every word - your choice.