The Next Step

[Titania22]

Hey Guys,

 

After being a social recluse for way too long, I have decided to put myself out there IRL once more.

 

I wanted to try something different then the things I have already tried in the past, which never worked.

 

I figured if I am to smile and look approachable it would be easire if I was doing something I actually enjoyed.

 

So I bought a 12month pass to a group of attractions, such as the aquarium, wild life park etc (it was really great value for money), because if nothing else visiting these places would be something I would enjoy.

 

Today I went to pick up my pass. I made sure I looked nice, and just focused on smiling and making eye contact where possible. It was really crowded and busy in the city, lots of families and couples. I tried to identify which guys were either there with other guys or alone, but I felt way too intimidated to actually do anything, and no one seemed to notice me so I just kept walking. (It's only day 1 afterall.)

 

Afterwards I was so thirsty I went to starbucks and got a drink. And while I was waiting for it I actually talked to 2 guys. They were sitting opposite me while we were all waiting for our drinks, and didn't hesitate to smile and make direct eye contact. I found out they were from perth and canberra, they were going to watch the hunger games at imax, and the perth guy was into dirt bikes.

 

So all in all it was a good first experience, except that I need a better answer to 'what am I into' then 'I am a geeky nerdy gamer girl'. Seriously without lying, how should I deal with questions regarding my interests when faced with the normal people I am likely to meet in the wilds of the real world? Specific examples of things I can say would be greatly appreciated.

 

Next time I go out I am going to the wax museum (included in my pass). I have never been to a wax museum, so I am pretty excited. What day of the week, time of the day do you think would be best? It's in the same location I went today. I am also thinking next time rather then focusing on smiling and eye contact, I want to focus more on exuding sex appeal. What do you guys think?

[paigej91]

"What are you into?" and other vague questions like that are small talk. In order to date, you have to become proficient at answering these. You by no means have to be an expert, but learning the ropes of small talk is essential to getting into a deeper conversation. I'd recommend an online search on small talk tips- lots of introverts (like myself) hate small talk and find it petty/superficial.

 

Sex appeal will get you just those kinds of guys- guys interested in hook ups. If that's what you're looking for, go for it!

[Lansing]

I would plan less on when to go based in when you might "meet" a guy.. Go when it works into your schedule.

 

Good first steps anyway!

[Titania22]

I would plan less on when to go based in when you might "meet" a guy.. Go when it works into your schedule.

 

Good first steps anyway!

 

Until I get another call about a job, I have no schedule to work with.

[Titania22]

So no one has any specific advice for me? No one has any examples of how I can successfully negotiate the want are you into question without coming across like a total social outcast? And no one has any intuitive idea when my be the best time of day for my next outing?

[gaius]

Why come up with something fake you aren't really into? You should be honest and just say you're into Starcraft and video games. Especially since you're into younger guys. It will give you something genuine to talk about if you run into someone who shares the same interest, which is more likely with younger guys. Plus it's a lot easier to ask for a battletag than it is a number.

 

As for the rest I can't really help, I don't know Australian guys that well and I don't think there's a perfect time to go out in public hunting for people.

[Eternal Sunshine]

On my last date I said that one of my interests is posting on a relationship advice forum. I was totally honest. I turned out that he is regular on another forum and we ended up having lively discussion about trolls and online arguments.

 

Usually I hide that I post here from everyone :/

[carhill]

I am also thinking next time rather then focusing on smiling and eye contact, I want to focus more on exuding sex appeal. What do you guys think?

 

Hike up the skirt and lower the collar. Always worked for my exW and her friends

 

The key is becoming comfortable with a man talking to your chest, if you're not used to that.

 

The advice about small talk is tops, IMO. Get good at that and perk the girls up a bit and men will swoon at your feet.

[Titania22]

Hey Involver,

 

I am 41. I don't know really what age I am looking for, as in the past I was always into the young ones. Now I am more curious to find if there is anyone in this city for me, and I am not trying to judge on age so much.

 

Nearly all the friends I have are male, but I have gotten so used to interacting online these days, that I am really out of practice with the face to face thing. So I came up with this plan, to basically push myself out the door. I don't necessarily want to be the pursuer, as I have tried that in the past, and it only ever got me offers of casual sex at best and rejection at worst. (But as one of our australian LS males told me, no australian man is going to cold approach.)

 

To clarify what I said in an earlier post about focusing on sex appeal, I didn't mean by dressing provocatively and or over acting, I meant internally focusing my thoughts, so that I might subconsciously be perceived as more appealing. (As I live in the permanent friend zone these days, I don't think there is any harm, in trying to convey that I am not just 'one of the guys'.) Maybe if I can convince myself I am sexually appealing I will have more success at attracting.

 

Thankyou Involver, next chance I get I will try to find out what the guy is interested in and get him talking about that.

 

 

I am very good at making friends with men so I'll basically break it down like this

 

 

You want to have natural conversation and when you find something they're interested in, keep talking about that until you find another subject that is interesting to both of you guys. Keep the conversation about stuff they're passionate about. If they ask you what you do like to do for fun, just answer honestly. Movies, food, working out, whatever it may be. Nothing wrong with being a nerd - lots of guys, even the ones who look good, are into gaming and nerdy activities. I look like a football player but I love comic book movies, cartoons, etc... Eventually you just find people that you have stuff in common with and it will flow naturally

 

 

The majority of guys are going to be very friendly to you. They don't have a bitch shield because they don't constantly get approached like many women do so they are very flattered when they are approached. Just be friendly and flirt a little until you find somebody you connect with. Remember 93% of communication is non verbal. You're being judged on your looks obviously and then how you carry yourself and having a positive/friendly attitude is huge. What you say has very little meaning in the end as that's not what you're judged on

 

 

Can I ask what age are you and what age guys are you interested in/pursuing?

[Titania22]

Why come up with something fake you aren't really into? You should be honest and just say you're into Starcraft and video games. Especially since you're into younger guys. It will give you something genuine to talk about if you run into someone who shares the same interest, which is more likely with younger guys. Plus it's a lot easier to ask for a battletag than it is a number.

 

As for the rest I can't really help, I don't know Australian guys that well and I don't think there's a perfect time to go out in public hunting for people.

 

Oh Gaius if only, I live in Noobalia, where guys look at me like a am an alien for playing computer games. If it were that simple I would have gotten a boyfriend years ago.

 

On my last date I said that one of my interests is posting on a relationship advice forum. I was totally honest. I turned out that he is regular on another forum and we ended up having lively discussion about trolls and online arguments.

 

Usually I hide that I post here from everyone :/

 

I have done that on a date a few years back. He asked me what sort of these people talk about and I made the mistake of mentioning the endless argument about who should pay on a date. Boy did that hit a nerve with the guy? After going off about the injustice of the dating world, he did say I was the exception and I found out that my company was so good it is actually with $200, who would have thought it. The date did start with me paying for lunch as he had no cash.

 

Hike up the skirt and lower the collar. Always worked for my exW and her friends

 

The key is becoming comfortable with a man talking to your chest, if you're not used to that.

 

The advice about small talk is tops, IMO. Get good at that and perk the girls up a bit and men will swoon at your feet.

 

 

Hey Carhill, I am disappointed you think the girls need perking up, the have never sagged and I never wear a bra. Are you saying I should?

 

BTW Yesterday on my journey I was wearing my white jeans that used to help me pull 20yr olds (and by used to I mean like 3-4yrs ago.

[Titania22]

You can be a sexual person and still be classy

 

It's all about your confidence and then just have a little flirty tone to your voice, but you have to make it natural

 

The whole flirting thing escapes me, and I have no idea what a flirty tone would be.

 

It's definitely not something I do on a conscious level.

[Titania22]

If you see somebody you are sexually attracted to, talk to them like you are sexually attracted to them while still being your usual classy self

 

If I actually saw someone I was sexually attracted to immediately, I become a clumsy mute. Saying anything intelligible at all would be an achievement. (Also not walking into a wall, or tripping over nothing and falling on my face.)

[Titania22]

What just happened to Involver, he was here and now he is not?

[William]

Previously banned member. Carry on. Looks like they ate up two sockpuppets on this thread. I'll leave the quotes and topical responses intact.

Edited November 25, 2013 by William
Caught another one

[carhill]

 

 

 

Hey Carhill, I am disappointed you think the girls need perking up, the have never sagged and I never wear a bra. Are you saying I should?

 

BTW Yesterday on my journey I was wearing my white jeans that used to help me pull 20yr olds (and by used to I mean like 3-4yrs ago.

 

By 'perk up' I mean make more noticeable. I recently posted about an employee who normally wears a minimizer bra and collars up to her throat and one day I ended up talking with her while in a sundress with a plunging neckline and the E's out in the breeze. No doubt the men reacted very differently to her that day, based on my short observation. It works.

[Dark_history]

Rather than saying you are into computer games, tell them about that 12 month package you just bought You can say how you are excited to try out all these new things and it could potentially lead to something the man is interested in also. And if it is, you could invite them along

 

Personally I love computer girl geeks

[Titania22]

Rather than saying you are into computer games, tell them about that 12 month package you just bought You can say how you are excited to try out all these new things and it could potentially lead to something the man is interested in also. And if it is, you could invite them along

 

Personally I love computer girl geeks

 

Thankyou Dark History. And I love being a computer geek girl.

[Dark_history]

Everything is about how you phrase it. You can make almost anything sound exciting

 

Puts on a sexy latin voice:

 

"I have an amazing career in as a sewer inspector. The lives of thousands of people in this city depend on me going through the trenches of waste that most people never see. You could say I'm like a modern day super hero, like superman"

 

How's that? Was that exciting enough to get a date from a female

[gaius]

The whole flirting thing escapes me, and I have no idea what a flirty tone would be.

 

It's definitely not something I do on a conscious level.

Something tells me when you met those two guys you were very polite and probably gave them equal attention. Next time pick one and focus more on him. I know one of the things that attracted me to my last girlfriend was she treated me differently than all the other men in the crowd, and it was a large and competitive crowd I met her in. Huge turn on.

Oh Gaius if only, I live in Noobalia, where guys look at me like a am an alien for playing computer games. If it were that simple I would have gotten a boyfriend years ago.

Half my first WoW realm, spinebreaker, came from Australia. They have to be somewhere. You might miss one when he finally comes along if you aren't talking about it. If you're going to put yourself out in public more the chances will go up.

 

I just got Heart of the Swarm by the way and my computer busted as I invaded Dominion space so I still don't know how it turned out.

[Titania22]

Something tells me when you met those two guys you were very polite and probably gave them equal attention. Next time pick one and focus more on him. I know one of the things that attracted me to my last girlfriend was she treated me differently than all the other men in the crowd, and it was a large and competitive crowd I met her in. Huge turn on.

 

Half my first WoW realm, spinebreaker, came from Australia. They have to be somewhere. You might miss one when he finally comes along if you aren't talking about it. If you're going to put yourself out in public more the chances will go up.

 

I just got Heart of the Swarm by the way and my computer busted as I invaded Dominion space so I still don't know how it turned out.

 

 

With those 2 guys one of them took the wing man role, like he would say something to help get the conversation going and then excuse himself under the pretense of getting their drinks. It was very obvious. Unfortunately I think I would have been better suited to the wingman, but everything happened so fast, I didn't get the chance, and then they were off to catch their movie.

 

So awesome Gaius, we have to play together sometime. PM me your user name and character code ok. If you click add friend, and then go to character friend, you can see what your code is. Most of my latest round of friends are bored with SC2 atm and have moved on, so I am in the market for some new blood.

[StanMusial]

 

So I bought a 12month pass to a group of attractions, such as the aquarium, wild life park etc (it was really great value for money), because if nothing else visiting these places would be something I would enjoy.

 

Next time I go out I am going to the wax museum (included in my pass). I have never been to a wax museum, so I am pretty excited. What day of the week, time of the day do you think would be best? It's in the same location I went today. I am also thinking next time rather then focusing on smiling and eye contact, I want to focus more on exuding sex appeal. What do you guys think?

 

This is a tough one, because I literally don't know a single girl who is into video games. It seems like your best bet would be to go to places where nerdy video game guys hang out. Like a game store? Some other kind of hang out?

 

The activities you listed above sound like fun, but that's where couples and families go. Except for the wax museum, I don't know who goes there. I can't think of a single guy I know that would go to one though unless someone insisted they go there.

 

You might just have better luck going to the coffee shop and telling some guy "Hey I have passes to the aquarium, let's go look at sharks".

[Titania22]

Hey Guys,

 

 

Today I went to the wax museum. My first thought upon entering was, ‘this is really creepy’. Some of the exhibits were so life-like; I thought they were actors that would move at any second. As StanMusial said, there didn’t seem to be any men in the museum that weren’t accompanied by women. However when I got near the end, I saw a man alone. He was standing near a female exhibit I didn’t recognise (the plaques with names of exhibits were a challenge to find). So I approached and asked him who it was. He said it was Delta Goodrem.

 

 

We made some small talk, and then the guy asked me if I liked magic, and then did a few magic tricks for me. They were really good. The guy had bought the same 12month pass I had, and was filling in time before his plane trip back to New Zealand. He said he would go to the wildlife park, so I went too. We would have spent more than an hour together, and I didn’t talk about myself (achievement unlocked).

 

 

 

I found out he visits Australia quite regularly because he plays tennis and comes over to play in tournaments. He seemed to be really into the animals, and kept looking up information on his smart phone whilst in the museum. He said he should have gone to the wax museum with someone so that he could get photos, so I said that if he wanted next time he was in town he could call me and I could help him get the photos he wanted in the wax museum.

 

 

With the rest of my journey I was focused on practicing doing the quick glance followed by a 2nd quick glance and half smile (which is supposed to indicate interest without being creepy). And I am just terrible at it. It’s going to take quite a bit of practice. I realize my bad eye sight may be a contributor, as often I find myself staring at guys trying to work out if they look any good, and by the time I work it out I realize I have been staring at them too long.

 

 

My next outing is Friday night where I have rsvp’d for a meetup with entirely people I don’t know. Even though it is at a bar (not a good place to meet someone for a relationship), the closer quarters will probably give me a better opportunity to practice this glancing thing, and even possibly some more cold approaches.

 

 

 

Another thing I thought about today is that the choice of location of the aquarium etc, is perfect to meet guys who work in the city and head over to darling harbour for their lunches. So weekdays during lunch time would probably be the best time for those trips. Visiting an attraction gives me an excuse to be in the area.

[Titania22]

Hey Guys,

 

Assuming anyone is still interested in my ongoing journey.

 

I went to 2 meetup groups last night. They were both on bars. And my objective turned out to be, meeting and talking to as many new people as possible.

 

The first one was an over 35's group. I met virtually everyone that turned up. There weren't as many people as I had hoped and many more women then men. The men that did show looked pretty old. None of the men I was interested in getting to know any better, and since my objective was to meet as many new men as I could, I said goodbye and left.

 

Next meetup group was for 20's-30's, which technically I don't fit into anymore. I spoke to a few people, and then made friends with Jessica. We instantly hit it off. She is 23. I also met a guy who was hanging around with her, and the three of us had really good report. The night was alot more fun with them. I exchanged number with both of them, and Jessica said we would get together soon, for coffee or something. It feel like a real success to have met another single girl, and could lead me to more situations where I might meet someone. The guy was cool too, but I was attracted to him, and Jessica told me he wasn't interested in anything serious. Later I mentioned to him that if anything came up that he thought I might enjoy he should not hesitate to invite me because "I am 100% committed to meeting new people".

 

On my bus ride home, the guy started texting me (because he is interested in a casual hookup), and I missed my bus stop. (For any of you girls who are curious about this casual hookup guy. He is british, with a BSc in Physics and a passion for cheerleading. He kept trying to convince Jessica to let him throw her in the air. Jessica is a petite girl of chinese descent.)

 

Oh and before the texting, I actually struck up a conversation with the man sitting next to me on the bus home.

 

I haven't planned my next outing into the man wilderness just yet. And I have already lost count of how many new men I have spoken to.

 

The search continues.

[gaius]

So awesome Gaius, we have to play together sometime. PM me your user name and character code ok. If you click add friend, and then go to character friend, you can see what your code is. Most of my latest round of friends are bored with SC2 atm and have moved on, so I am in the market for some new blood.

Sounds like a deal as soon as I get my computer rebuilt. But we have to do vent too.

 

I've never heard of a guy pulling a move by professing an interest in cheer-leading before. At least on a woman. Interesting experiences you're having already.

[Titania22]

Sounds like a deal as soon as I get my computer rebuilt. But we have to do vent too.

 

I've never heard of a guy pulling a move by professing an interest in cheer-leading before. At least on a woman. Interesting experiences you're having already.

 

 

Ahh Gaius, I don't have vent I prefer to use skype. Have you tried it?

 

As for the guy with the passion for cheerleading, he even showed us a video of him and his team performing for the national titles, where they came in third. It was pretty cool.