julie3 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Hello, I have had these 2 good girl friends for a while in college. The 3 of us get along well, and always hang out on the weekends. We have many inside jokes etc. However, them two have a class together monday-friday, and I'm not in it. During the week they are constantly together, getting lunch etc, and they never invite me. I figure this is because i don't see them that morning in class. I know if I asked to come, they would be more than happy to include me because they are really nice girls. Once in a while, they do ask me to come for dinner, but not always. On thursdays, i always make plans for us on friday and saturday, but for this weekend I decided not to to see if they would text me first. They haven't. I know one of them is sick and was definitely not going out, but why hasn't the other one texted me? I know she is good friends with her floor, but i went out with her and her floor last weekend and we had a really good time. Also, I am definitely friendly with the girls on her floor. I repeat, when the 3 of us are together on weekends, i really feel a connection with them and i truly believe they like me. So why don't they include me all the time. It's not like they are that close with other girls, like they are close with me. Everyone else is just secondary, but the 3 of us are really close. I am hoping that the other girl isn't doing anything tonight either, so i do not feel bad. I mean it's snowing and freezing here, so there's a good chance she isn't, right? sorry just trying to be hopeful/kind of in denial. thanks.
Author julie3 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 should i confront them about the inconsistency in our friendship? if so, what should i say?
Lansing Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I think some people are just lazy and go with the path of least resistance. They probably have come to expect you to make the plans so just will wait for you. Mi have some friends like this.. I feel like if I would suggest for things for us to do together that I would never or rarely hear from them. I can understand how your situation may feel frustrating but you need to be really careful on how you bring this up because it might just come across as you brig easily offended or something and they might start doing things behind your back. If they are developing a new circle of friends maybe they just want to meet different people without feeling like they need to be responsible with making you feel like you are comfortable or whatever.
salparadise Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Julie, I think you should keep on being the one who organizes and holds this threesome together, particularly since the other two have a class that keeps them in contact. Do your best to not keep score or over analyze seemingly minor behavioral/social foibles. The trick you are playing on yourself is attaching larger meaning to little things. Chances are there is no meaning intended and they're unaware of your insecurities. Avoid letting your mind make assumptions, particularly based on negative or worst case scenarios. Nobody thinks about you as much or in the way as you think/feel about yourself, so we all have a tendency think of ourselves as being at the center and to see everything else from that perspective. Don't take stuff personally even if you are convinced a small slight or injustice has occurred. Be the most loyal friend you can be and let stuff go like molecules of water flowing under a bridge and down the river. Relationships ebb and flow constantly. If things ever seem perfectly balanced, chances are they won't stay that way for long. When you have a threesome or triangle, none of the three sides are going to be identical. If you have expectation that they should be, you are setting yourself up for a distressing situation. So if it seems like from your perspective, or if the reality is, that the other two girls have a different relationship with each other than either of them has with you, try to see that as natural and let it be ok. The only part of this you have control over is how YOU think, feel and behave.
Shepp Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 should i confront them about the inconsistency in our friendship? if so, what should i say? I just think some people are 'organisers'. I've got mates that only ever do stuff if someone else organises it or spur of the moment. The things they do without you are probably just spur of the moment! Your probably more of an organiser - there used to you organising stuff for them!
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