Does He Like Me?

[SadGirl11]

Okay long story.

 

I just got out of a relationship, where my boyfriend cheated on me at this time.

 

I met this guy a year ago through his cousin that I work with. There was an immediate spark and I was very attracted to him. On our first date, he had too much to drink and was pushy. He made me feel uncomfortable. He texted me the next day, apologizing a lot and telling me that we had a connection, telling me that he has been going through some hard times and that wasn't him. He asked me to give him another chance, but I decided not to. He asked me out on a date and I didn't respond. Then I stopped hearing from him.

 

I ran into his cousin a few weeks later and he just kept saying about how good his cousin is, how he went through some serious trauma recently and wasn't himself lately (I didn't ask what and didn't care at the time), and how I should give him a second chance. Again, I decided against it.

 

I started running into this guy at parties. His eyes lit up when I came around. I tried to blow him off, but he won me over each time and got me talking to him.

 

After a few months, we became friends, then really good friends. I found out that he was engaged previously and walked in on his fiancee in bed with another man. Then for about 2 years, he had a lot of casual sex and was very angry at women in general. Around the time he met me, he was trying to fix himself. But he was still very hurt from this and had confidence and trust issues. On top of that, his mother (who was also his best friend) died a month before.

 

I didn't know this at the time and my heart broke for him.

 

At the time we first became friends, he had a girlfriend. He treated her VERY well. And I was jealous that he didn't treat me that well when we first met.

 

But he always told me that the whole situation with me led him to seek therapy and really get over his problems.

 

He's very sweet. Since I got to know him, I found out more about his job and how much he helps people. He volunteers a lot and does things like that. He's also very sensitive. He's the exact opposite of what I thought he was.

 

He recently broke up with his girlfriend and we spend a lot of time together, but he doesn't make a move on me now. He always says that I'm very special to him and that he believes that we will be lifelong friends because we get along so well.

 

So I don't understand. This guy was attracted to me before, but now he's not even though he acknowledges that we get along really well?

 

I don't understand....does he like me? Is he leading me on? Or am I in the friendzone now?

[todreaminblue]

he has tried twice unsuccessfully to ask you out ...his answer was rejection.....you have not answered him and denied him once...it only takes me once to never ask again...he tried twice so.......you are very special to him it is obvious with your sad face you want him to ask again..when a guy says life long friends .....deeper feelings are there...he wont ask again probably but you can ask now ....be honest about your feelings being deeper and give this guy a chance...he is special to you ...you know it so show it .........by you asking this time.......accept him for who he is and i hope .....really do hope this love story of yours has a happy ending...please post either way i give hugs for both outcomes........smilin.....good luck....deb

[SadGirl11]

he has tried twice unsuccessfully to ask you out ...his answer was rejection.....you have not answered him and denied him once...it only takes me once to never ask again...he tried twice so.......you are very special to him it is obvious with your sad face you want him to ask again..when a guy says life long friends .....deeper feelings are there...he wont ask again probably but you can ask now ....be honest about your feelings being deeper and give this guy a chance...he is special to you ...you know it so show it .........by you asking this time.......accept him for who he is and i hope .....really do hope this love story of yours has a happy ending...please post either way i give hugs for both outcomes........smilin.....good luck....deb

 

I agreed the first time, but he was too pushy for the sex and made me uncomfortable. That's why I didn't respond the second time. I thought all he wanted was sex and that he was lying to me with his apologies.

 

Then we became friends and I found out everything that he's been through. I got to know him very well and found that he is a really good person that was just going through a bad time when we met.

 

He has not asked me out since we got to know each other really well.

 

I've never asked a guy out before though so I'm very nervous....

[Ninjainpajamas]

So I don't understand. This guy was attracted to me before, but now he's not even though he acknowledges that we get along really well?

 

I don't understand....does he like me? Is he leading me on? Or am I in the friendzone now?

 

Likely wasn't as attracted as you thought he was....he may have had his sights on you at one time, becoming or enamored with you at one time but I'm sure not all that different from the other women he was having casual sex with at the time.

 

Chances are high he was just on a rebound phase, dealing with some emotional difficulties and to drink the pain away he'd thought maybe he could dive into your vagina and lose himself in some new rebound relationship or FWB scenario.

 

It's not just "bad" guys that need companionship, everybody needs somebody sometimes...as they say, and guess what, you were likely someone he thought could fulfill his needs for the time being especially since you were playing hard to get...no surprise his next relationship didn't work out either.

 

But he got something better out of it...the purpose you serve in his life right now is an emotional support role, where you are mainly needed to provide that..consistently, dating you or even having a relationship with you would jeopardize that, as he can do that with other women and if it works out or it doesn't..he still has you.

 

So why give up both worlds? he only stands to lose...plus a woman like you does him good so he doesn't become so dependent on a new romantic interest.

 

So not much to gain...everything to lose in a way, plus the guys been through some traumatic and emotional experiences, the bitterness and resentment towards women as well...likely unresolved issues with his own mother, I'm fairly certain this guy is going to have some extremely deep seated problems and even though you think you know him well you only know him from one perspective...he is very likely emotionally unavailable.

 

So in my opinion he was on the prowl the first time around with you, now you're feeling a niche for him that is probably more necessary to his life and emotional state...I doubt he will be open to a relationship with you at this point because of that, go ahead and ask him, but my money is on him shooting you down in fear of losing "what we have"....or that's how he'll put it anyway.

 

But hey...maybe you'll get lucky! right?

[todreaminblue]

I agreed the first time, but he was too pushy for the sex and made me uncomfortable. That's why I didn't respond the second time. I thought all he wanted was sex and that he was lying to me with his apologies.

 

Then we became friends and I found out everything that he's been through. I got to know him very well and found that he is a really good person that was just going through a bad time when we met.

 

He has not asked me out since we got to know each other really well.

 

I've never asked a guy out before though so I'm very nervous....

 

 

I dont know why i didnt read this properly maybe seeing only what i want to see

 

 

i didnt read the pushing for sex......i apologize fro that......i can and have dealt with guys who get drunk and push me for sex.....i keep those at a firm distance from me...i understand they have issues and dependencies doesnt mean they can disrespect me though...havent had it happen in a very long time but then i havent been dating in a very long time......and guys now know i am dating so ...i dont think there wont be trouble...

 

you handled the situation you were in well you stuck true to what you really dont want, i still stand by my first post and be honest with him with how you truly feel and you did say no last time so i stand by what i said, if he says, as ninja pyjamas said he will say,

"dont want to lose what we have"

 

then that is your decision if you can be friends, just friends with him.....i always thought you can and recently have found out that i cant it is just me hanging around waiting for him to see i am not repulsive i have a heart and it hurts when i look at him

 

had to let a guy go as i never let a friend go and he basically ridiculed me into letting him go...i was going to fight on and try and stay a friend....... to the end with a friend....:0)..thats something i hold dear but....i developed feelings for him and have held these feelings for quite a while..... fact is, he is repulsed by me so i cant be his friend, a melting heart and unrequited feelings are not a good mix and cloud any friendship i could have had with him it is also dishonest on my behalf not to disclose.....my true feelings...i care too much and its going to take me quite a while to truly move on i tsukcks and i havent faced this before.......so its a bit new to me.........so...... i am dating another.....i am not waiting six years to lose feelings for a guy who thinks i am a creep....so i am dating now and hope they just fade with limited contact .......... or i will need to take a walker with me on a date .....smilin....gets rusty when you get a walker wet....

 

 

 

look dont waste time be true to yourself and to him.......if you can be friends after you disclose if he is loving and giving even if he doesnt feel the same way then try the friendship...but unrequited feelings that you hold in well they truly suck ....so let them free..and have no regret it is much better than holding on to them not giving them a chance to breathe on their own heard in the atmosphere..they may get stomped on........mine did.......and i stopped breathing words of affection out for a while....but you survive and i would do it again....theres nothing wrong in having feelings of affection and love for someone...thats something i learn a little more every day..it isnt wrong to love someone it is wrong to push for sex when the other doesnt want it..you area forgiving person to forgive him fro that...glad you did.. i wish you much luck..:bunny: rabbits for your journey.........hugs..............deb

Edited November 24, 2013 by todreaminblue

[SadGirl11]

Likely wasn't as attracted as you thought he was....he may have had his sights on you at one time, becoming or enamored with you at one time but I'm sure not all that different from the other women he was having casual sex with at the time.

 

Chances are high he was just on a rebound phase, dealing with some emotional difficulties and to drink the pain away he'd thought maybe he could dive into your vagina and lose himself in some new rebound relationship or FWB scenario.

 

It's not just "bad" guys that need companionship, everybody needs somebody sometimes...as they say, and guess what, you were likely someone he thought could fulfill his needs for the time being especially since you were playing hard to get...no surprise his next relationship didn't work out either.

 

But he got something better out of it...the purpose you serve in his life right now is an emotional support role, where you are mainly needed to provide that..consistently, dating you or even having a relationship with you would jeopardize that, as he can do that with other women and if it works out or it doesn't..he still has you.

 

So why give up both worlds? he only stands to lose...plus a woman like you does him good so he doesn't become so dependent on a new romantic interest.

 

So not much to gain...everything to lose in a way, plus the guys been through some traumatic and emotional experiences, the bitterness and resentment towards women as well...likely unresolved issues with his own mother, I'm fairly certain this guy is going to have some extremely deep seated problems and even though you think you know him well you only know him from one perspective...he is very likely emotionally unavailable.

 

So in my opinion he was on the prowl the first time around with you, now you're feeling a niche for him that is probably more necessary to his life and emotional state...I doubt he will be open to a relationship with you at this point because of that, go ahead and ask him, but my money is on him shooting you down in fear of losing "what we have"....or that's how he'll put it anyway.

 

But hey...maybe you'll get lucky! right?

 

I brought this up to him last night and we had a very emotional and long talk.

 

He swore to me up and and down that he was not looking for a rebound or friends with benefits, that he genuinely liked me.

 

He told me that the combination of his recent past (a few years of casual relations) combined with his trust and confidence issues created the whole thing. He said that he really was interested in something more and significant with me, but spent so much time being casual that he forgot how to do it.

 

He told me that he was upset about me for weeks (I didn't know this because he stopped texting me after I didn't respond to him). His cousin confirmed this, basically saying that they would get drunk and go out to meet new girls, but he would end up spending the night thinking and talking about me.

 

He also said that what happened with me reminded him of all of the self-sabotaging he did with good women over the years and how many women he hurt.

 

But he basically told me that he no longer has those feelings for me and just wants to be friends.

[SadGirl11]

I dont know why i didnt read this properly maybe seeing only what i want to see

 

 

i didnt read the pushing for sex......i apologize fro that......i can and have dealt with guys who get drunk and push me for sex.....i keep those at a firm distance from me...i understand they have issues and dependencies doesnt mean they can disrespect me though...havent had it happen in a very long time but then i havent been dating in a very long time......and guys now know i am dating so ...i dont think there wont be trouble...

 

you handled the situation you were in well you stuck true to what you really dont want, i still stand by my first post and be honest with him with how you truly feel and you did say no last time so i stand by what i said, if he says, as ninja pyjamas said he will say,

"dont want to lose what we have"

 

then that is your decision if you can be friends, just friends with him.....i always thought you can and recently have found out that i cant it is just me hanging around waiting for him to see i am not repulsive i have a heart and it hurts when i look at him

 

had to let a guy go as i never let a friend go and he basically ridiculed me into letting him go...i was going to fight on and try and stay a friend....... to the end with a friend....:0)..thats something i hold dear but....i developed feelings for him and have held these feelings for quite a while..... fact is, he is repulsed by me so i cant be his friend, a melting heart and unrequited feelings are not a good mix and cloud any friendship i could have had with him it is also dishonest on my behalf not to disclose.....my true feelings...i care too much and its going to take me quite a while to truly move on i tsukcks and i havent faced this before.......so its a bit new to me.........so...... i am dating another.....i am not waiting six years to lose feelings for a guy who thinks i am a creep....so i am dating now and hope they just fade with limited contact .......... or i will need to take a walker with me on a date .....smilin....gets rusty when you get a walker wet....

 

 

 

look dont waste time be true to yourself and to him.......if you can be friends after you disclose if he is loving and giving even if he doesnt feel the same way then try the friendship...but unrequited feelings that you hold in well they truly suck ....so let them free..and have no regret it is much better than holding on to them not giving them a chance to breathe on their own heard in the atmosphere..they may get stomped on........mine did.......and i stopped breathing words of affection out for a while....but you survive and i would do it again....theres nothing wrong in having feelings of affection and love for someone...thats something i learn a little more every day..it isnt wrong to love someone it is wrong to push for sex when the other doesnt want it..you area forgiving person to forgive him fro that...glad you did.. i wish you much luck..:bunny: rabbits for your journey.........hugs..............deb

 

Yes, he was very pushy with the sex. I thought he was just like every other guy.

 

Then, when he apologized, he kept mentioning "connection" and that was too much for me, since we just met and I just got out of a relationships.

 

So it was the combination of the two things at the time.

 

But when I got to know him, I understood why he did what he did and I forgave him. I did not forgive him at first though.

 

It's funny. I remember the first time I saw him at a party, he was with another girl. He saw me, his eyes lit up, and he practically dropped the other girl for me. I do feel bad that I made him wait so long and I think that contributed to his loss of interest as well.