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Isolation!

SerCay

By SerCay
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
Posted

I wonder how many of you isolated yourselves from the outside world during a bad relationship..

 

I most certainly have. In 3 years I have lost countless friends and opportunities to build friendships, simply because I isolated myself because I was unhappy and trying to ''fix'' my relationship.

 

I lost another couple of friends because they just stopped believing (in) me, as I was always on/off in my relationship, and they were the ones who had to hear it all the time. (At that time I was still venting a lot aboyt everything in my relationship)

 

Together with me, I have another friend who has done the same during her 7 year relationship (also on/off). It seems like a common trait for on off relationships to isolate yourself.

 

Anyway it would help me a lot, share your experiences with isolation during a relationship! And if you have crawled out of it, how?

 

XO

  • Like 1
LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

Posted
Posted

I did. About a year ago I exited a relationship that wasn't really abusive per se, but he was VERY moody and I was always "walking on eggs" around him. The slightest things would upset him and he would give me the silent treatment and sulk or become angry (not in a screaming or yelling way). So yeah, I isolated myself from many friends and opportunities just so not to "set him off"

 

Looking back definitely MY FAULT for tolerating this sort of treatment.

 

One time he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day because I "put more thought in his Valentine's Day gift than he did for me" (All I got him was some chocolates and a nice card and didn't expect anything back.....I'm the sap not him, plus we were broke) Yeah, he gave me the freeze ALL DAY! Said I made him feel bad because all he got me was a rose...WTF?!?! Who cares....I LOVED it!

 

GEEZ!!! I was nuts to put up with that!!!!

Left that relationship feeling like I just got out of prison.....Now, I can have friends over, go out, anything I want....IT"S AWESOME!!!

  • Like 2
LadyM Established Member

LadyM

Posted
Posted

I was embarrassed to have my ex around my friends and family. I was always afraid he would lose his temper or talk way too much about himself, as he had many times before. So, when friends would ask us to double, I'd always have to think of an excuse and I would try my best to avoid bringing him around my family.

 

We were isolated by ourselves as a couple because I was uncomfortable with us socializing with others. It was awful, no way to live, but I was already attached to him.

 

Crazy stuff, as I reflect back...

  • Like 1
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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I was embarrassed to have my ex around my friends and family. I was always afraid he would lose his temper or talk way too much about himself, as he had many times before. So, when friends would ask us to double, I'd always have to think of an excuse and I would try my best to avoid bringing him around my family.

 

We were isolated by ourselves as a couple because I was uncomfortable with us socializing with others. It was awful, no way to live, but I was already attached to him.

 

Crazy stuff, as I reflect back...

 

This was actually something I also went through, but kind of the other way around. He was ok with me being with his family and sometimes his best friend, but he wouldnt come anywhere near my family and he didnt like doube dating or group things...but when I wasnt with him, he would go with the group ALONE and enjoy himself!

 

So we were very very isolated as a couple as well. Him and me, sometimes his family and sometimes one of his friends. (I only knew 3).

 

This caused me to be isolated and left friendless, and him still going strong with his friends...also crazy stuff to have accepted that

 

Like you said, I was already attached. In the first year you dont see these things as a bad thing when youre in love

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I did. About a year ago I exited a relationship that wasn't really abusive per se, but he was VERY moody and I was always "walking on eggs" around him. The slightest things would upset him and he would give me the silent treatment and sulk or become angry (not in a screaming or yelling way). So yeah, I isolated myself from many friends and opportunities just so not to "set him off"

 

Looking back definitely MY FAULT for tolerating this sort of treatment.

 

One time he didn't speak to me for the rest of the day because I "put more thought in his Valentine's Day gift than he did for me" (All I got him was some chocolates and a nice card and didn't expect anything back.....I'm the sap not him, plus we were broke) Yeah, he gave me the freeze ALL DAY! Said I made him feel bad because all he got me was a rose...WTF?!?! Who cares....I LOVED it!

 

GEEZ!!! I was nuts to put up with that!!!!

Left that relationship feeling like I just got out of prison.....Now, I can have friends over, go out, anything I want....IT"S AWESOME!!!

 

My god thats ridiculous...getting angry because you have a bigger gift :confused:

 

I do know what it means though to walk on eggshells around someone, actually he used to throw in a fight on every special ocassion. Didnt matter if it were an operation the next day, job interview or holiday or anything.

  • Like 1
LostConfused123 Established Member

LostConfused123

Posted
Posted
My god thats ridiculous...getting angry because you have a bigger gift :confused:

 

I do know what it means though to walk on eggshells around someone, actually he used to throw in a fight on every special ocassion. Didnt matter if it were an operation the next day, job interview or holiday or anything.

Yep, same here. Actually he seemed to do it MORE on holidays, hence the stupid Valentine's gift.

UGH!!! So nice to breath and "be myself" even tho I got my heart stomped on after I left him and found someone else.

Oh well, lesson learned................I HOPE! hee hee!

  • Like 1
melell Established Member

melell

Posted
Posted

In fear every day, every evening,

He calls her aloud from above,

Carefully watched for a reason,

Painstaking devotion and love,

Surrendered to self preservation,

From others who care for themselves.

A blindness that touches perfection,

But hurts just like anything else.

 

Isolation, isolation, isolation.

me85 Established Member

me85

Posted
Posted
I was embarrassed to have my ex around my friends and family. I was always afraid he would lose his temper or talk way too much about himself, as he had many times before. So, when friends would ask us to double, I'd always have to think of an excuse and I would try my best to avoid bringing him around my family.

 

We were isolated by ourselves as a couple because I was uncomfortable with us socializing with others. It was awful, no way to live, but I was already attached to him.

 

Crazy stuff, as I reflect back...

 

Oh my gosh, SAME HERE!

  • Like 1
MoooOinkBaaa Established Member

MoooOinkBaaa

Posted
Posted

I hope my ex doesn't think I was bad like that :(

bubbaganoosh Established Member

bubbaganoosh

Posted
Posted

I went through a ugly, nasty divorce and it left a real bad taste in my mouth and my whole attitude changed. I looked at women with the mind set that you can take every woman in the world, put them in a bag, shake it up, pour it out and still can't find one good one. Nasty huh?

 

I have a good friend that says whats on his mind and when it came from him I got a wake up call. he told me in no uncertain terms that I was making an ass out of myself and that comparing every woman to the loser I divorced wasn't being fair and a lot of people were getting kind of pissed at me. Now this had been going on for maybe two years and he gave me the wake up call, I thought about it and came to realize that he was right and I was being a complete ass. So it took me two years to wise up and I hope it doesn't take you that long because two years of being in a hard core funk isn't a whole lot of fun.

LadyM Established Member

LadyM

Posted
Posted (edited)
This was actually something I also went through, but kind of the other way around. He was ok with me being with his family and sometimes his best friend, but he wouldnt come anywhere near my family and he didnt like doube dating or group things...but when I wasnt with him, he would go with the group ALONE and enjoy himself!

 

So we were very very isolated as a couple as well. Him and me, sometimes his family and sometimes one of his friends. (I only knew 3).

 

This caused me to be isolated and left friendless, and him still going strong with his friends...also crazy stuff to have accepted that

 

Like you said, I was already attached. In the first year you dont see these things as a bad thing when youre in love

 

In my situation, I did see it all at the beginning, but so foolishly thought he could change with my subtle encouragement.

 

While I saw his negative qualities, I also was so thrilled that this handsome, funny, smart man was paying massive amounts of attention to me.

 

So, I stayed for the ride, but paid a dear price in heartbreak at the end.

Edited by LadyM
  • Like 2
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

Isolated myself for 3 years to do my ex`s evil bidding. Ingnore my daughter. I was at her beckon and call. Plain nasty abusive and violent. Accusations left right and centre. I should have left her but like an idiot thought i could fix her. Then she dropped me! I was left with hardly any friends, disgruntled family.......But regained what i lost. (Not the cash though) Even put back on the weight. A lot of us hav done all this to ourselves i guess. Bought the t shirt etc....

  • Like 1
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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Yeah I see that a lot of us have dealed with their behaviour because we thought we could fix them in some way..fix, or maybe they would meet us halfway along the journey. But no, people don't change. There are those who are willing to compromis, and then those that are so blinded by their own problems that they do what our exes did.

 

I know I was certainly hoping he would indeed be a bit more open to my friends and all when times passed...but even after meeting my family he refused to come to any birthday or anything to see my family ever again...You can't build a unity like that right

 

In the end he had his own social life, football friends and all. Me, I only have my family...Now slowly rebuilding my friendships, but guess what?? This is weird:

 

It's like I forgot how to make friends, how to socialize... I'm doing it anyway, but it feels unnatural! weird huh?

In the past 3 years I got so used to only being with him him him that I totally forgot how to mingle with other people!

 

For me in the future it will be a big big red flag if my boyfriend iscontinually hesitant to do social outings in groups, certainly because he did like these group otings when he went by himself.

Edited by SerCay
  • Like 1
Haydn Established Member

Haydn

Posted
Posted

He does not deserve your thoughts.

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