blanket of depression :/

[GeneralJennyJenn]

My toxic ex keeps randomly contacting me via emails or texts. Despite each time I ask him not to. Sometimes he attacks me writing things like 'you're the one who made an a$$ of yourself' to other messages saying 'we need to talk, you're wrong about so many things' to 'you're being childish' and each time I reply, stop contacting me. Today he writes we can get together if I want to talk but nothing more!?! I am so annoyed, its clear that I don't want to talk or see him!

 

I know I shouldn't even respond and when I have blocked his number or emails, he just gets a different number or emails me from a different email address. Its like he is determined to keep contacting me. I don't know why anymore? He has a girlfriend. He isn't nice to me and I can't imagine why he desires to 'talk to me in person.' What does he hope will happen if we did talk in person? I have nothing to say anymore. I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth :/

 

I am still struggling with this blanket of depression. I have been staying busy, being with my friends. Writing to my family and doing my best to move forward. I re-direct his emails to my spam folder. I add whatever new number he uses to contact me to my block list but it just keeps happening. I know I could change my number but I don't want to because I have so many people who have my current number and I feel like my ex will find a way even if I did change my number.

 

I guess I just need to really REALLY implement the NC, meaning if he texts me or emails I shouldn't even reply 'don't contact me anymore' it makes no difference. I just wish I knew why some exes do that, persistently maintain contact years after a break up? I was doing so well for 2.5 years and the incident that occurred a few weeks ago just feels like it undid all that work and achievements. I am also upset because I know I have been replaced and I get really sad at the idea that he my toxic ex loves someone else now when I guess I had hope he would always love me. I dunno, I just feel like the biggest loser these past few weeks. I keep reminding myself all the things I hated about him but then all the things I did like come right back as well. I also hate how my ex brings out the worst in me

[Kizza]

Sounds like he is torturing you, would it be a pain to change your mobile number and email address?

[acidios]

dont reply dont say nothing about NC trust me he will get bored and he will stop.you need to be strong dont give up its for your own good.dont make him strong by changing your phone nb and email those are yours and only yours.just think will you give him the pleasure to play with your feelings and your personal life? no! be mad scream use your rage but be silent like a ninja:D dont give him enything keep deleting his mails and keep blocking his phone doit with a smile doit for you.

[Yasuandio]

When you allow it to affect you, he's in control.

 

I would give him one warning by Certified Letter. If you have an attorney, or a professional aqaintance (school advisor, Governmental Employee, or even an older friend, he does not know, you have confided in), I'd copy them. The warning would tell him to cease and desist from all contact (email, telephone, text, etc.) immediately. If not, you will contact the police. End of story.

 

Keep a copy of letter. The first call or email you receive after this letter, let it go to voice mail - and call the police, period. Have all your records in order to show the police when you make your report (phone bills with the different numbers he is calling from, emails printed from your spam folder, all proof. This will begin your record of stalking.

 

Police will pay him a visit, and it will probably be over. If not, you will get a Restraining Order on him. He is harrassing you, and - perhaps some might say, "borderline stalking" or at least trying to control you and keep tabs on you. Obviously - you don't feel comfortable. So - there is something very wrong or weird about his conduct.

 

It is up to you to be proactive to stop him - and not play into his sick game. I just gave you the recipe. Yas

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Thank you so much Yasuandio for your suggestions I never even equated the fact what he is doing is stalking me and it does make me uncomfortable. I really liked your suggestion about sending a certified letter stating for him to stop all contacts with me.

 

Acidios you sounded off exactly how I feel, I shouldn't have to change my email or number because of his behavior. By doing so I feel like he wins not that's anything to win. And I am going to have to do as you wrote and cease all replies. And I may do what Yasuandio suggested as well because the madness has to end.

[Mario79]

Hi Jen, I am glad to hear you are taking steps to move forward. Its funny how people that we once felt so much affection for, that we were willing to do and give so much for, it becomes this. He is being emotionally abusive with those texts and his actions, and he wants something from you.

 

You already stated what you dont want. I am scared one day he may show up at your door not refusing to leave. Yasuadio does make sense. Your ex has some issues he is not willing to look at in himself.

 

At least he is giving you more reasons of how unworthy he was of you. Keep moving forward.

[Yasuandio]

I am happy you guys like my idea. But my idea means business. It works both ways! You cannot have any contact with him either. If you do - the police will not take you seriously.

 

I want to revise my position.

 

Reason being - the sick mind may see a letter as "attention."

 

Your last poster, Mario, got me thinking about how dangerous this situation can get.

 

I'm almost ready to suggest going straight to the police. But first, My questions to you are:

 

1. have you in any way been a participant in the communications with the

guy?

 

2. Have you done anything to encourage him?

 

3. Have you returned his calls?

 

If you answered NO to all 3 questions, and you have already told this guy to bug off more than once, I would skip the letter and go straight to the police station in your area.

 

Here is how you will get full attention from the staff. Go spend $15 bucks at Donuts Donuts, and walk in with the big bag, and tell them you are afraid, and you need help. The junior officers will take the donuts off your hands, and the senior officer will sit down with you. Do not leave without making a report. Tell no one. Be sure you get the card of the senior officer - and no his working hours - he may ask you to see the stalking division.

 

Be sure to ask the officer lots of questions, like profile questions - that will educate you and boost the officer's ego at the same time. He will begin to unconsciously feel protective of you - that's what you want. Police don't normally know the faces of their victims - your mission will be to change that - so that you have a connection with the COPS if u get any trouble with this jerk off. [i don't know where u live, but u don't wanna be sitting around two hours if the guy breaks your door down, right?

 

If that old boyfriend effs around with the nice Dunkin Donut girl - those cops are not gonna be very happy with him. Never go to the police station empty handed. Next time, bring them some cookies or something. They work hard.

 

So, there you go, so more ideas that worked for me. Yas

 

I've been through this crap - and the "sweets" method worked real well for me. And I'm sure I'm much older than you. Yas

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I am happy you guys like my idea. But my idea means business. It works both ways! You cannot have any contact with him either. If you do - the police will not take you seriously.

 

I want to revise my position.

 

Reason being - the sick mind may see a letter as "attention."

 

Your last poster, Mario, got me thinking about how dangerous this situation can get.

 

I'm almost ready to suggest going straight to the police. But first, My questions to you are:

 

1. have you in any way been a participant in the communications with the

guy?

 

2. Have you done anything to encourage him?

 

3. Have you returned his calls?

 

If you answered NO to all 3 questions, and you have already told this guy to bug off more than once, I would skip the letter and go straight to the police station in your area.

 

Here is how you will get full attention from the staff. Go spend $15 bucks at Donuts Donuts, and walk in with the big bag, and tell them you are afraid, and you need help. The junior officers will take the donuts off your hands, and the senior officer will sit down with you. Do not leave without making a report. Tell no one. Be sure you get the card of the senior officer - and no his working hours - he may ask you to see the stalking division.

 

Be sure to ask the officer lots of questions, like profile questions - that will educate you and boost the officer's ego at the same time. He will begin to unconsciously feel protective of you - that's what you want. Police don't normally know the faces of their victims - your mission will be to change that - so that you have a connection with the COPS if u get any trouble with this jerk off. [i don't know where u live, but u don't wanna be sitting around two hours if the guy breaks your door down, right?

 

If that old boyfriend effs around with the nice Dunkin Donut girl - those cops are not gonna be very happy with him. Never go to the police station empty handed. Next time, bring them some cookies or something. They work hard.

 

So, there you go, so more ideas that worked for me. Yas

 

I've been through this crap - and the "sweets" method worked real well for me. And I'm sure I'm much older than you. Yas

 

To answer your questions yes I have been in communications with him basically when this horrible situation began a few weeks ago I told him off saying I didn't appreciate being lied to and used to cheat on his current girlfriend. But in the past I usually just ignore his messages. He just caught me at a very vulnerable time.

 

But what I am doing now is ignoring the texts/emails which I only recently started to do but for the past few weeks I have made it clear that I don't want any further contact from him.

 

I think he is furious with me for letting his former friend live here for 6 months, he sent me a text today telling me he 'did not use me and that I am the only one wrong here for going after and sleeping with his former friend.' I did not reply. I just have to maintain NC till he gets tired of this nonsense. He won't approach me in person that much I know is true because he has a criminal record and his current gf already filed an order of protection.

 

I was reading up online about narcissistic behavior Narcissistic Behaviours & Common Expressions : Melanie Tonia Evans and find my ex has many of those attributes. And according to this The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me | The Narcissistic Life I made a big mistake by letting him keep in touch with me for the past 2.5 years because all I did was feed his narcissistic supply by giving him attention, good or bad that he craves. The only way to end this cycle is for me to stop responding all together and that's just what I plan to do.

 

If I take anything away from this awful experience is learning how to let go and move on. I am an extremely nice person and forgive too easily. I am working on not being so nice and forgiving because I deserve better!

[Yasuandio]

Narcissists have no empathy nor conscious really. They see you as their property even after you turn off the supply - some really hate that abandonment (that's what they've already been afraid of anyway).

 

Hearing he has a prior Restraining Order in not comforting at all. Somewhere in the thread, perhaps Mario, suggested he could surprise you and turn up at your door. Narcissist are unpredictable, and do take you off guard (I was married to the worse of one for 28 years, and have studied some complex material on this personality disorder). I believe I even deveoped some Narcissitic qualities myself "by proxy" just to survive.

 

There is a great author (an admitted Narcisstist himself), Sam Vatkin. He even has some U-Tubes. It took me about two years to somewhat absorb his book. The u-tubes are easier to follow - surely he has one on coping with Narcissism. It definitely messes with the head of the supplier. But you are doing good. But don't expect him to let go. He will continue to find reasons to engage you.

 

My XH stretched the Divorce out 4 years. Even now, a year after the divorce, he is watching me, cruising my neighborhood. He has some stupid guy checking my house out everynight at 2:15. One nite I walked up real fast to the guy and shot photo like crazy - blinding him. Got tags too. He was no detective - just an effing scared chicken - I scared the crap out of him. He hasn't been back. One more time I see this BS, I'm going to make a visit to the stalking decision again (after I stop off at Dunkin Donuts).

 

Hon, you never know about there crazy jerks. That is the second time I went after one. The first time, I got severly injured, broke my nose on his bumper sneaking behind his car parked outside spying on my house. Then, I ran downhill after th mofu - and ended up falling and banging every joint on the asphalt. But I got up - and caught up to him - cause he slowed down cause he knew I was hurt. I snapped pictures of him like a mad woman screaming over and over "got you MF" - got his tags, vin, everything. He told me, "lady, there ain't nothing you can do about it." - talking like a gangster to me. I told him it may not be a camera next time.

 

When people harrass you - it can start effing with your mind. You got to nip it in the bud. The next day I had 28 x-rays. And two years later I still have som soreness from that injuries. That damn Narcissist thinks he owns me. There were no more "stake outs" on the street under my bedroom window after that episode.

 

I do not recommend you let this crap get to you like I did. Plus I have Bi-Polar 2 disease, and sometimes stress overwhelms the controls of my meds. But I think stalking (phone, text, severance, drive-by, emails) can eventally drive anyone nuts. That is why I recommend getting it on the record with the olive as soon as he violates you command to cease contact. Hope you found my little story educational. Now you know where I'm coming from.

 

The cops are real familiar with the MO. They will be able to predict what kind of guy you're dealing with. Next time - get proactive honey. BUT NEVER GO AFTER THEM YOURSELF! I just told you my story so you can see how things can escalate - plus YOU are not ME (I have a mental illness, and did not use good judgment). You are a smart girl - the police have a great set-up to protect women from stalking of all kinds - I finially went there and they were so nice to me, and even gave me a victim' advocate. I lost the card though. I got to call over there and get another one! Yas

Edited November 26, 2013 by Yasuandio

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Still feeling pretty down and have maintained NC for the past 5 days. My toxic ex has contacted me 2xs since then. Once to see if I was home so he could stop by. He wrote to me 'Its not right you have this very wrong idea of everything. I took care of loose ends. I am not far from you if you are around. Okay no big deal take care, bye' All of this was sent to me within one minute! I ignored it and that was 2 days ago.

 

Today I get an email from him telling me 'You should help your friend out (his former friend who lived with me for 6 months) he is in a lot of trouble as you can see. Maybe do him a Thanksgiving favor since you two have gotten close and intimate.'

 

I am so tempted to write back 'if you're so worried about him, you go see him!' But I didn't. The last message I wrote to him 5 days ago I made it clear I did not want any further contact with him. So I am leaving it alone. This way if he continues to contact me over the next few weeks I can then file an order of protection from him. Doing as Yas suggested (with a box of donuts of course).

 

Last night I dreamt about the ex and how he came back into my life to fool around on his current gf. In my dream I went to the current gf to talk with her to let her know what a scuzzball my ex is and how he can't be trusted. And everytime she would leave the room, the ex would come over to me and kiss me despite me trying to get away from him. I woke up feeling so down but am trying to stay upbeat for my family. Lucky for me my family is aware of what happened and don't expect me to be my chipper self.

 

Happy Turkey day everyone!

[Mario79]

Be strong Jen, this guy does sound like a lot of trouble and as you said very narcissistic. You are trying to move on while he is trying to drag you back to start. Hopefully he will get the message soon. It's not right. But you are doing well. How do you keep busy? You are keeping in touch with family?

 

You are strong.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

Be strong Jen, this guy does sound like a lot of trouble and as you said very narcissistic. You are trying to move on while he is trying to drag you back to start. Hopefully he will get the message soon. It's not right. But you are doing well. How do you keep busy? You are keeping in touch with family?

 

You are strong.

 

Hi Mario

I am with family for the Thanksgiving break. Right now I am mostly relaxing and resting and doing things I don't normally get a chance to do when I am working. I do try to socialize daily either in person or emails/texts. Its hard but I am keeping my head above water. Hope you're doing well too? I suppose you don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Costa Rica? You staying busy too?

[Mario79]

No. No turkey for me. Sounds awesome, being able to relax. I have my good days but more bad days lately. Been keeping busy with work and things in my life.

 

I was worried about how pushy your ex can be. Sometimes I wish my ex would be at least partially interested, but those thoughts are no good.

 

Have you found out more about yourself? Anything thats made you smile lately?

[elbe]

My toxic ex keeps randomly contacting me via emails or texts. Despite each time I ask him not to. Sometimes he attacks me writing things like 'you're the one who made an a$$ of yourself' to other messages saying 'we need to talk, you're wrong about so many things' to 'you're being childish' and each time I reply, stop contacting me. Today he writes we can get together if I want to talk but nothing more!?! I am so annoyed, its clear that I don't want to talk or see him!

 

I know I shouldn't even respond and when I have blocked his number or emails, he just gets a different number or emails me from a different email address. Its like he is determined to keep contacting me. I don't know why anymore? He has a girlfriend. He isn't nice to me and I can't imagine why he desires to 'talk to me in person.' What does he hope will happen if we did talk in person? I have nothing to say anymore. I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth :/

 

You must be responding even if it's negative. You need to like.. not respond AT ALL. I'm so sorry and relate to the depression that is tied to this. Please move on hard. This guy is dead to you. Get well. <3

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My toxic ex keeps randomly contacting me via emails or texts. Despite each time I ask him not to. Sometimes he attacks me writing things like 'you're the one who made an a$$ of yourself' to other messages saying 'we need to talk, you're wrong about so many things' to 'you're being childish' and each time I reply, stop contacting me. Today he writes we can get together if I want to talk but nothing more!?! I am so annoyed, its clear that I don't want to talk or see him!

 

I know I shouldn't even respond

 

 

 

I don't know whether to laugh, or cry...

 

 

You know what to do, and you still won't do it.

 

 

It is as plain as day why the guy keeps contacting you:

 

Because to contact you and yell-at/berate you still makes him feel nearer TO you than would no contact at all.

 

Once you make that crystal clear to yourself, you will stop responding and practice the real "ignoooooooring" that people have surely advised you to do, for ages.

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I don't know whether to laugh, or cry...

 

 

You know what to do, and you still won't do it.

 

 

It is as plain as day why the guy keeps contacting you:

 

Because to contact you and yell-at/berate you still makes him feel nearer TO you than would no contact at all.

 

Once you make that crystal clear to yourself, you will stop responding and practice the real "ignoooooooring" that people have surely advised you to do, for ages.

 

Not sure if there was some kind of misunderstanding here but I have NOT contacted him now going on 6 days. I am staying strong and ignoring his texts and emails.

 

But that doesn't erase how I feel or the fact that I have been depressed because of how I reacted a few weeks ago to the toxic ex. It was a major blow to my self esteem.

 

I have been reading a lot on NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) and how damaging it can be to the person in a relationship with a NPD person. They tend to target what is known as 'people pleasers' and I happen to be that kind of personality. I am working on that, I am getting therapy, I am maintaining a support system with my family and friends.

 

Sure it is hard to ignore those messages but I am. I am resolved to stopping the madness.

[whichwayisup]

My toxic ex keeps randomly contacting me via emails or texts. Despite each time I ask him not to. Sometimes he attacks me writing things like 'you're the one who made an a$$ of yourself' to other messages saying 'we need to talk, you're wrong about so many things' to 'you're being childish' and each time I reply, stop contacting me. Today he writes we can get together if I want to talk but nothing more!?! I am so annoyed, its clear that I don't want to talk or see him!

 

I know I shouldn't even respond and when I have blocked his number or emails, he just gets a different number or emails me from a different email address. Its like he is determined to keep contacting me. I don't know why anymore? He has a girlfriend. He isn't nice to me and I can't imagine why he desires to 'talk to me in person.' What does he hope will happen if we did talk in person? I have nothing to say anymore. I can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth :/

 

I am still struggling with this blanket of depression. I have been staying busy, being with my friends. Writing to my family and doing my best to move forward. I re-direct his emails to my spam folder. I add whatever new number he uses to contact me to my block list but it just keeps happening. I know I could change my number but I don't want to because I have so many people who have my current number and I feel like my ex will find a way even if I did change my number.

 

I guess I just need to really REALLY implement the NC, meaning if he texts me or emails I shouldn't even reply 'don't contact me anymore' it makes no difference. I just wish I knew why some exes do that, persistently maintain contact years after a break up? I was doing so well for 2.5 years and the incident that occurred a few weeks ago just feels like it undid all that work and achievements. I am also upset because I know I have been replaced and I get really sad at the idea that he my toxic ex loves someone else now when I guess I had hope he would always love me. I dunno, I just feel like the biggest loser these past few weeks. I keep reminding myself all the things I hated about him but then all the things I did like come right back as well. I also hate how my ex brings out the worst in me

 

God, what a total narcissistic ahole he is!!

 

Change your cell number and also get a new email address. Close that account. you have to do this for yourself.

 

You've done nothing wrong so STOP beating up on yourself! Your ex is making you feel bad enough, the last thing you should be doing is poo poo'ing on yourself as well! Just take care and be good to 'you'. Time for a day at the spa, surround yourself with your women friends and family who love and care about you, make you feel needed and do have your back.

 

You are missing who he was, not who he is today. The guy is not worth your tears, please see this!