dreamingoftigers Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 What do you mean by "should". Dating and relationships are heavily weighted with gender roles for men. "Should" is irrelevant to reality. I'm only asking what roles to women play. So far I'm seeing a lot of uncomfortable women posting in jest without a valid response. I had actually thought and heard that more men were struggling with dating identity because women now earning etc. has changed men's roles in a variety of ways. Namely: each woman being a singular entity has a different idea about dating. Some expect a "provider" some expect an "adapter" who will renegotiate roles depending on circumstance and some nowadays want more of a "house-husband." My husband wants to be more of a house-husband. I'd like more of an "adapter." 1
lollipopspot Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Gender roles exist, but they're not that rigid, and they're not "jobs" (so your phrasing was off), and any individual at any given time might be either trying to resist prescribed gender roles or simply find them meaningless. I think your question will have to be very specific about a situation that you find yourself in, if you want to see what others find acceptable or within the norm for you as a male. Even then you'll find a lot of disagreement. 1
MissBee Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 What is something outside of looking pretty and having sex with her man can be described as a woman's job? For instance, if the trash is full, taking it out is a man's job. Sure a woman could do it, but if it is not done, if the grass isn't cut, car not washed, bills not paid, then it's really a fault of the man. She could say, "that's his job" and no one blink and eye. Woman work, make their money, but if she doesn't want to pay for groceries, or for dinner it is very much expected a man do it... no questions. Women don't think it is derogatory or sexist for a man to take out the trash or pay for dinner or have a job. Actually if she doesn't want to work, it is still up to men to have a job and not live with his parents. Cooking, cleaning, washing are all shared responsibilities. I know I do almost all of that myself outside of cooking and laundry and that's shared. But even then I pay for it all. And why not? It's a man's job to fund. So what task can be said to be a "woman's job" and no one think it's sexist or derogatory? I don't think there are any "jobs" written in stone or that these are actually relevant to relationships necessarily. My "job" in a relationship isn't about looking pretty and having sex or doing chores. My "job" in my relationships is to be a person, a person who is a friend, partner, lover, someone my man likes spending time with, talking to, thinking through things with, laughing with, going out, crying with, and all other things people do with each other as people. If I don't live with him I don't need to take out his trash or he mine or any of that. If we do live together we'll decide which household chores we each wanna do or divvy up based on our preferences. 4
TheGuard13 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I think we're all forgetting the most important "job" of all... 1
WP4046 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I could be wrong but it sounds like he/she is saying that some women may feel that SEX is their primary responsibility in a relationship. Sometimes it seems like the man always has to be financially and emotionally stable and never ever show any sign of weakness or any type of flaw which we all know is fake reality
regine_phalange Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Men's jobs involve muscle, tinkering, scary creatures. Women's jobs involve making things neat and pretty and giving orders.
WP4046 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 Men's jobs involve muscle, tinkering, scary creatures. Women's jobs involve making things neat and pretty and giving orders. A few years ago a coworker was saying his wife gives him a "Honey Do List" and I had never heard before. lol I was like "What?? 1
MidwestUSA Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 The last time I cut the grass in heels and stockings, I turned my ankle in a gopher hole. My bad for not dragging the wheelbarrow full of dirt over to fill it first. I'm learning tho, maybe by the time I'm 60!
WP4046 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 You are so delusional it is funny. What drives these industries? Men value women primarily for their looks/beauty (because that is tied to SEX) that is why the makeup, porn and lingerie business exists. Look at where the demand is coming from not the supply...your brethren. Women compete with each other on looks because that is how MEN choose women. We all know this and it affects our behavior. So if you want to complain about these industries, perhaps men should stop being so shallow... You know what I find amusing every time? When men bitch about these things, then only pick attractive women to date. Few women roll out of bed meeting your beauty standards. I like a cute face and don't have a body preference. I can never date a ugly woman
Got it Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 What is something outside of looking pretty and having sex with her man can be described as a woman's job? For instance, if the trash is full, taking it out is a man's job. Sure a woman could do it, but if it is not done, if the grass isn't cut, car not washed, bills not paid, then it's really a fault of the man. She could say, "that's his job" and no one blink and eye. Woman work, make their money, but if she doesn't want to pay for groceries, or for dinner it is very much expected a man do it... no questions. Women don't think it is derogatory or sexist for a man to take out the trash or pay for dinner or have a job. Actually if she doesn't want to work, it is still up to men to have a job and not live with his parents. Cooking, cleaning, washing are all shared responsibilities. I know I do almost all of that myself outside of cooking and laundry and that's shared. But even then I pay for it all. And why not? It's a man's job to fund. So what task can be said to be a "woman's job" and no one think it's sexist or derogatory? Umm . . . . what!?! This whole post is sexist and derogatory. I guess I didn't get the memo that I wasn't supposed to do these things.
theothersully Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Don't get caught up in this. The sexes are different and this should be celebrated. Would you rather take out the trash or go get all of your pubes ripped out by searing hot wax? Mow the lawn, or pick out color schemes and take more care of kids? Just do the man stuff and let the woman do her stuff. Appreciate her for the unique/special feminine aspects she brings into the house, which should compliment the masculine aspects you bring.
Got it Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Don't get caught up in this. The sexes are different and this should be celebrated. Would you rather take out the trash or go get all of your pubes ripped out by searing hot wax? Mow the lawn, or pick out color schemes and take more care of kids? Just do the man stuff and let the woman do her stuff. Appreciate her for the unique/special feminine aspects she brings into the house, which should compliment the masculine aspects you bring. Again, what!?! Who raised your people!?! The household duties in my house growing up and in my home now is designed around preference, opportunity, and capability. Please I would much prefer mowing the lawn then picking out color schemes. I should tell my hubby that apparently his skills in this area are . . . . against his gender. 4
theothersully Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Again, what!?! Who raised your people!?! The household duties in my house growing up and in my home now is designed around preference, opportunity, and capability. Please I would much prefer mowing the lawn then picking out color schemes. I should tell my hubby that apparently his skills in this area are . . . . against his gender. I was generalizing, and talking to the guys. There is no other way to approach this broad topic. Of course there are exceptions, but in general, I know very few female garbage handlers, mouse catchers, lawn mowers or house painters. Generally speaking. A man should be proud to do these things for his woman. It is just part of being a man in a relationship, imo.
Emilia Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I was generalizing, and talking to the guys. I know very few female garbage handlers, mouse catchers, lawn mowers or house painters. Generally speaking. That's because men are stronger and you need strength to do these jobs for 8 hours a day Monday to Friday. That doesn't mean women don't do these things at home. I do all my DIY (better at it than most men I know because I have more patience). Who do you think takes out my garbage every day? Do you think I call up a man to do it? I cut the grass at my mother's house because it's dead easy. What's wrong with you people? A man should be proud to do these things for his woman. It is just part of being a man in a relationship, imo. I prefer my men to learn how to cook and how to clean the bathroom properly but thanks all the same. Hahaha ridiculous.
theothersully Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 (edited) That's because men are stronger and you need strength to do these jobs for 8 hours a day Monday to Friday. That doesn't mean women don't do these things at home. I do all my DIY (better at it than most men I know because I have more patience). Who do you think takes out my garbage every day? Do you think I call up a man to do it? I cut the grass at my mother's house because it's dead easy. What's wrong with you people? I prefer my men to learn how to cook and how to clean the bathroom properly but thanks all the same. Hahaha ridiculous. Well, you are an exception, or if you have no man, that's different.. Most women prefer the man to take out trash and cut grass, fix cars, etc. Most men prefer women not to belittle them in getting their point across too. "what's wrong with you people?" calling me ridiculous and laughing does not make your exception to the norm any more valid. I cook like nothing you've ever experienced... all from scratch. All local natural organic foods. Make yogurt and kefir. Make bread, etc... I do all the man stuff too. It's just plain sexier and more exciting when men are men and women are women. You can be a man all you want, but it detracts from feminine appeal, as does a man not being masculine. Edited November 27, 2013 by theothersully
MissBee Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Don't get caught up in this. The sexes are different and this should be celebrated. Would you rather take out the trash or go get all of your pubes ripped out by searing hot wax? Mow the lawn, or pick out color schemes and take more care of kids? Just do the man stuff and let the woman do her stuff. Appreciate her for the unique/special feminine aspects she brings into the house, which should compliment the masculine aspects you bring. I do think men and women are different; however, I do not see what those differences have to do with taking the trash out or picking out color schemes, as though this is a natural law and true in every society and culture in every time period. I don't live with a man and I still have to take out my trash, where I live has lawn mowers and gardeners, one of whom is a woman, and I still have to exist in life doing chores. What do chores have to do with what it means to be a man/woman. Can we be a bit deeper than that? 1
RedRobin Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 I had actually thought and heard that more men were struggling with dating identity because women now earning etc. has changed men's roles in a variety of ways. Namely: each woman being a singular entity has a different idea about dating. Some expect a "provider" some expect an "adapter" who will renegotiate roles depending on circumstance and some nowadays want more of a "house-husband." My husband wants to be more of a house-husband. I'd like more of an "adapter." Raises hand for 'adapter'. The last guy I dated did all the cooking for his family, even though he was a construction worker. This week I'm replacing the steam vents on the radiators and maybe re-packing the valves. (opens up underwear and peeks in). Yep. I'm still a girl. OP, my 'job' as a human being is not to be a free-loader and to contribute to the best of my ability to the welfare and happiness of my partner and others in my circle of influence. He should do the same for me, according to whatever rules we negotiate together. If you don't like negotiating OP, that's fine. Make that clear up front. Lots of people don't want to negotiate and like rigid gender roles. 1
RedRobin Posted November 27, 2013 Posted November 27, 2013 Don't get caught up in this. The sexes are different and this should be celebrated. Would you rather take out the trash or go get all of your pubes ripped out by searing hot wax? Mow the lawn, or pick out color schemes and take more care of kids? Just do the man stuff and let the woman do her stuff. Appreciate her for the unique/special feminine aspects she brings into the house, which should compliment the masculine aspects you bring. I think the point is that there are no unique masculine aspects that are automatically assigned by gender anymore. Tough noogies. The OP will have to learn the 'unique' female aspects of communication and negotiation if he expects to find someone he's compatible with. Whaaaa!!!!!
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