Not hookup material or what?

[YourEgo]

There is this guy I met online and we instantly hit it off. We talked about friends, family, his brother, grad school, politics, high school and all that jazz. He agreed to wait an entire month to finally see me because I was really busy (he initially wanted to meet after a week).

 

We finally met up and he was really nice. He asked me out on a 'real' first date before we parted ways and sent me a text 5 minutes after we parted ways. He kept initiating contact almost everyday afterwards.

 

However, he planned a date twice and then asked to reschedule (first time he was going on vacation, second work issues). He did this two times. He never cancelled though. He would always ask for a rain check. I decided to cut him off telling him I wasn't gonna chase him. He was like 'I wanna see you I swear, I do hope to see you soon' yadi yada. (He worked 6 nights a week).

 

 

Anyway, a few weeks passed by and I tried to get in touch with him but he blatantly ignored me and he later updated his profile only to have his entire sex life on display in form of answers to different questions. Now, I'm confused and feeling slightly inadequate as it makes me feel as though I wasn't even good enough for a hookup (call me insane!).

 

Based on the info in his profile, he met up with absolutely random girls after a few messages just to sleep with them on the first date. Yet, when I was around, he didn't try at all.

 

He spent ages talking to me and initiating contact talking about books and music, and even telling me how his day went and talking about every single detail of his day/week. He shared a few vacation pictures and all. Suddenly he's done a complete 180. If he wanted a quick hookup, why didn't he make a move on me? He did not even try.

 

What would make a man not want to have a quick hookup with one girl but accept to hookup with other random girls?

Edited November 23, 2013 by YourEgo

[Kizza]

Men who just want hook ups still keep their eyes open for relationship material women .... you were probably that rather than a hook up but it didn't work out.

[Balzac]

How about putting him off for a month initially? Too long IMHO.

[YourEgo]

I know it was really long and I would normally meet up after a week or so. However, I had crazy college hours from 8am to 10pm every day for a month on top of very important graduate school entrance tests so I just was not in a position to go out. I barely knew him so I had to prioritize.

 

How is this fact relevant though?

 

I don't see how waiting a month made me not eligible for hookup (I'm not complaining, just wondering).

Edited November 23, 2013 by YourEgo

[deathandtaxes]

I know it was really long and I would normally meet up after a week or so. However, I had crazy college hours from 8am to 10pm every day for a month on top of very important graduate school entrance tests so I just was not in a position to go out. I barely knew him so I had to prioritize.

 

How is this fact relevant though?

 

I don't see how waiting a month made me not eligible for hookup (I'm not complaining, just wondering).

 

 

 

Not putting forth the effort to meet really shows that you're just not that interested. We guys pick up on this **** really quick. Moving hell and earth to make time for going out is a huge sign somebody is interested. We make time if we're interested. There's this excitement that builds and if it takes so long to meet up for a date, that can fizzle out really quick.

[YourEgo]

Not putting forth the effort to meet really shows that you're just not that interested. We guys pick up on this **** really quick. Moving hell and earth to make time for going out is a huge sign somebody is interested. We make time if we're interested. There's this excitement that builds and if it takes so long to meet up for a date, that can fizzle out really quick.

 

Yeah, but I was genuinely interested. I was about to graduate so I could not afford one night out. I'm sorry but having class everyday (Saturday included) doesn't really leave room for schedule adjustments. It was an intense month, I probably shouldn't have signed up on a dating website but I just didn't think I'd meet anybody I'd be willing to meet up with.

 

Believe me, I was very interested. Still, it's not relevant because he did ask me out on a second date and kept initiating contact. After all, he didn't bother for a whole month either.

[Balzac]

You are an undergrad in the US?

[MalachiX]

First of all, why are you interested in a guy who is openly bragging about hooking up on his profile? If you just want casual sex I'm sure you can find it and probably with someone who will at least pretend to be sincere until you sleep together.

 

Anyway, if he really is a hook-up guy, he might have gotten the impression that you were going to be too much of a challenge (having not accepted to cancellations) and moved on to girls who require less maitenance.

 

What concerns me is that you're letting this crew with your ego and, despite what you sent him in your text, it sounds like you are inclined to chase him. Guys who are good at casual sex tend to know how to play on a woman's insecurities. Sounds like this is working on you right now which is something you probably want to avoid.

[YourEgo]

No, not in the US or Canada. I'm doing a double law degree, hence the crazy schedule.

[MrCastle]

The timing was bad. The wait killed any chance for attraction.

 

Are you looking to just hook up? It almost sounds like you're disappointed you guys didn't hook up.

 

But you're right, if you're busy, you shouldn't have signed up to a dating site. People join dating sites to find dates now not months from now.

[YourEgo]

First of all, why are you interested in a guy who is openly bragging about hooking up on his profile? If you just want casual sex I'm sure you can find it and probably with someone who will at least pretend to be sincere until you sleep together.

 

Anyway, if he really is a hook-up guy, he might have gotten the impression that you were going to be too much of a challenge (having not accepted to cancellations) and moved on to girls who require less maitenance.

 

What concerns me is that you're letting this crew with your ego and, despite what you sent him in your text, it sounds like you are inclined to chase him. Guys who are good at casual sex tend to know how to play on a woman's insecurities. Sounds like this is working on you right now which is something you probably want to avoid.

 

When we started talking, his profile was clean. It was all about "love" and meeting decent people. Then I have no clue what happened after I cut him off but he changed his entire profile to this whole hookup bragging.

 

That being said, it just makes me feel slightly insecure as in not attractive enough or something along those lines. I've always been under the impression that men don't look for extra beautiful women when it comes to hook up. Therefore, it makes me wonder.

[Balzac]

Yup too busy and that's unlikely to change anytime soon.

 

What's a dual law degree?

[YourEgo]

Basically I was completing two four year undergraduate degrees simultaneously (two bachelor degrees and a 'masters'). Therefore, I have/had way more classes than a regular undergraduate student.

Edited November 23, 2013 by YourEgo

[Balzac]

Basically I was completing two four year undergraduate degrees simultaneously (two bachelor degrees and a 'masters'). Therefore, I have/had way more classes than a regular undergraduate student.

 

. on top of very important graduate school entrance tests

 

This statement threw me. Apparently you're not yet admitted to graduate school.

 

I've dated girls doing dual graduate degrees - never have I waited a month to get it going on. Not saying you're wrong but you established your priority. It's not forever.

[YourEgo]

No, I'm not admitted yet. I still have to complete some pre-requisite courses to complete before getting my final admission results.

 

I don't know why I made him wait a whole month knowing I was interested. Timing was off. In return, he made me wait a whole month for a date and I cut him off because I got frustrated. Looking back, I don't even know how he waited a whole month I know a lot of guys would have been like "yeah, see ya".

Edited November 23, 2013 by YourEgo

[Balzac]

You get it. There are guys out there.

[MalachiX]

That being said, it just makes me feel slightly insecure as in not attractive enough or something along those lines. I've always been under the impression that men don't look for extra beautiful women when it comes to hook up. Therefore, it makes me wonder.

 

I know it's hard but try to get that thought out of your head (or at least don't feed it by obsessing). I repeat, I doubt you'll ever have much trouble getting casual sex if you want it.

 

If you let yourself feel insecure when a guy doesn't want to sleep with you, it's going to make you easy pray for D-bags who just want to use you. It's a shame that playing on someone's insecurities is often succsessful when you want easy sex. Don't fall for it.

 

As for you being too buys, there's a good chance he might have gotten his feelings hurt. All guys are told that "busy" means "uninterested" and that a girl will make time for you if she really wants to see you. Just look on these forums and see how often this advice is given. Nobody wants to be the guy who can't take a hint or is on the back-burner. So, now that you know this, try to avoid sending that message if you're really interested in someone.

[Ninjainpajamas]

When we started talking, his profile was clean. It was all about "love" and meeting decent people. Then I have no clue what happened after I cut him off but he changed his entire profile to this whole hookup bragging.

 

That being said, it just makes me feel slightly insecure as in not attractive enough or something along those lines. I've always been under the impression that men don't look for extra beautiful women when it comes to hook up. Therefore, it makes me wonder.

 

Men will hookup with a hideous walrus with a jerry curl if it's convenient....so it's not about "being good looking enough to hook-up with"...there's no such thing, he's either going to put effort into it or he's not....and the reason he won't, will typically have nothing to do with your attractiveness because the baseline is extremely low for many, many many men....more than you'll ever know.

 

So if the guy is into hooking up, I can assure you he's extremely likely to have hooked up with someone much uglier and fatter than you are...now breathe a sigh of relief, isn't it great?

 

It's funny what women think about men, it's much more likely to be about laziness, unmotivated or having a current GF or what not than it ever had to do with anything about you. Because at the end of the day, it still takes effort...and when you talk a big game and serenade the ladies with your talk, it's not easy for these guys to necessarily feel confident about backing it up....a lot of times they sell more than they can deliver, if not just about always.