JenniferN Posted December 28, 2004 Posted December 28, 2004 Trying to move on.. who-ever thought it would be this hard... Almost 2 years... 2 freaking years since I found out about this. Our marriage was fresh... we had a new baby... he was carrying on a relationship with a couple women via phone/email/letters... I discovered the letters and heard rumors of other things happening such as women at bars and stuff. I almost didn't make it through that... I was * * this close to leaving him, I had ALWAYS told myself, I will never ever ever put up with that.. thats the one thing I would divorce some one for. Well in the long run I ended up staying. its been 2 years and our marriage is so diffrent. Apart from the fact that he's never home (he's military and going on his second deployment) I struggle still on an almost daily basis with it. I think about it all the time, I am constantly doubting, but I had promised myself, once I forgave him I would never ever agian bring it up... and I haven't I never talk about it.. its just eating at me and I can tell its driving me further adn further away from him... our sex life is almost null when he is home. There is just no much there anymore. What do I do?
Devildog Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 Lots of questions for this. Does your husband show any remorse for his affairs? Several of them in two short years of marriage? What has he done to restore your trust in him? You can't just forget something that huge. You can forgive, and retell yourself that you forgive him each day. But you can't just forget it. 20 years from now if you are still foolish enough to be with him you will still remember it. He has to be willing to be completely open and prove on a daily basis that he is being faithful to you, be willing to allow you to check his email, his phone records, everything. I don't get the impression that him restoring trust has even been an issue that was discussed. I think for your sake, and the sake of your child, you should leave him. Don't allow your child to grow up thinking it is okay to cheat on a spouse repeatedly and with numerous people.
jmargel Posted December 29, 2004 Posted December 29, 2004 What you need to do is find a licensed marriage counselor. You haven't dealt with this issue and like you said it's coming out in another way. It's just driving you two further apart. You have to decide first on whether you are truly still in love with him and love him. Whether you want this marriage to work. Don't keep this marriage together because of your son or daughter, do it because you want it for yourself. You also need to talk to your husband about all of this, since he lied to you numerous times and cheated on you as well. There is no trust there and your mind wanders because you have no faith in his words. There needs to be a building block in which he has to create in order to build that trust up again. What makes a marriage so special is that bond, that promise that your spouse is there only for you to confide in and trust. When that is broken what else do you have? Even if he doesn't want to goto counseling, you need to go for yourself. Replaying these moments in your head over and over again is just torturing yourself. You need to stop overworking your mind, and know that you are worth being with. Don't base your own self-worth on what he has done to you. He has a flaw and something he must fix on his own. And if he's unwilling to admit this and receive help, then it's almost impossible for the marriage to continue happily. You only have one life, and you need to make yourself happy. It sounds like you haven't been truly happy in a very long time. You owe it to yourself and your child. It's time to stop keeping things in.
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