tusbi Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Hello everyone! This is my first post here and I hope you can help me! Well, I'm 18 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I just got into college and met a guy who is really nice and smart. We are studying the same, so we see each other everyday. A few weeks ago he started to court me, and at first I liked it because I was getting attention, he was really sweet. He'd hug me, take my hand, etc. However, I was never attracted to him, and I hate to say this, but I don't think that he is handsome or hot, my heart never beats faster when I see him. I just don't like him, he is a great friend but that's it. Yesterday he asked me to be his girlfriend and I wanted to say no, 'cause I knew that even though his personality was perfect for me and that he was being a gentleman, I didn't find him attractive, and that would affect our relationship. However, my friends told me that I couldn't be so swallow and that I led him into thinking that I did want a relationship, so in the end I said yes and well, now I'm his girlfriend. He gave me my first kiss and again, I felt nothing. I'm really sad 'cause this is not what I wanted, and it's not fair for him. He deserves someone who cares for him. But we just got together! I can't break up right away, right? That would be awful! I feel terrible already. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? Thank you!!
man_in_the_box Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I can't break up right away, right? That would be awful! I feel terrible already. The longer you wait, the more it's going to hurt.
NJtoDC Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Hmm. Well, I like that you gave him a shot because he's such a great guy. Sometimes the good guy who we don't have the hots for can grow on us. It's happened with me two times! Here's the thing- my experience in both cases was that I was attracted to the guys personality but didn't find them pretty to look at. After the first kiss? I felt that physical attraction. They got my motor running. I fell in love and their less than perfect appearance became the appearance of the man I loved. You could give it another date or two to see if your feelings grow, another kiss or two, since he's such a great friend. Or, you could try to let him down gently now. I hope you can keep your friendship either way. If you can't grow to find him attractive I would certainly say to let him go. There are plenty of guys in college who will float your boat and also make a good friend. Good luck!
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think you need to be straight with him. Explain that he's a great guy & you genuinely like him but you got more caught up in the romance of the whole thing because you didn't want to hurt him but you can't be in a relationship. This is a version of the "it's not you, it's me" speech but it is the truth. 1
BlametheIrish Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Tell him you thought you were ready for a relationship but you now realize you've got some growing up to do before you consider any commitments like that. It's not a lie because if you were more mature you would have told him thanks but no thanks and not wasted his time or toyed with his heart. The longer ypu stay together, the longer it will hurt him after you break up. If you care about this man even as a friend do him a favor and don't lead him on.
GemmaUK Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Stop this now if you are not feeling anything for him. It will get worse and harder to end. ((hugs))
Author tusbi Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 You could give it another date or two to see if your feelings grow, another kiss or two, since he's such a great friend. Or, you could try to let him down gently now. I hope you can keep your friendship either way. I guess you are right! I could give it a shot and if it doesn't work, I'll talk to him. I really love him as a person, I want to be his friend!
Confusedguy81 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I love peer pressure; it always makes people look stupid. For the future, don't be influenced by your friends. Be your own person and make your own decisions without their bs. Let the guy down gently. Unfortunately, you already did a bunch of damage by saying yes and then just dumping him.
befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 He gave me my first kiss and again, I felt nothing. I'm really sad 'cause this is not what I wanted, and it's not fair for him. He deserves someone who cares for him. But we just got together! I can't break up right away, right? That would be awful! I feel terrible already. I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice? Thank you!! I'm surprised the kiss did nothing. I think that usually attraction can grow from a close friendship, but maybe not for you. My advice is to imagine you were in his place, and treat yourself how you would want to be treated.
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