befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I've been trying online dating recently. I have my profile filled out and a couple pictures. I've been trying to start conversations by asking brief questions based on their profiles. I'm not getting many responses. The two responses I've gotten were brief answers, no conversation started. My questions are: How do other people go about messaging on online dating sites? Do men ever get messages from women without writing first? I've sent off about 30 messages with two brief replies. Based on other people's experiences, how long should I expect to try before getting responses? Thanks.
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 OLD is a numbers GAME. Emphasis on the latter -- it's a game. Don't think of the messages you send out as much more than a smile you would offer across a bar or in a coffee shop to a complete stranger. If the other person doesn't come rushing across the room to meet you, most times most people don't get all that bent out of shape but because with OLD taking the time to cradft & send a message seems more intimate, we get upset & feel rejected when we don't get a response. OLD is one tool. Nothing more. Nothing less. Treat it as such. 2
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 OLD is a numbers GAME. Emphasis on the latter -- it's a game. Don't think of the messages you send out as much more than a smile you would offer across a bar or in a coffee shop to a complete stranger. If the other person doesn't come rushing across the room to meet you, most times most people don't get all that bent out of shape but because with OLD taking the time to cradft & send a message seems more intimate, we get upset & feel rejected when we don't get a response. OLD is one tool. Nothing more. Nothing less. Treat it as such. I'm in line with that thinking. I'm trying not to put any weight on getting or not getting responses. So, is it normal then for women to get a message and then just not respond? 1
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 It's not just women. Men do it to. It's something with OLD. I delusioned myself by thinking that if somebody didn't message me back it must be because he was no longer active on the site. While I'm sure that was not always the case, it made me feel better.
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 It's not just women. Men do it to. It's something with OLD. I delusioned myself by thinking that if somebody didn't message me back it must be because he was no longer active on the site. While I'm sure that was not always the case, it made me feel better. I understand that. Can you clarify what OLD means?
BlametheIrish Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) Irs rude but normal too. Any women on OLD that are renotely good looking are going to be getting messages like crazy because men that would never aporoach them in real life gave less issus,doing it online. I used to respond even if I wasny intetested so I dodnt leave anyone hanging. Something short like "Sorry I'm not interested". People would get bent outta shape over that even. I personally have sent out only a handful of messages online because most men on OKC that I was interested,enough in to speak with had already messaged me. Whoever said it was a nunbers game was right. You send out a feeler message sonething like "Hi so and so, Nice profile I especially liked the part about your love for disc golf, have ypu ever been to the course in (insert city) It's as beautiful as it is challenging And if shes interested she might say something like "I've never been, it sounds aWesome" or Yeah Ive been It was a real challenge, lost my favorite driver on 17. Either answer or any positive answer is her showing interest. If she ignores you she either doesnt find your profile pic attractive, or your profile, or both. Could it be you're messaging women out of your league? Edited November 23, 2013 by BlametheIrish My phone it to.screwed to edit messages properly. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I understand that. Can you clarify what OLD means? OLD = on line dating. There is a post under the FAQ section of this board that tells you the acronyms. There's also a post about acronyms in the Water Cooler, I think.
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Irs rude but normal too. Any women on OLD that are renotely good looking are going to be getting messages like crazy because men that would never aporoach them in real life gave less issus,doing it online. I used to respond even if I wasny intetested so I dodnt leave anyone hanging. Something short like "Sorry I'm not interested". People would get bent outta shape over that even. I personally have sent out only a handful of messages online because most men on OKC that I was interested,enough in to speak with had already messaged me. Thanks. That's helpful info. Whoever said it was a nunbers game was right. You send out a feeler message sonething like "Hi so and so, Nice profile I especially liked the part about your love for disc golf, have ypu ever been to the course in (insert city) It's as beautiful as it is challenging Good. That's what I've been doing pretty much. If she ignores you she either doesnt find your profile pic attractive, or your profile, or both. Hard to accept, but possible. My profile pics are decent, but I could see someone not being attracted to them. Could it be you're messaging women out of your league? Well, I'm trying to keep an open mind and message women that I might find a connection with. I consider myself attractive. I'm very liberal and easy going, but I've been sending messages to some women that might be conservative. I've also been messaging women I'm not as attracted to because I might end up enjoying their company and personality. It's kind of relative isn't it?
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 OLD = on line dating. There is a post under the FAQ section of this board that tells you the acronyms. There's also a post about acronyms in the Water Cooler, I think. That's what I thought, then it sounded like it might mean something else. Thanks.
BlametheIrish Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 It seems you've got your ducks in a row. Maybe branch out a little farther than your city then?? Remember if it were that easy to find the perfect partner then nobody would be single .
Keenly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I've been told by women on this forum I am attractive. I'm eloquent, well spoken, and funny. On one year, I must have sent 300 messages to the women of OLD. I got maybe, MAYBE, 13 responses. None went anywhere. Its not worth the time investment.
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 I've been told by women on this forum I am attractive. I'm eloquent, well spoken, and funny. On one year, I must have sent 300 messages to the women of OLD. I got maybe, MAYBE, 13 responses. None went anywhere. Its not worth the time investment. What did you decide to do instead?
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 It seems you've got your ducks in a row. Maybe branch out a little farther than your city then?? Remember if it were that easy to find the perfect partner then nobody would be single . I'll consider that. Thanks.
BlametheIrish Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) I've been told by women on this forum I am attractive. I'm eloquent, well spoken, and funny. On one year, I must have sent 300 messages to the women of OLD. I got maybe, MAYBE, 13 responses. None went anywhere. Its not worth the time investment. I think men get rejected more,on online dating because they initiate conversation with more women online than they do.in real life. So if you normally hit on 3 girls a week in person and get rejected it probably hurts alot less than messaging 20 girls online and getting little to.no response. Attractiveness is different in different peoples eyes. I like alot of what you say online Keenly and that makes you more attractive as a whole. If I was basing how attractive you were purely on looks I'd say you're average. Ive been in two ltr from online dating and in spite of the weirdos, flakes and generally undesirable people on there I will continue to use it in my dating arsenal because it works, it doesnt always work well but neither does dating the old fashioned way. Maybe your profile needs some fine tuning. If you ferl like,posting it Im sure the ladies and gentlemen of LS will give ypu some constructive criticism. Edited November 23, 2013 by BlametheIrish Can't even edit this time, sorry for the typos.
Keenly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 What did you decide to do instead? I learned to be happy alone. that I don't need anyone. I've reached the point where even if I had to spend the rest of my life alone, that's not really so bad. 1
Keenly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think men get rejected more,on online dating because they initiate conversation with more women online than they do.in real life. So if you normally hit on 3 girls a week in person and get rejected it probably hurts alot less than messaging 20 girls online and getting little to.no response. Attractiveness is different in different peoples eyes. I like alot of what you say online Keenly and that makes you more attractive as a whole. If I was basing how attractive you were purely on looks I'd say you're average. Ive been in two ltr from online dating and in spite of the weirdos, flakes and generally undesirable people on there I will continue to use it in my dating arsenal because it works, it doesnt always work well but neither does dating the old fashioned way. Maybe your profile needs some fine tuning. If you ferl like,posting it Im sure the ladies and gentlemen of LS will give ypu some constructive criticism. Thank you very much for the offer. But I have stopped using OLD. I also don't hit on girls.in real life either I've decided the time, stress, and energy was not worth putting into a " potential" . I just be myself until obvious interest is shown, and then I pursue. No hitting on them.
InnocentMan Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think men get rejected more,on online dating because they initiate conversation with more women online than they do.in real life. So if you normally hit on 3 girls a week in person and get rejected it probably hurts alot less than messaging 20 girls online and getting little to.no response. Attractiveness is different in different peoples eyes. I like alot of what you say online Keenly and that makes you more attractive as a whole. If I was basing how attractive you were purely on looks I'd say you're average. Ive been in two ltr from online dating and in spite of the weirdos, flakes and generally undesirable people on there I will continue to use it in my dating arsenal because it works, it doesnt always work well but neither does dating the old fashioned way. Maybe your profile needs some fine tuning. If you ferl like,posting it Im sure the ladies and gentlemen of LS will give ypu some constructive criticism. Brutal, lol. 1
Confusedguy81 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Averagely stunning . I think you're a sexy beast keenly 1
Keenly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think you're a sexy beast keenly Ha. Let's get back to helping this person .
BlametheIrish Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) SI didnt say the guy was ugly just average. Im an honest woman, I say how I feel, no beating around the bush here. Besides from what I've read of his personality he could easily date women in the hot category. As lots,of women including myself go for a whole package kind of thing. I've never thought to.myself "Well the guy I'm dating is amazingly gorgeous arm candy but he's so bitchy, oh well at least I get to sleep with a hottie." I hate to generalize but I think thats more,of a guy thing to do. My ex before my current bf would probably rate a 4 outta,ten to most looks wise as he was quite overweight and had a unique look to him that many found unattractive. It was his mind that drove me to him as well and his heart that sealed the deal. And his insecurities that caused the break up. But I digress.......all to often, sorry for thst OP. OP like I said before maybe put your profile up and we can rule out if it's the culprit or not. One more tjing, I always responded first to.the men who made me laugh or smile in tbeir message. But Im a sucker for goofballs and dorks so take tbat with a grain of salt lol. Edited November 23, 2013 by BlametheIrish Again I apologize for my horrible typing in advance. 1
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 OP like I said before maybe put your profile up and we can rule out if it's the culprit or not. That would be helpful but I think I'd like to remain anonymous. The profile is pretty basic but not without information. My pictures are probably as good as I could hope for: Good lighting, I'm well dressed, hair is combed, I'm smiling.
mikecr50 Posted November 25, 2013 Posted November 25, 2013 It's certainly a numbers game, in general women will find any reason not to respond, not trying to be mean, bad grammar, old pics (date on photo). Trying to be humorous always helps break the ice, all you can do is keep trying, you can't take it personally.
Author befriendlyplease Posted November 27, 2013 Author Posted November 27, 2013 I got a message back with some decent conversation. Just wanted to update.
Targetlock Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 It is simply a numbers game, you got to keep on trying and try not to let it get to you when you don't get a response. this is what i tell myself anyway.
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