gskyo Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 First off, I would like to say I know I am not in the worst situation on earth, but I am having problems getting my life back together. Last year, I graduated with a Masters and had my life ahead of me. I returned to my home country only to have my seemingly healthy mum have a relapse of cancer and deteriorate under my (and my younger sister's) care within a matter of 2 months in and out of the hospital. At the end of April, she died suddenly in my arms, choking and gasping. I've not been myself since then. Before the funeral, I was a mess and everyone could see that but when my sister toughen it out, I followed suit and tried to return to my cheery self to let relatives rest easy. The funeral was tiring to handle because I felt like I was putting on a show. My sister soon left for her studies while I lived with my dad (who is divorced from my mum but was supportive of us during her death) and I felt constantly pressured to get a job after 2 months of mourning. I was fed up with my dad pestering me and honestly thought I was ready since I've already stopped crying myself to sleep. The job was high paying and required me to leave the country. I gladly left my life behind. Sadly, making friends have become harder than before, I find myself a lot more reclusive and less friendly than before. After two months there, I started to cry to sleep again, missing family and felt incredibly lonely. Thanks to a twist of fate, my paperwork got screwed and I was advised to leave the country and return home. I did, while I was happy to return home, I was also upset to lose a high paying job. I've returned home completely without bearings. I don't know what I want to do in life anymore. I am no longer confident in my abilities. Since the job overseas, I have a hard time looking for work at home and have been doing odd jobs for money. I no longer know what I want to do with my life. I feel like I wasted a year of professional development. I've gained so much weight that I hate myself. I don't know who I can talk to. Out the outside, to my friends and family, I still smile and joke but I just don't feel like myself anymore. I don't go out much now. I can no longer connect with friends as I did in the past. I find their topics so trivial and they don't understand my pain. I've stopped dating altogether. I feel like I am in shambles and cannot get pass it! I don't know what to do or where to start.
mea_M Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Hi. I'm sorry you're down. But probably time to lean on loved ones for support. That's part of why they are loved ones. I know it may be hard to talk about but, I bet it will help guide you in the right direction. Hang in there. My best to you. Mea:) 1
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Your secret may not be as secret as you think. Many people -- more than I thought -- picked up on my depression but I did manage to fool lots of them. Get a therapist. It helps. As much as you don't want to, do things. Take care of yourself. Exercise. Cut your hair. You didn't waste a year. You grieved. You healed. . . sometimes that takes a toll. 2
Yasuandio Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Loss is loss. You described a few losses that you experienced in a short time. Change can also be as stressful as loss - and too, you have encountered several major life changes in a relatively short period. 1. Completing Masters Degree (Major Life-Changing Accomplishment) 2. Loss of Mum (Major Devistating Loss) 3. Re-Location (Major Stress - Whether you know it or not) 4. New Career (Excititing, but challenging - more stressful than you probably realize. 5. Loss of New Home 6. Another Re-Location (again, high on the stress list) 7. Searching for "Low-Paying work (a big step down professionally - kick to self-esteem) 8. Financially - a good deal of money has probably gone out the window (loss) There are eight reasons for you to be clinically depressed, and want to isolate yourself - to feel safe (like a cacoon). Each of which fall in the top ten situations that induce extreem stress in human beings. Can you see a therapist? Or at least a doctor? You are carrying too much on your shoulders honey. You need a break. Yas 2
Mario79 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Reading your story I feel so small in comparison. I dont know your age. But you have a masters that means youve come a long way, that should give you confidence. You just had a lot of situations converge at the wrong time in your life. I know a little about that. In this sentence alone I feel you have identified where to start: I feel like I wasted a year of professional development. I've gained so much weight that I hate myself. I don't know who I can talk to. In my country there are support groups for people with high emotional stress that follow 12 step program similar to AA. If there is anything like that maybe you can go, interacting and having a moment to express yourself can help. If you can go counseling or therapy, even better. Seek the knowledge yourself as well. Give this a listen, it may help: Man's Search for Meaning - Viktor Frankl - Audiobook - YouTube For addressing professional development though, I am sure there is always things you can do, but if you are not focused and your motivation is not there you can't address it. And the weight, be sure that if you were able to put it on, you can take it off. Keep writting your emotions, keep posting on this thread, and keep doing stuff. 4
Author gskyo Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 I'm 26. I understand about needing to talk to loved ones but I just don't understand people anymore. Some days, I feel like I hate everything and everyone including myself! I can't talk to my dad, in fact, I've come to hate my dad for constantly trying to pressure me into a new job which he considers "stable and well paid" and disapproves of jobs I interview for because he wants me to work in his friend's company and it isn't an industry I care for. I don't get along with that friend of his and don't see us working compatibly... he just keeps pushing the topic at dinner, in car rides...etc. His high expectations of me may have yielded great professional and academic results in the past but he doesn't consider all that factors of change that has come into place for me this year and he is so relentless, I honestly hate him right now. I am quiet when with him and let him blab on and on about how I should get a high paying job. Just to note, I live with him and my sister but I pay my bills without his help and try to contribute to the household when I can. My sis and I, though both girls, aren't the type who talk about feelings... We have the few remarks here and there about how we miss mum, but after digging deeper into any topic, we'll probably start fighting. This however, isn't anything new, even before mum's death, we'd fight about trivial things like laundry. She's also started to jobhunt after studies, so, she has bigger fish to fry then worry about me. Also to note, my dad is not pestering her about her job hunt at all, ONLY ME!! My friends go on and on about how their bosses, dating life and work suck... if ever I bring up that I feel like I can't cope, they brush it off saying "Oh, you'll be fine, we've never had to worry about you" or "don't think too much" and then completely ignore the topic.. I guess you can contribute their young age and lack of experience in handling loss to their major indifference to my pain... I honestly don't feel like I can talk to anyone in my circle. I developed feelings for a friend before all these losses came about, but then he tells me he didn't feel the same, then everything started to fall apart. Now, when he tries talking to me, I just try to bail out because I can't deal with him still being so nice to me when he doesn't feel the same about me. It's torture and it makes me feel so much more needy than I already. I literally feel like I can't talk to anyone at all... Not in my family, not my friends, not even the guy I feel for... I think in Asia, having "therapist" help is practically unheard of... I don't even know where to start. Besides, money though odd jobs can be tight on occasion.. As for doing other things, I came home after the loss of job and studied another language for a while and taught myself HTML...I try to keep the brain active for future professional work but I can't get out of my funk and actually land what my dad calls a "real job"... It's frustrating! I feel like I keep trying but I also keep failing at life!
Mario79 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 We are here to help you. In any way we can. I hate it when people brush you off, you have had to do a lot of living at such a young age. And 26 you are still really young. I dont know about what part of Asia or the culture but there has to be some form of help or support. I know I have to pay for therapy but if you can. It can be a needed investment. I feel you need is a support system, and if you cant get it at home or from friends, then somewhere. I sometimes chat with people online or post here because it feels like really no one knows. When there might be someone down the street hurting just as bad. Are there any ways to meet other people? Maybe an internship somewhere. You are not failing in life. You are educated and you are persevering despite the negatives. You comforted your mom in her last moments. You got a high paying job. You were willing to put yourself out there. You are not willing to let your dad dictate your life. You have shown courage and benevolence. Don't hate yourself and feel like you are failing. I wish give you the exact steps you need to stop feeling like this. But I dont know either. 1
Recommended Posts