why does he cry when he broke up with me

[emma16]

Well here goes I need advice or at least help and a mans point of view would be great or anyone in fact. I have been dating a guy for 4 months everything perfect, getting along great, having fun. I love him he tells me he loves me.

 

He took a new hjob about a week or two after we started dating no big deal. He was fine with the fact that three of my cousins where formen there and my brother worked there. was also friend with the boss same town things like that.

 

I had a gut feeling that his boss had asked him to date there daughter who is only 18 my boyfriend is 22. needless to say i come to find out i was right the boss did that ask him to date his daughter. I had an idea though becuase of the way she would act and flaunt herself in front of him to cause us to fight.

 

We did fight about it. I was mad beucase he never told me this and i had to find out myself. He told me he did not want to tell me beucase he was affraid i would leave. on his birthday is when i found out i questioned him he said we are done you doubted me.

 

the next morning we talked he cried while he broke up with me telling me he loves me that he is going to miss all the good times. we talked calmly no fighting at all about the issue. what this girl gets she wants i am affraid his job had been threated by his employer.

 

he said he told them he couldn't date her she was to young. the bosses daught and he was dating me. so fine however she did not like that answer and would not leave well enough alone i guess.

 

we have talked over christam and the last few days via text messages he said he loves me he misses me and needs time to think. he was engaged prior to a girl that all they did wwas fight he said he put up with it then and would rather not put up with it again. He does agree the way we can talk about this says something about our relationship.

 

he never leaves anything out lately. christmas day he could not get a hold of the guys his age so he went out with the boss and played cards got drunk and ended up staying there. i knew that beucase i was dropping his stuff of at home. I said you said u didn't want to date her. he sent me two texts asking if he would explain. i let him he said they got drunk hit was 4 in the morning and didn't feel like driving home he slept on the floor with another friend.

 

so he told me that do i believe him yes. why beucase at there work club hunt he was there and she told him if they didn't do anything it was done and he didn't from my family i heard this.

 

we talked over text yesterday he said he needs time to think. and that he loves me he was at the bar last night i was at another and of course the boss and bosses daughter was where he was. he would not answer my text messages he did stay at home beucase i have to drive by his house to go home. this morning i got a text goodmorning have a good day. I really don't know what to do give him time. or just say the hell with it but i love him and don't know if you think i am leaving something out let me know i will answer your questions..

[Pendawn]

I don't know about all this stuff with his bosses daughter, all he has to say is "I'm not interested in her" and stay clear from her, if he meant it. He could sue if the boss fired him over that, and if he stays away from her he doesn't have the problem with dealing with her. Seems to me he might be enjoying the attention.

 

However he has been fair to you in breaking up with you if he is interested in her, or dating anyone else, or just feels your mistrust bothers him. He cried because although he doesn't think it's going to work he still loves you. My ex has cried every time I've seen him since the break-up and he was the one doing the dumping. He doesn't like knowing he's upset me and it upsets him to think he doesn't have me in his life, but there is a big difference between that and wanting to be together.

 

Your bf may also ahve been crying because the fight and accusations reminded him of his ex and the painful memories he had with her.

 

 

I think what you have to do is give him the space he says he wants, don't go round, don't text, don't speak to him at all. And as much as possible try to stay away from anyplace he might be.

 

I have no idea if your accusations about the bosses daughter were accurate at the time, though they seem fairly justified since, but it could be that he really did want nothing to do with her and you have to trust him voer that. If it was me, i'd wrirte a letter to him explaining why you were worried about him and her, apologise for your mistrust etc and explain your feelings to him but tell him you are going to give him the space he needs. Then don't contact him and wait and see what he decides he wants.

[emma16]

Thank you for your input.

 

I did talk to him today i went by to get the rest of my things. we talked and alot has to do with past relationships. He said he does not want to date the bosses daughter. he told me he loves me and he misses me.

 

He is worried that we will not be able to put this behind us and said he does not want to end up hurting me if we would get back together because it seemed like him and his ex were always doing this.

 

He said he is not worried he would not cheat on me just that he can not be the man i want him to be because he is good for awhile then always wants to go back to the bar scene everyday for awhile.

 

As we kept talking he got up and faced the wall i told him i am willing to take things slow and see what happens he said he is worried that it won't be slow and we will end up right back where we are now and he doesn't want that. everytime he was going to take things slow before his ex pushed him to marriage and everything.

 

I asked him if he was worried about what people would think if we got back together his family he said no his friend he said yes.

 

I asked if he wanted me out of his life for good or what he said no. his big worry is what his boss and all his friends will think if we start dating again and what my cousins will think if we don't seeing as they also work there and he works under them.

 

I got up looked at him and told him that if u live your life to make your friends happy u will never be happy. if you live your life to make yourself happy you will find out who your true friends really are and told him that he knows how i feel and i am willing to take it slow the ball is in his court but that i won't wait if someone comes along well that the way life goes.

 

i also told him i an done contacting him and that when he is ready to talk about what ever he knows where to reach me. Is that wrong??

[Pendawn]

No I think you are 100% right. Sounds like you handled yourself brilliantly.

 

What you said to him is totally true, you can't make your decisions on what other people will think of you, it's a waste of time for a start because you can never please anyone. But it is hard to do something when you know everyone is going to dislike it, though if they truly love or care about you they should let you do your own thing. Your bf needs to decide what HE wants, not what his boss, friends etc want. I think he needs to develop a backbone.

 

In the meantime, good for you, be strong and know that you deserve someone who will put you before EVERYONE else in their life. Whether it is your bf or someone else, only time will tell.

[emma16]

You are right. I thank you so much for the insight last night at about 11:45 he sent me a text message saying "emily if you are in the bar please drive careful goodnight"

 

I was meeting a friend out for drinks last night and he knew that because we talk about things. however i was home and did not get the message until i was half way to work when i got service i did not respond to it at all is that the wrong thing to do?

 

My friend said wait a few days and call to see how his new years was and make small talk a guy at the bar was listening to this and said that i should wait at least a week before i contact him. he said to make him contact you let him think about you let him worry about you he said if he loves you and i am sure he does and it is a relationship worth saving to him he will call or text me. I think i should listen to his advice even though it is going to be hard

 

What do you think??

[Scott S]

Originally posted by emma16

My friend said wait a few days and call to see how his new years was and make small talk a guy at the bar was listening to this and said that i should wait at least a week before i contact him. he said to make him contact you let him think about you let him worry about you he said if he loves you and i am sure he does and it is a relationship worth saving to him he will call or text me. I think i should listen to his advice even though it is going to be hard

 

What do you think??

 

I think you need to do what you feel is right for you. If you believe waiting a few days is right, then wait a few days. If a week, then a week.

 

You need to approach this from the angle of thinking through all this, figuring out how you feel & how to best communicate that to him, as opposed to playing "mind games" with him. If you think there is the remotest chance of reconciling, then you need to avoid the mind games mentality. Most here will agree that nothing good will come from that.

[emma16]

I really think we can work through this. To me he is playing mind games. I just don't what him to think i don't care by not talking to him. Of course he asked for time to think and the last few days we have been talking constantly.

 

The time by himself to think will be good. I did ask him if he wanted to date someone else and he said no thats not going to solve this or anything not sure what the answer was. one of the two.

 

I really think this has alot to do with his past relationship and his friends one of his friends parents are pushing him to date the bosses daughter and not me and so is the boss and his wife.

 

I truely think he has been under alot of stress with all of this thus causing tension and fighting between us. My heart really says we can work through and he knows it says alot about our relationship that we are not btching back and forth and just takling but there are alot of mixed messages.

 

can a guy be that unsure about things? can his past relationship and having his heart broke twice by his ex be causeing alot of this?

[Scott S]

Originally posted by emma16

I really think we can work through this. To me he is playing mind games. I just don't what him to think i don't care by not talking to him. Of course he asked for time to think and the last few days we have been talking constantly.

 

The time by himself to think will be good. I did ask him if he wanted to date someone else and he said no thats not going to solve this or anything not sure what the answer was. one of the two.

 

I really think this has alot to do with his past relationship and his friends one of his friends parents are pushing him to date the bosses daughter and not me and so is the boss and his wife.

 

I truely think he has been under alot of stress with all of this thus causing tension and fighting between us. My heart really says we can work through and he knows it says alot about our relationship that we are not btching back and forth and just takling but there are alot of mixed messages.

 

can a guy be that unsure about things? can his past relationship and having his heart broke twice by his ex be causeing alot of this?

 

It appears that he has a lot to think about. I would communicate to him that you do care, & as such, want to give him the time to think that he's asked for.

 

As was posted earlier, his boss has no business trying to push him to date his daughter. Aside from other considerations, that is unlawful job harrassment. Of course, this is an issue where he would have to take the lead. That is, should he choose to do so.

 

Yes, a man can be confused & unsure, just as much as a woman can. And yes, past hurts & heartbreaks most certainly can make a man reluctant to enter into a close relationship, & thereby make himself vulnerable again.

 

Incidentally, nice to see another cheesehead here. It's too bad about Reggie White, isn't it?

[emma16]

well i thought about what you said and help me out if i am wrong. PLEASE

 

I sent him my last text message on my way from work while i was thinking. It stated "I am going to be happy with whatever u deceide beucase you have because my best friend during our relationship even if i dislike the decision you made or the decision you are going to make however this is a good time and i want you too. Will you i don't know my heart and my gut tells me we can and will work this out I could be wrong only time will tell you know how i feel and that I want a relationship however, I am not going to push the issue."

 

Do you think that is telling him to get lost or think about what it is he wants? I mean I don't want it to say I want a relationship and if I don't get it we will never talk again.

 

Or do you think I should not have sent that at all. Let me tell hyou it was hard to not send him a text while he was at work buit i did not. Is this one giong to push him further away I have said everything i need to say do you think that shows i care without having to say i care?

 

Yes to bad about reggie.

[emma16]

I need some help. On thursday we talked over text message and it like we both pused it into an argument. He said i think we should be done cuz all we do is argue anymore sorry. If you want ot be friends tahts fine with me its your choice.

 

I left it at that on Friday I sent a text Do u want to be my firend and are we going to hang out like friends do he replied yes.

 

Then awhile later i sent him another one stating Thanks i think i do when the time is right i know its alot to ask but can we come to an understanding that no expectations that we could never be more that friends what i mean is take it slow and see what happens you never know what is going to happen.

 

He replied yes twice beucause i ignored the first one. today i asked him if it was possible that we come to an understanding that we not see other people at first that way no one gets hurt he said i don't know.

 

I stoped over and woke him up to talk today since to establish some kind of ground on how this was going to be. We first made small tak about how our new years was adn then i brought up the friends thing and he said we will see you said time will tell if we can be more than friends. He said he went out to eat with his friend jerry and of course the bosses daughter to becuase jerrys girlfriend is her cousin. i didn't get mad we had what i guess i would consider some flirtaous moment of tickeling wach other started to watch a movie and his friend called to go to the bar so that was the end of that. He did tell me thanks for coming over to talk and that we will see what happens i said ok. I said we have to start this open not caring which way this goes if its friends or going to be more. he said yes. I also stated we have to do things together as firiends i won't consider it a date if we meet at the same bar and if the bosses daughter is there to just to see if the jealousy thing is there for me yet or if i can deal with it. again yes he said.

 

i sasked if we could do something together this week he said we'll see i told him i wanted to take this slow for myself. is asking him to do something pushing a relationship do you think? he also said he wanted to be honest he doesn't plan on dating other people you don't know whats going to happen. What does anyone make of all of this..

[Scott S]

Originally posted by emma16

well i thought about what you said and help me out if i am wrong. PLEASE

 

I sent him my last text message on my way from work while i was thinking. It stated "I am going to be happy with whatever u deceide beucase you have because my best friend during our relationship even if i dislike the decision you made or the decision you are going to make however this is a good time and i want you too. Will you i don't know my heart and my gut tells me we can and will work this out I could be wrong only time will tell you know how i feel and that I want a relationship however, I am not going to push the issue."

 

Do you think that is telling him to get lost or think about what it is he wants? I mean I don't want it to say I want a relationship and if I don't get it we will never talk again.

 

Or do you think I should not have sent that at all. Let me tell hyou it was hard to not send him a text while he was at work buit i did not. Is this one giong to push him further away I have said everything i need to say do you think that shows i care without having to say i care?

 

I think that rather than text-messaging each other back & forth, you need to talk to each other, either on the phone or face–to-face.

 

It does not seem to me like you told him to “get lost,” but on the other hand, not knowing the man, I cannot say how he might take something.

 

As for being “just friends” following a break-up, I will be honest with you & say that more often than not this will not happen. The feelings in a love relationship are different than in a friendship, & most people cannot really deal with the change. That’s not to say it never happens, & there is certainly no reason not to be civil towards each other.

 

Unfortunately, if the other person does not want a relationship with you, there is little you can do about it, other than making a graceful & dignified exit. Right now, all you can do is give him the time to think about things, & to decide what is the right thing to do.

[emma16]

I'm giving him the time to think however I feel now it is about the job and not the bosses daughter.

 

A friend of his Ben who works at the same companies wife ran into me and said I have something to tell you. New Year eve his boss and bosses wife cornered my ex and said "i want to see you two lock lips" my ex grabed Ben went outside and told him I don't want to kiss her. He went back in the bar gave her a peck on the lips and walked away.

 

 

Bens wife said that the ex did not talk to her all night.

 

My opinion if he wanted to kiss her he would have. What do you make of this? I guess its not about her but to me it is about making the boss and the friends happy beucase yesterday we talked face to face he did not tell me this. We talked about small talk he made me supper and asked if I would give him a hig good bye so I did.

 

I guess just wait for him to call now? Cause my feeling if he wanted to be with her he would its all the pressure and it has been making him irrettable the last few weeks of our relationship and he didn't know what to do. I could be wrong he probably thinks my boss was my friend before I started there is he my friend if I date who I want.

 

I guess he needs a backbone and needs to learn how to stand up for himself in these situations.

[emma16]

Stopped over at ex yesterday we talked about general things i think it went alright. he does look really depressed and he seemed a little crabby. I asked if he was mad and he said? He is not crabby at me which was nice to hear.

 

He seems like he has no clue and he said please do not think I don't have feelings for you. He did seem a little irratated though I went to eat with a friend and he sent me a message stating wow must be some special friend that you have to turn your phone off. I didn't know how to respond to that.

[Pendawn]

hey there!

 

 

Sorry this is still on going, it's so frustrating when the ex doesn't seem to know what he wants, isn't it?

 

Seems he is another case of having his cake and eating it too, he doesn't want to be with you but gets irritated if you spend time with someone else. Frankly all the stuff about the boss and his daughter is the weirdest stuff I've heard in a long time. The boss etc are all acting like 8 year old kids, it's a disgrace.

 

I personally think you should stop worrying etc about this situation with the boss, it's for your ex to sort out. He's a grown man, he needs to stand up to his boss and say this is unacceptable behaviour and he will be suing if it keeps up. He also needs to stop socialising with the boss etc if this kind fo thing goes on. It's ridiculous.

 

My advice would still be no contact, let him miss you and get annoyed if you don't text him back. Tell him you don't want to be around him till he can think clearly and sort his life out because you deserve more than someone who isn't sure.

 

Good luck!

[emma16]

Its been about three weeks now and I forgot I had posted on here. I found out I am pregnant. I told my ex all it leads is to fighting everyday beucase to many people now are telling us what to do.

 

 

I told him him I don't want to talk with him until he shows me he wants to be a part of this cares about the fact that I am pregnant. I got kicked out of my house over this my ex boss came up to my face and told me he hates me because of the pregnancy and the fact that he still wants to set tthem to up i could write for hours on everything that has happened the last three weeks and might give some of the story but it would be pages gotta go for now.

 

 

Is it ok to tell him I don't want to talk with him until he wants to be apart of this becuase I can't play these emotional games its way to hard for me.

[Randi]

i dont know what todo can some one help me??