How would you explain this?

[ks0985]

So its been 11 Days of no contact with my ex, she told me she was confused a week before and i told her to leave and get out of my place. 5 days later she text me and we agreed to meet up. She was emotional tears and all while i held it together. Told her i wanted to try work things out but if this was her decision i would be okay with it and move on. Told her not to contact me unless she wants to work things out and i have stuck with that and kept full No Contact with her for the past 11 days.

 

Fast forward to today, day 11 of no contact and her Brother in law shoots me a text and asks me where i have been and wants to get together for a beer. Me and him were really close and always have a good time drinking together. I replied that i would love to but i was just making sure it wouldnt put him in a bad position and that my ex would be okay with that. He is stunned to hear this news from me and is complately shocked that we are broken up. Clearly she never told him, i really am at a loss of words on how someone could be so imature with a situation like this. They have also visited me at work with there son calling me uncle and stuff. I agreed to go for drinks with him because i consider him a good friend and someone i want to remain in touch with.

 

My question is what is your take on this? how could she not tell her sister about this? I mean its been over 2 weeks since we broke up? Secondly how would you handle hanging out with him? In no way shape or form do i plan on bringing up or talking about the break up? I guess the way i look at it by me hanging out with him and appearing everything is okay with me ( which it is....the NC has really given me time to reflect on the relationship and realize it was not right for us)

 

Cheers

[Confusedguy81]

your ex might still want to be with you which is why she hasn't told your friend (her brother in law).

[ks0985]

yeah maybe i guess, just find it to to be really weird. Anyone else have an opinion?

[ks0985]

anyone? should i still have a beer with him? like i said were good friends, do not wanna make her feel like im doing this behind her back.

[chris21422]

Go for it there's nothing wrong with it. Just don't open up too much though.

[Simon Phoenix]

Were you friends before you and your ex started dating? I ask because I had a similar situation -- my ex was the sister-in-law of my best friend. Obviously I had known my best friend for much longer than I knew my ex (and he had known me longer than he knew her) so it wasn't a big deal. He was my main confidant when I was struggling. But his wife (her sister) and I never once talked about my ex.

 

It's tough. In my situation, I made sure to tell my friend that I wasn't looking for him to a) intercede or b) give me any inside information. Occasionally he'd let some stuff slip, but for the most part it worked ok -- I talked him exclusively about things and my ex talked to her sister exclusively with no overlap on my end and very little overlap on her end. Now that I'm healed it's all good between me and my ex's sister -- if anything, I think she holds me in higher regard than she did before for how I handled things on my end -- and my friend and I are probably closer than we were before.

 

Anyway, I'd take up the beer offer if he is a good friend but I'd do my best not to involve him. If he asks about what happened, stress that you aren't looking for him to get involved. I'm not sure what the dynamics between you, your ex, him and his wife are, but don't worry too much about it getting back to your ex. In my situation, my ex knew better than to try to restrict my interactions with my friend, and likewise I knew better than to try to get her sister to intercede.

[aelvidge]

My ex has done the exact same and not told anyone we're broken up. I think she wants to be in denial

[strive]

I don't know about your ex, but mine is a coward. Never told his parents until he really had to--and we have a kid together!

 

So I don't know about denial, but maybe they just didn't want to get any heat from it.

[d0nnivain]

You broke up with her not, him. If he can seperate the two relationships so can you. Just don't go to family stuff.

 

She may not have told anyone because she's processing or feels embarrassed. There may be things going on with her family that you don't know about & she doesn't want to burden them.

[strive]

oh I wasn't paying attention. you broke up with her. yeah, so probably embarrassment or maybe she still never got around to telling them. it's only been 11 days.

[ks0985]

oh I wasn't paying attention. you broke up with her. yeah, so probably embarrassment or maybe she still never got around to telling them. it's only been 11 days.

 

No she broke up with me, and to answer a previous question I became friends with him through her

[ks0985]

For some reason I feel nervous about hanging out with my buddy, really gotta watch what I say to him I think

[cavalier99]

For some reason I feel nervous about hanging out with my buddy, really gotta watch what I say to him I think

 

If you think info will get back to her and he sees you in a weakened state i wouldnt hang out. Maintain yourself respect at all cost!!! If you think it is going to make you feel weaker and make you wonder what she will think if he reports back...dont do it. That simple.

[ks0985]

If you think info will get back to her and he sees you in a weakened state i wouldnt hang out. Maintain yourself respect at all cost!!! If you think it is going to make you feel weaker and make you wonder what she will think if he reports back...dont do it. That simple.

 

I feel like I can do a good job maintaining my cool and having a good time. I just feel like he's going to try hard to get info about our breakup out of me.