marycc Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 So, I've known him for almost 2 years and in August we admitted that we both had feelings for each other and we kinda started something, without any labels, taking things slowly...however, since I'm a very insecure person, and I think it has to do with my past (my dad cheated on my mother several times and used to beat her, and my last boyfriend emotionally abused me for 3 years and also cheated on me), I started to get a lot of doubts and I talked about them with him, but despite the effort, I just couldn't believe he genuinly liked me, I was always thinking that, just like the other men in my life, he probably had second intentions, was using me and sooner would reveal his "real me" and would treat me badly. I was really insecure and anxious so, to avoid getting rejected, I rejected him, it was awful. I made up an excuse and told him that I didn't feel what I used to feel for him and actually told him that I couldn't even see us together in the future. I broke his heart but now that I'm without him I miss him so much every day, just talking to him would make every freakin thing so much better, he was so easy to talk to and for the first time in a long time I felt that someone cared about me, and I cared for him too, too much, that's why I left him. I left him cause I adored him so much. This sounds stupid, I know, but knowing him honestly was the best thing that happened to me latelly, I actually started to feel sick without him. But now the problem is that I'm afraid that he isn't interested in me anymore... Cause he just posted this on facebook: "I'm erasing you and I'm happy. You did it to me first". It seems clear to me that he is moving on... Before this this post, the other day he knew through some comments on facebook that I was going to get an MRI so he talked to me (after 2 months) and asked me what happened, I told him what happened and then he told me to talk to him when I got the results. However, I talked to him just the day after that and he seemed kinda distant and I felt that I had to make an effort to keep the conversation going on... I'm thinking about sending him an e-mail (we live apart), but I don't know if I should do it or what I should say, I don't want to bother him because I think he is moving on and I'll sound like a creep, and it was all my fault. I feel so goddam stupid. Should I tell him right away what my feelings are for him? I know I'm in love, that's why I'm so afraid. Right now I feel terribly anxious... So, should I talk to him? or ignore the situation and try to move on as well? Tell him I miss talking to him or tell him about all my feelings?
OpheliaSong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 You need to work on your issues before you try to have a relationship with someone else. Even if you do get back together, your insecurities and fears will rear their head again. I would talk to a therapist. 2
greenfairie Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 If you're not 100% there yet, you should really focus on your own. I did the same, broke up with a guy I loved, wanted him back, but got rejected HARD. I didn't take it well… AT ALL for months. I had to seek out a therapist and she helped me through my rainy days so much. It finally got me until after this summer when I've been doing so much activity with work, friends, and just life in general... I realized I've been doing SO much better compared to before summer started. I only went to therapy twice or three times this summer. At the beginning, I went 2x a week for a few months before summer started. Time will ease the emotions and thoughts, you'll be okay. Take care of yourself.
todreaminblue Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Dont let another day go by you will make yourself sick.....jump and trust he cares fro you ...if he will take you back let him......adn love him ...never break up wiuth him again......if you truyl care about him and he gives you that chance you wont break up with him no matter what or how insecure you feel, i do believe you can heal in a relationship...often to me it is better to be shown love and feel love and give love than look at words on a page and call that therapy or listen to words said without meaning in your life...... so get to work ....and best wishes...if he is writing he is moving on..to me its a tell...he hasnt moved on yet......so dash ......be rash be scared.....love si a risk..... ....live your life before it fades until he says no...you will never know.....he only need say it once for you to know.......deb
Gottabestrong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 This is difficult. It would make a lot of sense if he rejected you because you dumped him first and broke his heart, on the other side, many dumpees are longing for the day when their dumper contacts them and says they want another chance and that they made a huge mistake. I guess it comes down to how well you could handle rejection. Assume that 90% he is going to reject you, do you still want to take the 10% chance that he is willing to give it another try? If so, I would suggest sending him a short email basically stating that you realize that you made a huge mistake, that you really miss him and would love to talk to him if he is willing to meet. Don't ask him straight away to get back together, but do apologize and admit that you made a huge mistake. Then see what he says and go from there. Good luck!
truth_seeker Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 My question is do you really want him back? Lets say he takes you back. Will you then all of the sudden change your mind want out again?
Author marycc Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Well, this morning he talked to me again, he initiated the conversation, asking me how I have been doing. We have been talking non-stop, and the conversation is going great and I'm so so so happy... But, I was thinking, and do you think I should ask him why he is talking to me after what I've done to him? I'm afraid he's talking to me just to get my hopes up and then have his "revenge", I'm insecure like that
Gottabestrong Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 But, I was thinking, and do you think I should ask him why he is talking to me after what I've done to him? I'm afraid he's talking to me just to get my hopes up and then have his "revenge", I'm insecure like that I think you should absolutely NOT ask him that. If you HAVE to say something, you could just make a remark about how nice it is talking to him again, and you are really sorry for hurting him in August.
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