Myonenonly Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 So I met someone he's really cool but he's going through a hard time in life right now! So we talked a lot For about a month then went on our first date! and he said he was still legally married but had zero intentions of ever getting back with his wife! Anyways I met him near my house he was visiting his brother who leaves next to me.. On our third date my babysitter calls me and tells me that his brother was looking for him At my house and told her that he was still married and he had a son! I knew he had a son! So I Immediatly confronted him and he said he's not with her anymore and he can prove it to me! I ignore everything and I asked him to leave me alone and to go! I had to call a friend to pick me up and take me home... So he is telling me he likes me and misses me a lot I also like him a lot and I believe he's not with her anymore I feel his brother might be a little jealous his brother told him that I had been flirting with him before and other mean things! I saw the texts! He promise me to get a divorce as soon as possible but he's going through some hard time right now! What should I do? I miss talking to him too
OpheliaSong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 If he is going through a hard time in his life, let him to it and don't get involved with him. He can date you when he brings you a divorce decree. Don't be an OW. They suck! 1
carhill Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 People dating separated/divorcing spouses is pretty common around here. Either go with the flow and without expectations and protect yourself emotionally and sexually accordingly, or verify separation/divorce assertions independently. As an example, while we were separated/divorcing, my exW did have 'dates' over to the house she would get in the divorce, a clear sign of separate habitation. Couples who are married and 'coupled' don't generally live in separate homes titled in their separate names. Great sign of 'moving on'. No guarantees in life. Good luck.
Author Myonenonly Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 If he is going through a hard time in his life, let him to it and don't get involved with him. He can date you when he brings you a divorce decree. Don't be an OW. They suck! Being an OW will be for example will imply if I knowingly date him and he still lives with his wife! Right?!!
OpheliaSong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Being an OW will be for example will imply if I knowingly date him and he still lives with his wife! Right?!! Yes, but if his own family is telling you he is married with a child, don't you think that is cause for concern? I don't buy tat about his brother being jealous. How convenient! 1
pyramid Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 How long has he supposedly been separated for? Is it a legal separation? Why hasn't he filed for divorce yet?
FitChick Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 If you want a serious relationship, never date someone divorced less than two years. If you just want to have an affair, then it doesn't matter.
RonaldS Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 For the record, my XW and I were separated for 2.5 years before filing, and then it was another 6 months before the D finalized. Why did we wait so long to file? Who knows. Lot of reasons. But we lived in separate states and neither one of us had any intentions of forming any new serious relationships, so it didn't really matter. All that being said, I wouldn't have wanted to seriously date me during that period. Best to go casually and guardedly if you do continue on.
d0nnivain Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I dated a man who was seperated but not divorced. As much as I loved it, I hated the situation. I got dragged through all his divorce drama . . . the sleepless nights before the court dates, the stress of hammering out the PSA, the angst his son endured, blah, blah, blah. It was worse because I had no control. I couldn't say anything because it wasn't my place to tell him how to end his marriage. All I did was repeat my mantra: Be generous to your son & fair with your EX-wife. I had the support of his family. They were all glad I was in his life. You don't have that & the brother is setting you up as the bad guy: if you weren't in the picture, the brother mistakenly thinks he'd be back with his wife. Forget the morals, you don't need this BS in your life. It's a lot of drama. Cut him loose, but invite him back after he gets his ducks in a row. Do not sit around & wait for that. Tell him you won't be waiting but there's a possibility that you will both be free when his divorce comes through.
Author Myonenonly Posted January 28, 2014 Author Posted January 28, 2014 I dated a man who was seperated but not divorced. As much as I loved it, I hated the situation. I got dragged through all his divorce drama . . . the sleepless nights before the court dates, the stress of hammering out the PSA, the angst his son endured, blah, blah, blah. It was worse because I had no control. I couldn't say anything because it wasn't my place to tell him how to end his marriage. All I did was repeat my mantra: Be generous to your son & fair with your EX-wife. I had the support of his family. They were all glad I was in his life. You don't have that & the brother is setting you up as the bad guy: if you weren't in the picture, the brother mistakenly thinks he'd be back with his wife. Forget the morals, you don't need this BS in your life. It's a lot of drama. Cut him loose, but invite him back after he gets his ducks in a row. Do not sit around & wait for that. Tell him you won't be waiting but there's a possibility that you will both be free when his divorce comes through. I continue seeing him regardless we became boyfriend and girlfriend officially about a month ago.but before that,! I red a message on facebook from his exwife saying she was pregnant. but he quickly took the computer away from me! he didn't want me to continue reading we got into a big argument and I told him to leave. after a few days we talked again and we started seeing each other again, I love him and he says he loves me. so I ignored everything and for about a month everything was fine I looked at his facebook without him knowing he had given me his password before! I am ashamed for going through his account but I was just curious about her pregnancy, it turned out she is 8 months pregnant and he's the father I confronted him so he said he was afraid of losing me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me ever. I already told him that im here for him and his kids I will stand by him and I love him no matter what! but i cant help it i feel stupid I gave him a chance. i know it would be devastating for me if when the baby is born he would want to bring his family toghether and he would leave me. I've been having dreams about it. I love him too much and I don't want to lose him either. I think i'm stupidly in love with him. i cant find the strength to let him go! what do i do? am i in a bad situation?
Author Myonenonly Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 If he is going through a hard time in his life, let him to it and don't get involved with him. He can date you when he brings you a divorce decree. Don't be an OW. They suck! should've have listen to you
FitChick Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 Now that you've learned your lesson the hard way, go find someone single with no kids or ex wives. 2
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I continue seeing him regardless we became boyfriend and girlfriend officially about a month ago.but before that,! I red a message on facebook from his exwife saying she was pregnant. but he quickly took the computer away from me! he didn't want me to continue reading we got into a big argument and I told him to leave. after a few days we talked again and we started seeing each other again, I love him and he says he loves me. so I ignored everything and for about a month everything was fine I looked at his facebook without him knowing he had given me his password before! I am ashamed for going through his account but I was just curious about her pregnancy, it turned out she is 8 months pregnant and he's the father I confronted him so he said he was afraid of losing me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me ever. I already told him that im here for him and his kids I will stand by him and I love him no matter what! but i cant help it i feel stupid I gave him a chance. i know it would be devastating for me if when the baby is born he would want to bring his family toghether and he would leave me. I've been having dreams about it. I love him too much and I don't want to lose him either. I think i'm stupidly in love with him. i cant find the strength to let him go! what do i do? am i in a bad situation? So they really weren't 'separated' in the sense of no sex and not attached. You must let go. He is still married and they have another baby on the way. You can't and shouldn't compete with that. Sorry you're hurting, please look out for yourself now, be good to you and spend time with loving and supportive friends to help you through this. This situation is so complicated now. 1
whatatangledweb Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 I continue seeing him regardless we became boyfriend and girlfriend officially about a month ago.but before that,! I red a message on facebook from his exwife saying she was pregnant. but he quickly took the computer away from me! he didn't want me to continue reading we got into a big argument and I told him to leave. after a few days we talked again and we started seeing each other again, I love him and he says he loves me. so I ignored everything and for about a month everything was fine I looked at his facebook without him knowing he had given me his password before! I am ashamed for going through his account but I was just curious about her pregnancy, it turned out she is 8 months pregnant and he's the father I confronted him so he said he was afraid of losing me he loves me and doesn't want to lose me ever. I already told him that im here for him and his kids I will stand by him and I love him no matter what! but i cant help it i feel stupid I gave him a chance. i know it would be devastating for me if when the baby is born he would want to bring his family toghether and he would leave me. I've been having dreams about it. I love him too much and I don't want to lose him either. I think i'm stupidly in love with him. i cant find the strength to let him go! what do i do? am i in a bad situation? You said his exwife...so he is divorced now? Does he live with you?
Author Myonenonly Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 You said his exwife...so he is divorced now? Does he live with you? No he's not legally divorced yet:( she got pregant when they decided to give it one more try after being separated for a year. They stayed toghther for a month that's when she got pregnant. He said it wasn't working out they argue all the time. So they parted ways. He found out a month later about the pregnancy. I meet him 4 months after that. I spend 4-5 nights at his place.i have my clothes at his place and some of my personal items there I've met his mom and even his brother has seen us toghther and hasn't said anything again.
Author Myonenonly Posted January 29, 2014 Author Posted January 29, 2014 Now that you've learned your lesson the hard way, go find someone single with no kids or ex wives. It's too late for me to just go and find someone else I love him. I don't want anyone else. I've never loved anyone like this. With other guys I didn't out up with anything. I'm madly in love with him. I'm so scared he might leave me for her although he has told me he would try the impossible so I won't feel like that. As he doesn't want me to leave him either. He's going to fill out the divorce papers as Soon as he can and will fight for his children. :(
Confuddled1983 Posted January 29, 2014 Posted January 29, 2014 He's going to fill out the divorce papers as Soon as he can and will fight for his children. :( Just curious, is he fighting for custody or access? If he is fighting for custody is there a good reason he wants to take his two children away from their mother? Bearing in mind one isn't even born yet! If it is access he is fighting for are you going to be a part of those childrens lives? How are you going to feel with him having constant contact with his ex? because when you have children, especially a newborn, you need constant communication (IMO) a newborn needs a chance to bond with both parents regardless of circumstances. You REALLY need to think all this through. If I was pregnant and the father met another woman I'd not allow the other woman anywhere near my newborn baby - wouldn't be happening. PERIOD. Mothers are very protective at the best of times but when it comes to newborn/unborn babies ... ! If you're insisting that you must continue this relationship then please don't get in the way of him having contact with his children, don't make the mother of his childrens life difficult - she has enough on her plate right now. I know you love him but honestly all I can see in this situation is two children, one who is probably missing their daddy, and another who may never get to bond with his/her father in a natural setting. Just makes me feel very sad. 1
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