cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) Broke contact thinking she was reconsidering or at least on my end hoping. She was always confused in our relationship. Very indecisive person. Thought 3 months is a lot of time to get some perspective. I was dead wrong. Maybe some dependency issues. This is my first long relationship and the BU was out of the blue. I'm using this board as my therapy. Nothing like a swift kick in the balls to propell you forward. lol Maybe this is what you needed to finally understand the this thing has been long dead. Start living in the present. SHE SHOULD BE DEAD TO YOU NOW! Time to start healing!!! Wooo hooo!!! Cav Moral of the story. NEVER NEVER break NC until 110 percent indifferent and even then maybe not!!! Edited November 23, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks Cav. Definitely a wake up call. Wished I found this board earlier. Holiday time is rough to be lonely and just moved to a new place alone. A lot of life changes happening at once. Just want the thoughts to go away. Time will be my companion now. 1
BC1980 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks Cav. Definitely a wake up call. Wished I found this board earlier. Holiday time is rough to be lonely and just moved to a new place alone. A lot of life changes happening at once. Just want the thoughts to go away. Time will be my companion now. I broke NC a week ago, and it sucked. It was also after 90 days. My ex was indecisive as well, but it did open my eyes to how ridiculous this is. I have finally killed all hope after breaking NC. I'm so mad that I even let him upset me. Its a lesson learned, but it had set me free. I understand having hope. I was unable to fully move on until I buried am hope. 2
barky2 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 That's the thing about nc, you have to truly be ready to jump in feet first to do it. If you have a desire to reach out, do it. But there's only so many times you can get burned and hurt before you say screw it now I'm officially done. That's what just happened with you, so I hope you stay strong and remember how you feel now before you start to think about reaching out again. Barky 3
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) I broke NC a week ago, and it sucked. It was also after 90 days. My ex was indecisive as well, but it did open my eyes to how ridiculous this is. I have finally killed all hope after breaking NC. I'm so mad that I even let him upset me. Its a lesson learned, but it had set me free. I understand having hope. I was unable to fully move on until I buried am hope. Killing all hope is just about as important as NC imo. I always harp on this. I mean it is normal to have a few fantasies of them calling to reconcile ecetera. But that is diffferent than truly hoping time away will bring them back. It wont. I find that deciding early on that they are in a new RS, they are happy, they dont miss u, and basically that they will never get back together with you ...is essential to healing. Kill all hope. I told myself this form day 1 of my BU and it accelerated my healing. Also helped me maintain NC. If she is getting married and pregnant (i just made this up in my head) why should i contact her hahahaha. Cav Of couse now i know that none of this is true but i coudnt care less if it was. we are friends. Id only get upset if i didnt get invited to the wedding..she would love to have me there but im not sure the new BF would approve:!! hahaha Edited November 23, 2013 by cavalier99
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks Cav. Definitely a wake up call. Wished I found this board earlier. Holiday time is rough to be lonely and just moved to a new place alone. A lot of life changes happening at once. Just want the thoughts to go away. Time will be my companion now. They go away. trust me. i was pitiful this time a year ago. Now im in tip top shape and even have trouble remebering what all the fuss was about!!!! 1
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 So true Cav. So hard to do in the early stages of the BU. Still have 10% hope that she will come to her senses but know I need to work on myself and eventually start meeting new people. What do you do in a situation in which you know u have to see them at an event? Like a hs reunion. Do I just not go?
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) So true Cav. So hard to do in the early stages of the BU. Still have 10% hope that she will come to her senses but know I need to work on myself and eventually start meeting new people. What do you do in a situation in which you know u have to see them at an event? Like a hs reunion. Do I just not go? Dont go. Avoid her like the plauge. Think of her like a serial killer. Im serious. Be afraid. Stay away and never break NC. Then one day it ends and you can chat with her like it is nothing. NC willl totally kill the emotioal connection you have to her. But you need to be religious about it and learn nothing about her. She could be dead and you wouldnt have a clue. It needs to be like this. It took me 7 months hard core NC to get there. I woulnt have broken it if you put a gun to my head. But one day I knew i was 100 percent over it. Now we chat no problem. Edited November 23, 2013 by cavalier99
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 U say u chat now with no problem. Who initiated contact first? Did u start dating again? No emotion when u spoke with her the first time? Just curious.
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks Cav. Its starting to make sense. That is the way she is treating me. Like im dead. Didnt ask anything about me. Its her way of killing any emotional attachment to me. Makes sense. When she said maybe we can meet down the road i think she is hoping were both in different places. Over each other. But I dont want to give myself hope. I'm thinking I will never see or hear from her again. No hope. She was buried yesterday and I missed the funeral. 1
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 U say u chat now with no problem. Who initiated contact first? Did u start dating again? No emotion when u spoke with her the first time? Just curious. hahah i did. It was time to knock NC and her completly off the pedestal. I GOT VILLIFIED HERE ON LS for doing it because i was a huge NC proponent (until indifference). This is the par nobody understood. I had know this gorl for over 14 years and we dated 8 so i wantec to be able to be on good terms with her after i recovered. Nope ..no emotional reaction. Sat with her and had drinks and looked a photos of her with new guy. I was also starting a new RS so we talked about that too. I would never date her again. that is long dead even if she wanted back. Plus new girl is sooo much better!!
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 And her too soon to be speaking to me now is ringing true to what u have to say. Thanks for the advice. Sounds like her girlfriends gave her advice and she understands NC very well or maybe she just doesn't give a sh@$.
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) And her too soon to be speaking to me now is ringing true to what u have to say. Thanks for the advice. Sounds like her girlfriends gave her advice and she understands NC very well or maybe she just doesn't give a sh@$. I found out from my ex after 8 years She didnt miss me She was busy with new guy She is in love She thought i was moving on happily She never expected to hear from me again NC DIDNT make her miss me And she was super relieved that she pulled the trigger and broke up with me None of this info hurt. I coudnt have cared less. I asked specifically for you guys. She was however happy that we can be friendly and so am i. Just dont think that this can be acomplished easliy. It was a long long journey. And it was my descion to be in touch. This might not work for everyone. Just heal. this was me last year. there is hope http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/357332-friggin-fed-up-sick-tired-recovery Cav Edited November 23, 2013 by cavalier99 1
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Wow. Talk about being honest. What am I supposed to feel when 10 min aftet we break up my ex textef me: 1. I am lost and confused 2. U will be missed 3. I believe no door is ever completely shut 4. U were amazing. I never met someone like u.
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 I think about those comments for 3 months. I break NC. And she is short and cold. We are both in our 30's by the way.
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Wow. Talk about being honest. What am I supposed to feel when 10 min aftet we break up my ex textef me: 1. I am lost and confused 2. U will be missed 3. I believe no door is ever completely shut 4. U were amazing. I never met someone like u. She is being nice. Or at least thinks she is. My ex sent the same thing. Best BF ever, maybe one day well be together, you never know. I am the best person she has know ecetera ecetera. My only wish is i hadnt responded with nice things to say!! haha It is all BS bro. She dumped you. End of story. It means nothing ..trust me.
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 So refreshing! Thanks man. Same thing my buddy said. All BS.
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I think about those comments for 3 months. I break NC. And she is short and cold. We are both in our 30's by the way. I understand. I got a super nice email from my ex for my bday 2 months BU. It messed me up for over a month. So glad i didnt respond. Took all my strength. Even wrote like 100 responses and never sent one. Good thing i didnt repond because she was to busy f*cking like a rabbitt and being in the honey moon stage with her new guy!! hahaha 1
Shaine Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 This. I have to start thinking like this. She didnt miss me He wont miss me She was busy with new guy He is busy with a new gal She is in love He is inlove She thought i was moving on happily He thinks im moving on happily She never expected to hear from me again He doesnt want to hear from me again NC DIDNT make her miss me And she was super relieved that she pulled the trigger and broke up with me He is just glad to be rid of me
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks Cav. Its starting to make sense. That is the way she is treating me. Like im dead. Didnt ask anything about me. Its her way of killing any emotional attachment to me. Makes sense. When she said maybe we can meet down the road i think she is hoping were both in different places. Over each other. But I dont want to give myself hope. I'm thinking I will never see or hear from her again. No hope. She was buried yesterday and I missed the funeral. I think your on the right track bro. Sometimes the truth hurts when the blinders are pulled away. BUT this is progress. Beleive me. You have taken a huge step forward. Sorry it took getting knocked down again to understand. Have you deleted everthing. All emails, phone numbers, texts ecetera. I deleted 8 years of stuff. MY HAND WAS SHAKING. Very liberating! Anyway hold firm. Stay NC. Work on centering your thoughs. DONT spiral or do circular or snowball thinking. Give yourselft some time to cry and mourn and then STOP! Positive affirmations help to. Work on breathing. Youll be fine man. Cav
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Yes. That's something to take into account. I know when life is going great for me I've wanted to reach out to past ex's. Time will only tell. For now as difficult as it is phase 2 of my NC is starting back up. It sucks but I learned an important lesson. Actions speak louder than words and if someone really wants u back they will do anything to get to u. Knowing my ex really well this won't ever happen. A good indicator is how she treated other ex's. Saying even if I made a mistake I told myself it probably wasn't meant to be. This is how she moves thru life. 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 i'm sorry you're in so much pain Kermit76, there is hope and you will survive this. we're here for you man. it's been three months for me and i haven't contacted. it's ironic that my ex won't get to see how i'm becoming my old happy self. i did become a bit negative in the relationship but i'm moving way higher than when i was before i met her. it's a shame for her some other woman will get to have the new improved me. she always told me i was the best boyfriend too. but if she thinks the old me was good then she doesn't deserve the new me at all. i'm becoming so much more positive, energetic, motivated and stress free than before. stronger and happier. when she broke up with me i was weak and needy. of course she doesn't want me anymore she thinks i'm used up and she will pretend to hate me to get over me. well she's getting over the old me and the new me is going to be ****ing awesome! **** my old stand offish, serious unfun self. i got like that with her and i'll get back to who i want to be without her. we can only grow alone. you do the same and she might want you back but the irony is NC will stop her ever seeing it. oh the irony. 2
cavalier99 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 This. I have to start thinking like this. She didnt miss me He wont miss me She was busy with new guy He is busy with a new gal She is in love He is inlove She thought i was moving on happily He thinks im moving on happily She never expected to hear from me again He doesnt want to hear from me again NC DIDNT make her miss me And she was super relieved that she pulled the trigger and broke up with me He is just glad to be rid of me It hurts but it will help you to move on. If you have a questions, if they are happy without you eceter ecetera just say YES! Worked for me and i was pretty much spot on! lol Once you get used to this idea it is easier to move on and maintain NC. Doesnt mean you werent important to them in your RS. You just arnt now. Sorry.
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 In my closet back home are all mementos. Pics, gifts, ticket stubs etc. All photos are off my phone. Anything to remind me of her is out of my view. I still do have her number in my phone. All text conversations deleted.
Author Kermit76 Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Thanks mooooinkbaaa. Yes. Just improving myself is my best revenge. I did by moving out of my parents and getting a new job. But didn't rub it in her face when we texted. Maybe deep down i know this break up is for the best.
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