bobsmith76 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I gave up pre-martial sex 13 years ago at the age of 23. I was hoping to be married within the next four years but 13 years later I'm still single. I've noticed that women don't really seem care about my 13 years of chastity. I've never had a woman that rejected me then change her mind when she learns that I'm chaste and this has happened probably about 10 times. I'm very discouraged about this. I'm not a Christian and I view people who are too fanatical about Jesus as living outside of reality, but those are one of the few types of women who value that sort of thing. I hung out with do-gooders for a while but I never met the right woman.
ConstantVoyager Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I would not date a man who wouldn't have sex before marriage. 1
colombiana28 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 lol yeeeeeeah, as an atheist i must say the ONLY way i would date a "chaste" man is if he WAS doing it because he was a religious fanatic (and even then, even if he was for some crazy reason cool with dating an atheist chick, our personalities would probably clash too much for it to actually turn into a relationship...). jesus you're a weird dude. women don't value male chastity at ALL
StanMusial Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 They literally don't care if you ever have sex again, and they are glad they are not the one to end your streak. 1
Gottabestrong Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I've never had a woman that rejected me then change her mind when she learns that I'm chaste and this has happened probably about 10 times. Don't really understand that sentence, but what exactly are you asking us? Are you assuming that if a woman rejects you and you then tell her that you are chaste that she changes her mind about you? If I met a guy and he told me he does not engage in pre-marital sex and it is not for a religious reason, but ... he does not really have another reason, I would think he was a weirdo. sorry.
DrSimple Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Why are you choosing abstinence, there must be a specific reason? The reason why premarital sex was a big stigma in the past was due to the lack of contraceptives, sex could lead to children. In the present, women want to know what you have to offer in terms of physical intimacy and chemistry. If they like you they want to test drive before they take it home, or else they might get a lemon. Women have just as much "need" for sex as men do, women are just programmed to withhold longer in order to secure a proper mate. You are basically the woman in the relationship...
Kansas87 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Can I ask what your reasons were for giving it up? I'm really curious.
Maxtor Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Pre-marital abstinence doesnt make sense. You date 3 years, got engage another 2, marry, have sex in the wedding day only to find out you are incompatible in bed. And that is just an example, people love adventure, specially girls, if you are already denying fun, no fun for you.
odin673 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think the only thing that would work after getting rejected is "Are you sure? I'll just have to ride around in my Bentley alone. Are you sure you don't want to join me on my yacht next weekend? We're going to Barbados" But seriously, you're expecting abstinence to change your fortunes? At the best it won't hurt you. When are you divulging thus fact. At the end if the first date? After a few weeks? 1
Imajerk17 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Bob, I think you got a pretty good assessment of what is causing you dating difficulties in your other threads. Yet you keep ignoring what people tell you while posting another thread asking the very same question. Why? I don't know, maybe you could move to a culture where there are arranged marriages? I'm not trying to be flippant, I am perfect serious. 1
Arabella Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I gave up pre-martial sex 13 years ago at the age of 23. I was hoping to be married within the next four years but 13 years later I'm still single. I've noticed that women don't really seem care about my 13 years of chastity. I've never had a woman that rejected me then change her mind when she learns that I'm chaste and this has happened probably about 10 times. I'm very discouraged about this. I'm not a Christian and I view people who are too fanatical about Jesus as living outside of reality, but those are one of the few types of women who value that sort of thing. I hung out with do-gooders for a while but I never met the right woman. I don't know, but I'm an atheist and I would've loved to meet a man like you. I don't appreciate promiscuity and people without self-control, so your values appeal to me. However, I would've asked you questions about it to ascertain your reasons for doing it. Often, when a man goes 13 years without sex, it's for a reason -- and it's rarely a favorable one. Many women would see it as a red flag, and refuse to progress. That might account for what you've been experiencing. Unfortunate, if you ask me.
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) For whatever reason people choose to eb abstinent.......shouldnt be a turn off..... i am an ex hooker five kids....and i have been celibate for six and a half years...i get ribbed....because i enjoy sex....but since i have been baptised........i know my celibacy is for the right reasons...not for the wrong ones.....and guys ...once they know my history and who are celibate ....are probably going to write me off thinking i am a slut or damaged goods thinking i am not worthy as a partner...maybe i am not for many...but i am right for one .......and yep i am damaged......i think it is part opf my charm ....makes me relatable....and extremely aware that i have flaws...... .people change and how much sex or how little sex should not have an impact on you as a potential mate if it does then they aren't right for you....... what belief you hold about sex after marriage needs to be upheld and appreciated .....i come out with it first date........i say it with a firm heart.....and hope they respect my wishes........to keep it that way.... i changed......and they need to respect that...i am not the same as my history anymore....and i actually struggle with it......because making love to me is a beautiful and graceful way to show someone you love them..i just choose to show that side of me to someone who wants to be with me for life......not just a short time....i have actually always believed in sex after marriage...and fidelity...anyone who doesnt respect that doesnt get me down......pisses me off actually.......i have no interest in dating them and would prefer to know early on if it is a deal breaker so no time is wasted on me getting to know their heart....before their body...fall in love with that.....and seeing i am experienced....i hav eno doubt the guy i have sex with will know exactly what to do ...when the time comes....every paring is unique anyway and you have to learn about the person in front of you to make them happy...and without a doubt....i can do that for them too make them happy...so yeah .....i dont think celibacy should be an issue at all if you are confident in your own abilities, with the ability to teach an inexperienced guy or girl in the bedroom some moves......doesnt bother me ho wmuch sex they have or havent had.....but i am a celibate also who wasnt always celibate ........deb Edited November 22, 2013 by todreaminblue
StanMusial Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Someone could decide to abstain for any number of reasons. The real head-scratcher for me is why anyone would think, after they've been rejected already, that bringing it up would somehow make a girl suddenly change her mind.
AHaze Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I gave up pre-martial sex 13 years ago at the age of 23. I was hoping to be married within the next four years what!? but 13 years later I'm still single. Probably due to your extremely... odd behavior, as quoted above. Who just randomly decides one day that they're going to "give up pre-martial sex" and "set-out" to find a wife... I guess it's an American thing, why can't you just do it like we do in Europe... find somebody, fall in love, maybe one day you propose and live happily married, how does somebody "set-out" to get married, it makes absolutely no sense, it's just... weird, just let life flow as it will.
MidwestUSA Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 The real head-scratcher for me is why anyone would think, after they've been rejected already, that bringing it up would somehow make a girl suddenly change her mind. My question exactly. When does one pull the celibacy card? After rejectionis pointless. So, do you put it on an OLD profile? Announce it on a first date? Chaste, not getting women, I'm guessing the two aren't related? 1
todreaminblue Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 My question exactly. When does one pull the celibacy card? After rejectionis pointless. So, do you put it on an OLD profile? Announce it on a first date? Chaste, not getting women, I'm guessing the two aren't related? i have posted to this poster before he has very strict guidelines to what he wants from a woman...and can come across as arrogant have said that before to him......has nothing to do with his chaste behavior, more overall attitude and expectations of what he wants in a mate..he is judgemental..and he is free to admit how clever he is...and he is picky...............can come across as very arrogant even if he doesnt mean to be, he can often be a bit ridiculing............deb
BlametheIrish Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I second what the above poster said. I think the OP has serious issues that warrant an amazing therapist to overcome. Don't believe me, look up any of his previous threads, they all speak volumes to his mental state. OP please get some help, your life would be much happier if you did. 1
oldshirt Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 what men find attractive and desire in a mate and what women find attractive and desirable in a mate can be much different from each other. There are a good number of men that find virginity/chastity/low-count in women a desirable trait for a potential partner and see it as a plus. However women typically do not find that desirable or see it as a plus. Many even find it creepy and weird in an adult male. If you really are telling women you are abstinent after they have rejected you, all you are doing is given them reinforcement and affirmation in their decision to reject you. They see your abstinence as a symptom of your rejectability. Not as grounds for changing their mind. Simple formula here. Abstinence can = a plus for a woman's desirability. But abstinence almost always = a negative for a man's desirability. Double standard yes, but there are many of those in the world.
ascendotum Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Someone could decide to abstain for any number of reasons. The real head-scratcher for me is why anyone would think, after they've been rejected already, that bringing it up would somehow make a girl suddenly change her mind. He has a distorted reality of dating/relationships these days imo. I thought he had been living out in middle east for a while, so that could influence his way of things (could be wrong). Really in society today remaining chaste for the guy is a negative for vast majority of women. It seems like its not his failing though when it comes to women, as it gets revealed later, and with modern women today that info is not going to make them do a u-turn with a big smile on their face. Its just not a positive, except for maybe in Middle East or Asia. Bob, don't ever mention this again. As you discovered its no trump card, but I think you fail to release how much this is in fact the opposite and its in many women's 'eeeeewwww' zone.
DrSimple Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 i have posted to this poster before he has very strict guidelines to what he wants from a woman...and can come across as arrogant have said that before to him......has nothing to do with his chaste behavior, more overall attitude and expectations of what he wants in a mate..he is judgemental..and he is free to admit how clever he is...and he is picky...............can come across as very arrogant even if he doesnt mean to be, he can often be a bit ridiculing............deb Sounds a bit like an autism spectrum disorder of some type. Very rigid without a sense of appropriate social protocols. Also that he can't help it, or doesn't understand why he is wrong.
hotpotato Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Well, I'd like to have a guy like that. I did know a guy who was chaste, but it didn't work out with us.
OpheliaSong Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Chastity in a male usually means he is weird, desperate or he has premature or erection problems. It would be a huge turn off for me. I don't want a player or a maleslut, just a good guy who is sexually healthy and has safe sex.
ibleedblackandred Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Like the above posters, I'm curious why you decided to become chaste? I would personally never date a virgin or a guy who didn't think being sexually intimate was an important factor of a relationship.
hotpotato Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Chastity in a male usually means he is weird, desperate or he has premature or erection problems. It would be a huge turn off for me. I don't want a player or a maleslut, just a good guy who is sexually healthy and has safe sex. Ive never known any of those to stop a guy. If a guy were desperate, wouldnt he he quick to jump in the sack? Many younger guys have premature problems, that doesnt seem to slow them down. Ime its usually guys who are very religious who abstain.
todreaminblue Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Sounds a bit like an autism spectrum disorder of some type. Very rigid without a sense of appropriate social protocols. Also that he can't help it, or doesn't understand why he is wrong. hmmmm interesting....could very well be......i know my best friends son has aspergers......he shows similar social lack of etiquette.made me cough a few times with his direct questions..and i am a direct person..extremely intelligent boy well he is a man now...smilin...he has a wonderful heart i have a lot of time for him......maybe it is me who has been judgemental i just thought this guy was being a bit of a cocky ass.....you could be right..thanks for the food for thought........deb
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