Bindi33 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I got rejected by a guy I really liked because, in his words, "I slept with him too soon." I got caught up in how much I felt that I connected with him and how incredibly attracted I was to him and slept with him the second time we went out together. How do you cope? Especially when it is your actions that kept it from being anything more. How do you deal with that kind of shame and regret?
Addison312 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Don't be ashamed. At the time, you did what you wanted to do. This is such a double standard in dating. He sounds like a douche that wasn't that into you in the first place. 1
Philosoraptor Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 What shame? What regret? You did what you felt was best at the moment and that is nothing to regret. If someone doesn't like you exactly how you present yourself then you've lost nothing by not being with them. 2
mammasita Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You learn and move on. You can't change the past but you can certainly shape your actions from this point forward. I think at some point or another most women do what you've done (I know I have) because it just felt so right and we were so sure that it was so much more than it turned out being. Don't beat yourself up. I learned that I had to wait to have sex because no matter how super connected I felt to the man, I became attached when sex was involved.....and sex is NEVER ever a guarantee that a man is staying around. Learn what you can handle and own your actions. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 bindi: Don't let this guy push you into feeling shame and regret. Your scenario sounds like this guy wanted an excuse not to have a serious committed relationship and used this as an excuse. Any guy who has double standards with sex is probably a chauvinist anyway and doesn't deserve your time. I am extremely an old fashioned man and I find this guy's actions (I read your thread Sex too soon) incomprehensible. He obviously didn't find it ironic that he engaged in the sex and therefore shouldn't be throwing stones at anyone. Therefore, it is my opinion that he used you and then used an excuse that would make him feel better to not engage in a relationship with you. Most likely he is good at manipulating girls and making them believe whatever he wants them to. He is an a$$clown and doesn't deserve one more second of your worry or regret. You did nothing wrong. Good luck, Grumps 4
Author Bindi33 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Thank you all for the words of encouragement! It just really sucks, and hurts a lot
Gottabestrong Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Thank you all for the words of encouragement! It just really sucks, and hurts a lot I know Sweetie, but just hang in there, it will get better I promise! Keep reminding yourself that you did nothing wrong, that you are an awesome classy woman and any guy who gets to know you better knows that! Hugs! 1
Author Bindi33 Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 I'm still beating myself up.. I don't know how to let it go. I just keep beating myself up for ruining what could have been a relationship.. A really good relationship at that. I'm going crazy here.
mishy Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 the guy is a jerk! If he thought you were sleeping with him too soon, why didnt he stop it before he took his pants off! What a double standard, it makes me furious!!! This is NOT your fault
MalachiX Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 You realize that this guy is a hypocrite and that his d-bag response has NOTHING to do with you. I'm a guy and I have never judged a woman for sleeping with me too soon because it takes two to tango. Honestly, I get offended on most women's behalf for this kinda crap. Why in God's name would you get someone to have sex with you only to judge them for it? I'm and adult and so are the women I date. You went out with someone who has the mentality of a child. That sucks but it doesn't reflect on you. 1
NJtoDC Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I just keep beating myself up for ruining what could have been a relationship.. A really good relationship at that. Stop it. You did not ruin it. You did the SAME thing that 'man' did, you both had sex with each other. HE dropped you with a pitiful excuse and guilt trip. It worked, he has you blaming yourself for him walking away. Does that make any sense? If he felt for you like you feel for him (and why you got intimate with him so soon) he would certainly not have run away. Also, where do you see a great relationship having come with this 'man'? You went on two dates and he dumped you with a hypocritical sucker punch to your virtue. He sure wasn't turned off while he was getting laid. What makes this man 'good relationship material'? I would advice waiting for sex in the future if you are looking for a relationship. Don't let your emotions lead you. Feeling like you have a great connection at the end of a second date is not the same as having gotten to know a guy. Now stop blaming yourself. Find someone better than this douche bag. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I got rejected by a guy I really liked because, in his words, "I slept with him too soon." I got caught up in how much I felt that I connected with him and how incredibly attracted I was to him and slept with him the second time we went out together. How do you cope? Especially when it is your actions that kept it from being anything more. How do you deal with that kind of shame and regret? So I take it he rejects himself too for "sleeping with you too soon"? Or does he pat himself on the back for being so "awesome" you slept with him?
NGC1300 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 How do you deal with that kind of shame and regret? I've gone back to using drugs.
Emilia Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I'm still beating myself up.. I don't know how to let it go. I just keep beating myself up for ruining what could have been a relationship.. A really good relationship at that. I'm going crazy here. with this guy? Are you serious?
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