Oops. Playing Games

[Simon Phoenix]

That is exactly what its all about right now, control. We need to absolutely not talk to them or give them any kind of satisfaction knowing that we want to fix things. Maybe once they see us really moving on they'll have the balls to have a real conversation

 

You and Crilla are out to lunch. YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM, IT'S UP TO YOU TO INITIATE THE CONVERSATION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN, NOT HIM! He's the one who was dumped. The main advice dumpees on here get is to not do anything until the dumper makes it known without any interpretation that they made a mistake and that they want to try again. You haven't done that -- you just sit there and play games and throw breadcrumbs and act wishy-washy. It's not his job to have the balls to have a real conversation, it's yours.

 

And if he doesn't want to talk to you about that, he doesn't have to. Why? BECAUSE YOU DUMPED HIM. You are the one who chose to break the relationship, it's up to you to fix it. And he's under no obligation to help you do that. You wanted him gone, he's gone and he's not making it easy for you to get him back. Nor should he.

[mandyxo]

You and Crilla are out to lunch. YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM, IT'S UP TO YOU TO INITIATE THE CONVERSATION AND MAKE IT HAPPEN, NOT HIM! He's the one who was dumped. The main advice dumpees on here get is to not do anything until the dumper makes it known without any interpretation that they made a mistake and that they want to try again. You haven't done that -- you just sit there and play games and throw breadcrumbs and act wishy-washy. It's not his job to have the balls to have a real conversation, it's yours.

 

And if he doesn't want to talk to you about that, he doesn't have to. Why? BECAUSE YOU DUMPED HIM. You are the one who chose to break the relationship, it's up to you to fix it. And he's under no obligation to help you do that. You wanted him gone, he's gone and he's not making it easy for you to get him back. Nor should he.

 

I did try several times to have the conversation. I took all the responsablity. Ive made it clear I wanted him back, he says no but keeps calling me and texting me trying to talk as "friends". So I stopped being emotional because that was not getting me anywhere and now I act as if we are friends because I dont know what else I should do. I play games now because hes been playing games with me by hugging me at the bar, telling me he misses me but wont kiss me back. Asking me out for coffee and such. I haven't thrown any breadcrumbs untill today.

[2fargone]

I did try several times to have the conversation. I took all the responsablity. Ive made it clear I wanted him back, he says no but keeps calling me and texting me trying to talk as "friends". So I stopped being emotional because that was not getting me anywhere and now I act as if we are friends because I dont know what else I should do. I play games now because hes been playing games with me by hugging me at the bar, telling me he misses me but wont kiss me back. Asking me out for coffee and such. I haven't thrown any breadcrumbs untill today.

 

 

 

You're not taking the responsibility, since you are still saying he does all this on purpose... You need to grow up...

[Confusedguy81]

This whole thing sounds like a plane ride in a thunderstorm.

[Simon Phoenix]

I did try several times to have the conversation. I took all the responsablity. Ive made it clear I wanted him back, he says no but keeps calling me and texting me trying to talk as "friends". So I stopped being emotional because that was not getting me anywhere and now I act as if we are friends because I dont know what else I should do. I play games now because hes been playing games with me by hugging me at the bar, telling me he misses me but wont kiss me back. Asking me out for coffee and such. I haven't thrown any breadcrumbs untill today.

 

Unless you flat out said "I made a mistake and I want you back", you haven't made it clear. Either way, you broke up with him so this is part of the deal for you. If you have made it clear that you want him back (by verbalizing it in the exact way I said above) and he says no, you have two options 1) be friends if you are capable of being friends or 2) going NC and staying away.

 

He's not obligated to give you what you want. You forfeited that by breaking up with him. You might not like what's going on right now, but it was caused by you breaking up with him. So you can't cry and play victim now. You made a hasty decision to break up with him and these are the consequences of that. Never break up with someone to try to elicit a reaction. YOU CAUSED THIS.

 

So either be his friend and deal with the ups and downs or do what you wanted to do initially and actually stay away from him.

Edited November 22, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[mandyxo]

Unless you flat out said "I made a mistake and I want you back", you haven't made it clear. Either way, you broke up with him so this is part of the deal for you. If you have made it clear that you want him back (by verbalizing it in the exact way I said above) and he says no, you have two options 1) be friends if you are capable of being friends or 2) going NC and staying away.

 

He's not obligated to give you what you want. You forfeited that by breaking up with him. You might not like what's going on right now, but it was caused by you breaking up with him. So you can't cry and play victim now. You made an immature, hasty decision to break up with him and these are the consequences of that. Never break up with someone to try to elicit a reaction. YOU CAUSED THIS.

 

So either be his friend and deal with the ups and downs or do what you wanted to do initially and actually stay away from them.

 

1. I verbalized I wanted him back and it was a mistake. Three times. 2. I am not playing the victim. I know what I did was wrong. It was very immature. 3. I'm human and it was a mistake. I told him the day after the fight that it was wrong and shouldn't of acted so childish. Now I been paying for it for the past month. Do I deserve that. Maybe I do. What I want to know is what can I do from here. I tried being real with how I felt. I tried playing it cool and not so needy or clingy. I also played head games today in our conversation. the whole situation is a complete ****ing mess and I caused it. I realize that I jjust want to know where I should go from here

[2fargone]

1. I verbalized I wanted him back and it was a mistake. Three times. 2. I am not playing the victim. I know what I did was wrong. It was very immature. 3. I'm human and it was a mistake. I told him the day after the fight that it was wrong and shouldn't of acted so childish. Now I been paying for it for the past month. Do I deserve that. Maybe I do. What I want to know is what can I do from here. I tried being real with how I felt. I tried playing it cool and not so needy or clingy. I also played head games today in our conversation. the whole situation is a complete ****ing mess and I caused it. I realize that I jjust want to know where I should go from here

 

 

 

You can start by stopping to take it personal and looking at it like he is doing it on purpose ! You say you're not playing the victim, yet ask yourself if you 'deserved it'...... seriously...

 

 

Give it time, see what happens...

[Simon Phoenix]

1. I verbalized I wanted him back and it was a mistake. Three times. 2. I am not playing the victim. I know what I did was wrong. It was very immature. 3. I'm human and it was a mistake. I told him the day after the fight that it was wrong and shouldn't of acted so childish. Now I been paying for it for the past month. Do I deserve that. Maybe I do. What I want to know is what can I do from here. I tried being real with how I felt. I tried playing it cool and not so needy or clingy. I also played head games today in our conversation. the whole situation is a complete ****ing mess and I caused it. I realize that I jjust want to know where I should go from here

 

Since you were the dumper, you shouldn't be playing it cool and you certainly should not be playing head games. I gave you your two options 1) be friends if you can emotionally handle it and keep trying to chip away or 2) go No Contact for a while (months even), allow yourself to get your emotions under control and maybe get him to put his defenses down and put his mistrust of you behind him.

 

Personally, I would advise No. 2. You guys both need time to process the breakup. I'm not sure what his exact motivation is, but it's clear to me that he doesn't trust you at all.

[mandyxo]

So, the no contact didn't work. After I told him I was seeing someone... the next day he sent me some texts saying he was sad, that he missed me & wants to see me next week. I agreed because I want this to work out between us & I'm done with all the bull**** so we talked, he said he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I told him to have fun lastnight because he got a party bus and was going out for his friends birthday. I asked what girls were going he said I didn't know them & that there was a couple. I told him to enjoy his night and to be good. He said he would & that he would call me Monday. Which is weird now that I think about it. I called his phone twice today and he didn't answer. Now all I can think about is how he took someone home Saturday night, hes with someone & that's why he hasn't called or answered my phone calls. What the f*ck!!!

[Confusedguy81]

People love playing games. I just don't understand people.

[mandyxo]

No Contact didn't work because you didn't do it right. You can't control whether he texts or calls you, but you can control your response - which is supposed to be NONE.

 

He managed to get you straight back on the hook, calling him and him not answering. Seriously, use your head. Do not respond when he calls/texts, whatever. Radio silence.

 

That would make sense but in this situation I want to make things right and get back together. So we talked & decided that was the direction we were going. Then he goes out with his boys and I haven't heard from him once today & he wont answer.. I dont even know what a good explanation would be for that. Ugh

[mandyxo]

Does this sound like a guy who wants to be with you?

 

Sounds to me like a guy who likes the attention and nothing more. When you ignore him, he's all over you. When you're available, he's nowhere to be found.

 

Wake up.

 

I sent him a long message saying I dont deserve this and I was so done I cant put myself through it anymore & there's no reason why he couldn't call me. His response was "I was hungover all day" " we still can be friends, stop being like that"

[mandyxo]

30 days no contact starts now I cant believe how ****ing foolish I feel

[Simon Phoenix]

So, the no contact didn't work. After I told him I was seeing someone... the next day he sent me some texts saying he was sad, that he missed me & wants to see me next week. I agreed because I want this to work out between us & I'm done with all the bull**** so we talked, he said he loved me and I told him I loved him too. I told him to have fun lastnight because he got a party bus and was going out for his friends birthday. I asked what girls were going he said I didn't know them & that there was a couple. I told him to enjoy his night and to be good. He said he would & that he would call me Monday. Which is weird now that I think about it. I called his phone twice today and he didn't answer. Now all I can think about is how he took someone home Saturday night, hes with someone & that's why he hasn't called or answered my phone calls. What the f*ck!!!

 

I don't see anything remotely related to No Contact in what you wrote.

[mandyxo]

I don't see anything remotely related to No Contact in what you wrote.

 

I meant it didn't work because as soon as he text me saying he misses me I caved and I talked to him. I didn't even TRY no contact. I just wanted things to be fixed and finally, he opened up. I thought everything was going to be okay. Then he calls me lastnight tells me he loves me i tell him to have a good night. He doesn't call me today. Uncalled him twice and no answer. Then I send him a long message saying I was done with this and all I get was "I was hungover all day" "we can still be friends" "stop beinng like that" .. I'm sick to my stomach

[Simon Phoenix]

I meant it didn't work because as soon as he text me saying he misses me I caved and I talked to him. I didn't even TRY no contact. I just wanted things to be fixed and finally, he opened up. I thought everything was going to be okay. Then he calls me lastnight tells me he loves me i tell him to have a good night. He doesn't call me today. Uncalled him twice and no answer. Then I send him a long message saying I was done with this and all I get was "I was hungover all day" "we can still be friends" "stop beinng like that" .. I'm sick to my stomach

 

Yeah, you need discipline. It's simple -- don't respond.

[mandyxo]

I dont know why I always go for these types of guys. I'm always the one getting hurt in the end. I should have known better anyway. He was the most shallow person ive ever met. Most egotistical, materialistic, narcisistic person. But I would always have some type of justification. Pfft. Jokes on me

[ks0985]

I meant it didn't work because as soon as he text me saying he misses me I caved and I talked to him. I didn't even TRY no contact. I just wanted things to be fixed and finally, he opened up. I thought everything was going to be okay. Then he calls me lastnight tells me he loves me i tell him to have a good night. He doesn't call me today. Uncalled him twice and no answer. Then I send him a long message saying I was done with this and all I get was "I was hungover all day" "we can still be friends" "stop beinng like that" .. I'm sick to my stomach

 

You freaked him out plain and simple. You told him to "be good and asked him "how many girls were there" You then proceeded to call him a bunch the day later. All you had to do was go No Contact and give him the gift of missing you but you decided to be needy and clinch and it ruined things. Learn from this and move on...from your pic you look pretty cute cmon now respect yourself and move on.

[mandyxo]

You freaked him out plain and simple. You told him to "be good and asked him "how many girls were there" You then proceeded to call him a bunch the day later. All you had to do was go No Contact and give him the gift of missing you but you decided to be needy and clinch and it ruined things. Learn from this and move on...from your pic you look pretty cute cmon now respect yourself and move on.

 

I agree maybe if I went no contact with him and left him alone for the weekend it could have been different but I'm past that point. He called my phone a bunch on Saturday with excuses asking if I had his jeans.. he knows damn well I dont have his jeans, that was just his excuse to call me. But he said he missed me loved me etc. So I said I loved him and told him to be good. That conversation led me to believe we were heading in the direction of getting back together. Otherwise what would of been the point of that conversation. But now i realize he wants me when he doesn't have me then doesn't want me when om not there. So I'm done with him entirely. I dont wish to speak to him again & the no contact is now for me to get over him

[mandyxo]

Have better boundaries. Girls all over the planet are always going to attract shallow, narcissistic tools. You need to learn to say 'no'.

 

Chemistry blinds you. You have great chemistry and you think you're meant to be. Instead of letting chemistry blind you, keep an eye out for the guy who says what he means, means what he says, and backs those words up with actions.

 

That is who you should be dating.

 

Thank you. Very good advice. I agree just because we had strong chemisty I mistaken that for being "soul mates" or we were "meant to be" when in reality most of the quality's I want in someone, well he was lacking.

[ks0985]

I agree maybe if I went no contact with him and left him alone for the weekend it could have been different but I'm past that point. He called my phone a bunch on Saturday with excuses asking if I had his jeans.. he knows damn well I dont have his jeans, that was just his excuse to call me. But he said he missed me loved me etc. So I said I loved him and told him to be good. That conversation led me to believe we were heading in the direction of getting back together. Otherwise what would of been the point of that conversation. But now i realize he wants me when he doesn't have me then doesn't want me when om not there. So I'm done with him entirely. I dont wish to speak to him again & the no contact is now for me to get over him

 

Good call, this guy seems pretty predictable tho so when he does contact you in the next few days make sure you hold it together and don't come running back to him right away.

[mandyxo]

Good call, this guy seems pretty predictable tho so when he does contact you in the next few days make sure you hold it together and don't come running back to him right away.

 

Oh I definitely expect some phone calls. I owe him money he expects me there with it Friday. I almost feel like saying f*ck you, & not give it to him but I'm a better person than that so ill send my bestfriend over with it. Lol

[Simon Phoenix]

I agree maybe if I went no contact with him and left him alone for the weekend it could have been different but I'm past that point. He called my phone a bunch on Saturday with excuses asking if I had his jeans.. he knows damn well I dont have his jeans, that was just his excuse to call me. But he said he missed me loved me etc. So I said I loved him and told him to be good. That conversation led me to believe we were heading in the direction of getting back together. Otherwise what would of been the point of that conversation. But now i realize he wants me when he doesn't have me then doesn't want me when om not there. So I'm done with him entirely. I dont wish to speak to him again & the no contact is now for me to get over him

 

Yeah, no contact has to be for months, not a weekend. Honestly, you broke up with this guy for a reason. You need to trust your initial judgment and leave well enough alone.

[ks0985]

We'll drop off his cash and peace out. Then go straight into NC and move on!

[Simon Phoenix]

If you and him have paypal, you can pay him that way. Or you can send a check via online banking to his address.