mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Its been 22 days of our breakup and I'm so confused.. we been together for 6 months. I know that's not long but our relationship was great. We were planning a future together, we oftwn talked about marriage kids etc.. The reason that it ended was we got into a fight and I broke up with him when I was angry, this is not what i actually wanted it it was just a fight & I was mad.. well I tried to explain that it wasnt what I wanted a couple days after our breakup but he said that we weren't getting back together.. I know he loved me and cared about me a lot. He always told me how he felt & over one weekend everything was ripped apart.. so its been 18 days since our breakup, he randomly calls me with lame excuses to talk but we haven't talked about us or anything to do with our relationship whenever he calls.. there was a few of us at a bar this weekend and he shows up, I stood at the bar and he came up behind me and says hi, we talked everything was normal the whole night between us. He stood by me the whole time, we did shots, laughed and he was telling me new things going on in his life. I went to kiss him and he basically pulled away, so I walked away and he kept looking back at me. Finally he came up to me and hugged me and then left... that was Saturday. I haven't heard from him since and I'm refusing to call him. I dont understand him. We love and care about each other so why is this breakup so easy for him when hes all I think about and all I want. Well he text me Wednesday and said "I found one of your eyelashes, it made me sick.. Wanna grab a coffee this weekend".. I agreed. So i never heard from him since then. Today i text him and asked for the number to our insurance company. He called me immediately, we chatted. He was saying a bunch of things that were making me mad. He talked about how he was going to Cancun. Talked about how he was partying tomorrow at a bar and tons of people are going, and he rented a party bus. Didn't get an invite, and He did not bring up the coffee idea once. Well one thing led to another, and i basically told him i was seeing someone. He asked who... and we talked for a few more minutes and i let him go. Obviously, i don't want to play these games. Very immature. Was that a huge mistake? I wouldn't of said it but he was trying to make me mad. Now what do i do? Ugh.
Confusedguy81 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 This is why NC is great. If you just avoided him from the get go, none of this crap would have happened. 2
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 This is why NC is great. If you just avoided him from the get go, none of this crap would have happened. I know, we go a few days no contact and then he will call me or message me. & it's been an on going thing.. I want to get back together with him, and i think.. (but not sure).. he wants the same thing, but neither one of us talk about it. So when he asked me out for coffee, i been looking forward to that and in my mind we are going to talk things through and everything will be good again. Now i dont know, after that conversation. I need to start no contact all over again, this is an emotional rollarcoaster and i cant let go if i keep hearing from him thinking he's trying to rekindle our relationship.
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You shouldn't call him immature when you are the one that broke up with him. You ended the relationship ! Along with the trust and romantic closeness you guys had. Then you tried to kiss him. I think you are the one playing games
thompkevin Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Hey, I guess you are not yet ready to talk to him. Even if you want to rekindle your relationship, you need to stay in no contact for a while. (Read this guide on how to win your ex back). It's not going to help talking to him every few days either ways. As far as the fact that you told him that you are seeing someone, I guess there is nothing you can do about it right now. If he wants to rekindle the relationship, it's not going to affect his decision much.
xUnknown Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I know, we go a few days no contact and then he will call me or message me. & it's been an on going thing.. I want to get back together with him, and i think.. (but not sure).. he wants the same thing, but neither one of us talk about it. So when he asked me out for coffee, i been looking forward to that and in my mind we are going to talk things through and everything will be good again. Now i dont know, after that conversation. I need to start no contact all over again, this is an emotional rollarcoaster and i cant let go if i keep hearing from him thinking he's trying to rekindle our relationship. Start No Contact and do it. Or, call him and bring up the coffee idea that HE had. Yeah, you shouldn't have said that you were seeing someone...that was just to get him jealous. Now that he thinks you have someone, do you think he's going to want to go for the coffee? He may...He may not. It all depends on what you want to do. I opt for the bold. But, if you think there is a chance at getting together...then move those mountains and make it happen. You both have to sack up and be honest with each other, no more trying to get the other jealous with pretending to be happier now.
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 You shouldn't call him immature when you are the one that broke up with him. You ended the relationship ! Along with the trust and romantic closeness you guys had. Then you tried to kiss him. I think you are the one playing games I didnt call HIM immature. I called us trying to get eachother mad over the phone was immature. I agreed. This whole mess is all my fault. I just dont know how to fix it. Everytime i try, he pulls back. Just like when i tried kissing him last weekend and he pulled away
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I'm going to start NC. I wont answer his calls or texts but i have to give him money on the 30th. Next Friday he expects me there with the money i owe him. So how will no contact work if i have to see him next week
Confusedguy81 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I'm going to start NC. I wont answer his calls or texts but i have to give him money on the 30th. Next Friday he expects me there with the money i owe him. So how will no contact work if i have to see him next week You have a close friend or relative? Have them give him the money.
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 OMG!!! Are we dating the same person? This story is eerily similar to mine, except I finally broke down crying, apologizing for having broken up with him...that I was just upset and would never ever use a breakup against our relationship ever again. We were together just about 5 months. Things were amazing for another month after our break up fight...then we got into a tiny little tiff, because he said something that insulted me and I got hurt. We didn't talk for 4 days. I finally txt'd to confront him to see if we could talk about what happened...and he dumps me at 2:30am on a monday morning, via text. I txt'd about 10 txt's out of confusion and he finally agreed to meet up with me. He made plans 3 times to meet, but kept canceling, due to work or he just didn't get my txt's in time (even though I have his read receipts on my phone). He was avoiding me. I finally had to tell him maybe it was best that we parted ways, because he hurt me so badly and didn't make me a priority. He just said Ok...but just know you were always a priority. The reason these guys are doing this is because they can. They're control freaks. They love that they can control our emotions. So you made a mistake, as did I. We all are human and we're emotional women. We react. It was wrong...but not life threatening. We hurt them and this is our punishment in return. The only way to get out of this is to do what I'm doing. Respect yourself and walk away. Absolutely no contact. If this guy does ever decide to come back to you...it will be on his terms if you chase him and show him that he's affecting you...and you're sad...then you will suffer and be treated so poorly. He does still have feelings for you, which is why he's torturing you. It's pretty sick actually. He's messed up as badly as mine is. You don't have the time to waste on this tool.
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 OMG!!! Are we dating the same person? This story is eerily similar to mine, except I finally broke down crying, apologizing for having broken up with him...that I was just upset and would never ever use a breakup against our relationship ever again. We were together just about 5 months. Things were amazing for another month after our break up fight...then we got into a tiny little tiff, because he said something that insulted me and I got hurt. We didn't talk for 4 days. I finally txt'd to confront him to see if we could talk about what happened...and he dumps me at 2:30am on a monday morning, via text. I txt'd about 10 txt's out of confusion and he finally agreed to meet up with me. He made plans 3 times to meet, but kept canceling, due to work or he just didn't get my txt's in time (even though I have his read receipts on my phone). He was avoiding me. I finally had to tell him maybe it was best that we parted ways, because he hurt me so badly and didn't make me a priority. He just said Ok...but just know you were always a priority. The reason these guys are doing this is because they can. They're control freaks. They love that they can control our emotions. So you made a mistake, as did I. We all are human and we're emotional women. We react. It was wrong...but not life threatening. We hurt them and this is our punishment in return. The only way to get out of this is to do what I'm doing. Respect yourself and walk away. Absolutely no contact. If this guy does ever decide to come back to you...it will be on his terms if you chase him and show him that he's affecting you...and you're sad...then you will suffer and be treated so poorly. He does still have feelings for you, which is why he's torturing you. It's pretty sick actually. He's messed up as badly as mine is. You don't have the time to waste on this tool. This is so ridiculous. A man is not allowed to want to slow down without being labeled as having malicious intent? Why does everyone always throw the blame outward instead of looking inward. I can already tell you what happened in your situation, and it certainly wasn't him trying to be malicious. You broke up with him and then scared him off with the clingyness.
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Keenly...I don't know what happened to you...but you're bitter and angry. 1
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Keenly...I don't know what happened to you...but you're bitter and angry. I'm actually happy and satisfied. You appear to be the angry one, assigning hurtful intent when there is none, only a guy trying to find whats best for him. You are mistaking cold neutral logic with being mean and "angry." You are mistaken.
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 When I hear logic instead of anger and bitterness coming from one of your posts...then I will agree with you. You're one of those people who are pessimists, but think they're realists. If that works for you...all the power to you. @Mandy...if this man loved you, something as small as what you did would never have made him treat you this way. Please don't think it was anything you did, because it wasn't. You're ex is being cruel and needs to grow up and talk like a mature man.
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 When I hear logic instead of anger and bitterness coming from one of your posts...then I will agree with you. You're one of those people who are pessimists, but think they're realists. If that works for you...all the power to you. @Mandy...if this man loved you, something as small as what you did would never have made him treat you this way. Please don't think it was anything you did, because it wasn't. You're ex is being cruel and needs to grow up and talk like a mature man. You have forfeited your to differentiate between logic and emotion, as you are telling a girl that broke up with her boyfriend, whom she obviously cared about, out of spite, that she did nothing wrong. Personal. Frickin. Responsibility.
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I'll agree with you on one hand...it was wrong to use the relationship against him. You should never do that...but it still should be something that he should be discussing with her, instead of torturing her with little bread crumbs with a txt here and there and pulling away when she tried to kiss him and then going up and hugging her. She made a mistake and reacted, and she has apologized. If it's a mistake that he cannot forgive, then he should just be adult enough to tell her that. That's all. 1
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I'll agree with you on one hand...it was wrong to use the relationship against him. You should never do that...but it still should be something that he should be discussing with her, instead of torturing her with little bread crumbs with a txt here and there and pulling away when she tried to kiss him and then going up and hugging her. She made a mistake and reacted, and she has apologized. If it's a mistake that he cannot forgive, then he should just be adult enough to tell her that. That's all. If you want to get further into detail, she showed him so much more than that. A relationship is supposed to be a team. A partnership. She showed him that when the **** hits the fan, their partnership means so little to her that she will jump ship at the first sign of trouble. This tells the guy "Hmmm maybe I should stop emotionally investing myself in this girl who has shown me she is skittish and will just leave me at the first argument we have." He still cares about her, but he is AFRAID (thats right, men are HUMANS too) to get hurt. He already got hurt when she left him the first time. He is probably wondering "how many times is she going to break up and get back and break up and get back." I bet you $100 all he wants is a real, trusting, communicating relationship where people don't throw stones all over their glass house of a relationship and then wonder why people recoil in emotional defensiveness. 3
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 I'll agree with you on one hand...it was wrong to use the relationship against him. You should never do that...but it still should be something that he should be discussing with her, instead of torturing her with little bread crumbs with a txt here and there and pulling away when she tried to kiss him and then going up and hugging her. She made a mistake and reacted, and she has apologized. If it's a mistake that he cannot forgive, then he should just be adult enough to tell her that. That's all. This has been torture. He pulled away at the bar when I tried kissing him. Called a day later ans got jealous over a guy that tried buying me a drink. Two days later he tells me he wants to go for coffee because he misses me. Then today he just talks about how hes going out for a friends birthday & how their will be a ton of girls out. I cant handle it anymore....
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 If you want to get further into detail, she showed him so much more than that. A relationship is supposed to be a team. A partnership. She showed him that when the **** hits the fan, their partnership means so little to her that she will jump ship at the first sign of trouble. This tells the guy "Hmmm maybe I should stop emotionally investing myself in this girl who has shown me she is skittish and will just leave me at the first argument we have." He still cares about her, but he is AFRAID (thats right, men are HUMANS too) to get hurt. He already got hurt when she left him the first time. He is probably wondering "how many times is she going to break up and get back and break up and get back." I bet you $100 all he wants is a real, trusting, communicating relationship where people don't throw stones all over their glass house of a relationship and then wonder why people recoil in emotional defensiveness. He and I both want a real trusting relationship. He did get hurt by me, now hes hurting me but I dont know if hes intentionally doing it or not. I'm not perfect and hes far from perfect too, there is plenty of things I can say about him that aren't very nice but there is no point. The facts are I broke up with him now hes stringing me along and making me pay for it. I just want it to end. I want to be with him but right now hes not ready obviously to forgive me. I'm afraid if I go no contact then that will be the end of us for good. Despite all of the bs I want to give it another shot but I'm not getting anywhere
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 OMG!!! Are we dating the same person? This story is eerily similar to mine, except I finally broke down crying, apologizing for having broken up with him...that I was just upset and would never ever use a breakup against our relationship ever again. We were together just about 5 months. Things were amazing for another month after our break up fight...then we got into a tiny little tiff, because he said something that insulted me and I got hurt. We didn't talk for 4 days. I finally txt'd to confront him to see if we could talk about what happened...and he dumps me at 2:30am on a monday morning, via text. I txt'd about 10 txt's out of confusion and he finally agreed to meet up with me. He made plans 3 times to meet, but kept canceling, due to work or he just didn't get my txt's in time (even though I have his read receipts on my phone). He was avoiding me. I finally had to tell him maybe it was best that we parted ways, because he hurt me so badly and didn't make me a priority. He just said Ok...but just know you were always a priority. The reason these guys are doing this is because they can. They're control freaks. They love that they can control our emotions. So you made a mistake, as did I. We all are human and we're emotional women. We react. It was wrong...but not life threatening. We hurt them and this is our punishment in return. The only way to get out of this is to do what I'm doing. Respect yourself and walk away. Absolutely no contact. If this guy does ever decide to come back to you...it will be on his terms if you chase him and show him that he's affecting you...and you're sad...then you will suffer and be treated so poorly. He does still have feelings for you, which is why he's torturing you. It's pretty sick actually. He's messed up as badly as mine is. You don't have the time to waste on this tool. That is exactly what its all about right now, control. We need to absolutely not talk to them or give them any kind of satisfaction knowing that we want to fix things. Maybe once they see us really moving on they'll have the balls to have a real conversation
2fargone Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 That is exactly what its all about right now, control. We need to absolutely not talk to them or give them any kind of satisfaction knowing that we want to fix things. Maybe once they see us really moving on they'll have the balls to have a real conversation You seem pretty delusional... Everything ok up there?
Author mandyxo Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 You seem pretty delusional... Everything ok up there? How is that being delusional. He knows he has me wrapped around his finger at this point and hes using it to Its advantage. Regardless of whether he does want to get back together he wont talk about it in a mature manner & ive tried already and he keeps distancing himself whenever I do. So I stopped and now all of our conversations are on a friendship level. When its much more to me than that. Is everything okay with you?
Crila16 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Mandy...he's lashing out at you. He knows exactly what he is doing. If he wanted to be with you, he would. It's really that simple. It's the same for my guy. Something should be able to be broken this easily. I know you made a mistake and ended it for emotional reasons...but you didn't do anything so horrific and unforgivable. You at least tried to talk to him about it. I understand you hurt him deeply...but c'mon. Get over it already. You tried to talk to him like an adult about your mistake and you're sorry for hurting him, and he's shunning you...leading you on and toying with your emotions now. It's almost like it's a revenge for you hurting him. Yours was reactionary and spontaneous...his is purposeful. I'm telling you...decide whether this is someone you want to be with. When you two have a fight, will he always just walk away or punish you when you make a mistake or upset him? What you did was most certainly not unforgivable. I just wish he would grow up and let you explain...or try to resolve this. He's being spiteful, Stubborn and Passive aggressive. Just stay away from him until he's ready to talk, if he ever is. In the meantime, you need to really think about is this someone that is compatible with for the long haul.
Keenly Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 . I understand you hurt him deeply...but c'mon. Get over it already. OP . I want you to really think about this quote. Do you want to take advice from some one who tells some one who has been hurt to " get over it already " ? Stop downplaying her part in this. She did not just " make a mistake ". She ENDED the entire relationship. Why do women take this so lightly? This not an " oops I farted in bed " or " oops I flirted with some one else in front of you " . This is serious. Sometimes when two hurt women come together in this forum, the take their comradary to the extreme, to the point where they become immaculate and they can do no wrong. Accept that you are at fault for the tidal wave of drama. Apologize. Hope he accepts after a while, and if he doesn't, just move on. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 This has been torture. He pulled away at the bar when I tried kissing him. Called a day later ans got jealous over a guy that tried buying me a drink. Two days later he tells me he wants to go for coffee because he misses me. Then today he just talks about how hes going out for a friends birthday & how their will be a ton of girls out. I cant handle it anymore.... Well, you caused this, so it's hard for me to drum up much sympathy for you. If you are serious about wanting him back, tell him straight up that you made a mistake and that you would like to try again. Don't try to be cute and kiss him, don't try to hint at anything -- come straight over the top. If he says no, then back off. But yeah, he's hurt and he doesn't trust you at all right now. And I don't really blame him. And you telling him that you are seeing someone else after trying to kiss him also makes him distrust you. I mean, you need to stop the games and stop getting in your own way. Keenly is right -- most of this is completely on you.
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