Nony101 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I am confused right now! I feel like I treat my girlfriend well, but then we run into issues like the following and I really begin to think that maybe I don't treat her as well as she deserves. We usually spend our evenings together which means that we usually have dinner. I'm trying to get better at cooking because it's more inexpensive for me than taking her out. She's a health nut, and asked what we should do for dinner. She didn't have any ideas. I listed off a few things that I could make with stuff I had, all of which she vetoed, but offered no suggestions. I asked her to come up with something I could go get while I did my laundry. She came up to me like she was going to go somewhere to get food, and asked what I was going to eat and I told her I would probably make something for myself (figuring she was going to get food for herself) because it was cheaper. She tells me I'm making her feel bad, I wasn't sure why. I go back to the kitchen to find that she's eating a huge bowl of ice cream. I asked what's wrong, and she said she was hungry. I asked her what she wanted and she said nothing. Long story short we got into a little bit of a tiff. Money is tight, so I don't want to eat out all the time, but she wouldn't tell me what she wanted for dinner. She says she feels bad when I go and get her food after talking about how money is tight, but I'm frustrated because she won't tell me what she wants, therefore I never have stuff for her to eat in the apartment. It might make her feel bad, but I feel like a crappy boyfriend because I'm not providing adequate food for her to eat when she comes over. She doesn't cook, and is usually there when I get home. So, if she's never cooked and bought ingredients, how am I supposed to know what to buy? She doesn't tell me what she wants or what to cook, so what am I supposed to do? I just straight up told her that I'm lost and confused. I want nothing more than to fix the problem, but she wouldn't tell me what she wants or what she wanted me to do. She said there wasn't anything I could do to fix it, I asked how we're going to resolve it, she didn't know. I basically said well that's not going to solve anything, got sick to my stomach, didn't eat anything, and went to bed. What do you do in this case? I love her, but I'm not a mind reader. Also, eating truly healthy with organic foods is more expensive, and sometimes when I'm the only one laying down the scratch for the two of us, I'd rather not blow it all on twice the price at half the size. You know?
madjac74 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Honestly it sounds like she is suffering from depression.
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Look at some recipe sites on the internet to find out how to make healthy dishes. Then stop asking her what she wants for dinner & make what you want. Serve it to her. That's what I do with my husband because he never would give me a straight answer about what he wants for dinner. If he wants something specific & asks for it in a timely manner -- before I started making something else -- I'll make it for him. Otherwise he eats what I put in front of him. Think about it . .. did your parents ask each other every night what they wanted for dinner? No.
Author Nony101 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Depression? Really, you think so? I'm not doubting you, so please don't take it that way, out of curiosity what of my story gave you that thought? I just want to know what to do to correct it. I've tried the online recipe thing and cooking it, but she usually asks what I'm making about halfway through anyway, and usually can find something that isn't healthy about it. She might be kind of picky, but if she's not offering other suggestions, this seems to be the route to go.
BlametheIrish Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) She wants you to order out but feels guilty about the cost so she pouts and says I dont know what I want. I used to do the same thing as I was a seriously picky eater when I was a teenager. My parents did not let me get away with that crap so I ate barely anything for a bit until I quit the pity party and started cooking for myself. I hate to cook I mean HATE it with a passion, yet I'm good at it and I can make a healthier version of restaraunt food at home that tastes better anyway. Your girlfriend is acting childish and you're feeding into it and being wayy y overly accommodating. But if you insist on encouraging her bad habits then make a list of food she will eat and work on cooking that up. Remember practice makes perfect and most women LOVE a man who can cook Edited November 22, 2013 by BlametheIrish my phone is awful to edit on. 2
CherryT Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Some girls are really passive aggressive. Her treatment towards you shows that… She's either afraid to tell you (which I don't know why) what she wants or just doesn't want to tell you what she wants because "you should already know". For her to sulk and eat a bowl of ice cream but not offer a suggestion isn't very mature. You're doing the best you can to provide for her and is doing all the heavy lifting in buying food and even cooking for her. She should at least be able to help guide you about what she wants. I'm thinking because you live on your own that you are both adults or at least in your early 20's. At that point in your life, you should be able to take responsibility for your own dinner. At the very least, she can get her own if what you have isn't what she wants. I wonder if she's upset because you didn't go out instead? Like you said, she doesn't cook herself so maybe she prefers going out for dinner? If that's the case, she's being a bit spoiled and entitled. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I've tried the online recipe thing and cooking it, but she usually asks what I'm making about halfway through anyway, and usually can find something that isn't healthy about it. She might be kind of picky, but if she's not offering other suggestions, this seems to be the route to go. I'd just put my foot down. Whatever I ask you what you want you don't answer me. this is what I'm making. If you don't like it, tomorrow you can make something or at least come up with something you like me to make. It's really not fair of you to refuse to give me input then criticize what I do make.
soccerrprp Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 OP, what kinds of foods does she eat? How long have you been dating? Find out and start making her things. Explain, after research, that not everything needs to be organic.
Author Nony101 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Well there's a lot of things she used to eat, that she doesn't eat now. I mean, I don't really know what she eats. We either go out to a restaurant, and that's a treat day, otherwise I'm cooking something. We've been dating a little over 6 months, and her diet has changed quite a bit since we started. I rattled off like 6 or 7 things. She eats a lot of protein, so I like to keep some meat in the house, but she said no to all of it. It's been awhile since I took her out on a date. I tried last weekend, but she didn't want to.
Grumpybutfun Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Nony: She sounds selfish and entitled. It isn't your job to feed her so if she doesn't want to eat what you are cooking, she can go out herself and find herself something to eat. Don't be a doormat. My wife has a saying in my household (mostly for picky nieces and nephews because I will eat almost anything) If you starve in this household of plenty, it is your own fault. She cooks what she wants and they can choose to eat it. She is an excellent cook and they always eat it even if they think they don't like it, because sometimes people don't know if they like something until they try it. Gee, your gf sounds like a toddler. No, no, no, no...that would get old real fast. Stop giving her a choice and say, "I am going to make tacos and you can join me if you want." If she refuses, then tell her that you can't afford eating out because you have a sensible budget, but if she wants to pay for you both then you would be happy to join her. Stick to your budget. Eating out all the time is a senseless way to throw money away. You aren't her maid or mother, Grumps 3
Gottabestrong Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I fully agree with the others, she is acting childish and passive/aggressive. If she expects you to cook for her and does not eat most things, then she needs to tell you what she does eat. If not, how are you supposed to know? Wow, I can't imagine putting up with that.
clia Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Yeah, she sounds really passive aggressive. I would probably be passive aggressive right back and cook whatever I felt like eating for dinner and let her eat the ice cream. I'm just not sure what she expects you to do if she won't even communicate with you. I find it a little strange that you have no idea what she likes to eat. Even if you eat out a lot, what she orders should give you some idea. What types of things does she usually order? I say just grill her a piece of chicken and either make a salad on the side or steam some vegetables. Easy and healthy. Surely she can't find fault with that. You can buy the chicken breasts in bulk, and go to Aldi or a farmer's market to get cheap veggies.
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