Sasa123 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Hello everyone. I know NC can be a good thing. I know all the points of NC and I agree with most of them. But if you go day after day thinking about contacting your ex after some amount of time, why shouldnt you do it? I know its an awful thought, but what if somethings happens to him/her and you never got to tell him what he/she meant to you? I cant stop thinking about why we have to hide all our feelings and thoughts, just because something didnt worked out. Life's too short to do NC, if we do it keep ones pride and I dont understand the argument: "He has to know how life is without you".. Is it some kind of revenge? Is that what life's about?? Showing other people (and not just other people, but you EX - the one you once loved, if not still does) how it feels to loose someone? I know that NC can be a good tool to get yourself back, but when you found yourself again I don't see a reason to keep NC, if the thought of breaking it always comes to your mind. As I said, life's too short.. And its definitely too short for the "what ifs".. I still have feelings for my ex. I still want to be with him. Many of you would say I should stay NC till the day I didnt feel anything. But IMO I will contact him the day I have something to say. Maybe it'll hurt me if he doesnt answer. Maybe I regret it afterwards. But at least I wont think "what if" for the rest of my life, because I was too busy keeping my pride and not showing people I care about what I really felt.
Chi townD Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Your Ex is like a drug. A lot of people give themselves excuses to contact their Ex's when the pull for the drug is too much. They make contact an take care of that high they're looking for. And you may feel good for a little but afterwards. Until you need another hit. Right now, you're going through withdrawl symptoms. And you need to treat it like any other addict. You need to take it one day at a time.
cavalier99 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 (edited) You are still in denial and looking for reasons to make contact. Wait until your over him 100 percent then call him every day if you want. Or dont take the good advise here and contact him now. Why not right??? You will learn the same lesson we all have the hard way and youll end up going NC eventually. Youll just delay your healing a ton. So go ahead call him now and see how it goes. Nobody is stopping you. Im curious and it will be a good thread for others on the lessons of breaking NC. Cav Edited November 22, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Author Sasa123 Posted November 22, 2013 Author Posted November 22, 2013 Well, as I said I acknowledge the benefits of NC. I just think that there is a limit. If you've been doing NC for a lengthy amount of time, but the thought of contacting him STILL pops up, then you should do it. The important thing is that you're doing NC for yourself and not because you want to teach him/her a lesson. I doubt the right thing is to wait till you feel indifference (which probably will be never, if the relationship were good and you truly care about the other person) I'm not ready to break NC yet, because I know I'm too weak at the moment, but I know it's just phrase and not for the rest of my life. That's the point, which most of you forgets. It's okay to contact the other person if the thought pops up too often.
mtnbiker3000 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 You say you understand NC and it's purpose, but I don't think you do. It is 100% about you and your recovery. Has absolutely nothing to do with revenge, pride, telling, showing or teaching your ex anything. It is to help you get clarity and move on with your life. Your ex is history. Dead. 3
Arty54 Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 I think you are trying to justify a reason to break NC. By all means if you wish to let him actually know how you feel .i.e last ditch effort then that is up to you but just be warned you may not like the reply if you get one at all and that's when you REALLY hurt because by them not replying leaves you with more questions, concerns and you end up thinking about him even more.
Ftheeastcoast Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 Saying you understand something, and actually understanding it are two totally different things. You clearly don't truly understand why you should stop talking to them. Here's the thing that blows everything you just said out of the water: They don't want you to tell them that you care. It's not about life being short, it's about not looking so incredibly insecure and lost without ONE person. You only want to contact them in the hopes that maybe they're just sitting there wishing they could talk to you. Here's the part that everyone thinking like you needs to realize: if that were true, they'd contact you! So stop thinking about NC as a game and focus on the present and yourself. 2
flitzanu Posted November 22, 2013 Posted November 22, 2013 obviously the person that dumped you must need you to contact them and tell them that you still care. if only they knew you had feelings for them. oh wait, you dated, so they know you care since you had a relationship. 3
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