Is my best friendship over?

[fixing]

Hey guys, i have a little bit of a sad predicament. I have/had two bisexual females (They're together) as my best friends for over a year. I will give you the history to help you understand my situation better...

Im Irish, 27, living in UK. Back in August 2010, i met a very interesting and beautiful Czech girl who was waitering in a restaurant. I got chatting to her, and asked her facebook. Let's call her friend 'A'...

So i proceed to message her over the next few months, and in Feb/2011, she suggested i come and stay at her shared house for a few days and visit the city. (I was very bored and lonely at the time) And i was delighted to come.

When i got to her house, i quickly realised, she was just being a good friend, and that she would be away working the entire visit. I was disappointed as i really liked her and thought we would do stuff together. Her housemate however, was also a Czech girl, and she came onto me pretty strong. I thought i hit gold, and began a 15 month relationship with her. She is Now my EX Btw. My ex quickly moved in with me, and i was madly in love. I was unaware at the time, but my EX who is also bisexual, had LEFT friend 'A' for me.... Well, come Sept 2012, i was devastated to find out that she had cheated on me. I was destroyed emotionally. I treated her like a princess. Did the best i can be as a boyfriend. I told her to leave my house, and she quickly fled back to friend 'A' old house completely unapologetic about the cheating.

Meanwhile, friend 'A' has found a perfect relationship with a lovely new girl who i will call Friend 'B'...

Over the next few months, into December 2012, im left to pick up the pieces, surrounded by nothing but memories of my ex, who at this stage, i learn has now ran off with her newest best friends husband. At this point, i decided its too hard to have friend 'A' and friend 'B' on my Facebook, as it hurts me too much to be reminded of my EX.

Well, friend 'A' and friend 'B' add me again around christmas 2012, and begin to tell me (Finally) that they are very sorry for my hurt, they also tell me they are sick of my ex using there place, and they are moving into a 1 bed flat together. Over the next year, i get really close with both of them, but particularly friend 'A'. They invite me to their house weekly, and even took me on the best holiday with them to meet friend 'B's parents in Prague.

Its on this holiday, that me and friend 'A' really connect. She confides in me about her AWFUL past, i do too about mine, she cries in my arms, and we get extremely close because of our mutual understandings of awful upbringings. At this stage unfortunately for me, i redevelop feelings for friend 'A'. She flirts alot, and is constantly messaging me/calling me, probing what girls im seeing, if im having sex with them etc.

Im fully aware that she is very happy in the bisexual relationship with friend B, and im just happy, tbh, to be feeling so cared for by them both. So, we are great friends, well we were until last two weeks...

They suggested i take their spare room, and pay rent. I needed to move asap and I jump at the opportunity as it brings me into the city.

I have to tell you, that im NOT over the betrayal of my ex. Friends 'A' and 'B' have been made well aware of my hatred to my ex, and they both assure me they want very little to do with her either, she's 'old news to them'

Another twist, is that friend 'A' let it slip to me 3 months back, that my ex had slept with a guy at their place whilst me and ex were together. (A guy who i would later invite with open arms into my home on many occasions, before and after) Looking back, i was dumb and too trusting, i trusted my ex, no problem to stay some weekends at 'close male friends homes'

This hurt me alot, i was semi angry that friend 'A' kept that from me whilst i was still in love and living with my ex.... But i say nothing.

Well, two weeks ago, i was a little drunk, in my new room at theirs, when friend 'A' comes in and says 'look, your ex will be here in 5 mins, so we will hide your shoes and you stay in the room till she leaves. She doesnt know your living with us' Im hurt by this, and never wanted to hear or see ex again.

As soon, as i heard my exs voice for the first time since Sept 2012, and the fact i was drunk, i stormed in and told her i now knew about ALL of her cheating the entire relationship. She of course, was cold as a fish and wouldn't acknowledge me at all, and pushed me out the way to leave. I, being drunk and emotionally charged, pushed her back (I never should have touched her), she leaves.... Then 5 mins later.

BANG BANG BANG BANG on the front door..

I answer, and its her boyfriend (The married husband of her best friend) is swinging a baseball bat around, raging, telling me he's gonna kill me, well, being drunk and upset/angry, i stepped out and punched him in the face. We fought, then he locked himself in his van. I left.

IM OBVIOUSLY DEVASTATED THAT THIS CONFRONTATION HAPPENED. I decide to head to a friends house. Im ashamed and embarrassed, and drunk.

I get a text and call from friend 'A' who is upset and she informs me, the landlord heard about the fight, and im not allowed to live there anymore.

I text back that im sorry to have upset her, she's my best friend'

She replies, basically saying 'we tried to help you, we're disappointed in this, you have to get your stuff' So i ask my friend to go get my things.

11 days pass, and i hear nothing at all from the two friends, no facebook, or texts. And because im an active facebook user, it started to bug me that they were ignoring all my activity completely (Which is very unusual) So i delete them both (11 days had passed and i was upset that they hadn't asked or talked to me about anything. Plus, i was now homeless momentarily again)

Well, within 8 hours of me unfriending them, friend 'A' messages me a long and angry 'So your not my friend anymore!!!???? This is your fault, you made this happen, that confrontation was pointless. We were your best friends in england, wtf? Well, your choice, good luck in life...

I instantly reply and explain, that i wanted to talk to her massively, but after her silence, it felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I also explained from my point of view that i was highly dissapointed that she could be so insensitive as to bring my ex there, and tell me to hide. That i also, DID NOT ASK for my ex's boyfriend to come for me with a bat....

She immediately changed her tone, and realised very quickly that i am still very pained by my ex's blatant using and cheating of me for 15 months.... So, we traded heartfelt messages of understanding, and she ended by saying she would like to let her partner,friend 'B' read our conversation as friend 'B' is still very upset/angry about what happened..... And the trouble i caused them with landlord.

 

Well, thats it folks, that conversation was on sunday, and i guess, im worried that friend 'A' will never talk to me again... Im not sure, what, if anything i can do now? I thought, maybe i should wait it out, but as the days pass, it really upsets me that i have heard nothing from them.... Like i said before, me and friend 'A' have shared so much with eachother, and really gotten very close. I am aware that i have feelings for her, but i would NEVER interfere with her happiness with friend 'B'.

Shall i just write this off now? I know i deleted them off facebook, which was childish, but it feels kinda dumb for me to now message her again, repeating to her things like 'Im very sorry to have upset you at your home, you are my best friend here, thanks for all the support you both gave me, and vica versa etc)

Note: I have never behaved aggressively in front of them, too them. I have been nothing but a great friend to them both. Particularly friend 'A' whom we share the same passion for writing. I have been overly supportive to her and her writing etc. They were also aware i was drunk and upset (Which they never before witnessed in me)

 

Thanks very much for taking the time to read my venting story. It really hurts me, as im foriegn in this country, and it has been years, since i made a true 'friend'

[fixing]

Wow, i didnt realise my OP is so long! I should have included (Long) in the title

[Downtown]

Not too long for me. Wonderful story! You had a great adventure with the three young ladies. None of them proved to be a loyal long-term friend so it is good you've moved on. This is not to say, however, that you didn't benefit and grow from your experiences with them. In your entire lifetime, you will be lucky to have 4 or 5 really close, long-term friends. But you can still benefit a lot from your interactions with the hundreds of other folks passing through your life.

 

In this particular case, Fixing, all the participants were interesting, colorful characters -- not the least of which was "bat guy," who ended up cowering in his locked car. Like I said, wonderful story! Reads like the beginnings of a movie script. Thanks for sharing with us, Fixing. You know, there is a world of interesting people your age out there. Sounds to me, then, like you are about to embark on another colorful adventure. Hope you come back and write about that one too.

[Tayla]

Downtown said it best. Will say, if these are friends...one is left to wonder what an enemy is...Refrain from obsessing about these folks....Sometimes we learn best when things are placed in the past...As a person of adult years, I had to surpass the misery loves company friendships....Its a passage to transcend, may you find true friendships in the years to come. Best to you

[fixing]

Thanks very much for your replies guys! Friend 'A' whom i still have feelings for/was closer with, re added me on facebook last week. I pondered over accepting it as it had been so long since our last conversation (A week before this thread actually) but i did accept it, and i unsubscribed to her for the time being, i dont know why, i guess i just dont want to see or hear of anything that will remind me of that incident or my ex at the moment...

 

Anyways, she still hasnt said a thing to me lol?!? I know it was me who deleted her some 2 months back, but when she messaged me angrily about that, and after we talked a little about what happened, i left off, by saying basically 'your my best friend, sorry to have upset you with the fight, appreciate your friendship, miss you etc' Then i dont hear from her for like 7-8 weeks until she re adds me last week?

 

Kinda bothering me a little, i dont feel to start initiating a conversation with her, i feel, she added me, so she should say something right? Or am i being too stubborn?

[fixing]

Thanks very much again for both of your posts, they are very comforting and inspiring too. About my post above, now im kinda wondering why i even bothered accepting friend 'A' again! I have been alone along time, and perhaps i have been in denial about them being 'true friends' Going back to my OP, their behavour in hindsight seems quite deceitful and two faced playing both sides of the fence with me and my ex!

I shall not de friend her again as i feel that is just pathetic at this stage, ill just leave her unsubscribed to my news feed, and well, if she wants to reach out to me in a meaningful way then perhaps we can re embark on a good friendship (That was my hope when i first saw her request)

 

if not, well, i guess she just becomes another 'facebook friend' one of 367