I am such an idiot, so embarrassed

[forgetmenot75]

Mishi, you are acting like a psycho, girl! Calm down!

that "sucker" comment is not made in a bad way. don't you've heard: "I'm a sucker for nice smiles" nothing wrong with that!

 

You telling him you can't get him out of your head: this is a no no! wait until HE tells you this.

 

you both calling ourselves "crappy"? Where is your self esteem? A guy that likes you never tell you that kind of things.

 

16 texts after the sucker comment? Please refrain yourself!! You are looking as needy in his eyes.

 

and that last message of you, omg!

 

Everyone here is telling you you did nothing wrong, that he's an ashole and blah blah blah. that is not the truth. You need to address your issues, it's obvious there's something wrong and for that reason the guy has disappeared. I'd do the same if I were him.

[mishy]

Mishi, you are acting like a psycho, girl! Calm down!

that "sucker" comment is not made in a bad way. don't you've heard: "I'm a sucker for nice smiles" nothing wrong with that!

 

You telling him you can't get him out of your head: this is a no no! wait until HE tells you this.

 

you both calling ourselves "crappy"? Where is your self esteem? A guy that likes you never tell you that kind of things.

 

16 texts after the sucker comment? Please refrain yourself!! You are looking as needy in his eyes.

 

and that last message of you, omg!

 

Everyone here is telling you you did nothing wring, that he's an ashole and blah blah blah. that is not the truth. You need to address your issues, it's obvious there's something wring and for that reason the guy has disappeared. I'd do the same if I were him.

 

 

great! i feel so much better now

[forgetmenot75]

great! i feel so much better now

 

What do you want me to tell you? That you did everything right? I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm very sorry you're hurting, but he's not a jerk, and you're acting like a crazy girl. Calm down! He owns you nothing, and he can denounce you for harrasing him.

 

Was he your boyfriend? NO

Did he promise you anything? NO

[forgetmenot75]

That sucker comment is a silly joke. and he's probably more interested in someone else, for that reason he stop replying to you. Maybe he is in love with someone else. Maybe he was bored, who knows.

 

what do we know is that he doesn't want to contact you anymore, and you kept messaging him. Leave him alone. He's not into you.

 

I'm really sorry, I've suffered a lot in the past, I know how much it hurts. But you need to acknowledge your mistakes in order to move on.

[Zahara]

the first 5 texts i sent , well i didnt know he WAS ignoring me as it was the day he sent the sucker comment. I thought he was still talking to me. It wasnt until Friday i started to think i was being ignored

 

It's fine. You have to let it go. He's an emotionally stunted man. When you expressed your feelings, a mature adult would have communicated with you, not respond like an immature teenager and run and hide. It's one thing to playfully banter amongst yourselves and call each other silly names but when someone opens up to you emotionally, you respond appropriately and respectfully. Two different things. Don't let anyone sway you from what's acceptable and what isn't.

 

Now, you have to stop beating yourself up. I know it hurts to be ignored but you have to keep telling yourself that you deserve better and this is a blessing to you. Anymore investment from you and you'd be in a bigger hole. It's again, a blessing.

Edited November 24, 2013 by Zahara

[mishy]

It's fine. You have to let it go. He's an emotionally stunted man. When you expressed your feelings, a mature adult would have communicated with you, not respond like an immature teenager and run and hide. It's one thing to playfully banter amongst yourselves and call each other silly names but when someone opens up to you emotionally, you respond appropriately and respectfully. Two different things. Don't let anyone sway you from what's acceptable and what isn't.

 

Now, you have to stop beating yourself up. I know it hurts to be ignored but you have to keep telling yourself that you deserve better and this is a blessing to you. Anymore investment from you and you'd be in a bigger hole. It's again, a blessing.

 

well i havent texted him since last night and now its almost 24 hrs, so at least I stopped.

 

Yep, any mature adult would have responded, and all of this would have been avoided.

 

Mostly i am beating myself up over the texting. I think if i really was "crazy" girl i would still be texting and have no conscience that i was over texting..

 

The other thing is that he has ignored me over a Fri/ Sat/ sun before and then i get this text Sunday afternoon, saying he is sick or something.

 

But really , i think Im never going to hear from him again

[Zahara]

And do you really want to hear from this man again after the way he's treated you.

 

You spent 5 years on a man that came in and out of your life whenever he pleased. You invested all those years in someone that wasn't invested in you.

 

It was a lesson, Mishy. A long and painful one. Why isn't it teaching you that when a man isn't showing you the interest that you deserve, it's time to walk away? Instead, you invest and invest hoping something is going to change. The whole "I don't check my phone" was a huge blaring sign that he isn't invested. But you stayed put? Why? Hoping he'll change his mind? Hoping if you show him how available you are he will want you more?

 

I understand what the silent treatment can do to you. It's a form of emotional abuse. It leaves you panicky and anxious. You start blaming yourself and then all you want to do is fix it and make the silencer accept you again. This is not a good guy for you. After what has happened in your past, you need to start making better decisions for yourself and having healthier boundaries. When you see red flags, get out. Don't stay and keep yourself getting more attached.

 

You have to learn from your past, not repeat it.

[befriendlyplease]

So after briefly dating a guy, and becoming friends, and a bit more, he went on holiday. When he came back after a couple of weeks, he emailed me, and then later on I texted him and I stupidly told him I thought about him a lot when he was away. And that I couldn't get him out of my head

 

Yeah I know, stupid stupid stupid.

 

He didnt say anything back so The text conversation went like this after that:

 

Me: aaaah I said too much?

 

Him: that's a line from a song

 

Me: yeah the song is called " the girl who makes a fool of herself by telling a guy how she feels and he doesn't say anything in response"

 

Him: ha ha sucker. Lol

 

 

And that was it. He won't talk to me now, it's been over 24 hours and he will not say anything to me.

 

The sucker comment...... What is that? He hates me right?

 

What do I do?

 

What a dick! Unless I'm not getting it he sounds like a total chump.

[mishy]

And do you really want to hear from this man again after the way he's treated you.

 

You spent 5 years on a man that came in and out of your life whenever he pleased. You invested all those years in someone that wasn't invested in you.

 

It was a lesson, Mishy. A long and painful one. Why isn't it teaching you that when a man isn't showing you the interest that you deserve, it's time to walk away? Instead, you invest and invest hoping something is going to change. The whole "I don't check my phone" was a huge blaring sign that he isn't invested. But you stayed put? Why? Hoping he'll change his mind? Hoping if you show him how available you are he will want you more?

 

I understand what the silent treatment can do to you. It's a form of emotional abuse. It leaves you panicky and anxious. You start blaming yourself and then all you want to do is fix it and make the silencer accept you again. This is not a good guy for you. After what has happened in your past, you need to start making better decisions for yourself and having healthier boundaries. When you see red flags, get out. Don't stay and keep yourself getting more attached.

 

You have to learn from your past, not repeat it.

 

 

I started to think yesterday that he might also be an emotional abuser. Just would have been SO much easier to be straight and tell me he wanted no contact than to ignore and let me suffer. If he really hated me texted him asking him what's going on etc, he could have sent a quick text saying to go away. But he didn't. He is a grown 45 year old man, and he should know better.

 

There are glaring similarities between him and the other guy. At least I have only invested a very short time in him before realising. He seemed a lot nicer at first, but obviously I don't know him that well. But everything you say is correct.

[Blade96]

Mishi, you are acting like a psycho, girl! Calm down!

that "sucker" comment is not made in a bad way. don't you've heard: "I'm a sucker for nice smiles" nothing wrong with that!

 

You telling him you can't get him out of your head: this is a no no! wait until HE tells you this.

 

you both calling ourselves "crappy"? Where is your self esteem? A guy that likes you never tell you that kind of things.

 

16 texts after the sucker comment? Please refrain yourself!! You are looking as needy in his eyes.

 

and that last message of you, omg!

 

Everyone here is telling you you did nothing wrong, that he's an ashole and blah blah blah. that is not the truth. You need to address your issues, it's obvious there's something wrong and for that reason the guy has disappeared. I'd do the same if I were him.

 

well why didn't he say "im a sucker for nice smiles" if that was what he meant? He wrote it in a way that suggested she's a sucker cause she opened up emotionally to him showing some vulnerability. At least that's how I would have interpreted it also. and then ran like coward. and then didn't even try to explain when she wanted some clarification on what he really meant.

 

and its not unreasonable for her to want to send a few "WTF?" texts when the guy disappeared on her with out explanation.

 

Nope, I still think he has a problem and she's not a psycho.

[mishy]

well why didn't he say "im a sucker for nice smiles" if that was what he meant? He wrote it in a way that suggested she's a sucker cause she opened up emotionally to him showing some vulnerability. At least that's how I would have interpreted it also. and then ran like coward. and then didn't even try to explain when she wanted some clarification on what he really meant.

 

and its not unreasonable for her to want to send a few "WTF?" texts when the guy disappeared on her with out explanation.

 

Nope, I still think he has a problem and she's not a psycho.

 

Some people think women should be just passive and do nothing. He called me a sucker and vanished. Not a single word since. I'd have to be made of stone to not want to know what happened. Totally have been ignored ever since.

 

fair enough if he wanted no further contact, why not just SAY that in a quick text??? Surely that would be better from HIS point of view than have me send a whole heap of wtf texts wanting to know what happened.

 

He probably DOES think i am psycho, but honestly he is partly to blame for my texting, he should have been upfront, instead of calling me a sucker and then disappearing into thin air.

[befriendlyplease]

fair enough if he wanted no further contact, why not just SAY that in a quick text??? Surely that would be better from HIS point of view than have me send a whole heap of wtf texts wanting to know what happened.

 

Different people think differently. I can't make sense of people that don't write back or respond the way I think they should either, but they do it just the same.

 

He probably DOES think i am psycho, but honestly he is partly to blame for my texting, he should have been upfront, instead of calling me a sucker and then disappearing into thin air.

 

Probably. That's a good reason not to feel bad about it.

[mishy]

Different people think differently. I can't make sense of people that don't write back or respond the way I think they should either, but they do it just the same.

 

 

 

Probably. That's a good reason not to feel bad about it.

 

yeah except i do feel bad. Bad that he probably thinks im nuts! It makes me cringe just thinking about it. Absolutely cringe.

 

He still hasnt replied, so i guess thats it.

[Janesays]

16 texts in 3 days to someone who is blatantly ignoring you? Yikes! What happened to your pride and self respect. Did you flush it right before you picked up the phone? Learn some self control!

[mishy]

I didn't actually know he was ignoring me at first. He is an irregular texter anyway, not one of these people that reply instantly

 

But yes, I know I did the wrong thing!

[mishy]

I just think that it's unfair to totally blame me, because if he had replied early on and said hey I don't want any contact anymore, then I would have known. With the silent treatment I know nothing. It's a form of mental torture. You have no idea if the person even has got the messages, or anything.

 

And yeah he hasn't replied, so ....

Edited November 25, 2013 by mishy

[planb1973]

Us men can be like rubber bands. We go through periods of uncertainty in forming relationships. If he is stepping back just let him, because if you pull on that rubber band that is already stretched it may break. If you don't it may snap right back.

[Leigh 87]

I just think that it's unfair to totally blame me, because if he had replied early on and said hey I don't want any contact anymore, then I would have known. With the silent treatment I know nothing. It's a form of mental torture. You have no idea if the person even has got the messages, or anything.

 

And yeah he hasn't replied, so ....

 

 

 

I did the same to my recent ex...... I fell really hard for a guy online. He appeared to also fall head over heels for me from day one. Telling me he deleted his profile on date one. Tell I me he told his dad about meeting me since he thought it could go somewhere. He said he hadn't ever felt the instant spark with his exes... that he thought he could have something special with me based on the feelings he had for me. He said he was falling in love.

He said he'd wait as long as I needer for sex. He actually denied me after date 3 when I tried as he wanted to show me he wanted to stick around.

 

I actually effed things up in the end.

 

I over texted him and he chose to break up by disappearing although he alluded to the break up via text.

The fact is, over texting a guy you don't know very well can scare off guys who WERE genuinely into you. Can you imagine how much it would put off a guy who WAS NEVER into you?

Two guys have disappeared on me since Andrew broke up with me, Mishy. They were into me at first until I did a few things off.

 

Rather than call me to break it off, they disappeared. It was always after I over texted insanely.

 

Perhaps they were taken aback by something I did ( both guys actually were) and would have given me one last shot at getting to know me ( had I not text bombed them)

 

The thing about disappearing is; we will never know what they

 

It feels awful. However, their message is crystal clear. Albeit, it takes a few days for it to sink in, since disappearing leaves a lot of uncertainty as to whether or not they HAVE disappeared. ........

Edited November 25, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

I was highly embarrassed about my 16 unanswered texts, too.

 

I'll never do it again. That ship has sailed for me. I rarely make the same mistake again in dating. Instead, I made NEW ones:lmao:

 

 

It was awful in my case.... I truly though me and that guy had some crazy. ...love story going on. It was such an instant omg factor with him. Very intense sparks and 10 out of ten chemistry.

 

It was VERY hard to retrain myself from flogging him with texts.

 

I DID hear a voice telling me NOT to text. To lay low for a couple of days and shoot a simple " I'm sorry about what I did, can we please talk about it. I won't fight you if you decide you want to end things"

 

But nooooo. I just had to text. And text and text.

 

I know u probably heard yourself think " stop texting. Don't text him. Wait a while and see if he texts you again then send him a simple text a few days later"

 

Next time, LISTEN to your inner voice that tells you to not text cos guys think we are "crazy" when we do that crap.

 

I hope you are better equipped to handle the next guy.

 

please keep in mind

If a guy is really into you, he will text or facebook you every day or two when he is away.

He will tell YOU he missed you. Before you tell him this.

He would think it was cute if you told him what you declared to this guy

 

This guy has shown every sign that he just isn't into you. He has shown no signs that he WAS into you.

 

 

 

 

I truly wish you the best of luck. PM me if you ever need support. We live nearby so I'm happy to talk to you have a week moment in the future with another guy and u need someone to tell you to not text them!

[mikecr50]

They guy is being a dick! Maybe immature, there is no excuse to just disappear on anyone. It happens to everyone, delete him from your phone-NEXT! You did nothing wrong just the wrong guy at least you found out early :-)

[JOYTOME]

So after briefly dating a guy, and becoming friends, and a bit more, he went on holiday. When he came back after a couple of weeks, he emailed me, and then later on I texted him and I stupidly told him I thought about him a lot when he was away. And that I couldn't get him out of my head

 

Yeah I know, stupid stupid stupid.

 

He didnt say anything back so The text conversation went like this after that:

 

Me: aaaah I said too much?

 

Him: that's a line from a song

 

Me: yeah the song is called " the girl who makes a fool of herself by telling a guy how she feels and he doesn't say anything in response"

 

Him: ha ha sucker. Lol

 

 

And that was it. He won't talk to me now, it's been over 24 hours and he will not say anything to me.

 

The sucker comment...... What is that? He hates me right?

 

What do I do?

 

 

I think it's easy for people to proffer objective advice without factoring in the key role of emotions. Yeah, it's always best to follow the text-book prescriptions; wait until he says I love you first, don't text him when he goes silent even though you're super confused and frustrated etc. It's really easy to dish out all these text book doctrines but reality is emotions are what make us human. Over the years I've learnt to be less reactionary and I've learnt how to resist that drug-like addiction urge to call someone who's ignoring me. BUT, I know that Ive managed to achieve all this because of the help of my sister who literally confiscates my phone or talks sense into me. My point is; it is so difficult to refrain from doing what feels like the most natural thing to do; reach out to the person ignoring in order to get an explanation. Do not let anybody make you feel 'crazy' for doing so.

You are 100 per cent human and your reaction was normal and expected.

 

 

Now, back to the crux of the issue; for starters, this guy is horrid. Plain and simple. I have received similar comments from guys I wasn't even dating and had no romantic inclinations towards and I was sensitive enough to say something polite in response; I didn't reciprocate their affection, but I acknowledged their kind words. This is basic decency and humanity and this 45 year old ''man'' truly is awful and immature. You met the wrong person.

 

re: your reaction. 16 text messages, in hindsight you'd have sent zero messages. There's really no need for me to berate you about the error you're still so embarrassed about. The experience has taught you all you need to know about self restraint (even though it is the most difficult thing, well one of the most difficult things). Now is the time to stop beating yourself over it. Believe you me, if he wants to re-establish contact with you, regardless of the 16 text messages, he will do so. But I really don't think you should entertain such should he reach out to you.

 

 

Please stop being so hard on yourself. It's such a big deal to you because you fancy him- really he's just one of the billions of people in the world and he is only as important as you make him out to be. He is a jerk, your reaction was natural, you showed vulnerability, so what? hugs.

Edited November 25, 2013 by JOYTOME

[Mascara]

OP, you know you shouldn't have sent those 16 texts, you don't need a hundred different people to tell you that. PLEASE don't beat yourself up any more on that - all you did was care and want too much. That's not a bad thing. Think of it as a positive... every failed connection we make teaches us something about the next one.

[Teknoe]

Leigh,

I actually would love a girl who texts a lot. What kind of texts did you send? If it were "what r u doing now, what r u doing now" then yes I might be annoyed. but if they're thoughtful quirky texts (which I myself do a lot of), then that'd be super awesome with me! for example, when i crush on someone, and i see or hear something that i make a connection with that crush, i'll send it to them. i.e. i'll hear her song on the radio just come up and i'll text 3 seconds into the song "hey turn to 104.5" or whatever... sweet stuff like that. i guess it's all about finding a compatible match!

 

Mishy,

My heart aches reading your journey. it is somewhat similar to mine in a thread i wrote a while back that, to this date, has seen 149 replies over a 3 year span and 463,238 views! A lot of introspection and self-analysis going on, and so I thought it might help you possibly take an outside look at someone else who has gone through similar situations.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/platonic/friendship/252255-have-i-damaged-friendship-beyond-repair

[Zahara]

I just think that it's unfair to totally blame me, because if he had replied early on and said hey I don't want any contact anymore, then I would have known. With the silent treatment I know nothing. It's a form of mental torture. You have no idea if the person even has got the messages, or anything.

 

And yeah he hasn't replied, so ....

 

I don't think anyone is blaming you but telling you that at some point you needed to step back and stop. You should have stopped after the first 4 text messages. It would be highly impossible if he didn't get all 4 text messages, don't you think? Highly impossible again that he didn't get the additional 4 that you sent the next day, yes? And when he was choosing to ignore, wasn't that a response?

 

You kept on texting because you were anxious and you lost control. You had to have him acknowledge you. You had to fix it because you wanted things to be back to normal. The silent treatment will do that to you.

 

The next time someone ignores you after text 2, 3 and 4. Stop. Don't make excuses. Don't force a response. Don't provoke a reaction. Just let it go. The more you chase, the more damage you will cause, not to anyone but yourself.

[pteromom]

Honestly it sounds like the guy is emotionally stunted anyway. His "flirting" consists of calling you crappy, insulting your car, and saying that you suck.

 

Yeah, what a prize!

 

You are better off without someone like that. Especially a 45 year old man who hasn't learned to honestly communicate his feelings!

 

There's a guy out there who will MELT when you say you've missed him. Hold out for that guy!