Iguanna Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I strongly disagree. Opening up too soon will get you no where. You have to play the game unless youre willing to settle. I do agree with "it's better to regret things you did than for things you didn't do."...but save these actions for a later time, when the person has shown some sort of interest. I'm not saying we should open up to every person we meet instantly, unless this is what we feel we should do. Of course there has to be some interest shown from his part as well. You can never tell if opening up "too soon" (what does too soon mean after all? who decides how soon is too soon?) will have a good or a bad result. In half the cases it will end good and in half bad. You can't create rules about these matters cause people vary and react differently. Some men can be really shy to make the first move and the women have to take action. Some men are scared of strong women so they back up when the woman makes a first move, even if they were interested in the first place. It doesn't have to be a game, not forever at least. The flirting period is a nice time to make it a game, but after some time I think the revealing has to happen from one part. I don't know what settling has to do with anything. Isn't it weird that everyone is seeking for honest people, they hate liars, they hate fake behavior, but most of the times people choose to act fake and hold their feeling cause, as you said, they have to follow the rules of a game that was not made by them, but it doesn't matter what character you have, what your personality is, you MUST follow the rules. Well guess what, I never followed the rules, I could never be fake. The people who get angry or scared or whatever by this behavior of mine are not the people I want close to me. It's the best way to "filter" who is capable to be close to me and who is not. The way is: meet someone, be open to him/her, if they react strangely they can go; if they can't handle the truth from the beginning with "easy" stuff, how will they handle the truth when the relationship will get harder and harder? 5
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 I just can't get my head around teh fact hat his response apart from "haha sucker" is complete silence. Literally one minute he was there, the next he is gone.
anna121 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Being upfront is one thing. Nothing wrong with clearing the air (talking about your second text). But you shouldn't be so…supplicatory about it. Saying sorry, wishing him all the best, etc. It makes you look weak. 2
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Being upfront is one thing. Nothing wrong with clearing the air (talking about your second text). But you shouldn't be so…supplicatory about it. Saying sorry, wishing him all the best, etc. It makes you look weak. Well the silence made me feel like an idiot, and I was just trying to fix it. In retrospect yes I sold have just said nothing, but silence is just really hurtful, so I reacted Maybe I AM weak, but at least I was honest with him about my feelings.
Zahara Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Well the silence made me feel like an idiot, and I was just trying to fix it. In retrospect yes I sold have just said nothing, but silence is just really hurtful, so I reacted Maybe I AM weak, but at least I was honest with him about my feelings. The problem is when someone behaves badly, you internalize it and you make it about you. He behaves badly by silencing you, yet you need to "fix" it. You don't fix other people's bad behavior. You accept it by realizing it's not your problem, and while it hurts you, you can't do anything about it. YOU DON'T fix it because it is your problem. You can be honest about your feelings, but apologizing for his bad behavior is wrong. And when someone goes silent on you, don't keep reaching out. Silence is a passive aggressive response. Don't force a reaction from him by saying goodbye, you know he doesn't want contact, best of luck, etc. because that was what you were trying to do. I know you are hurt. But this clown was already showing you signs that he was emotionally unavailable before this incident. A man/woman that is interested in another, will want to communicate, will anticipate contact, and will use their phone to do so. The fact that he couldn't care less if he heard from you two or three days later because he doesn't check his phone is the most assclown type excuse I've ever heard. 3
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 The problem is when someone behaves badly, you internalize it and you make it about you. He behaves badly by silencing you, yet you need to "fix" it. You don't fix other people's bad behavior. You accept it by realizing it's not your problem, and while it hurts you, you can't do anything about it. YOU DON'T fix it because it is your problem. You can be honest about your feelings, but apologizing for his bad behavior is wrong. And when someone goes silent on you, don't keep reaching out. Silence is a passive aggressive response. Don't force a reaction from him by saying goodbye, you know he doesn't want contact, best of luck, etc. because that was what you were trying to do. I know you are hurt. But this clown was already showing you signs that he was emotionally unavailable before this incident. A man/woman that is interested in another, will want to communicate, will anticipate contact, and will use their phone to do so. The fact that he couldn't care less if he heard from you two or three days later because he doesn't check his phone is the most assclown type excuse I've ever heard. Yeah you are right, it's his behaviour and I am not responsible for it... I know now I am definitely not going to hear from him. I have sent him too many texts too, it's all a giant mess. Thanks you made me feel a bit better, knowing hat I can't control what he does. It's not as though I essentially did anything wrong. Except text too much
Blade96 Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 You DIDN'T do anything wrong. You opened up to a guy you liked. Nothing wrong with that. He's the 45 year old muppet - and yeah I agree with the other poster I thought it was some kind of teen or foolish person in their 20's too Then i found out 45. And I was like 2
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 (edited) You DIDN'T do anything wrong. You opened up to a guy you liked. Nothing wrong with that. He's the 45 year old muppet - and yeah I agree with the other poster I thought it was some kind of teen or foolish person in their 20's too Then i found out 45. And I was like I know, 45 ! Blade you are so sweet It was Thursday afternoon that he made the sucker comment and now it's Sunday morning and still nothing. I have asked him to reply, but nothing. Guess he thinks I am a nutcase. If he had just replied and told me how he felt then that would have been it. I wish men realised that silent treatment is not an easy way of communication, it just draws things out. I asked him how he felt about what I said (about thinking of him all the time he was away) and he wouldn't reply. Just totally blanked, which is why I panicked.... Just became embarrassed that I had confessed my feelings. Edited November 23, 2013 by mishy
Mascara Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 OP.... read your own signature. And - next! Who needs a 45 year old teenager. A grown up like he's supposed to be should want a grown up relationship. 2
Zahara Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 You didn't nothing wrong. If expressing your feelings of care for someone makes them act like an absolute jerk, trust me it has nothing to do with you. You're dodging a bullet. 1
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 You didn't nothing wrong. If expressing your feelings of care for someone makes them act like an absolute jerk, trust me it has nothing to do with you. You're dodging a bullet. It still hurts though. Just before I read this I was thinking how yeah I probably have dodged a bullet. I have a feeling he might be some kind of emotional abuser, as he has had plenty of opportunity to respond and say clearly how he feels, but all I have had is silence, and that just makes it worse. I mainly feel like an idiot because I have sent too many texts since he sent the haha sucker text, so I feel a bit mentally drained and tortured.
Mascara Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 How many have you sent? Each time you send a text, it gives you a momentary "fix" and you're convinced that'll be the last one. Then the rush wears off and you want more and more to send another one. Repeat. I've just witnessed a friend go through this, so I'm aware of the psychological process. Had to physically delete the number from her phone for her - have you deleted his number?
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 How many have you sent? Each time you send a text, it gives you a momentary "fix" and you're convinced that'll be the last one. Then the rush wears off and you want more and more to send another one. Repeat. I've just witnessed a friend go through this, so I'm aware of the psychological process. Had to physically delete the number from her phone for her - have you deleted his number? Too many.. But only because I was trying to fix the situation It's not use deleting the number as my brain remembers phone numbers really easily, so I know the number Anyway, I am definitely not sending any more, I sent 4 yesterday. But most was on Thursday night and Friday as a result of the haha sucker text.
Greenberet Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 Consider it a blessing, anyone who says something that mean (sucker) doesn't deserve your time. What a jerk. 1
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 I sent 4 texts on Saturday, 6 texts on Friday, and 6 on Thursday, after his haha sucker text So yeah, too many, that's probably mainly why I feel bad. Over texting.
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 Consider it a blessing, anyone who says something that mean (sucker) doesn't deserve your time. What a jerk. Thanks, yeah I was pretty hurt, still am
Greenberet Posted November 23, 2013 Posted November 23, 2013 I sent 4 texts on Saturday, 6 texts on Friday, and 6 on Thursday, after his haha sucker text So yeah, too many, that's probably mainly why I feel bad. Over texting. You have to stop. You begin looking crazy when you keep sending texts to someone who is clearly a jerk who's ignoring you.
Author mishy Posted November 23, 2013 Author Posted November 23, 2013 You have to stop. You begin looking crazy when you keep sending texts to someone who is clearly a jerk who's ignoring you. Yeah I know, I have stopped....
Mascara Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I sent 4 texts on Saturday, 6 texts on Friday, and 6 on Thursday, after his haha sucker text So yeah, too many, that's probably mainly why I feel bad. Over texting. Lordy.... yeah. Time to go dark.
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Lordy.... yeah. Time to go dark. Well at least I know I have sent too many lol. Some people just keep going and have no idea He probably thinks I'm crazy though.
Zahara Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I sent 4 texts on Saturday, 6 texts on Friday, and 6 on Thursday, after his haha sucker text So yeah, too many, that's probably mainly why I feel bad. Over texting. Ok Mishy, 16 text messages in three days on someone that is ignoring you. This is all you now. No more. Stop. And even if he replies if I were you, I would ignore him. You don't want to be with someone that triggers you this way.
LostConfused123 Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I saw this quote recently and LOVED it! "Never take someone's feelings for granted, You never know how much courage it took for them to show you" All you did was be honest, nothing wrong with that in my book. 1
RachR Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 I have definitely been beating myself up about it, been cursing myself since I said it, I really feel like a dumb idiot. He has disappeared for 2 or 3 days before, he has a habit of occasionally only checking his phone every few days, so it's harder because I don't know if the silence is just him not checking his phone, or it's silence because he doesn't want to hear from me. So I can't even have any resolution on it... I think you're being too hard on yourself. What you did wasn't weird, and it was after a couple weeks of seeing him. What you said wasn't over the top even given the short amount of time you've known each other. You simply said he's been on your mind, expressing you've been thinking about him. I think it was sweet and the right guy who is feeling good about you would have liked that, probably said, "Me too," or would have not minded it.
RachR Posted November 24, 2013 Posted November 24, 2013 45?? Jame I respect your opinion, but Mishy is still cute to me. What she said was sweet. "I thought about you while you were away and couldn't stop" Awwwww. I know right! I would to hear things like that, would make me feel all squishy inside. Actually, my guy would say things like that!
Author mishy Posted November 24, 2013 Author Posted November 24, 2013 Ok Mishy, 16 text messages in three days on someone that is ignoring you. This is all you now. No more. Stop. And even if he replies if I were you, I would ignore him. You don't want to be with someone that triggers you this way. the first 5 texts i sent , well i didnt know he WAS ignoring me as it was the day he sent the sucker comment. I thought he was still talking to me. It wasnt until Friday i started to think i was being ignored
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